You'll Ask For Me
by suki1916
Summary: "Nathan." he come undone at her breathless mention of his name and buried himself in her. He wanted everything, both good and bad to be swallowed up by her essence, no matter what the cost to him. Everything that had come before her & after her would never compare to how she completely consumed him. She was his Achilles heel. But she was the only thing that held him upright
1. Life Is Short

**A/N: So this is a new story that I'm pretty excited about. It's Naley, as usual, but it's anything but a usual Naley story. So enjoy and let me know what you think. :). Oh and other couple as of right now are somewhat determined but they're not very typical. Until next time...**

Life is Short

She knew life wasn't easy. Firsthand experience told her nothing was ever given to her; everything she had even gotten was something she had painstakingly earned. Of course some things came naturally. Some things you were simply born with. A gift was not something you wasted in her opinion and to see such talent be imbedded in someone so unappreciative was beyond her.

She stared at him, mesmerized by his stoic exterior. He always looked gruff, like he was about to yell or scream at any given second, but words rarely left his mouth. He sat, grey hoodie over his head, hunched over the desk focusing on the problems in front of him. She couldn't help but wonder if he was centering his energy on Calculus or with dodging all the curveballs life had thrown him.

She couldn't argue that they had been quite a few. But people dealt with them all the time. People with bigger problems and devastating tragedies had somehow managed to pick up their lives and move on. At first, she had been sympathetic. After time, however, she just didn't see the point in mulling over the past, sinking yourself into an obvious oblivion…on purpose.

She furrowed her brow in confusion as she watched him stop at one of the easier problems. He quickly shook his head and wrote an answer down moving on to the next question. He was smart, and he didn't need a tutor. If she had to guess, she would assume his IQ was very high, possibly even higher than hers. She didn't understand why she even agreed to help someone who didn't really need it, but over time she realized that he simply just needed someone to believe that he could.

The routine was the same everyday. They would come in, she would look over his tests, homework, and assignments, pointing out the mistakes she knew he made on purpose and he would nod his head. She would explain the correct way to do things and then they settled into silence; him doing his homework for the evening and she doing hers. Except she never did hers.

He enthralled her. He seemed larger than life and a perfect enigma. The whole town had heard his story, his misfortune, and she had a hard time piecing everything together. She felt, that even though their relationship never ventured outside the four walls of the tutoring center, that she was his closest friend. Conversation was not their strong suit, but she took it for what it was and she waited for the day when he would open up to her.

It had been months since their tutoring sessions had begun, and the only meaningful piece of information she had gotten out of him was his middle name. Secretly, she had to steal even that. She never sensed that they were on the same page, or even in the same book for that matter. Whatever book he was, it was under tight lock and key; a secret and forbidden journal she was dying to read.

She noticed that he never was with anyone, always keeping a book in his nose at lunch. They were always older looking books; leather bound, and quite beat up like they had been read hundreds of times. It was fascinating to her, how brilliant he seemed to be and how humble he appeared. In the one class they did share, she had only heard him speak once and it was a mumbled answer in response to a question the teacher posed.

That didn't mean he didn't have friends. In fact, the wild parties with his friends, mostly high school dropouts were notorious. She had heard several stories, mostly of booze running freely and plenty of girls around to satisfy everyone's needs. In her mind, she choose to believe he wasn't one of those guys but she knew that in all reality he probably was.

"Done." He slid the paper over to her, across the table and she snapped out her daze to take it from him, barely grazing his fingertips.

"Good." She smiled, quickly handing it back.

It took a long time to go through wrong answers. It only took seconds to go through right ones. She held back her weary sigh as she watched him throw the paper in his notebook and then to his backpack, slinging it across his shoulder. Yes, he was by no means stupid and she suddenly wondered what the point was anymore. He didn't need her help and she was positive others students did.

She held back though, knowing in the end she would miss their quiet afternoons. Being with him, she knew she was in the company of a like mind, even if she couldn't quite pick it yet. Her thoughts drifted to a fantasy of the pair, conversing about their favorite books and sharing poetry. It was silly notion, she knew, but one she couldn't suppress nonetheless.

Pulling his hoodie over his head, she marveled at the artwork that graced his body. A tiny barbell rested right about his eyebrow. She didn't think it looked quite right on him though. A large tribal tattoo covered the majority of his left arm and a small Chinese symbol was branded on the back of his neck. His wrist though puzzled her the most. No matter what she had heard from other people or what she had gathered from their short talks, she couldn't figure out why he had that particular word on his wrist.

_escape_

She never got up the courage to ask, truthfully. She wanted to know everything about him but at the same time was very cautious. He seemed to be a ticking time bomb and anything could set him off. But there just seemed to be something in him, something deep inside; that gave him depth. His reputation was somewhat shaky, a typical bad boy most would say. It was just a façade though and she could tell.

She just didn't know if she wanted to break that façade.

"Do you want to go for some coffee?" she found herself asking, her small hand over his much larger one. She didn't know what possessed her, and she was sure she had made a mistake when she saw hesitation flash through his eyes. She removed her hand, throwing it in her lap with the other one. Looking down at her fumbling hands, she murmured the next part. "Or not."

She looked up again and he was gone.

X-x-X

She wasn't sure what brought her out that cool night. She had stayed at the tutoring center another hour finishing up the homework she hadn't been able to concentrate on and headed home. Managing to shove down a measly three fork fulls of food, it didn't take long for her mom needing her help with the youngest of the group. Afterwards she had nearly fallen asleep in the shower from pure exhaustion, and then headed to bed.

Except sleep would not come.

It was 2 in the morning when she quietly snuck out of her abode, careful not to wake her mother or any of the four children under five. Her parents were happy, and totally in love but she didn't think it was very fair, being the oldest still underneath their roof to be stuck with caring for her parent's offspring. She couldn't really complain though; her parents were wacky and laid back and she knew they would do anything for her.

Her older sister, by two years, had clearly inherited their parent's lack of inhibition. She was never in one place for more than a few weeks, and by this point had held hundreds of jobs. She was carefree, and lived her life to the fullest never stopping to care about anyone else; and rarely ever caring out herself. Where her sister was the wildflower, she was the wallflower.

It was the beginning of December and Christmas was just around the corner. Sadly that meant that school would be out soon for the break and as much as she despised herself for thinking it, she was going to miss her tutoring sessions those few weeks. She tightly wrapped her coat around her and blew her breathe in her hands. She wasn't sure where she was going, and it was bitter cold, but there was no turning back.

Her heart nearly stopped when she stumbled upon him. She had only been to the river court a few times in her life, but never had she expected to see him. She let a tree hold up her body weight as she leaned against it, silently watching him. He was graceful and clearly brilliant with basketball as well. He didn't have a coat on, or a shirt for that matter, but the chill didn't seem to bother him in the slightest.

He almost looked _happy_.

She wanted to talk to him but knew he would never respond. The moment would be lost and the almost happy look on his face would disappear. She would be left, once again, confused and a little hurt without any explanation. And he would be mad. This was something he was obviously good at, but it was something she would never have guessed. He wasn't on the basketball team, and she assumed that was by choice. It was something he kept to himself.

A solace.

She respected that. Having the crazy family she had, days were long and years were a small eternity. It was expected of her to be the adult and reason in the family and really it was quite stressful. So of course, she had to find an outlet. She wasn't sure if she was any good, or if it was something that would take her places but she loved doing it and it never failed in helping her out one way or another.

Still, it was a secret to her, as basketball was his secret. Her parents knew she could play piano and guitar, for they had paid for the lessons, but singing was her passion and her desire and it was all hers. Not even her best friend knew of her talent and she was okay with. Secrets were something that people needed; a guilty pleasure to make you feel as if you had something to make you above others.

"Hey."

She was snapped out of her thoughts, seeing him standing in front of her. His ball was on his hip, his arm casually holding it in place. She couldn't read his expression, nor could she ever, but she was hoping he wasn't going to be pissed or upset for watching him. She wasn't sure what to say, and after pulling her beanie further on her head, standing up straight, and clearing her throat she was ready to speak.

"Uh, hi." She squeaked out and she could've swore she saw amusement in his eyes. "I uh, I'm sorry I was eavesdropping."

"You mean you weren't stalking me?" he asked, dropping the ball and taking a seat on top of it. She quickly shook her head no. "Well, damn."

"Okay." She nodded. "Wait. What?"

"What are you doing here?" he questioned, eyeing her intensely. "It's two in the morning on a school night. Shouldn't you be in bed tutor girl?"

"I resent that." She huffed crossing her arms over her chest. "Just because I'm smart doesn't mean I'm in bed by eight sharp."

"Alright, alright." He threw his hands up in mock surrender, smirking slightly. "I wasn't being serious. I'm out at two in the morning too you know."

"You skip school twice a week too." She pointed out and he chuckled in response. She had never heard him laugh.

"Don't we have tutoring tomorrow?"

"Yeah, so?"

"I wouldn't miss that." He told her honestly. She rolled her eyes and walked up to him, kicking the ball out from underneath him. He instantly fell on his bottom. "Hey!"

"What?" she asked innocently scooping up the ball and effortlessly throwing it into the basket. He got up and quirked up his eyebrows in interest. She shrugged. "I have a lot of boy cousins."

"Not bad." He approved, walking over to the grass to grab the ball. He too, shrugged. "I'm still better."

"Undoubtedly." She agreed catching the ball as he tossed it to her. "You're really good."

"Decent." He corrected, watching as she tossed the ball in once more. "I never would've pictured you as good in basketball."

"That's not the only thing." She replied as they continued to shoot the ball. "I can cook, change the oil in a car, sew, install a starter, clean, throw a mean spiral in football, kill you in mud wrestling, sing, dance, and write music."

"Sing huh?" he questioned and she squinted her eyes in confusion. Out of all her talents he chose that particular one. "When you going to sing something for me?"

"That would be the day after never."

"So tomorrow's good for you?"

She laughed nervously. "Tomorrow we have tutoring."

"You don't want to go and do something fun?" he questioned, coming closer to her and taking the ball out of her hands.

"But math is fun." She smiled sweetly as he shook his head in amusement. He shivered and on instinct she put her small arms around his much larger torso. "You're very cold."

He didn't respond, just quickly brushed his lips across hers. She briefly wondered if it had even taken place, if it was just another day dream in itself. It was over quickly and once she willed herself to open up her eyes he was looking down at her curiously. She realized this was big, almost too big, and stepped away from him as if she had been burned.

"I'll uh, see you tomorrow after school." She mumbled, putting her arms tightly around herself.

"I won't be there."

"But you just said…"

"I've got plans." He coldly cut her off walking over to the table and throwing on his hoodie.

"It's not like you need them anyway." She retorted, glaring at him slightly. He stared at her, looking very pissed off. "In fact, I'm sure a lot of other people could benefit from my tutoring than you."

"You're tutoring?" he chuckled incredulously. "You mean you're hour long session of daydreaming and drooling?" he smirked, chucking the ball at her and walking past her.

"Nathan!" she called out, closing her eyes, and clenching her teeth. He absolutely infuriated her. "You always do that."

"Do what?" he asked after several moments with their backs facing one another.

She spun around to face him. "You shut up and close up and what does that do? Nothing. You're so hot and cold all the damn time I don't know what to make of you."

"So maybe we just need to go our separate ways." He said indifferently turning around to look her in the eye as well. He barely saw hurt flash through her eyes which was quite surprising but he could tell she was angry as she threw the ball back at him.

"Yeah, I guess so."

They stared at one another for a several minutes, neither wavering until a loud ring was heard. He reached for his ringing cell phone answering it rapidly. She rolled her eyes annoyed as he talked about going to a party. This had been the most he had ever talked to her, ever done, and it ended with a fight and a hasty disbandment of their somewhat of a friendship.

"I'm outta here." She grumbled, throwing up her hands in defeat and making her way off the court. He grabbed her arm, stopping her, and pulling her close whispering in her ear.

"Or you could come with me?" he pressed, quirking up his eyebrows in interest. "What do you say tutor girl?"


	2. Beautiful Mistake

**A/N: Wow. Thanks for the fantastic reviews. They blew me away. So if you want the next two chapters, which I already have written and ready to go, leave me some love :). So, enjoy and make my day with some reviews. **

Beautiful Mistake

This was a mistake. A big fat, loud and drunken mistake. She ducked as someone threw a very large and full bottle of liquor over her head and covered her ears as the drunken boy who was supposed to catch it missed by more than a mile. It shattered on impact and after examining it for a mere two seconds, the boy along with his friends busted out laughing at the sight.

The whole ride over in Nathan's broken and beaten car she had berated herself for even going in the first place. But she was after all, tutor girl, and never did anything she wasn't supposed to. This was different. She was with him; outside of school; in the middle of the night. It was a mistake though. She didn't fit in with this crowd. She wasn't dressed properly; in fact, she was certain she looked exactly like her grandmother…in 1942.

He had a tight grip on her hand as he led them through the crowd, only letting go when he reached the kitchen and grabbed two red cups full of some unknown substance. It smelled fruity when she brought it to her lips but the bitterness nearly gagged her as she took a sip. Knowing that she couldn't look like a wimp and a lightweight now, she quickly gulped the rest of the burning liquid down her throat.

He quirked up an eyebrow in surprise. "I didn't peg you as a drinker either tutor girl."

"Yeah, well you never asked." She retorted taking the next cup that was offered to her without hesitation.

"Whoa. Slow down there." He chuckled as she went to take a drink. He took her cup and set it down on the table. "Why don't we go see what else there is to do?"

She numbly nodded and held his hand once more as they went to the back of the house and out the door. Haley grimaced at the half naked girls splashing in the pool but tried to remain cool and collected regardless. It was her first party, with him no less, and she didn't want to be tutor girl. For once, she really didn't want to be herself. Not with him anyway. He had kissed her earlier; a brief and almost non existent kiss but she could almost still feel his lips on her.

She wondered if he did.

"Do you want to play?" he asked her once they stopped at a ping pong table filled with cups of beer. "I don't know if you ever have…"

"No, but how hard could it be?" she questioned releasing his hand and stepping up to the table. Effortlessly she threw the ball across the table and it neatly landed in one of the cups.

"You're just full of surprises tonight aren't you?" he mused, taking his turn and sinking yet another ball.

Five games later, they were tied with the opposing team, and currently in double overtime. Haley had never even heard of beer pong before in her life but was enjoying it nonetheless. She was slightly buzzing and if they lost this game, and the overall competition she would be drunk in a matter of minutes. Losers had to do two kegs stands…a piece.

She blew out her breath and tugged nervously at her ponytail as she aimed at the single cup on the opposite side of the table. Their side had four and if she could just sink this last cup they would be the winners. It all rested on her shoulders. And with Nathan standing directly behind with both of his hands on either side of her, leaning on the table, it made for quite the nerve wracking experience.

Barely hearing the crowd around her, just his breath in her ear, she closed her eyes and chucked the small yellow ball with a smiley face and waited to hear everyone's reactions. She didn't have to hear anything though, as she felt herself being spun around and lifted into the air. When she willed herself to open up her eyes she was in his arms, looking at his smiling face, and everything else around them faded away.

Until it all came back, full force.

"Nathan!" Haley slipped out of his embrace and the two turned around to see the source of the shrill voice. Haley immediately became defensive but made sure she didn't seem like she cared. And she still didn't care when the voluptuous vixen sauntered up and planted a sloppy kiss on Nathan's lips. He greedily responded and she rolled her eyes at the sight. Once they did manage to untangle their tongues, they pulled apart, grinning at one another. "Mmm...I've been waiting for you all night."

"I didn't think you'd be here." Was his response to which she was clearly disappointed. "But maybe I'll catch you in a little bit."

"What?" she asked, blinking in confusion. The whole thing was beginning to draw a scene and Haley allowed herself to blend into the background and away from the line of fire. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I came with someone." He snapped, annoyed with her stupidity. "So put some ice on it Nikki."

Haley bit her lip and watched as he shoved Nikki away from him and stomped off onto the beach. She wasn't sure what had just occurred; if she should even be somewhat grateful that he had admitted that he was in fact with someone. That someone being her. He asked her to come, she came, so the only thing that was appropriate to do was to go and find him. She couldn't tell if he was pissed or indifferent, but whatever the case may have been, she went off in search of him anyway.

"Hey." She whispered which almost went unheard as the waves loudly crashed around them. She found his sitting with his arms on his propped up knees staring out into the vast ocean in front of him. He didn't respond and didn't acknowledge her presence but she found herself sitting down anyway. "So back there…"

"What about it?"

"Psycho ex girlfriend?" she playfully inquired which elicited a small smile from him. "I had one of those in fourth grade. Boyfriend though, not girlfriend. They're a bitch to get ride of."

"Nah." He responded, still not looking at her. "Nikki; she's just trouble that all. I just not into that tonight."

"But you're into it sometimes." She filled in, hoping that he would deny it. Knowing though, that he wouldn't. "I stole a bag of chips once. When I was in the second grade. And you know, with my luck, I grabbed the wrong bag because I was so nervous. So not only did I get grounded but I didn't even get the Cheet-O's that I was craving so much."

"Ohh…Haley James got grounded one time in her life." Nathan taunted nudging her slightly.

"Well when I get home at," she glanced at her Tigger wrist watch. She frowned at the time. "…God, at five AM? I'm pretty sure I'll be grounded for the rest of my high school career."

"Why did you come?"

"Because you asked me to."

"No, well yeah. I mean if you're going to get grounded, you probably shouldn't have come." He looked at her for the first time she had arrived and she could tell he felt slightly guilty.

"But I wanted to." She shrugged, picking up some sand and letting it run through her fingers.

"Well what I meant was, why did you come here? To find me?"

"Is there a reason I shouldn't have?" she asked, turning her gaze to look at him. "Did you not want me to?"

"No." he shook his head. "Yes, I mean. Man. What I mean is, that was pretty dickhead move I just pulled back there. You don't even seem mad."

"I don't have a reason to be mad." She explained, slightly perplexed as to why he was making such a big deal. "We're not dating or anything so you can kiss whomever you'd like."

"You're very different." He told her, as he started to pick at the sand as well. "Nikki, we're not even dating. We're not anything and she's going to be pissed when she finds out that I brought you here."

"Then you shouldn't have brought me here."

"But I wanted to." He mocked her previous words. "And what I do is none of her business."

"God, I'm so late." She checked her watch once more and groaned. Her parents were cool, yes, but depended on her to help them getting the kids together for school in the morning. Her pounding head was another matter all together. "And I'm so drunk."

Letting herself fall back into the sand, she placed her hand over her forehead mindlessly massaging her throbbing temples. The only other time she had drunk had been in ninth grade at a sleepover gone horribly wrong. It didn't end up pretty then, as she had spent the evening and the morning after in it's entirely, empty the contents of her stomach. She blamed her best friend then, but now it was all entirely her fault.

All because of a stupid boy.

"So what? All that 'I'm a big girl and I can handle my liquor' was just a ruse? Are you trying to impress me James?" he was now on his elbow, looking down at her with a smirk placed firmly on his face.

She playfully shoved his chest. "So what? All that 'I'm a bad boy and I can't handle English' is just a ruse? Because you and I both know you don't need any of that bullshit."

"No, I don't." he admitted as he reached down and brushed some hair from her face. "But then I wouldn't have an excuse to see you for two hours everyone Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday."

"So who's trying to impress who?" she quipped, her eyes daring him to object. He didn't, just continued to look at her and remained quiet. "Hey, what's going on up there?"

He savored in her as she touched his ruffled hair. "I'm all wrong for you."

She opened her mouth and closed it several times in searching for a response to his previous statement. There was obviously chemistry between the two; it had been since the first day they had spoken but their attraction was always unspoken. But she had somehow convinced herself that it was her with a silly school girl crush on the town bad boy. One that, even in her wildest dreams was never reciprocated.

He looked hurt. She hadn't meant to come up speechless. For once in her life, she had no words. They were her life, and the one moment when they meant the most she came up with nothing. She couldn't even muster up something stupid, like 'cool'. He made a move to get up and she slightly panicked. Before she could even think or analyze anything she was about to do, she was pulling on shirt, crashing her lips onto his.

When air became an issue, they pulled apart with their foreheads touching. He was panting and she was licking her lips, both trying desperately to make sense of the situation. Her boldness had shocked her and surprised him, but the ghost of smile on his face proved to her that he enjoyed it nonetheless. Now, there was awkwardness and she wasn't sure what to say…again.

"Do you want to get out of here?"

"And go where?" she found herself asking, as she continued to play with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"I could take you home." He answered much to her disappointment. "Or, we could go back to my apartment."

"Sure." She wasn't sure what had come over her. First she couldn't find words and now she was blurting them out.

"To which one?"

"I'm not ready to go home yet."

X-x-X

Once they stepped back into his car and they were on they're way, it was silent once more. He let the top down and regardless of the fact that it was quite cold out, she relished in the freedom she was experiencing. He laughed as she unbuckled her seat belt and sat on the headrest of the seat. Letting loose her ponytail, she ran her fingers through her hair and allowed the wind to take over from there.

"You're definitely not like other girls." He mused as she sat down in the seat once more. "You're definitely not like anyone I've ever met."

"Why's that?" she wondered as she tentatively covered his hand that was covering his gear shift. He looked at her for several seconds, taking his eyes off the road. It wasn't until he served slightly and she giggled that he removed his gaze. "What I guess I'm trying to say is; is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"It's definitely a good thing."

"Back there, on the beach." She began, stuffing her hands in between her thighs and leaning more towards him. "You said you were all wrong for me. What did you mean by that?"

"I think you know I'm a mess." He responded and she noted that he gripped the steering wheel a bit more. "I just don't want you to get caught up in all that."

"Then what are we doing here?"

"Playing twenty questions?" he taunted and she gave him a pointed look. "I don't know what we're doing here. You stalked me and followed me to the basketball court."

"I followed you?" she asked incredulously, gaping at him slightly. "Seriously? You're delusional."

"I just figured since you stare and drool and daydream about me all day, the obvious next step would be to go after me."

"I cannot believe how pompous and arrogant you are!" she seethed, punching him in the arm. He winced but didn't do much else. "Did you for once thing that I have a life outside of our tutoring sessions? That maybe I have something going on that oh, I don't know, was keeping me up at night? Something I'm stressed about? No. You didn't. Because you never asked."

"If it's something you want to tell me, then you will. But I'm not going to ask you a bunch of questions to get you to open up to me. I don't work that way."

She didn't get a retort in before he was pulling into this apartment complex, closing the rag top and killing the engine. Letting out a deep sigh she ran her fingers through her hair, holding it at the back of her head with her hands. He fiddled with the keys for a few moments before chucking them up on the dashboard.

"What are we doing?" she questioned, letting go of her hair and turning her head to look at him. "You and me. What is this?"

"Why does it have to _be_ anything?"

"I guess it doesn't." she mumbled, feeling quite defeated. He reached for his keys and dropped them in the process on the floor in front of her feet. Both went down at the same time and when their heads nearly collided, he forgot all about the keys and went straight for her mouth.

Haley gasped in surprise as she pushed his tongue inside her mouth and shoved her against the door of the car. She didn't fight back, just pulled his shirt closer to her body. As he inched forward, moving on top of her to gain better access, it was quickly realized by both of them that the long gear shift was going to be a major issue. Without missing a beat, Nathan was sliding into the backseat and pulling her with him.

Landing on top of his lap, she rotated her head to give him better contact with the nape of her neck. He wasted no time in pulling off her sweatshirt and her small white cami, leaving her bare save her bra and jeans. His hand went to the clasp of her bra and hesitated, looking into her eyes for permission. Her answer was pulling his own shirt over his head and discarding it somewhere in the front seat.

Nathan maneuvered Haley so that she was lying on her back, the cool leather seat sending chills down her bare back. Her arms covered up her breasts as he skillfully unzipped and shimmied her jeans down her legs. He kissed her as the buckle of his belt was released and she helped him be free of his own pants. They both stopped long enough to tease the other, playing with the hem of each others underwear.

Just when she was about to take it all back, thinking, knowing she wasn't ready, she heard her panties rip and felt him deep inside of her. She cried out in pain, griping his back and biting her lip to keep from crying anymore. If he did care, he didn't show it but she wasn't stopping him either. She allowed a few tears to escape her eyes as he nipped and tugged his way down her neck.

"Say something." He commanded in her ear as his calloused hands worked his way all over her body. The cold was no longer an issue as his body heat kept her warm. The pain was dulled now, and was replaced with intense sensations and small pleasures.

"Please. Don't stop."


	3. No More Keeping My Feet On The Ground

**A/N: First of all, just let me say wow. I was completely blown away by the amount of feedback I got from both chapters. They really made my day :). So keep them coming and the next chapter will be up soon. Enjoy!**

No More Keeping My Feet On the Ground

Haley carefully and quietly pulled her sweatshirt over her head and looked around for her shoes. Pushing her hair over her shoulder, she picked up the bed sheet hanging over the bed and peered underneath. Grabbing them, she sat up on her knees staring at the boy in front of her. He was lying on his stomach, his bare back showing all the way down to his waist which was loosely covered with a thin white sheet.

She glanced at her watch and grimaced at the time. It was well past noon and her headache had nothing to do with the hangover she was experiencing. She barely knew him; just what she thought of him and after one night, a few hours, and several drinks she was in bed; in the backseat of his car; and on his kitchen counter. She hadn't decided if it was a mistake yet but she knew she wanted to bolt before he would say something to make her.

Either way, she was blaming the alcohol.

Biting her lip, she crawled onto the bed, plopping herself down to face him. Carefully, she traced the outline of his face with her fingertips until he began to stir. To her, his face always looked angry, his eyes always stormy. Watching him sleep though, he looked calm and relaxed and she quickly decided that this would always be her favorite state of him.

He haphazardly slung his arm over her waist and pulled her closer to his body. She ran her fingers around his eyes and down the bridge of his nose, moving in with her own lips to kiss his. She then moved her hands to his head which if anything attributed to the passionate night the shared previously; it was his rumpled hair sticking up on all ends. She had to smile at the sight.

"Hey." He mumbled, not even opening up his eyes.

"Hi." She whispered, her voice sounding really small even to her.

"What time is it?" he stretched, rubbing his eyes and looking at the clock. "Damn."

"It's late." She said, taking a look around the room for the first time. His bed didn't have a headboard, or rails for that matter taking a seat on the floor. His one bedside table consisted of a crate turned on its side. The remainder of the room was bare save the mountains of clothes strewn across the floor. She was sure that her white cami top was amongst one of the piles somewhere.

It hit her more then than at any other moment. She didn't know him. She didn't know how he paid for this small apartment. She didn't know if he did his laundry on a regular basis or how many other girl shirts lay on the floor. She didn't know his favorite color or his favorite band. Mostly though, she didn't know if last night, all of it, was just a ruse to get her into his bed. She didn't know if he had used her.

She closed her eyes as he kissed her forehead sweetly before unceremoniously getting up out of the bed and walking to the en suite bathroom. Blushing at the sight, she fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling trying to make sense of her situation. She heard him turn on the water to the shower but she remained on the bed. A few seconds later he cleared his throat to gain her attention. He was poking his head out the door with a smirk firmly on his face.

"Yes?" she questioned, her own smirk reflecting his.

"Join me." he instructed more as a request than a question. "Because, no offense, but you reek of alcohol."

"I gotta get home." She politely declined and she could tell by his dropped expression that he wasn't happy. "I haven't even turned my phone on but I'm sure my mom has flipped a lid. The kids were probably late…"

"Kids?"

"My brothers and sisters." She explained throwing her legs over the bed and grabbing her shoes to put them on. "They wouldn't know how to function without me."

"I had no idea." He shrugged turning back into the bathroom and shutting the door. She stared at the door for a few moments and decided not to be offended. Instead she got up and walked into the bathroom, quietly closing the door. Leaning up against it, she watched his silhouette through the shower curtain for a few moments.

She did know that he made her feel alive. Even if it was infuriating her, it made her feel things that she never thought possible. She knew he had a scar on his inner thigh the shape of a clover. She knew that he liked it when she kissed his chest. And somehow, she knew, that no matter what was going to happen, she was never going to regret this.

She threw her sweatshirt off once more and slipped off her jeans before stepping into the steaming shower. He jumped slightly from the cool air but continued to keep his face down with the water running over his head. She swallowed the gulp in her throat and began to run her hands the length of his back. They then moved down to his hips and in a moment he was turned around and pushing her up against the wall of the shower.

Their tongues battled for control until she finally pulled away, moving her way down his torso. He peppered his chest with kisses, the way he liked, and nipped at his shoulders. Never in her life did she expect to be so forward, or so aggressive. And not in a million years would she guess she would pressed up against Nathan Scott in his shower with her legs wrapped securely around his waist.

Never.

X-x-X

Haley sat awkwardly on the bed once more, drying her long hair with the towel Nathan had given her. She was wearing on of his nicer polo shirts which she guessed hadn't been worn in quite some time. It wasn't even wrinkled. It was somewhat long, falling a quarter of the way down her thighs. He was busy pulling on a loose fitting pair of jeans and a crumpled t shirt off the floor. He was never much for talking but after the night and proceeding morning/afternoon she thought they would have more to talk about.

"That shirt looks a lot better on you than it ever did on me." He noted, his eyes skimming from the bottom of her outstretched legs to the top of her exposed thighs.

"That's just because you're a toad." She joked, quirking up an eyebrow.

"So does that make you the princess that's going to kiss me and turn me into a prince?"

"I did a little bit more than kiss you and would you look at that!" she smiled picking at his shirt playfully. "You're still a toad."

"Ha. Ha." he deadpanned taking a seat beside her to put on his shoes. "Are you hungry?"

"Starved."

"Well lets go see what me can salvage out of my bare cabinets." He stood up, outstretching his hand, waiting for her to take it. Once she did, he pulled her up to her feet and patted her butt sending her in front of him. "I have to warn you though, it's not much."

"Trust me. I'm an absolute miracle worker in the kitchen." She promised walking into the kitchen and smiling at the only bare spot on the counter. She opened up the fridge and found herself frowning at the contents. Or the lack there of. "Okay, wow."

He laughed standing behind her. "I tried to warn you."

"Okay, so we have spoilt milk," she scrunched up her nose in disgust when she pulled the top off the milk. Next, she pulled out a carton of eggs. "Two and a half eggs, and six viable pieces of cheese. And of course, the must have essential, a twelve pack of beer."

"I'm a guy." He shrugged when she gave him a questioning look. "Try the freezer or the cabinets. I'm all about the nuke em' meals."

"You have half of an Eggo waffle and ooh! Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough!" she squealed pulling the ice cream out of the freezer and opening up the lid. "That's empty."

"So moving on to the cabinets?"

"I don't think they'll be much better." She mumbled opening up the door directly to the right of the fridge. She had to take a step back in surprise at the contents. "Whoa! Do you have enough Ramen noodles?"

"Three minute instant meal." He grinned reaching over her to grab a box on the top shelf that she was having trouble reaching. "Elbow noodles? I didn't know I had these up there."

"Probably not a good sign, but we'll work with it." She took the box out of his hands and set it on the counter. Then she started looking in the other cabinets in search of a pot. Once she found the only clean one, she filled it up with water and placed it on the stove, turning on the eye. "Hey, at least you have running water!"

"Ah, but we figured that out when we were in the shower." He winked, causing her to giggle. She took a step towards him and he picked her up and set her down on the bare spot of the island, settling in between her legs. He reached up and gently kissed her, tapping her on her nose when he was done. "This is something new for me."

"How's that?"

"I've never had anyone stay for breakfast."

"So I should feel special?" she quipped, trying to hide the sadness in her voice. He looked like he was about to respond so she pushed him slightly and slid of the counter. "The water's boiling."

"What are you making?" he asked, leaning up against the island with his back and elbows on the counter.

"You'll see."

They remained quiet after that; the only noise coming from Haley pouring in the noodles and stirring them in the water. Nathan took to cleaning off the breakfast bar and took a seat at one of the stools when he was done. Ten minutes later, Haley was fixing the food and spooning into two unmatching bowls and set them in front of Nathan. He looked at the food and her curiously before shrugging and digging in.

"Water good for you?" He nodded wordlessly and she sat down with the two glasses and sat on the seat beside him.

"Mac and cheese huh?"

"Dude. It's food for the gods."

"Five year olds."

"I remember when I was a kid, I used to love snarfing down Cap'ain Crunch; watching Saturday morning cartoons."

"What was that, like a week ago?"

"I wish." She laughed, licking her finger and dropping her fork in her empty bowl. "For some random and unfair reason, the kids don't like cereal. So while they're watching Saturday morning cartoons, I'm making them a small three course breakfast. And while they're eating I'm crashing in my bed."

"The way you talk about them, it's like they're your own."

She thought for a moment. "They kinda are. My mom has a catering company which keeps her gone most weekend doing weddings and what not. And my dad is usually all over the state doing things for his job. So it's kinda up to me to take care of them."

"That's gotta be tough."

"There are tougher things in life. But it's great at the same time. Nelson, he's five and we're totally tight. We play video games and shoot basketball and wrestle." She stopped, thinking that he probably didn't want to hear the boring details of her life. "I'm sure you don't want to listen to me ramble about my family."

"Come on." He gently commanded, taking her hand and leading her out to the small balcony off his living room. He left her for a moment to grab a couple of couch cushions, throwing them on the concrete flooring. "Sit, and tell me about your family. I don't mind listening."

"Okay," she stated unsure but found herself sitting down. He pulled her back against him and she rested in between his knees with her head on his chest. Once they were settled, he threw a blanket over the two of them. "Well Abby's next. She's three. I've got her reading on a first grade level. She's so cute. She has to wear glasses because she's blind as a bat."

"So basically, she looks like you, only geekier?"

"Shut up." She snickered pushing at his slightly. "Jordan and Jason are next. Jason's quite and reserved, never gives me too much trouble. Jordan though, he's a little bad ass, always getting into something. He gets that from Taylor, I'm sure."

"Taylor?"

"Oh. Yeah, she's my older sister by two years. She bolted when she was seventeen. I got a letter from her a few months back, but other than that, I don't know much about her."

"Well I gotta get ready for work soon." He cut her off abruptly, standing up quickly and walking into the apartment without another work.

Haley remained outside, despite the cold, watching as it began drizzle. She pulled the blanket tighter around her and stuck her hand out into the chilling rain. It would soon turn to snow most likely and she smiled thinking about playing in it with the kids. She knew she would be in a world of trouble for not coming home and skipping school but her parents couldn't ground her. They needed her too much.

Her eyes glanced inside the apartment, watching him shuffle about to get ready. She wasn't sure where he worked; honestly, up until five minutes ago, she wasn't aware he had a job period. She didn't think her family would be much interest to him but he had pressed the issue. Now, he seemed agitated and she wondered if all the talk about her family had remained him of the one he didn't have.

The stories she had heard were vague at best; the tale gone so far done the grapevine that most of it was completely ludicrous by now. She doubted he would ever fully open up and tell her the real story, but she somehow held onto the hope that he would. Whatever this was between them, even if it was for just this day and the previous night, it was strong.

"You can let yourself out." He told her, standing in the sliding glass door, strapping his watch on his wrist. When Haley turned around to look at him, he was dressed in a monkey suit, covered in grease.

"Yeah. I won't stay long. I just have to find my clothes." She replied turning her attention back to the rain that was now steadily pouring down.

"You're shirt is in my car, I think." He scratched his head, curious to how she was so indifferent to his attitude.

"Maybe you can bring it to school then."

"Yeah, I could do that." Her voice was so quiet. So calm. "You shouldn't stay out here too long. It's freezing. You'll get sick."

She almost laughed at him caring. "I never get sick."

"I guess I need to get going then." He glanced at his watch and realized he had hours before he had to be at work. But being with her was making him quite uncomfortable. "I didn't know it was supposed to rain today."

"I didn't either." She mused, thinking of not only the shower pouring outside, but in a proverbial sense as well.

"So I'll see you around?"

She peeked over her shoulder. "I'll see you."


	4. This Is Who We Are

**A/N: Wow. Thanks for all the amazing reviews. They truly blew me away. So I thought I would address the whole Taylor comment made last chapter and I'll I'm going to say about that is, it's not necessarily how it appears. Nathan has a past and it will come out. So enjoy and leave me some more nice reviews and before you know it, chapter five will be up since it's already completed. Much love...**

This Is Who We Are

Haley took the remaining books out of her shoulder bag and threw them in her locker haphazardly. Slamming the door shut, she tried desperately to drown out her best friend's never ending babble. She had a migraine, of course from her parents two hour beratement the previous night. Counting last night, the count was up to three for the week to date. She thanked whatever God up there that it was Friday and her parents with the kids were heading up to Virginia to visit family.

Her night with Nathan had been Monday night and subsequently Tuesday afternoon, and since then they hadn't spoken. He had shown up for school on Wednesday but never showed up for his tutoring session. Haley had sat there for the duration of the two hours somehow feeling that he would probably never show up again. That book had closed on that part of their relationship.

She had seen him in the hallways, his ever quiet presence knocking loudly at her heart. He refused to look her in the eye and she didn't really want to believe that he was ashamed or regretted anything. She certainly didn't, not even for a second. Her own pride held her back from making the first move; and partially because she wasn't sure where his head was then or afterwards.

Maybe she had been a mistake.

"Tutorgirl, are you listening to me?" her best friend Brooke snapped her fingers in front of her face and Haley blinked shrugging slightly. "Great. I'm glad you're in la la land."

"She's been in la la land for days now." Rachel retorted, smirking at Haley slightly.

"You know Brooke; I do have other things on my mind other than the absolute emergency of Jake forgetting to call you." Haley smiled cheekily, scooting past her best friend to her classroom. "And Rachel, you are so not one to talk!"

"And you've been spacing all week!" Brooke yelled, rapidly catching up to Haley along with Rachel. "You're holding out on your besties and I; we don't appreciate it one bit."

"I'm not holding anything out on you."

"You wanna know how I can tell you're lying?" Rachel kinked up her eyebrow, stopping Haley from walking. "The top of your ears are turning red."

"They are not!" Haley exclaimed, instinctively putting her hands over her ears. "I'm not lying."

"Whatever."

"Okay, so maybe I am lying." Haley relented as the two girls in front of her eyes grew wide. They quickly pulled her into the bathroom, putting the trash can in front of the door and checking the stalls to make sure they were empty. "Jesus guys. Dramatic much?"

"Yes. Now tell me what the hell is going on." Haley went to open her mouth but Brooke cut her off. "And so help me God Haley James if you say nothing we're dying your hair blonde."

"I kinda met someone."

"Who?"

Haley rolled her eyes. "Anyway, the point is, I thought we had a connection and we obviously didn't since he hasn't tried to talk to me all week."

"So you're not even going to tell me who?" Brooke questioned in disbelief. "Haley! That's not even fair. You know the size of Jake's…uh, underwear! You spend time with a guy and I can't even know who it is?"

"Jake is your boyfriend! This is just some random and completely stupid hook-up."

"Brookie, she had sex." Rachel informed the two with a disinterested look. She then patted Haley's cheek. "Bout damn time, if you ask me."

"Hook-up? Oh. My. God. You had sex." Brooke's mouth hung open in shock and Haley counted down from five when realization would hit Brooke once more. "That's why you weren't in school on Tuesday!"

So maybe it took two seconds.

"Please don't make this into a bigger deal than it is."

"This is a big deal Haley! You slept with some random guy. Do you know how insane, how unsafe that is?"

"He wasn't some random guy." Haley mumbled. "He goes to school here and that's all I'm saying. This is a closed discussion."

"Well then, take all the fun away. How was it?"

"No, no. We're not going down that road. That's a little too much information." Haley bulked throwing her hands up and shaking Brooke's question off. She removed the trashcan from the door and turned back to her best friends. "We have to go to class."

"He didn't hurt you did he?"

"No, of course not."

"Do you regret it?"

She thought for a moment. "No, not really."

X-x-X

Haley took her sweet time walking home that afternoon. She was hoping and praying that if she took long enough, her parents wouldn't be able to wait longer for fear of not being on schedule. She knew it was a slim to none chance but she figured she would try anyway. She had gone to the tutoring center after school, again foolishly hoping that Nathan would show up but after an hour of waiting, he was again a no show.

She couldn't really be mad at him; she couldn't necessarily think that all of a sudden think he would change. Not expecting anything out of him made the situation that much safer. No expectations, no disappointments. If it wasn't for that damn hope that he would somehow redeem himself, everything would be that much better. But that was clearly out of the question.

At first, her deep thoughts were impenetrable to the sound of his car pulling up beside her on the curb. She looked at him through the frosted windshield before turning her attention to the ground shaking her head slightly. She wanted to be happy that he was at least making an effort, even though it was days on end with no effort whatsoever. So she threw her defensives up and waited for him to make the first move.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked stepping out of the car and onto the sidewalk. He blew his hot breath in his hands before picking hers up and doing the same. "It's freezing out here."

"I walk everyday." She replied simply, secretly reveling in the warmth he was bringing her. Reluctantly she removed her hands from his grasp and shoved them deep in her pockets. "I gotta get home…"

"Let me take you."

"No, that's really okay."

"You're mad." He said more as a statement than a question. She blushed and looked away. "Look,"

"No, no." she cut him off running her fingers through her hair. "Let's not do this."

"Do what?"

"This." She motioned between the two of them with her finger. "This awkward tension between us. I'd really rather not."

"Okay." He shrugged taking a step back. "I just thought you understood."

"Nathan!" Haley protested, slightly angry and surprised he was still pressing the issue. Still, she was going to bite and dive head first into this impossible conversation. "What was I supposed to understand?"

"It wasn't supposed to be anything serious."

She really wanted to be upset but knowing him the way she did she couldn't. Or maybe it was because she really didn't know him at all that made her seem to understand. Still, she thought, maybe foolishly, that they did share a bigger bond than just sex. Being just another notch on his bedpost was not something she had set out to do, but the way the current conversation was going, it seemed to be just that.

A thought occurred to her at that moment. One she hadn't even bared to think of before. Maybe she had been bad. She was the first to admit, despite Brooke's efforts otherwise, she was quite inexperienced. Clearly stupid to hop into bed with someone she barely knew; especially someone like him. Now, she was mortified.

"I guess I just expected more from you." She explained, biting her lip nervously. "What I mean to say is, I let my intuition precede your reputation and that was obviously a very big mistake."

"Don't, look, get in the car. It's freezing. We'll go somewhere and talk in the warmth."

"Talk? You?" She scoffed, crossing her arms over herself indignantly. "I've been tutoring you since the beginning of the school year with no more than two words per session. That means that in the last five minutes since we've been standing out here, you said more words than the past several months, combined."

"Well at least you give me the benefit of the doubt." He grumbled, kicking at some of the snow on the sidewalk.

"You haven't spoken to me all week!"

"What was I supposed to say?!" he boomed, causing her to take a step back.

"Remember, you're the one that said you were all wrong for me. And this, whatever the hell it is, it's not something I'm willing to do. So take your own lead and continue to ignore me. It'll be a lot easier that way, don't you think?" she yelled right back, stepping up into his face as best she could.

He went in to kiss her, and almost did but she forcefully shoved him away. Days earlier she might have melted into his kisses but being burned by him forced her to put her guard way up. She wasn't going to set herself up again. Regardless of who he was, she deserved better than to be some toy he could play with and toss to the side when he got bored.

"You know what I would love for you to say?" she spoke after a few minutes, her breathing finally becoming steady once more. "No, it's not even something I would love for you to say. Something that's just common decency to say? Something nice, which, lets face it, is quite the stretch for you."

"What?" he bit out through clenched teeth. His stoic face was stony and his voice was cold. "Because I would love for you to be screaming my name again."

She ignored him. "It would be nice if you could say what you were really thinking and feeling."

He sighed, his exterior somewhat softening a bit.

"Nobody's ever cooked for me before."

"What?" her head shot up, his mumbling so low she could barely hear him. "Not even your mom?"

"What mom?" he snapped before taking a breath and starting over. "No, not even her."

"What else?"

"What else?" he parroted, looking at her confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"So the only thing you gathered from our little…tryst…was that I was the only person to ever cook for you? Well, let me go ahead and give myself a pat on the back."

"You're impossible." He muttered throwing his head back to look at the sky. "I think you're the most impossible person I have ever met. But I like that about you. You're not easy and you're quite the challenge."

"Difficult?" she clarified, much to her dismay. She didn't exactly want to easy but she didn't want to be difficult either. She had hoped she was that happy medium somewhere in between.

"No, now you're being difficult. Stop being one of those girls." She gave him a questioning look. "You know, one of those girls that analyze and over dramatize everything a guy says. Just relax and listen to me."

She took a seat on the bench and waited for him to join her. "I'm listening."

"I like you. Plain and simple. I'm not going to write a novel about why I like you. I just do. I'm not boyfriend material so don't set your hopes to high on that one. I'm sure you could tell that by my display with Nikki the other night."

"Yeah, that was hard to figure out." She snorted and he gave her a weary look. "Sorry."

"But I wouldn't be opposed to spending some time with you. Outside our tutoring sessions that I don't need."

"No, you don't." she agreed giving him a pointed look. "So you just want to be friends? Or friends with benefits?"

"I dunno."

Haley nervously cleared her throat. "Look, the other night; I don't normally do that."

"I didn't think so."

"Was it that bad?" she questioned, looking up at him quite fearful of his answer. When he didn't answer right away she looked away shamefully. "God, of course I was that bad. It must have been horrible for you!"

"If it had been horrible, it wouldn't have happened more than once." He promised, soothing some of her fears. "But it was your first time wasn't it?"

"You could tell?"

"No, not really." He shrugged. "But I don't think you would just do that with anybody. That's why I know you care a great deal about me."

"I do."

"But I've been kinda stressing about it to." He explained and she gave him a confused look. "I mean when we were in the car, we were so caught up in the moment…"

"I'm on birth control." She cut him off with a sheepish smile. "My mom had my sister when she was fifteen and me when she was eighteen. The moment I started hanging around Brooke she practically forced the pill down my throat. I would've stopped you otherwise."

He blew out his breath. "Okay. Good."

Her cheeks flushed and she glanced down at her watch. "Shit. I'm late." She stated hoping to deter the conversation away from what it was at that moment. "My parents are going to kill me for the umpteenth time this week. They're going to Virginia for the weekend to visit the family."

"And you don't have to go?"

"No, I begged off citing too much homework. They have no clue how far ahead I am in my AP classes. Besides, it'll be nice to have a weekend off from the kids."

"So you don't have any plans then?" he cocked up his eyebrows telling her that he wanted her. "I mean, if you wanted to hang out, then that would be cool right?"

"Since we're just playing by ear, how about we'll just see what happens?"


	5. If I'm Not Right

**A/N: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews; I'm simply blown away by the response. So thank you, thank you, thank you! I have the next chapter written so leave me lots and lots of love and it'll be up soon :)**

If I'm Not Right

Nathan grimaced as has he strained to release the bolt in his grasp. It seemed like from the start of this horrid day, everything that could go wrong, seemingly had. His alarm clock somehow got unplugged that morning, essentially making him very late for work. Once he arrived, it was standard protocol for him to be written up which would make the grand total to two; one more and he was out of there. Later on, a main had busted underneath the hood he was working on, covering him in oil from head to toe. Now, the simple brake replacement he was working on was anything but simple.

He cursed and chucked the wrench forcefully across the room. The damn bolt wasn't coming off. His boss gave him a weary look and he sighed, solemnly marching off and picking the tool off. Waving it up in the air for his boss to see, he sarcastically rolled his eyes. Gaining his bearing, he sat down and laid on his back, rolling underneath the SUV once more. If he didn't need this damn job so much, he would've walked away from it ages ago.

The problem in that being that mechanics were the only thing he was really good at. He was good a school when he wanted to be, but as far as supporting himself went, this was about as good as it was going to get. And he had nobody to do that for him; at least not for the past year of his life. His uncle had thought him everything he knew when he was fifteen and the knowledge had always stuck with him; even if his uncle hadn't.

"Is my car done?"

Nathan rolled out from underneath the car when he heard the somewhat annoying female voice. He assumed she was coming for the car he was currently working on, which would have been done by now had it not been for the damn stubborn bolt. It was the only car in the shop and that was because it was a Saturday and a special favor for one of his bosses friends. But hey, he needed the money.

He hadn't prepared himself to see Haley with the fiery red head. He concealed himself as best he could underneath the SUV, not really in the mood to deal with that relationship at the moment. If you could even call it a relationship. Neither one of them had expressed any desire for it to anything more than it was. Mostly, it was just destined to be a big headache and train wreck waiting to happen. Then again, hangovers never stopped him from drinking and he could never really tear his eyes away from train wrecks.

"Hey hot shot!" Rachel banged on her fender, trying to get the attention of the mechanic underneath. Nathan reluctantly come from underneath, eyeing Haley briefly before turning his attention back to Rachel. "I show up late and you still don't have it done?"

"It'll just be a few more minutes." Nathan responded in a dry voice, glancing to Haley once more. "I had some trouble with a bolt."

"Well make it snappy." Rachel huffed taking a seat in the waiting area and grabbing a magazine. Haley remained staring at Nathan unevenly. "Haley? Are you coming?"

Haley managed to tear her gaze from Nathan and take a seat beside Rachel. They hadn't spoken since yesterday when they had decided that yes, they wanted to see more of each other but neither knew exactly how to do so. Haley had dated before, never really seriously but nothing quite as intense as what she had with Nathan. Even it wasn't something that was a real or conventional relationship; it was still something she wanted to pursue.

"Haley? Do you know why I asked you to come with me instead of Brooke?" Rachel asked, never taking her eyes off her magazine.

"You said Brooke was busy." Haley shrugged, grabbing a magazine for herself. "Probably off doing God knows what with Jake."

"I lied." Rachel grinned to herself and Haley knew something was up. "I know Nathan was you're hook up."

"What? How do you know that?" Haley exclaimed, forcing attention from Nathan on her that she hadn't wanted. She snatched the magazine out of Rachel's hands and lowered her voice, but not her attitude. "Who told you that?"

"No one." Rachel smirked in satisfaction as she watched Haley squirm. "Haley, God, calm down. I was there; at the party."

"Of course you were." Haley muttered, throwing her arms across her chest and sinking lower in her chair. "Wait, where was Lucas?"

"My boyfriend was at home studying or brooding or whatever he does. You know what I don't understand is that every time Brooke and I want you to go to a party we have to drag you. And once we do in fact drag you, kicking and screaming, you won't touch a drop of liquor. Nathan Scott bats his eyes at you and not only are you willing going to a party but it's like chug-a-lug-lug."

"Because I wanted to go there with him."

"Well, it's nice to know we're loved." Rachel quipped stealing Haley's magazine from her to begin reading again. After a few moments, she just had to ask. "Was he any good?"

"Rachel!" Haley sat up straight giving her friend a bewildered look. It then hit her that maybe this wasn't such a bad thing. Sure, she didn't want her whole little affair broadcasted everywhere but playing mind games with one of her best friends did have some appeal. She gave Rachel a coy smile before looking her directly in the eyes. "Which time?"

"Tutor slut."

Haley's mouth hung open in shock. "You're just mad because you haven't been with him. Which is shocking to say the least."

"Hardy, har har." Rachel deadpanned, throwing the magazine on the table in front of her. "So what's going on with the two of you anyway?"

"Nothing."

"At all?"

"Period."

"How do you feel about that?"

"What are you? My shrink?" Haley retorted, getting quite uncomfortable with the entire thing. "I feel fine about it."

"It's all done." Nathan came up to the two girls, tossing the keys to Rachel before wiping his hands off. There were a few awkward moments of silence before he turned to make a move to leave.

"Hey hot shot!" Rachel called after him much to Haley's horror. "There's a party at my house tonight."

"There is?" Haley asked, confusion masking her features.

"There is now." Rachel whispered before smiling back at Nathan. "You should come. With your reputation, you'll fit right in."

"I'll think about it."

"Perfect."

X-x-X

Haley stood anxiously at Nathan's door, attempting to knock several times but talking herself out of it at the last moment. It wasn't that she was ashamed of him or what happened, but it was nice to have something to herself; well almost to herself. Rachel was doing a very good job of trying to steal her thunder. She wasn't sure if Nathan was going to this impromptu party but she thought it might be best to over some ground rules in case he did.

She finally knocked three times and quickly stepped back against the railing in front of his door. This was more awkward to her than it was the morning after they had slept together. Never once did she think it was going to get this complicated and she supposed she was naïve in thinking so. Nothing, it seemed, was ever simple in her life. She bit her lip and was about to leave when he opened the door in nothing but a towel loosely draped around his waist.

"Hi." She said softly, holding up her hand in what was supposed to be a wave.

"What are you doing here?" he looked around somewhat nervously, as she took a step towards him. "We're you supposed to come over?"

"No, no." she shook her head and was seriously regretting her decision to come at all. "Maybe I should've called…"

"Its okay, come in." he quickly latched onto her wrist and led her inside, shutting the door behind them. He pointed to his bedroom as she shrugged off her coat. "I'm gonna, go get into some clothes real quick."

She carefully draped her coat of the back of a barstool, taking in the surrounds around her. The small apartment hadn't changed much, not that she had expected it too; save for a few more dirty dishes and a few more clothes strewn about. The one thing that struck her the most was it felt that much more lonely now. She suddenly felt uncomfortable and out of place, like she knew deep down that there wasn't a place for her here.

"So, are you here about the whole party thing?" he asked coming into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of beer out of the fridge. Popping the top of quickly he took a sip and offered her some to which she declined. "I wasn't really planning on going."

"Well…yeah." She fiddled with her hands as she slid into the barstool beside her. "I just; it would be really weird with you there."

"So I won't go." He motioned indifferently, setting the beer down and leaning on the counter. "Don't worry your pretty little head about it."

"Don't be condescending." She snapped determined not to let him get to her. "I'm not ashamed of you or anything."

"Like I care."

"Why do you get so defensive if you don't care then?" she challenged, daring him to object. She placed her hands together in front of her on the counter and sighed. "Okay, let's start over."

"I don't want to go to some lame high school party, sitting around playing 'I never.' Because lets face it, there's not a whole lot I haven't done." He stated, chugging the rest of his beer and throwing it in the trash can. "But if you want to hang out and chill here with me, I wouldn't be opposed to that."

"I'm beginning to think you're not opposed to much." She answered, blowing out her breath. "What exactly would we do?"

He kinked up his eyebrow. "I could think of a few things for us to be entertained by."

She didn't know how quite to respond to that particular statement but the next thing she knew, he was coming around the counter and picking her up, placing her on the counter. Settling in between her legs, he clasped the back of her neck and pulled her forward, kissing her passionately on the lips. It was like every time his fingers or his mouth touched her body, all reason flew out. Her brain stopped functioning and her body involuntary reacted to everything he did.

"Nathan." She panted, pulling apart as he made his way down her neck. "Maybe…"

"Maybe what?" he pressed, his hands reaching for the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head. In response, she just moaned and he smirked in satisfaction. "Yeah, I didn't think so."

"Wait." She commanded, pushing him away and sliding off the counter. She grabbed her shirt, fumbling to put it back over her head. "This is not me."

"It's not?"

"I don't do this!" she yelled, running her hand through her hair. "I can't do this with you. I'm not asking for anything from you but if this is all you want from me, then I don't have any business being here."

He threw up his hands in surrender. This wasn't something he was accustomed to doing either. One night stands were a way of life for him; had been since he was sixteen years old. The only way he knew how to connect with people were through alcohol and sex; most of the time, both. But actually trying to get to know someone, and possibly even caring about them to a certain extent, wasn't something that he was going to transition easy into.

"Was I just a conquest to you?" she asked bluntly, dying to know the truth. It was something that was mulling over in her brain, almost from the beginning. "I mean first, you get tutoring that you don't need and we don't speak for months. And yeah, I admit I was a bit easy to get into bed," she winced. "In your back seat but it wasn't really easy for me."

"I told you yesterday…"

"I know what you said yesterday."

"Then what do you expect from me!" he exploded, catching her slightly off guard. "I'm not like you Saint Haley. I promise you nothing. Period. This is what you get with me." He motioned to himself, slamming his fist down on the counter.

"I don't want anything from you!" She shot right back; stomping up to his six four figure. "I just don't want to be nothing to you like every other girl that ends up in your bed. I don't have to mean everything, but just some iota of something would suffice. I'd rather not be another notch in your bedpost."

"Why?" he questioned, his stoic face never wavering. "Why do you care?"

"Because I care about you!"

She hung her head in stupidity and stepped away, resting on the back of the couch. Her friends always told her she was too blunt, to honest, and entirely too susceptible to fly off the handle at any given moment. Nathan wasn't just anyone though and she knew that. She had to approach him and handle him completely different way. She was okay with the way things were just a few days ago; she just wasn't sure why she was suddenly being such a girl about the whole situation.

"Starting over again?" he mused, trying to do anything to break the tension between the two.

"Maybe I should just go."

"You're making this a lot more complicated than it could be." He pointed out much to her dismay. "Then it should be. I know the other night probably meant something to you and I'll admit it somewhat meant something to me. I don't know how to do this. I've never done this before. So could you just cut me some slack? I'm doing the best I'm willing to put in right now."

She shut her eyes and shook her head. "I'm probably really going to regret this, but yeah, I think I could cut you some slack."

"I was hoping you would say that." He smiled, one the rare, real ones that he gave her. He walked up to her, placing his hands on either side of her hips and bent down to kiss her much more softly than she was used to. "But you won't regret it."

"I know." She agreed, hesitantly playing the fabric of his shirt. He looked up in surprise when her nimble hands began to unbutton it, pushing it off his shoulders and pulling his head down to met her lips.

"We don't…"

"No, it's okay. I want to."


	6. The Pros and Con of Breathing

**A/N: So first of all I want to thank everyone who reviewed, even though it wasn't nearly as much as I have been getting. I understand though; that chapter was somewhat of a filler and it's okay. Hopefully though, they'll pick back up. I should probably inform you now that if you're waiting for them to magically fall in love with each other and for Nathan to be goody goody, you're going to be waiting a while. I like those stories, I do, but they get a little bit repeatative. I like to shake things up a bit. I also feel the need to address Rachel in this story. She and Brooke are Haley's friends but Rachel is going to seem a little bit more in tuned with the whole thing going on rather than Brooke because lets face it, Rachel's a bit of a bad ass herself. So, I'm going to stop rambling now, and pray I get lots and lots of reviews for this chapter. It's pretty much completely Naley. Enjoy and leave me lots of love. :)**

The Pros And Cons Of Breathing

Haley's eyes easily slid open as the morning sunlight steamed in from the window. She didn't even have to look over to know that he wasn't beside her. She didn't immediately get up, instead finding great interest in the water spots on the ceiling. Pulling the covers up from her waist to her chest, she plopped her arms on her chest and sighed. She was having a hard time figuring out what the hell she was doing, sleeping with someone she barely knew, someone who wasn't her boyfriend, and someone she didn't love. But here she was, yet again naked in his bed and not feeling even slightly guilty.

What she should feel guilty for she had no clue. Nothing she was doing was necessarily wrong; maybe morally, maybe even ethically. Maybe not though. The old saying went, if can't be wrong if it feels so good right? This was new, and scary, and thrilling all wrapped into one. There was just something about being with him, getting him to open up in those fleeting moments, touching him, kissing him that enthralled her in the depths of her soul. Somehow she could just feel that this, whatever it was, was forever going to change her life. She just wasn't sure if it was going to be for the better or for the worse.

She stretched and yawned, throwing her feet over the bed bending down in search of something to cover her only panty clad body. She wrapped the sheet around her walking to the closet before tossing on one of his oversized sweatshirts. Just as she was about to go search for him, she stopped herself wondering if he wanted to be found. Putting her finger in between her teeth she debated. It seemed fairly obvious that Nathan Scott, whatever secrets he held beneath that thick exterior wasn't going to come out anytime soon.

The thought concerned her, but at the same time didn't really bother her either. Everyone had secrets. She didn't think his was too great or too awful enough to break her and even if they were, she was a tough cookie. She was going into this with eyes open and heart guarded, and with a hope that she would make it out unscathed. Figuring what the hell, she opened up the door and waited to hear if there was any noise. When she heard none she padded into the living room and paused wondering if she should interrupt his thoughts out on the deck.

"Hi." She whispered softly from the door, her tiny feet dancing as the cool air swished against her bare legs. "You're up early."

"I didn't really go to sleep." He responded, his back still towards her. He had his palms rested on the balcony railing, clad in nothing but basketball shorts that rested low on his hips. His torso was bare and she didn't understand how he was always out in the biting cold with nothing on. Maybe he couldn't feel anything. "I didn't want to wake you."

There was something very different about Haley. He had realized last night after she had fallen asleep that this, whatever it was, was going to turn into something big, possibly something bad, but nevertheless a change. There was something about how vulnerable she could be in his arms but so fierce when she needed to be that drove him absolutely crazy. If he were honest, there wasn't anything really special about her as far as appearances went. She looked ordinary, she dressed ordinary, and from what he could tell, she led an ordinary life. Not that he had asked, not that he had wanted to know. It was better to keep her at arm's length; better for her and better for him. But he couldn't deny there was definitely something unordinary about her.

At some point during the night he had found himself watching her sleep, her exposed chest rising and falling evenly. Occasionally she would sigh, and he pretended she was dreaming about him. It unnerved him to say the least and he got up moving to the balcony; close enough that he was still there but far enough away to where he really didn't have to see her. But it offered him no solace; she consumed his thoughts. It was new to him and not something he was particularly enjoying. He kept a block of ice around his heart and if she kept trying to melt it then he would just have to turn down the temperature.

He couldn't allow that to happen.

Not after what happened before.

Shaking his thoughts away he turned to face her. "I've got some cereal in the cabinet. I think the milk's good this time."

"This time." She echoed, secretly happy that there was more than one time. She smiled at him, to which he didn't return but it gave her a chance to look at his face. "You're piercings are gone."

"Oh yeah. " He self consciously rubbed his hand over his face and shrugged. "I took them out to clean them and I forgot to put them back in. It's no big deal."

"No, it's not." She agreed, stepping up to him and on her tippy toes and examining the small puncture wounds they left behind. Fingering them gently, he winced at the contact and she ran a hand down his cheek. Locking eyes with him, she kissed him softly on the lips and allowed the soles of her feet to rest on the ground. "Not that'll matter but I think you look better without them."

"You assume you don't matter as much as you do." He told her and she smirked in response. "Don't put too much into that."

"I won't." she promised giving him a knowing smile. He turned back to the outside world, his back once again facing her. His tattoo caught her eye and curiosity got the better of her. "So question. What does the Chinese writing on your neck mean?"

"Um," he turned around rubbing the back of his neck, sometimes forgetting he had it on there to begin with. "Struggle. It means struggle."

"So you want go grab some breakfast somewhere?" she asked, choosing not to dwell on the several meanings his tattoo could hold. It was just another thing to add onto the list of things she would probably never know about Nathan Scott. "Not doubting the quality of your food or anything but…"

"Yeah, sure you're not." He chuckled and gently pushed her inside the much warmer apartment, shutting the door behind them. "Not to put a damper in your plans or anything, but I'm sorta broke."

"Don't worry about that, I've got you covered." She winked. He went to protest, not wanting any handouts but she threw her hand up to stop him. "Just trust me. I've got this."

"Okay." He shrugged and they both glanced up to the banging on the door.

"Booty call?" she guessed a mischievous glint in her eyes. He gave her a weary look and she threw both of her hands up. "Dude you live here." She laughed pushing him towards the door. "Go answer it."

"Jesus, hang on a second!" He yelled, the incessant banging on the door so early in the morning grating some of his last nerves. He flung open the door and stood there dumbfounded at the person in front of him. "What the hell…"

"Where's Haley?" Rachel asked, storming past Nathan into his apartment before he could even get his sentence out. She noticed Haley almost instantly, her arms crossed defiantly over her chest, on of her feet sticking slightly out, tapping it patiently. "What the hell are you doing?"

"No, what the hell are you doing?" Haley snapped, stomping up to Rachel and pushing her chest slightly. "I thought we went over this yesterday. This," the motioned between herself and Nathan, "is none of your business."

"Where is you're phone?" Rachel sighed, rolling her eyes. Haley just glared at her. "Sometime today Hales!"

"It's off so take a stupid hint!"

"You know, it was real fun trying to cover up for you to Brooke and Jake. Oh yeah, don't forget lying to my boyfriend, you're other best friend!" Rachel snorted mirroring Haley by crossing her arms over her chest. "He went to you're house you know. He nearly flipped his shit when you weren't there."

Haley's mouth hung open in shock. "What did you tell Lucas?"

"The truth." Rachel answered simply. "You were out whoring around." She gave Nathan a pointed look to which he rolled his eyes as Haley slapped the back of Rachel's head. "Dude! I told him to stop being such a dad and lay off. You're a big girl, you can handle yourself. And then I did a very excellent job of distracting him."

"Okay look." Haley run her hands threw her hair in frustration. "Just go and…distract…him some more. I'll think of something to tell him."

"What about me? Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing." Nathan and Haley both answered at the same time, surprising both. Haley continued. "Nothing is going on. So can you please just go? Look, I'm alive, I'm breathing. Go, please."

"Fine." Rachel relented pulling Haley into a hug. "But next time can you call and check in when you're going to be whoring around?"

"Rachel!"

"Whatever trick." Rachel smiled, stepping away and walking towards the door, patting Nathan's cheek on the way. "Practice safe sex kiddies!"

"She's such a handful." Haley moaned, collapsing onto the couch once Rachel was out of the apartment. Nathan laughed slightly taking a seat beside her pulling her legs on top of his lap. "She's a very inept person. I'm really sorry about that. That must have been somewhat weird."

"Hey, as long as she's not your mom or father wielding a shot gun, we're okay." Nathan grinned as he began to gingerly massage her calves. He stopped after a few moments and maneuvered to where he was on top of her, their faces inches apart. "So, before we got interrupted I was being promised food."

"Oh that's right." She teased as her hands roamed his bare back. "I guess feeding you is the least I could do. Although you know what they say about feeding stray animals."

"What's that?" he whispered, nibbling on her ear.

"They always come back for more."

X-x-X

Nathan followed Haley as she quickly walked up the stairs and forced her key into the lock. He stood close to her back trying to keep her warm and have jiggling the lock a bit the door opened and they both spilled into the small café. Haley shrugged off her coat and took Nathan's from him, hanging them up on the stand. She flicked the lights on, making her way into the kitchen as Nathan stayed behind taking in his new surroundings. He had never stepped foot in this café yet it seemed really open and really inviting.

"Hey stranger." She yelled from the pass through from the kitchen. She giggled as she slipped on whatever she was standing on to make her taller but caught herself nonetheless. "You wanna help me cook?"

"I think it's obvious by now I'm not much of a cook." He answered as he walked through the swinging door. "But I'll do whatever you need me to do."

"Whatever I need you to do?" she challenged quirking up her eyebrow. "Wow, that's mighty generous of you Mr. Scott."

"I do what I can." He sat down on the bar stool as he watched her move around the kitchen effortlessly. She turned on some music and her hips began swaying to the beat floating through the air. "Are you trying to make me take you right here in this kitchen?"

"Take me?" she laughed out loud, kicking the fridge door shut with her foot. "I don't think my mother would approve."

"This is you're mother's place?"

"Yeah and Karen's." Haley cracked some eggs into a bowl, whipping them together. "My mom does the catering and Karen runs the café. I work here at a waitress when I'm not with the kids. Sometimes they come here and do their homework so I can work."

They settled into silence after that and he watched her work. She twirled her hair on top of her head with a pencil and tossed an apron over her shoulders. She never stopped dancing, never stopped humming the entire time she cooked. The one thing that struck him the most was that by the time she was done, she looked a mess; her hair hanging down in tendrils around her face, flour covering her hair and her face along with the rest of her body, and grease spatter on her apron and yet, she still managed to captivate his attention.

"Now, this is happiness on a plate." She proclaimed as she set the finished product in front of him at the bar. She took off her apron as she sat down beside him, laying it haphazardly on the counter. "I promise you, you'll never forget this meal."

"I don't doubt you." He dug into his food and she waited for his response before she delved into her own. "Mmm…"

"Yummy right?" she giggled as he leaned over and kissed her neck.

"You're yummy." He corrected with a smirk. "But this will have to do since its so damn good."

"I told ya." She boasted, digging into her food and placing some in her mouth. "Oh my god, this is amazing." She spoke, her mouth still full of food. "Sorry. I have a tendency to be a very messy eater."

"Noted." He laughed as she grabbed a handful of napkins to wipe off her mouth. Yes, she we quite endearing. "Thank you." He said sincerely, giving her one of his real and rare smiles.

"You're quite welcome."

It wasn't that she didn't love everything about what spending time with him entailed, it was just concerning to her how he would act around her tomorrow at school. That was, if he in face acknowledged her presence at all. They didn't have a definitive label on what they were and she oddly enough seemed okay with that. She wouldn't consider them necessarily friends but she couldn't call them together either. She was having fun and living her life. Looking over at him though, she couldn't help but feel like maybe it wouldn't be so bad if their little…thing…be kept a secret."

"So about that party last night." She started as he set his fork down and wiped his mouth. "You're okay that we didn't go right?"

"I thought's that's what we agreed on." His brow kinked together in confusion as he turned his body to face her better. "Right?"

"No, yeah we did." Her head bobbed up and down as she fiddled with her hands in her lap. "It's just, I want you to know that I'm, cool, with what's going on right now with us. I'm not expecting everything out of you or anything at all. But just because I'm cool with it doesn't mean that everyone else is going to be."

"You mean, you're friends wouldn't approve."

She flinched at his harsh tone. "They wouldn't understand."

"Because you're such the goody two shoes?" he nearly spat sliding the bar stool back and standing up.

"Funny," she begin standing up and throwing her napkin down on the counter. Her tiny stature didn't quite measure up to his tall frame but that didn't stop her from getting as close as she could get. "I don't think that's what you thought when I was rolling around in you bed sheets."

He was fuming and he wasn't even sure why. There was just something about this girl that made everything go haywire in his head. He was usually good at keeping his cool, never letting anyone under his skin. He was coming to realize very quickly though that Haley was unique, a very rare person. He took a minute and collected his thoughts before blowing out his breath. Maybe she did have a point.

"Fine. Whatever." He threw his hands up in surrender. "If that's what you want."

"Well what do you want?" she prodded, taking a step back. "Or wait. Let me rephrase that. What aren't you opposed to?"

"So if I get the urge to come up in kiss you in the middle of the hallway I can't?"

"You wouldn't." she called him out on his bluff. "But if we suddenly entered the land of Bizarro, then chances are I'd probably kiss you back and tell my friends to shut their pie holes. Because it really is none of their business. Right now though, since everything is so much in the air, I'd rather just leave it between the two of us."

"Don't you mean the three of us?" he pointed out and she groaned, putting her face in her hands. He laughed, pulling her hands down. "Hey, hey, alright. I'll cave. It's okay really. You're right. This is somewhat of a sticky situation. So until we know for sure we'll just play it by ear."

"Hmm, I guy admitting I'm right." She flirted, slipping her arms around his waist. "I could get used to that."

"You could, but the chances of it happening again are slim to none." He smirked down at her before brushing his lips across hers. "We should probably get going don't you think?"

"Uh, you go." She stepped out of his embrace grabbing the plates off the counter. "I'm going to clean up here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yup." She beamed, walking into the kitchen. She leaned through the pass through giving him a wink, still smiling. He was cute when he was trying to be concerned. "I'm positive. Now go!"

Haley watched him leave through the front door before she slid herself down the wall. She didn't want to appear to him that she still felt shaky about the whole thing. The fact of the matter was, doubt was beginning to creep in her mind and she wasn't sure this was such a good idea anymore. Because no matter what she tried, she couldn't stop her feelings and she felt herself falling deeper and deeper into Nathan Scott.

She was literally crashing.

Into what?

She wasn't sure.

Running her fingers though her hair she sighed. "What are you doing to yourself Haley?"


	7. The Best of Deceptions

**A/N: I am continued to be blown away with the amount of reviews and feedback I'm getting from this story. I adore writing it and it's never really hard for me to find the right words to say or to write a chapter; just finding the time. But getting all the love from you guys really give me motivation in trying to find time to write. I have a lot in plan for this story yet and it's going to be along bumpy road. I don't really know if it is going to end up happy Naley or not, but I'm certainly rooting for it them. We'll just have to see where it takes me. This chapter has a bit of twist in the ending that I'm sure will shock you. And all I'm going to say is read it, absorb it, and pay really close attention. And you're going to have to, all the way from the title to the very end. So enjoy and leave me so mad love people. It makes me happy :)**

The Best Deceptions

It was absolutely effortless. Everything in his life, every collective moment of his very existence had been nothing short of a struggle. He remembered his mother harping on how hard it was for her to conceive; how tough it was to give birth; how rough it was to break him out of his childhood stutter. Growing up, they never had enough money, they always seemed one bill behind, never able to keep one foot in front of the other. He chose to rise above it all and for the most part had been successful. He would always struggle and he had accepted that much. He focused, pounding the orange rubber ball into the pavement before lifting his arms up and propelling it to the open basket.

_Whoosh_.

Effortless.

When he was a kid, the court was like a hidden treasure. For years, he hardly knew anyone that would want to play on such a dilapidated court. He saw the real value in it; the way the river ran right past it down to the way the ball sounded against the chained hoops. He tried not to come there too often now though. In the last several years, the school 'jocks', has he liked to label them, decided it was a pretty cool place to hang out and practice basketball when they weren't in school.

Basketball was the one thing he knew he couldn't fail at. He knew he was smart, but school was never really something he was interested in. His whole life he had managed to scurry right along the thin line between passing and failing and that wasn't about to change anytime soon. His tutoring was an enigma even to himself because he didn't even want it. He kept trying to tell himself that there was nothing special about her; that she wasn't worth sitting through three hours of calculus that he wouldn't study for and would barely pass. Only he never really could keep himself away.

Their previous rendezvous were nothing short of simply amazing and he wasn't sure if that made him happy or made him anxious. Deep down, he realized his soul was in no condition to endure a relationship, any kind of solid one at that, with her. He doubted he ever would be. It was just one more thing in his life he refused to do and even with someone like her, he wasn't about to get sucked into that wormhole. What he really wanted was for her to bug off, for him to disappear and for the whole thing to be over with. But he was selfish, he always had been and that was what was keeping him around for the present haul.

The future was quite uncertain, not just in what was to come from it all, but just from day to day. The whole thing was up in the air and at the present point, wasn't going to get resolved any time soon. He both enjoyed and loathed the uncertainty of it. There was destined to be some kind of excitement, some sort of surprise, possibly disappointment, and what he feared the most was leading her on knowing he was never going to be the guy she needed or wanted him to be.

That fate had long been shifted.

He scooped up his ball with one hand and turned in the direction of his car. He wished then that he had never come, suddenly being forced into an awkward position. Pulling up beside his somewhat old and definitely beaten car was three nice and shiny SUVS, filled to the brim with the schools biggest jocks and cheerleaders. They all came tumbling out, laughing and joking around, most of them not even taking notice to the resident bad boy standing in the middle of 'their' court. Funny thing was, he never really considered seeing her.

Not with them.

She hadn't detected him at first but once she had, the hand she had just taken was quickly dropped like she had been burned. Only it was him so seemed to be the one feeling the heat as his gaze hardened and his jaw clenched. For a moment, their eyes locked and she tried desperately to get his icy stare to melt as she pleaded with her own eyes. Reluctantly, she took her beau's hand again, biting on her lip slightly. She sighed, knowing that he didn't have any right to be mad, but he was, and there really was no getting away from that.

"Hot Shot." Rachel greeted, hopping up on the picnic table beside Brooke. "I didn't know that you came here."

"I don't." he shot back pushing past the basketball players onto the grass. "I was just leaving."

"Or you could stay and play with us."

"Lucas!" Haley scolded giving him a pointed look. He simply shrugged before turning his attention back to Nathan. She loved her best friend but he could be a bit of a moron most days. "He said he was leaving so let him leave."

"Don't fight his battles Hales." Damien, her supposed date, spoke throwing his arm over Haley's shoulders and pulling her close. "I'm sure he's a big boy."

Nathan narrowed his eyes in their direction and placed a smirk on his face. "Would you care to make a wager?"

"A wager?" Damien and Lucas answered at the same time. Damien was the one who continued. "Sure, why not? What do you have in mind?"

"Her." He replied quickly, nodding in Haley's direction. "She looks like she might be kind of fun."

"What?" Haley asked just about the time she heard her non boyfriend respond with a yes. "Damien!" she shoved his chest and stepped away from him. "What the hell?"

"He won't win."

"I don't care." Haley retorted walking away from them and taking a seat on the bench. "Assholes." She muttered crossing her arms over her chest.

The whole thing was a fluke. Her best friend's boyfriends decided to play a game of basketball since it was cool outside and she ended up being dragged along to play cheerleader for the afternoon. She had reluctantly been paired off with Damien. She never thought of him in a bad way; he was always a bit over cocky about things he wasn't necessarily good with but she could tolerate him. And ever since she realized that she didn't know what she was doing that morning, she was somewhat desperate for anything, or anyone, to take her mind off of Nathan.

"Dude? You in or what?" Lucas finally asked motioning towards the ball in his hand. Nathan nodded, throwing off his shirt before stepping onto the court. "Let's do this then."

"Well this should definitely be interesting." Rachel noted, quirking up her eyebrow as Nathan stepped up to the center of the court facing off with Damien. "Go Lucas!"

Haley didn't think she breathed the entire duration of the game. She already knew that Nathan was talented, even if he didn't want to show it, it was quite undeniable. The boys seemed somewhat in a shock and slight panic once they realized how graceful and gifted he was with the ball. But Damien seemed to keep up with him, shot for shot, and she wondered if Nathan had ever fought for something so hard in his life. She automatically grabbed Rachel's hand in anticipation as Nathan acquired the ball and lifted his arms up for the game point. To her surprise he smirked in her direction and set the ball down on the ground.

"I think I'll have to pass." He squared his shoulders, shrugging them slightly before backing away from the dumbfounded jocks. "I'm sure what the two of you have is real special. I mean you just wagered her over to someone you don't even know. How noble of you."

"Or maybe I knew you would choke." Damien taunted, stepping up to Nathan. Nathan jerked the ball out of his hands and shot it effortlessly into the goal, his eyes never leaving Damien's.

"Or maybe I don't give a shit." His eyes shot over to Haley once more before he stalked to his car. He snatched up his sweatshirt and threw it over his torso, allowing the hood to cover his head. Instinctively, she hopped off the table to go after him.

"Haley!" Damien latched onto her arm to which she quickly jerked away. "What are you doing?"

Glaring at him briefly, she jogged over to Nathan's car, standing in front of the door. "What was that?"

"What was what?" he mocked, annoyance clearly masking his features.

"The stupid bet Nathan!" she seethed, pointing towards the court and struggling to keep her voice and attitude down. "You have no right!"

"Oh but he does?" he questioned, his brow kinking slightly, daring her to object. "Besides, I don't need to win you in a stupid bet. It's fairly obvious I can have you whenever I want."

She looked away temporarily before slapping him promptly. He didn't even wince. It wasn't the first time, and it was a multiply in the many times he had been slapped before. It wouldn't be the last. He tended to be an asshole and that's the way he liked to keep it. He put up a wall around himself and if being a jerk was the only way to keep that in tact, well then so be it. It didn't really matter to him in the long run if he hurt anybody. That was a part of life. It wouldn't be life if there wasn't some degree of pain. Otherwise, it just an existence that doesn't matter.

"That's over with." She said sadly, quietly as she shoved at his chest and walked slowly back to her friends. She could feel his eyes on her back and ignored the slight pain in her heart as she heard him slam his door and peel out of the grass.

He was doing it on purpose, she knew that. It hurt and it sucked but it oddly made her feel relieved. She couldn't trust him; she definitely couldn't trust herself around him as all inhibitions flew out the window whenever he was around. She kept trying to talk herself into thinking it was for the best, that it was a destined train wreck from the beginning and that this was just kismet working out the kinks to put everything back in order. She wasn't a very good liar though, not even to herself.

X-x-X

Gulp.

It didn't have to be an orange ball for him to effortless chuck something into a round opening. The beer bottle shattered upon impact, he assumed, from the eleven other bottles in there. Not including the empty handle of rum and pint of whiskey sitting underneath the beer debris. He was foolishly trying to drink away and forget the mess that was the previous week of his life and was failing miserably. All the drinking he had done, his thoughts were still sobering and he didn't even feel buzzed in the slightest.

He couldn't even muster up the will to go and answer the door once he heard someone knock. It was probably a neighbor complaining about his blaring hip hop or he even entertained the thought that it was Haley, a notion that he wasn't sure he would be happy about. He continued to stare at the door as the knocking got more incessant, and he realized that perhaps he was a bit inebriated when he found himself trying to be a Jedi and will the annoying person away. When he heard her voice calling his name he pulled himself up and dragged his feet to the door.

"No." he muttered when he opened the door to see her standing there. "Nikki, go!"

"I can't." she protested, anger laced throughout her voice. She walked past Nathan and set the baby in her arms down on the couch. She sighed, rubbing the infants head and turned back to Nathan. "Where the hell have you been the past week?"

"I've been around. I've been busy. I told you, what we have is nothing set in stone and it's never going to be. So stop acting like what we have is some epic romance that's going to end up like a fairytale. It's never going to happen that way."

"Please." She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Like I would want that from you. Look whatever skank, and/or skanks you shacked up with this week is none of my concern."

"She's not a skank."

She laughed. "Oh wow. Nathan Scott is growing a heart? Defending the poor innocent girl he devirginized. That's classic. That's sweet really. It makes me want to gag. Doesn't really matter though now right? She's long gone? History? Another notch in the bedpost eh?" Nathan didn't answer immediately and she smirked. "Like I thought. So moving right along…"

"Get to the point Nikki. What the fuck do you want?"

"Hey language!" She scolded pointing at the child looking up at the two of them. "I need you're help."

"Look, I've told you before, I can't help you. Not that way." His stance almost seemed menacing, his tall frame rigid with his arms crossed over his chest. "I thought we agreed on that when you came back."

"No you decided and I didn't really have a choice." She corrected, taking a seat on the back of the couch. "Nathan come on! He needs a man in his life."

"Don't you have like twelve a week? Not including your clients?" he retorted and she shoved him forcefully. "Nikki, I'm not doing this with you. I am only seventeen years old and this is not something I want to take responsibility for."

"I need a break." She exasperated, running a hand through her long locks. "Just a week, or two. I need some time away. He had the flu last week and colic for three weeks before that. I can't handle it right now. It's too much Nathan."

"Well maybe you should of thought of that before you had the kid!" Nathan shouted pointing to the baby. "God Nikki! If you weren't so conniving, and such a bitch to try and trap someone then maybe you really wouldn't be in this situation. Maybe neither of us would have to be bothered with it."

"He's you're family!" she shot right back and groaned once the little boy began to wail. "God Nathan! Do you have to be such an asshole all the time?"

"I dunno Nikki, do you have to be such a whore?"

"Stop being such a miserable bastard!" she screamed, slapping him across the face. He didn't wince this time either. She let out a bitter cackle. "You really are something. You know, this year for Christmas, I think I'll give you the father of the year award."

"Don't call me that." He warned, grabbing the top of her arm harshly. "You're not cute when you say stupid shit like that."

"You can deny it all you want Nathan, but it doesn't make the reality any less true. He's your responsibility as much as he is mine. You're the only father he knows. For the past eight months I've been dealing with this and now I need a little reprieve." She picked up the baby and placed him in Nathan's arms. "So he's you're now for a little while."

"What am I supposed to do about school and work?" he questioned, looking hesitantly down at the child he held awkwardly in his arms. "I don't know how to take care of a baby Nikki."

For some reason unknown to him, the only thing he could think about at that particular moment was what Haley would say if and when she found out. He wasn't sure that even with the spectacle he had put on today she would stay away and it was only a matter of time before she showed up on his doorstep again. And if he had a baby with him, then it would just only make matters worse. Of course he was well aware that it was really none of her business one way or another but the worry was still there in regards to her reaction.

"You're going to be fine." She took out a piece of paper from her back jeans pocket and slipped it in between Nathan's fingers. "I'm going to Savannah. I'll be at my parent's house. Their numbers are all on there. I'm not going to be gone long, I promise. I'll be back before you know it."

He observed her walk outside the door and bend down to pick up a few bags from the porch he hadn't noticed before. "No longer than two weeks Nikki. I mean it."

"No longer." She parroted, nodding her head. She set the bags down on the counter. "All his things are in there. His binky usually calms him the most. There's a list of feeding times, medications, and doctor numbers. But I used up most of my medical insurance last week when he had the flu so just caution that. And if you rub his back, he'll go to sleep a lot faster." She kissed the baby on the cheek and rubbed the back of his head. "Okay. I'm going to go. I love you little guy. Mommy will be back soon. Thank you Nathan." She walked to the door and glanced back before shutting it her, leaving his Nathan and the baby.

"So I guess it's just me and you huh kid?


	8. Wincing the Night Away

**A/N: So sorry it's taken so long to update. I've been moving the past two weeks and was without internet. Boo. Yeah. Plus I totally have this new story working itself out in my head and that's basically been consuming all my inspiration. AND, the amount of reviews dropped off slightly and that kinda bummed me out. But enjoy this chapter and the next one will be up...soon hopefully. Thanks!**

Wincing the Night Away

"Slut."

"Fat ass."

Haley rolled her eyes at the banter between her two best friends. Shoving yet another spoonful of ice cream in her mouth she let her body fall back on the pillows behind her. Currently, she was at a much needed girls only sleepover at Brooke's house. After the long week she had, it was a welcome reprieve. School was officially out for Christmas break and Nathan hadn't been around all week. It was somewhat bothering her, but she really trying not to be sad over the whole situation with him. It wasn't like they had technically broken up because they had never been together to begin with.

He just wasn't apart of her life anymore.

Even if the destination wasn't what she had hoped for, the journey was incredible.

She wasn't really sure what she wanted the destination to be exactly. She liked being around him. He was challenging and anything but boring. There were so many walls though and even if she had been given a lifetime, she would have never been able to tear them down. It was for the best even if it didn't feel like it at the moment. She was preparing for college and getting involved with someone who was doubtful to go outside the confines of their small town wasn't a good idea.

"Tutor slut!" Rachel called out, hitting her with a pillow. Haley smacked it away and glared at her. "What? You're the one spacing. Come on, we're insulting one another. Now tell Brooke she's fat."

"I am not fat!" Brooke protested hopping up on the end of the bed. "Tell her Haley!"

"She's not fat." Haley corrected and Brooke gave Rachel's a satisfied smirk. "She just thick."

"Haley!" Brooke screeched, shoving her playfully. "Whatever. You're the one with a bubble butt."

"I do not!"

"Do too."

"You kinda do Haley." Rachel agreed pushing Haley's butt up off the bed to get a better look. Haley quickly pushed her hand away. "Nobody said it was a bad thing. Guy's totally dig that."

"Speaking of guys, I think you're a good match with Damien." Brooke stole Haley's spoon, shoveling some ice cream in her own mouth. "He can be a bit of an ass but oh so yummy."

"I think she'd be a good match with Nathan." Rachel threw in, winking in Haley's direction.

"Yes!" Brooke hit Haley's shoulder in excitement and Haley winced in pain. "What was the deal with that anyway? You were totally giving off a vibe."

"Vibe?" Haley parroted her brow furrowing. "There was no vibe. There was no vibes being given off. There's nothing to vibe on." She realized she was rambling and shut her mouth to think. "I was asking him what he was thinking trying to win me in a bet. I mean really, what the hell?"

"Please Haley. It's not like he's not the guy you shacked up with." Brooke suggested as Haley's eyes grew wide.

"You told her!" Haley smacked the back of Rachel's head to which she immediately smacked Haley back in the same spot. "Oww."

"I didn't tell her, but you just did." Rachel rubbed the back of her head with a look of amusement on her face.

"Oh. My. God." Brooke reached over and wacked the back of Haley's head. "Why didn't _you _tell me? You hook up with Nathan Scott and can't tell me? And further more what the hell were you thinking?"

"That I wanted to avoid this right here." Haley yelled motioning in between the two of them. She sighed, calming down a bit. "And, and! You just said I would be a good match for him!"

"That was before I knew you were whoring around with him!" Brooke screeched, slamming the bowl of ice cream down on the beside table. "Seriously? Can you just tell me why? Because this is insane."

"Okay cookie, I love you really but you're such a hopeless romantic."

"I am not."

"Yes you are." Rachel nodded settling into enjoying the showdown that was about to take place. "Out of the three of us, you always have been."

"And Rachel's always been the slut and I've always been the cynic." Haley retorted shaking her head. "Now that we have that cleared up, can we move right along? Look Brooke, you have this amazing thing with Jake and that works for you. You've been together since birth and you have that picturesque fairytale ending in your future with him. That's great, really. I knew that if I told you what was going on that it would get blown way out of proportion and be made into a bigger deal than it is. It was over with as soon as it started so it doesn't even matter anymore."

"I just want what's best for you Haley." Brooke responded softly. "I mean I don't know Nathan that well but he seems bad news. He skips school all the time and he even got arrested over the summer for vandalism. That's not like you at all."

"And that's probably why she's with him." Rachel informed Brooke and Haley sent her a grateful smile. "Give her a break Brooke. She needs to live a little bit. I mean you have Jake and I have Lucas, somewhat now, and she has to have someone too."

"Speaking of which, how goes the Lucas situation?" Haley grinned, thankful to turn the attention away from her. "Still doing that non exclusive thing?"

"Sometimes I claim him as my boyfriend. But yes, for the most part we're just goofing around." Rachel blushed, slightly uncomfortable with the attention being turned on her. Both of her friends gave her blank looks. "Well I don't want to be betrothed like Brooke and I don't want to be whoring around anymore like you Haley. This works for me."

"Hey! I'm not whoring around!" Haley exclaimed and both of her friends gave her a pointed look. "Okay, so I'm not doing it anymore. Jeez!"

"Tutor slut."

"Fat ass."

"Bitch."

X-x-X

Nathan ran a hand over his tired face and let it rest on his chin once more. He had never given much credit to Nikki before, but as he sat with his back up against the bedroom door, his knees propped up, he was beginning to appreciate her a lot more by the second. He banged the back of his head against the wood and groaned. The infant in the next room had been screaming non stop for the past several hours and it was now well into the wee hours of the morning. In fact, it was only a continuation from the past several days and he was now at his wits end.

Pushing himself off the floor, he tiredly stumbled into the kitchen and searched around in the dark for his cell phone. Upon finding it, he flipped it open and scrolled down; pausing once he reached her name. It was late, really late, and he had avoided her since that night at the rivercourt. In fact, he had avoided everyone going as far as skipping school and work all together. Clenching his eyes shut after hearing yet another piercing scream he clicked the send button without hesitation and waited in bated breath for an answer.

"Hell-" he winced hearing a small crashing sound in the background. Before long though he heard her tired and ragged voice filter through the phone line. "Hello?"

"Haley." He simply answered, hoping that his voice would wake her up enough. When he didn't get an answer right away he slightly panicked. "Haley? Are you there?"

"Yeah, no I'm here. Nathan?" she asked, looking to her side to make sure her friends were still sleeping. Affirming that they were, she slipped out of the bed and padded into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her quietly. She pulled her phone away from her and squinted at the time rubbing her swollen eyes awake. "It's late, um early. What are you doing?"

"I need you're help."

"My help?" she repeated, suddenly wondering what could possibly be bad enough for him to want her help. "What's going on?"

"Can you come over here?" he pleaded and she could hear the desperation in his voice. He felt her about to protest but cut her off before she got a chance. "Haley please. I wouldn't call unless I really need you and you know that. Just come over here, please."

X-x-X

Her knock fell on dead air as he swung open the door the moment she had stepped in front of it. She noted he looked about as rough as she felt, his hair in a complete disarray on his head. He was shirtless, as per the usual with him but once again, the chilly night air did not seem to faze him in the slightest. He on the other hand, took notice right away with how tired and irritated she looked all at the same time. Clearly she was ticked but it somewhat warmed and disturbed him that even with multiple violent thoughts running through her head she was still standing on his doorstep.

"You're wearing pajamas." Was the first thing out of his mouth. Dressed in polka dot pajamas with thick, unlaced snow boats, and an oversized fur coat, a messy bun on top of her head and green bunny slipper feet, she looked an absolute mess. Even with his current desperate state he couldn't hold back the chuckle in his throat. She looked at him curiously, her eyes narrowing in annoyance.

"Well sorry I didn't have time to throw on my ball gown!" she snapped, pulling her jacket tighter around her body. "It's nearly three in the morning and you may not be getting blue balls being half naked in the snow but I sure as hell am! Are you going to let me in or what?!"

Being harsh was not something she was usually but the whole thing with Nathan seemed to go from good to bad to worse in an instant. Something was up, something she was sure she wasn't going to necessarily like. But she was here, against her probable better judgment and he obviously needed something big or he wouldn't have called her. She sighed, stepping past him and threw her coat over the back of the bar stool. Just when she was about to ask what the big emergency was, her head snapped to his bed room where crying was now ringing throughout the apartment.

"Is that," she whipped her head to face him, pointing to the bedroom door. "No, please tell me that it's some freshman who's heart you broke and now she won't leave." He looked away guilty and her eyes widened slightly. "God Nathan. Is it? Is that a _baby_?

Not wanting to answer and dodging as any questions as possibly, Nathan bolted into the bedroom. Rubbing his hand over the top of the infants head, he gently picked him up, playing him on his hip. The little boy hiccupped once, placing his fist in his mouth looking up at Nathan with wide eyes before he started wailing again. He didn't know how he was going to explain this to her but at this point, he would've said anything just to make the baby in his possession stop screaming. After days of trying to get a hold of Nikki to no avail, Haley was his last and only shot.

Haley had remained pacing around the living room, her finger in between her teeth, pinching herself every few seconds to wake herself up. Because this; it was just a nightmare. It was bad enough she had thrown herself at him; like a fool, lost her virginity to him; and secretly been pining for him all week but now he had a kid. She knew he had secrets; it was one of the things that had attracted her most to him. A box full of secrets waiting to be found. Him being a father, even with his reputation had not even entered into her brain.

She wasn't such a smart tutor girl anymore.

"Haley."

She paused her pacing to turn and look in his direction. "A baby. It's a baby." She nodded her head, trying to block out the ear piercing screams. She marched up to Nathan taking the infant out of his hands and cuddling him in her arms. "Shh. It's okay baby. Nathan, he's burning up."

"I know." He rubbed his hand over the baby's forehead. "I tried everything I could think of. He, Caleb, he hasn't stopped crying and his medicine ran out."

"We have to get him to a hospital." Haley placed the baby over her shoulder, beginning to massage soothing circles on his back.

"No, we can't. His insurance ran out."

"He's sick! Infants can die with such a high fever!" Haley reasoned, taking a seat on the sofa and placing a blanket over the baby. "I don't know what you want me to do."

"Haley please, just do something!" he pleaded, sitting down next to her and taking her free hand in his. "You're siblings are babies. What do you do when they get a fever?"

She quenched her eyes shut and blew out her breath. "Okay. Okay look. Run about this much of warm water in the bathtub." She instructed placing her thumb and forefinger a few inches apart. He nodded, rushing to get up but she latched onto forearm, stopping him. "Warm water Nathan. Don't make it too hot or too cold."

Watching him rush away, she placed Caleb down on the sofa, gently removing his onesie from his body. The poor child was burning up and clearly miserable as his crying died down slightly and was replaced with somewhat loud sniffling. He wiped at his swollen and red eyes tiredly looking up at Haley. He was absolutely adorable and she couldn't help but see the resemblance between the two. And it broke her heart. Kissing his belly, she picked him up and padded into the bathroom where Nathan was just finished up the bath water.

"Take his diaper off." She told Nathan, placing Caleb in his arms. She pushed up her sleeves, getting on her knees beside the bathtub in front of Nathan. Checking the water she took the baby back from Nathan, gently placing him in the tub. She put Nathan's hand underneath Caleb's head, supporting him as she took to ringing out the wash cloth over the baby's body. "The water vapor will help regulate his body temperature. Nathan, if this doesn't work we're taking them to the hospital."

"Fine." Nathan reluctantly agreed. "He's looking like he's feeling better though."

"He does." She traced the baby's face with her fingers, soothing him as his fever broke. "He looks like he's about to fall asleep too. We should probably get him out and into the bed. The poor thing is exhausted."

"Yeah, he's not the only one." Nathan slid against the wall running his hand over his worn face. "I haven't slept in days."

Haley cleared her throat, picking Caleb up and wrapping a towel around his body that Nathan held out for. She really didn't want to talk to him because she knew her curiosity would get the better of her. Knowing her she would end up asking all the questions plaguing her mind. She wanted to know where he came from, where he had been all this time, and most importantly where his mother was; who is mother was. She supposed she would never know and she choose to accept that fact as she walked into the bedroom to dress Caleb.

When Nathan came in several minutes later, Haley was lying down on his bed with Caleb directly beside her. Nathan crawled into the other side of the baby, placing his hand on the child's stomach next to Haley's. Her eyes fluttered open and she gave him a yawn and a small smile. He thought for a moment before taking her fingers in between his. Surprisingly, whether it was because she wanted it or because she was just too exhausted to care she allowed him too.

"He's beautiful." She whispered softly glancing at Caleb's dark lock of hair. "He looks just like you."

He wanted to protest so somehow soothe the worry lines on her forehead but he stopped himself. This night couldn't go any further than it had. Calling her had been a last resort, one he regretted and was thankful for at the same time. He knew she would come through and of course she had. But he was beginning to think Nikki wasn't going to come back, at least anytime soon. Dragging Haley into his life was something he had wanted to avoid before Caleb had somehow ended up in his life but now it was definitely out of the question. It just wasn't fair to her.

"I think I'm going to go. I would've left earlier but he wouldn't let me go. I was just making sure he was okay and asleep." She got up and he covered the baby with a blanket and followed her to the living room.

"Thank you." He said sincerely as she placed her coat on her small frame. "You didn't have to do this but I'm glad you came."

"You're welcome." She said simply turning to leave. Just as she was about to go through the open door but instead she spun around to face him. "He's yours. I get that you want to keep your life a secret, I do, but a baby?"

"Haley don't do this." He pleaded, running a hand through his hair. "Just don't okay?"

"Right." She nodded, her jaw clenching. "Right. Because it's okay for you to nip pick about my life but it's not okay for me to know anything about yours. What? You have any more offspring running around?"

"He's not mine!" Nathan exploded catching Haley off guard. "He's family, yes. But he's not mine and I'm not going to explain it any further to you. Either accept that or not. Thank you for coming, I really do appreciate it. If you want to go then go, I won't stop you. But it's late and if you can just accept the situation for what it then just get in the bed and let's go to sleep. It's been a long night. Just think about it."

Shutting the door she gave him a small shrug. "Okay."


	9. Your Heart Is An Empty Room

**A/N:Thanks for all the amazing reviews. Quickly I want to advertise my new story Things We Lost In The Fire. I'm uber excited about it so go and check it out. And I have two more stories that just popped into my head. One I'm pretty sure will be a one shot Baley friendship ficlet and the other is a Brooke/Baley centric short story. So be on the look out for those. So enjoy and leave me lots and lots of love! **

Your Heart Is An Empty Room

He was careful not to wake her. The entire night had been spent watching her sleep, something he wasn't quite certain as to why he did it. She had been very protective of the infant, her hand placed over his back the entire night. Having stayed, she made sure she didn't speak him; instead making sure her attention was completely devoted to the sickly baby. The appreciation he felt for that in itself was enough to almost make him do anything for her. Almost. But once more he talked himself into thinking that she deserved better which she most certainly did and he didn't. It wasn't much convincing on his part because he knew it to be the truth.

Nathan sighed, slipping a hoodie over his shoulders and tossing on some shoes. He scribbled down a brief note and left it on the makeshift beside table beside her head. Brushing some rogue stands out of her face he softly kissed her forehead and then Caleb's before grabbing his keys and heading out the door. Jogging down the stairs he paused once he reached the landing shaking his head of all the thoughts clouding his mind. His entire world had been thrown into a tailspin and at the very center of it all was Haley. He wasn't selfish enough to think that she shouldn't be apart of it.

He opted to walk, hoping to ease his anger at Nikki. It hadn't always been games and drama with her but certain circumstances had morphed her into a completely different person. She was edgy, more independent and Nathan respected, understood, and disapproved at the same time. Of course he was wild in most of his ways and that's the life he chose to lead. But he didn't have another live attached to his to think about all the time as Nikki did with Caleb. The last week had been overwhelming; he couldn't imagine having to do that for the past eight months every single day.

When he first started his tryst with her, it had been fun and harmless. At least, that's what he told himself. Her history was called into question several times, and even he had to look at his own morals and ethics when it came right down to it. In the end though, passion can before principle. As much as it shamed him to admit it, shamed him to live it, he faltered to lust every time the opportunity presented itself. After a while it just was a passing thing that happened every once and a while, whenever one was feeling lonely. But for it to come to something like this, was something that was beyond his grasp of reason.

Upon reaching her apartment he jiggled the handle, finding it locked. He banged on the door for several minutes hoping that at least her roommate would be there. Peering into the windows he found no evidence of anyone being there at all. It pissed him off, not only at Nikki but at himself at well. He had naively believed that she had been doing what was best and he was just trying to lend a hand to what he would claim to be an old friend. Slamming his fist against the door he fished in his pockets for something, anything, to help him pick the lock on the front door.

"Score."

X-x-X

"Hiya."

Haley smiled, rubbing her hand over Caleb's head, as he played with the features on her face. Once again she was brought to the sobering reality that she was in Nathan's apartment with a baby. One the remarkably looked liked him even when he claimed otherwise. She wasn't sure she should believe him, but at the same time he had never been anything but up front and truthful regardless of how painful it might have been to her. So she opted to go against her screaming instincts and pretend that the cerulean eyes and shock of raven hair didn't belong to him.

God, he even had the same crinkled forehead.

Glancing around the room and training her ears over the cooing baby she neither saw nor heard any signs of Nathan. Surprise was not something she felt at that realization. Caleb was sitting up, his curious arms moving around Haley's face, picking and touching the parts of her face. She humored him for a little while, fingering the same parts on his face as he was hers until he got restless and was in need for a diaper change and food. Throwing the covers back she picked him up and got out of the bed, finally noticing the note on the table.

_Please watch him._

_Be back in a bit._

_-Nathan_

Short and to the point; she couldn't fault him for that. There were lots of things she could in fact fault him for but it was obvious he was way over his head with Caleb being there. As much as she wanted to help, and try to save him she knew she shouldn't. Further more, she knew she couldn't. They were at two different places in their lives and it was something that would probably always be there. The sagacious part of her mind was well aware of the fact but the hopeless part of her heart had yet to get that memo.

It was a little after six in the morning and she grimaced knowing that the lack of sleep would surely catch up with her later. She hoped Brooke and Rachel didn't have a coronary once they realized that she was MIA, but she had left them a note explained nothing but that she had to go and she would call them later. She wasn't sure if she was going to follow through on that, not wanting to recount the evening events but it was the thought that counted in the end.

Now, she just had to wait for Nathan to get back.

X-x-X

Sitting on the bed, staring aimlessly at the walls, he waited for someone to come home. It was apparent that someone still lived her with the dirty dished piled high in the sink and the food sitting unspoiled in the fridge. He assumed it was Nikki's roommate, and assumed she was still out from a long night of partying. He knew he was probably right since he was usually who she partied with. And when he heard the door slam and watched as she stumbled in, her heels in one hand, he was waiting for her with his chin in his hands and his elbows on his knees.

"Jesus Nate." She slurred, falling back against the wall slightly from her inebriated state. Her hair was mated off to one side, a side effect of her passing out on some sticky surface, more like the floor. Her dress strap was ripped on one shoulder and if she moved the right way she was sure to flash anyone who was looking. "How the fuck did you get in here?"

"Please." He scoffed rolling his eyes and getting up. Steadying her, he led her to the bed and set her down. "How many houses did I break into so we could party?"

"What the hell do you want then?" she question, shrugging off her coat and resting her hands behind her. "I mean I must be damn privileged to get a visit from Nathan Scott."

"She's not coming back is she?"

"Who?" she remarked coyly, quirking up an eyebrow.

"I'm not playing games with you Shelly." Nathan snapped crossing his arms over his chest. "All of her shit is gone!" he motioned to the empty bedroom they were currently standing in. "Where the hell did she go?"

"I don't know!" Shelly exploded, standing up and stumbling from the sudden movement. "She just left! The only thing she left was a note saying that she had met some guy and she was going away. She left money for a few months rent and that was it."

"What guy?"

"I don't know." she ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. "It's probably that rich guy she's been seeing. Uh, Anders? Andrew? No. Andy!" her eyes lit up with realization. "He's some wealthy billionaire from Australia. She never brought him over here and whenever she was out with him I was always watching Caleb. I bet you he got the shock of his life when she showed up with her bags packed that included a diaper bag, with an infant accessory. "

"No, actually she dumped Caleb on me." Nathan informed Shelly, frowning when the blonde busted out in a fit of hysterics. "I don't find this amusing."

"You let her connive you into thinking what? She was going to visit her family? Take a little breather and come back all fresh and ready to be an insta-mom? Nikki knew she should've never had that baby. But no! She so had to have a part of _him_." She spat letting out a bitter cackle. "And low and behold, she ended up trapping you instead."

Nathan rubbed a hand over his face in order to get a grip on himself. "Damn Shelly, just tell me where she is."

"I don't know." She repeated once more. She got a mischievous look in her face, walking right up to Nathan, walking her fingers up his chest. "But, I could probably be persuaded into remembering something, given the right persuasion."

He brushed her hand away giving her an annoyed look. "Sometime today Shelly. I don't have time for this."

"You used to be a lot more fun before."

"And you used to be a clean teen. You see where you ended up." He eyed her up and down, making her even angrier.

"You let life beat the shit out of you." She idly fingered the tattoo on his wrist, tracing the cursive letters that branded him. "At least I'm not scarring up myself to ease the pain."

"No, the only scars you have are from your abortion." He responded and for an instant he saw sadness and regret flicker through her eyes. "How is Mouth anyway?"

"Charleston." She gritted out, shoving him out of her way and into the hallway. Nathan followed her into the kitchen as she poured herself a glass of water. She took two long gulps and turned back around to face him. "She's in Charleston about to elope with the wealthy bastard. Sunday I think she said. Maybe you could crash the impending nuptials with a gift for the bride. Her child."

"Thanks." Nathan spoke with no sincerity in his voice walking to the front door. "Send Mouth my regards."

"As much as a bastard that you may be," she called after him stopping him from going through the opened door. "What happened between he and I is none of your damn business. We were too damn young for that. And he's a lot better off now with that behind him and so am I. If you care in the slightest about Caleb you'll spend as much time with him as you can. Because the moment you place him back in his whore of mother's arms she'll just abandon him once more. This guy, this Andy; well she's smitten. This is her big break since the last one didn't work out so well you know. An insignificant thing like a baby isn't going to change that fact." He spun around to face her with uncertainty in his eyes. "Face it Nathan, you're the only family that kid has. And if you really want to get down to the nitty gritty of things, he's all you have too."

X-x-X

"Oooga booga booga!"

Nathan couldn't stop himself from chuckling even with his foul mood upon entering his apartment and watching Haley play peek-a-boo with Caleb. They were on the living room floor, a blanket spread out and Caleb was evidently having a ball playing with Haley. His hands reached up, playing with the tendrils surrounding her face and she giggled as he kicked his feet in a fit of joy. Her head snapped up once she heard the door shut but never let her laughter or smile falter once she saw him standing there watching the two of them. Pulling the infant up and placing him on her hip, she got up and walked around the couch to greet him.

"Hey. Is everything alright?" she questioned, bouncing the happy baby up and down to keep him pacified. Nathan took him out of her hands, running his hand over his head. "He's doing so much better now. Happy and healthy."

"That's good." Nathan nodded, sighing as he watched Haley continue to play the baby. "I'm sorry I just dumped him on like that this morning. I really had something to take care of."

"Okay." She gave a tight smile, hesitantly walking away and into the bedroom. She came back out with her unlaced snow boot on one foot and green bunny slipper on the other. Grimacing she pointed down to her mismatched shoes and looked up him giving him a sheepish grin. "You know, I believe I may have been a bit disoriented last night. Because I'm not the most fashion coordinated person but this, is well, it's kind of ridiculous."

"You're a lifesaver." He breathed tossing out one of his rare genuine smiles. "I'm going to go put him down for a nap. I'll be right back."

Plopping down on the sofa, she played with the hem of her shirt as she waited for him to return. Everything complicated about their so called friendship/relationship/thing, whatever you wanted to call it was becoming increasing more intricate to further it went along. When she first became involved she didn't think it was something that would make her life difficult, or so hard to do. But she found herself in such a short time falling deeper into something she now knew she wasn't prepared for at all.

"Okay, he's down for the count." Nathan said, taking a seat in the chair across from the couch. Haley gave him an un-amused looked choosing not to respond or acknowledge him. He sighed. "I know you want answers and I want to give you those but frankly it's just not something I want to discuss with you. It's something I just can't. It's a part of my past that I won't into."

"I'm going home." She said softly, biting her lower lip. "It's okay that you don't…" she paused, letting out her breath and shook her head. "No. no. Not really. It's not okay. This thing, whatever it is, it's too much. Or not enough. I'm not really clear on that part. But the point is, you have more secrets, more layers than I initially bargained for."

"I don't know what to say to that." He told her honestly and he watched as her eyes glanced around and then upwards revealing that her eyes had glassed over with tears that she refused to let fall. "I am what I am. You have to take me for face value. This is probably the best you're ever going to get out of me. And I say probably because I don't know. Even with the big cynic I am miracles do happen. Hell, shit happens. That's why I am the way I am. I can't apologize for that because I didn't ask for it to happen but it did. It sucks and its hell but you know, I deal with it the best I can. This is the best way I can."

"I'm not asking you to apologize for who you are. "she opened her mouth to speak but words temporarily failed her. "You should never, ever change who you are for someone else. I got my acceptance letter to Stanford. And to Brown. And to Northwestern. And to Duke. And to Tree Hill Community College. I want a life outside of this town, outside of my family. I don't want to be tutor girl, or mom to my brother's and sisters or plain old boring Haley James. I want to be something; somebody. I'm not going to be that with you am I?"

"No. You're not."

"I'll be you're friend." She barely choked out, hating the pitiful sound of her voice. "I can be your very best friend. If you let me. You can call, whenever you want. That's just who I am. And while this thing with you takes me places I've never been and makes me feel things I've never felt and makes me think things I would never even dream of thinking; in the long run, as far as my future goes it's not going to take me anywhere."

"Is this about me not telling you about Caleb?" he question, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"No." she let out a stifled laugh, slumping her shoulders in defeat. "This is about me never knowing why you got your eyebrow pierced. It's about me never knowing what the hell your tattoos mean. It's about me not knowing what your favorite band is or your favorite color. But that's who you are and that's okay with me. It's fine. But I'm going to go home now."

"Then why were you ever with me?" he asked as she gathered her things and walked to the door. She paused once she reached it, her fingers lightly grazing the doorknob. "If I'm someone you could never really be satisfied with?"

Opening the door she gave him a sad smile, her words flowing out of her honestly and simply. "You made me feel alive."


	10. Come Out Of The Shade

A/N: So I was a little disappointed by the reviews last chapter but I suppose you all are a little disappointed in the time I update. I know, I suck. I plan on getting back on track for this story because I love writing it and I have a long ways to go with it. As for my other stories, My Guardian Angel I hope to get that back soon too. I suffered a little writers block on that one but it's slowly coming back to me. A Game We Shouldn't Play...well, it's really dark and I'm not quite there all the time. That just may take me a really long time because I still very much want to write it, its just getting there thats the hard part. My other active story, Things We Lost In The Fire I was real excited about but I think with the lack of feedback I'm going to be pulling it. I can't waste creative energy on things nobody wants to read. There was a lot going on with that story too so I'm kinda disappointed. There's another story I want to start soon that revolves around a Haley/Brooke friendship with a Naley/Brucas back plot. It's not normal and it's actually something very personal for me. But that's still in the works. So anyway, let me know what you think about this chapter and...just trust me with what's going to happen. Enjoy!.

Come Out Of the Shade

As complicated as things were with Nathan in her life, things without him just seem so ordinary, so boring, and so dull. With her chin propped in the palm on hand, she idly colored along side her siblings in the kitchen. It had been two days since she had left him in his apartment to deal with his world and to return to her own. She suspected that it would probably be the last time and if wasn't then their encounters were sure to be few and far between. Part of her had to make sure of that to keep her own life in the balance, but mostly she had to keep her heart in check as well. As much as it pained to admit it, he had the power to literally tear her apart at the seams.

"Ha-_le__y._You have to color _inside_ the lines!" her five year old brother scolded, pointing out her brown and blue colored duck on the page in front of her. Haley lifted her head up in surprise and shrugged, before continuing to do what she had done before. "Look! Abby is doing better than you are!"

"See!" Abby grinned holding up her drawing of a pink elephant, proud of her accomplishment.

"That's good!" Haley nodded, sounding as enthusiastic as she could considering her not so great mood. "Hey guys, why don't we go watch some cartoons in your room?"

She sighed in relief when they jumped up and ran upstairs, happy for her suggestion. Any other time, she loved spending time with her siblings but everything seemed to be in a such a jumbled mess that even the smallest of things she couldn't find herself focusing on. Her dad, as per the usual was out of town on yet another business trip and her mother was three hours away catering for an office Christmas party. It left her to fend for the kids; to hell with her own life. The twins were down for the count and that was on the very top of the small list of things to be thankful for. Groaning, she got up and swiped all the crayons and papers into their toy bin, tidying up the kitchen table as she went. Being a surrogate mother to her siblings made her want nothing more to never be a mom.

It saddened her, feeling that way. She knew deep down that she wanted to be a mom; knew she would make a great mom, but already raising four were proving to be enough for her lifetime. It was one of the things that scared her most about Nathan. Regardless of whether or not Caleb was indeed his, he was obviously stuck with him. And as much as the hero complex in her was dying to be set free and save Nathan from himself and his harsh reality she mentally and emotionally simply couldn't do it. She feverously believed in what she had told him; a life outside of Tree Hill was what she desired the most and she was going to be it. Anybody else be damned.

Brushing her bangs out of her face she let out a deep breath hearing the doorbell ring from the front of the house. She wasn't expecting anyone and the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach told her that it probably wouldn't be anyone good. She briefly and naively hoped it would be Nathan, only to shake her head at the thought. Rachel and Brooke were busy preparing for a Christmas fashion show; Rachel modeling Brooke's clothes. She took her time getting to the front door, despite the cold, despite the hour, and creaked it open to peek and see who was outside.

"Damien?"

"Hi-hi." He stuttered as he spun around to face her. "Is this a bad time?"

"What are you doing here?" she questioned, ignoring his own. Sure, she had managed to end up his date by default some nights earlier and their friends ran in the same circles but they were never really considered friends on any level.

"Should I have called?"

"Probably." She nodded, her brow furrowing in confusion. Realizing he wasn't going to leave anytime soon and her curiosity slightly peaked she opened the door wider to allow him entrance. "Come on in."

"I know this is awkward." He stood uncomfortably by the door, his hands fishing around in his coat pockets. Crossing her arms over her chest, she couldn't help but feel he was reading her mind. "I know we're not exactly friends or anything, but I am sorry about the other night."

"It's fine." She mumbled, kicking at the floor slightly. "It's not something I stressed myself over."

"O-_kay_." He drew out, sensing the tension between the two. "Well, I'm sorry for what happened and I'm sorry I just barged over here."

"You didn't." she stopped him as he went to leave. "You didn't barge. No barging. You could stay though." She offered, clearly surprising both. "Just hang your coat up there and I'm going to get the kids in bed. We can go into the kitchen."

Not giving him a change to give a definitive answer, she turned on her heels and jogged up the stairs. She wasn't sure what in her right mind possessed her to invite him to stay but she had already blurted it out. Her mother always told her that he brain wasn't connected to her mouth quite the right way. Most times it got her out of trouble but sometimes it royally screwed her over. Getting the kids into bed, she decided that it was simply a distraction. Despite his obvious flaws, he seemed to be a decent guy and she knew it would never go anywhere. Perhaps it was just the thing she needed to keep her from focusing on Nathan.

X-x-X

"I made cocoa." He announced as she ambled into the kitchen, throwing her hair in a messy ponytail. She gave him a gracious smile as she sat down at the table across from him. "Thanks for letting me stay."

"You're welcome." She sipped on the steaming liquid, wincing slightly at the heat. "You can skip over all the weird stuff and just pretend like we've been doing this for a while. Like, hey, I had to spend the day cleaning up the house and playing Guitar Hero with the kids. What about you?"

He laughed, setting down his mug. "I spent the day in my father's office."

"What does he do?" she questioned, genuinely interested.

"He's a lawyer and he wants me to spend every waking moment dedicated to following in his foot steps. He nearly cried when I got my acceptance letter to Harvard."

"Don't you want to play basketball? I mean, isn't that what you're good at?" her innocent question caught him slightly off guard. No one even bothered to consider what he wanted. "Not saying you're not smart but you seem really happy when you play."

"No, I am. I wanted to go to Duke or UCONN or Kentucky. "He explained and she gave him a sympathetic nod. "But my dad, he thinks it's just a hobby."

"There comes a point where you have to start living your own life. One day, you Dad won't be around and you'll be stuck satisfying someone who's not even alive anymore." She advised and he nodded but she didn't think it mattered one way or another. "I know how it is."

He gave her a warm smile. "Well, I guess I'll be going now. Again, I didn't mean to barge, even if you insisted otherwise. I just didn't want you think I was a bad guy."

He stood up and she did the same, following him into her foyer. Even though she didn't really know him very well, she still felt a sort of connection with him that she couldn't quite explain. Being with Nathan had bad news written all over it. He was going no where fast and she had bigger dreams than he would ever allow himself to have. No, being with Nathan would only hold her back and end up tying her down; something she wasn't willing to sacrifice. On the other hand; Damien. He had his own destiny to fulfill, even if it wasn't his own. He was getting out too and for that reason, he seemed safe to her.

"Don't be a stranger." She said opening up the door and letting him outside. "I mean it. I don't think you're a bad guy. I think you're arrogant and a little over confident to everyone else. You don't fool me though. You know, we're all just trying to find ourselves. Who are you going to find; yourself or your dad?" she smirked once he motioned in understanding. "Maybe I'll see you around."

"Yeah, maybe."

X-x-X

Nathan pulled up the car to curve and sighed. This was it, he told himself taking a glance in the rearview mirror. The sleeping infant remained unfazed by the chaos surrounding him. When he didn't get out immediately, Nathan knew he was growing up. It meant serous trouble as far as he was concerned because for once he wasn't being selfish and for once he was actually thinking about someone else. Whether he wanted to admit it readily or not, Caleb was his family, his only family, and a big part of him wanted nothing more than to hold on to that for dear life. He was no good for him though and with a start he realized he was no good for anyone, including himself and Haley was no exception.

Things with her had gotten far too complicated and messy and even though he was self-centered, there were limits and he had pushed them too far. Far too often had he seen one hopeful girl after another thinking they could change his ways and far too often had he callously broken their hearts. His ways were set in stone, and there was no changing it. It wasn't fair to her, and for some reason unbeknownst to him, he actually cared. He really didn't want to hurt her. He distinguished between truth and fiction and knew that he had even though she had never really let on.

Clenching his hands on the steering wheel tighter, he shut the engine off and got out of the car. Pulling Caleb's car seat out of the car he made his way up the long walk and waited in somewhat bated breath as he knocked and waited for an answer. He noticed the Christmas tree though the window and could hear Christmas carols through the door. Once the laughing woman opened the door he could instantly smell the home cooked meal being made in the kitchen. The woman's laugher died almost instantly when she finally took notice of the two boys in front of him.

"Nathan." She breathed out, tears almost instantly prickling her eyes. Her fingers reached out to the infant in his arms, but refused to touch him in fear that he wouldn't actually be real. Slumping her shoulder in realization she met Nathan's terrified eyes. "Oh my God."

"I didn't know where else to go Jules."

"Come in, come in." she ushered them in, shutting the door behind them. Leading them into the living room, Nathan sat down, placing Caleb beside him. She quickly left the room and he smiled a small smile when he saw the brightly lit Christmas tree.

He knew he had made the right decision.

"Here." She handed him a steaming cup of coffee once she returned and took a seat across from him. "Where the hell did my sister go?"

"Charleston." Nathan revealed and watched as the woman in front of her shake her head in disbelief. "She is getting married from what I hear."

"Unbelievable." Jules muttered, motioning with her hands. "So she left him with you? God, you're a teenager!"

"Which is why I brought him here."

"You," her eyes widened and she pointed to her chest. "You want me to take care of him?"

"You're his family just as much as I am." Nathan pointed out, rubbing the back of his neck tiredly. "You're an adult Jules. You have a husband, and a home and you can do far better by him than I could ever even attempt."

"Nikki would never allow that." Jules shook her head. "She hates me Nathan. You know, she showed up on my doorstep when she was five months pregnant. She told me that if I took care of her and let her live her that when she had the baby she would allow me to adopt him. Since the father was not longer in the picture and she had no place to go…" she trailed off, clearly getting chocked up about the whole thing. "But as soon as she had the baby, she skipped town. I didn't even know she had the baby until my mother casually mentioned it one day a few weeks after she disappeared. She broke my heart on purpose; she used me and she used the fact that I can't have children to her advantage. She's just a spiteful, hateful person."

"He's not going back to her." He vowed, glancing over at the stirring infant. "I promise you that. Which is why I know he'll be in better hands here than anywhere else."

"I'd have to talk to Chase." Jules finally consented switching seats to sit on the other side of Caleb. "God, he's gorgeous."

"What's going on babe?" Chase announced coming into the living, wiping his hands off on a hand towel. He sighed seeing the baby almost in his wives arms and acknowledged Nathan with a bob of his head. "I see."

Nathan didn't know Chase that well, or Jules for that matter but they seemed to be good decent people. He had heard bits and pieces of their history with Nikki but nothing concrete that made him think that they wouldn't be good for Caleb. Jules was a fairly successful real estate agent and Chase worked as a mostly pro bono lawyer for a major law firm. They had been married for only a couple of years but found out fairly soon that they couldn't have any children of their own. Nathan didn't know why Nikki hated her sister so much and as of now, he really didn't care. He cared about Caleb and wanted nothing more than the best for him.

"She skipped out." Chase thought out loud, kneeling in front of his wife who now had Caleb placed on her lap. He ran his hands though Caleb's hair and forced out a strained smile. "What is wrong with her?"

"Well its obvious Nikki has issues." Nathan snorted rolling his eyes. "If I can make sure he's yours, all yours, will you take care of him?"

"How can you promise that?" Jules questioned, gripping her husband's hand for support. "It's Nikki."

"Nikki abandoned him to marry a guy who wants nothing to do with a kid. I'm sure she wouldn't mind signing over her past so she can secure her future." Nathan pointed out as Caleb latched onto his finger. "I'm going there when I leave her. It's going to be taken care of. I just need your word."

"I.." Jules stammered looking at her husband for confirmation. "Nathan…"

"Of course we'll take him." Chase answered for his wife, kissing the back of her hand. Nathan could tell it pained Chase as much as it pained Jules for the situation they were in. "There's nothing more we would like more."

"Good." Nathan stood up quickly, refusing to even look at Caleb again. If there was one good thing he did in his life, this was it. "I'll be in touch."

"Why don't you stay the night?" Chase suggested, pleading with his eyes. "Jules, why don't you take Caleb in the kitchen and whip him up some food?"

"There's some in his bag." Nathan told her as Jules took the infant out of the room. "What was that all about?"

"As nice as it is to have Nikki's word," Chase grunted giving Nathan a pointed look. "You're going to need something a little more legally binding."

"And you can take care of that?"

"All she would have to do is sign the papers." Chase affirmed, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Now, dinner just got done cooking. You must be starving."

"Yeah, I'll be right in." Nathan stalled as Chase walked towards the kitchen. He motioned to the cell phone in his hand. "I have something to take care of."

Stepping out into the harsh and bitter air, he took a seat on the front steps of the porch. Blowing in his hands for warmth he struggled within himself. Flipping open his cell, he scrolled through the few numbers he had and paused on her name. As much strength he needed right now, he couldn't involve her anymore. It didn't know why he was drawn so much to her; why she had such a hold on him but it was there and it was real. Only he had to stop it and stop it now. Pressing a few buttons he hesitated but finally let down his finger on the last button.

_Contact Deleted_.

P.S. I have next chapter written. Leave me lots of love!


	11. Black Hole

Black Hole

_Breathe._

_Focus._

It was all Nathan could do to control himself. In all the time he had known Nikki, put up with her games and drama and scheming, he had never known her to sink so low. The thought had never even entered his mind. The entire drive to Charleston had been spent mulling over the events of the past week and with each memory he was more and more angry. He though that if he were at a better place in his life; a more mature age, the whole fiasco wouldn't be that big of a deal. Caleb was after all; his only family remaining and now he was slipping though is fingers. However, it wasn't fair to him and it sure as hell wasn't fair to Caleb. Nikki had put them all in an impossible situation.

Clutching the necessary papers in his hand, he marched up to the sprawling beach front mansion swarming with chaos. People were running around everywhere holding flowers and shouting orders. He stopped in the middle of the driveway glancing around in all directions trying to get a feel for the place. He could just imagine the giant weave of lies Nikki spun in order to get to this point in her life. There was no evidence of any one in her previous life being present and he hoped that worked out to his advantage. Taking his hands out of his borrowed pants suit, he ventured towards the back of the house where he was sure he could slip in undetected and find the not so blushing bride to be.

It wasn't hard to find her, even with the many numerous rooms lined up and down the long hallway. An enormous 'Bridal Suite' sign adorned the double doors at the end of the hall and he barged in without knocking, without caring, and prayed that she was alone. He quickly shut the door and locked it behind him as he watched her remain unfazed, clasping on her wedding veil. She was standing in front of a tri-fold mirror, smoothing out her simple white flowing dress and slipping on a pair of earrings. She knew he was there and she knew why he was there but she refused to let it faze her. Her future was literally minutes away, and her past was not going stand in her way.

"So what did you have to do for Shelly in order for her to spill the beans?" Nikki questions with a quirk of her eyebrow, staring at Nathan's reflection in the mirror. "Did you do that thing with your tongue? I know that just drives the girls wild."

"You almost look like a real person in that dress." Nathan ignored her antagonizing, choosing to go for his own. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets, leaning his body against a dresser closest to the door. "A person who cares. Funny how looks can be deceiving."

"So you like my dress?" she smiled coyly, turning around to face him picking up the edges of the short dress. She ran her hands over her bare shoulder and down the sides of the dress for dramatic effect. "It was completely custom made to fit every curve of my body."

"Like I give a shit Nikki!" Nathan exploded motioning with his hands. "What the hell are you doing? Are you forgetting about something…someone?"

"Where is he?" she deadpanned, her playful smirk quickly disappearing. Her eyes widened in shock and the color drained from her face as realization dawned on her. "You didn't bring him here did you?"

"Why? Afraid your insta-rich existence is in jeopardy?" Nathan challenge, smirking in Nikki direction. "In fact, I think the two are bonding right now."

"That's impossible." Nikki dismissed rushing to the balcony off the bedroom. Nathan watched with a somewhat amused, but mostly dark expression as he watched her panic at the thought of her fiancé knowing about her infant. He audible heard her sigh in relief as she saw her future husband with no tangible evidence of her past.

"Scared Nikki?" Nathan taunted, pushing himself off the dresser and walking towards the middle of the room. "It's kinda like how I felt when his fever spiked at 104 the other night. Or when I realized that you were never coming back. When I stood in your empty bedroom. When I realized that I, at seventeen Nikki might have to take care of an infant!"

"Like it was so much better for me!" She hissed, rushing back into the confines of the walled room. "I'm only 22 years old Nathan! I was alone, I've been alone all this time. I couldn't do it anymore!"

"And so I was obviously the best choice for your replacement! God Nikki!"

"You're his only family!"

"Only family?" Nathan scoffed giving her an incredulous look. "What about you're sister huh? Or are you just too busy wanting to spite her that you don't give a damn?"

"Jules is not my sister." Nikki growled, her fists clenching at her sides. "She my father's bastard child. Nothing more to me, or to Caleb."

"Oh so you remember his name!" Nathan mocked, shaking his head in disgust.

"Don't judge me, don't you dare."

"What, _Andy_, doesn't want any children around taking up his child bride's time?" Nathan spat taking a seat back away from Nikki. "Or he can't stand the fact that you're so damaged? Are you just afraid that he'll know that deep down you're nothing more than a whore?"

"Fuck you!" Nikki whispered fiercely. "You don't know anything about it! You don't know anything about him!"

"You're sick, you know that?" he asked lowly, more to himself than to her. "Andy's that great that you'll give up you're child, _his__ child, _for another man? Caleb's the only part of him that you have."

"He's gone." Nikki responded, getting her emotions together. "Open your goddamn eyes Nathan! Cooper is gone! He's dead!"

Nathan's jaw clenched shut, pain searing though him at her words. Of course he knew his brother was dead. He was only a few years younger than Cooper but felt as close to him as if they were twins. His death had literally torn their family apart. It left him with no one, it left him broken, and it haunted him everyday. He tore his gaze from the floor back up to Nikki who was heaving from her tantrum. Before he could even think to do otherwise she was kissing him feverishly, her hands exploring his entire body.

"God." Nikki moaned into his neck as she pushed him up against the dresser tugging at his shirt buttons. Nathan knew it was wrong, knew he shouldn't be caving in her to ministrations but he didn't want to. Regardless of how angry he was at her, he knew he could get lost in her touch and forget all the bad going on. "Nathan."

Turning her around, he picked her up and shoved her forcefully top of the dresser. Within minutes, his shirt was unbutton, her hands discovering the muscles underneath. They then went to the buckle of his pants which were undone masterfully in a matter of seconds and shoved down to his ankles by the toes of her feet. She grinned as she helped him shimmy out of his underwear and guided his hands to underneath her dress. He hesitated, but only for a moment. Swiftly he ripped the panties right off her body shoving his length deep inside of her.

Not once did he think about her as a person. She was an object, a simple occupation of his time. Something to do in order to keep his mind off things. Never once, not in the entire time that he was pounding inside of her, not when she wrapped her legs tighter around his waist did he care that she was in her wedding dress. That the veil on her head was thrashing around his head. That he could feel her huge engagement ring and her perfectly manicure fingers digging into his back. He felt numb and that's the way he wanted to keep it. Thinking about it lead to feelings and in the long run of things, feelings clouded the judgment.

She didn't seem to mind; she knew how he worked. It wasn't like she was in the marriage for love or lust; it was all about the security. So getting him out of her system one last time didn't seem harmful to her. In fact, everything seemed relatively harmless and she was sure that it was one of her many faults. Once he was done, after she had screamed out his brother's name, he tore himself from her grasp, quickly pulling up his undergarments and pants, zipping them up. They both knew they used one another; her for pretend that her love was still alive and him just so he could feel insensitive from everything around him.

"You look more like him every day." She panted, slipping off the dresser and straightening her dress. She gulped, fixing the veil on top of her head. "So does Caleb. Every day."

He fished the folded up papers out of his back pocket and handed them over to her. "Sign these."

"What are they?" she asked taking them from his hands and looking them over. "Adoption papers? You can't be serious."

"Sign them or I go downstairs right now and tell your fiancé _everything_." Nathan vowed, daring Nikki to contest him. "I don't care if I never see you again; truthfully it'll be too soon if I never do. You will sign those papers and we will forget about each other entirely."

"You took him to my sister's." She gritted out, her eyes scanning over the words on the paper. "I bet she just loved that."

"She loved that she finally got to meet the infant promised to her." Nathan spoke as he buttoned up his shirt. "And I promised that I would make sure that he would stay with her; with someone who deserves him and who will love him and take care of him."

"And your word is supposed to be gold now?"

"No, not always." He conceded, shrugging his shoulders slightly. "We do so much wrong; both of us. I can admit that. I'm far from perfect and while I don't agree what you're doing to Caleb, you can fix it. I did my part now can you just do right by your kid? You may not deserve the marriage you're about to get and I may not deserve a lot of the good that comes in my life but Caleb; Nikki, he does."

She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment feeling as if he was growing up before her very eyes. Letting out a deep breathe she set the papers on the dresser, signing each paper quickly before she changed her mind. Giving them one final glance over she folded them back up and handed them over to Nathan. She watched as he looked over each page carefully before he too folded them up, sticking them back in his pocket.

"We have some serious issues; you and I." she said after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah. You did the right thing." He patted his back pocket. "Everything else we're trying to fix those aren't we?"

She chuckled bitterly. "Somehow I don't think was we just did was fixing that."

"Well, it's over and done with now." He said simply, no guilt running through his veins. He waltzed past her opening up the double doors once more only to be greeted with the sight of what he assumed to be Nikki's fiancé. He smirked giving her one final glance over his shoulder. "And so are we Nikki. So are we."

X-x-X

It was more than apparent.

God simply _hated _her.

She had to fight the urge to slap her forehead and pull out chunks of her own hair. Most days she loved her mother, truly she did, but on days like today she would like nothing short whacking her over the head with a very large and very heavy cast iron pan. Her mother was a lunatic, she deduced, only after watching the older lady rant and rave and pull out her own hair for the past two hours. Wincing, she quickly got up and caught the few glasses her mother had knocked over with her big hips.

Unfortunately, they were hereditary.

"Mo-_om__" _Haley whined, stomping her foot very much in resemblance to a petulant five year old. "Will you pop a pill already?"

"Gee Haley, I don't know. Will you get your ass in gear and fix _something_!" Lydia James retorted, rolling her eyes at her daughter.

"Well what would you like me to fix?"

"I dunno Sweetie." Lydia wiped the brow of her forehead with the back of her hand before placing both wrists on her wide hips. "This kitchen is an inferno."

"Which is why we should've done this at the café." Haley pointed out, clearly unamused by her current situation.

"Potato salad missy." Lydia commanded, turning her attention back to the food in front of her. "And for the love of the Beatles, cheer up!"

Haley cursed under her breath as she scoped out the mayonnaise and dumped it in the bowl of cooked potatoes in front of her. Every year her mother and Karen switched off hosting their annual Christmas party. Only in all the years her mother had done so, she had chosen to do it in their home as opposed to the café kitchen for whatever and totally reasonable (according to her mother and her mother alone) explanation. And every year it ended up being chaos and a nightmare that Lydia James vowed to never repeat.

Maybe in the _next_ life.

"I came to save you." She heard Lucas whisper in her ear, kissing her temple gently. She smiled up at him gratefully before her mother completely engulfed in a hug.

"Well, well. Lucas Roe. I haven't seen you around this house in ages!" Lydia exclaimed, pulling back from Lucas and examining him from toes to the top of his head. "You're too skinny! Isn't your mother feeding you?"

"She is." Lucas chucked as Haley slipped a pink apron over his head and onto his shoulders. "I've just been busy with school and basketball, that's all."

"Well we sure have missed you!"

Lucas smirked triumphantly at Haley. "Have you missed me Hales?" he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as she laughed and turned around. He came up behind her, tickling her sides, causing her hand to slip into the potato salad. Lucas stepped back with his hands up in surrender. "Oops. I'm…"

"Oops." Haley shrugged innocently as she slopped the excess potato salad on Lucas's face.

"…sorry." Lucas mumbled, wiping off the salad and slinging it into the trash can. "That; that you will have to pay for."

"Don't you two even think about starting a food fight in my kitchen." Lydia warned pointer his mixing spoon at the two teenagers. Both nodded and as soon as Lydia turned around Lucas slapped a handful of mayonnaise on Haley's behind. Her eyes widened in shock and she reached up latching onto his nipple and twisting it hard. Lydia turned around and rolled her eyes at Lucas's whining. "Enough with the death grip Haley!"

"He started it." Haley grumbled letting go and shoving his chest lightly. Lucas came up to her a second later rubbing his sore chest and bumping her hip with his. "Did the pwor whittle wucas get an owie?"

"Shut up." He gave her a pout and she laughed, rubbing it quickly. "That's what I thought. Now, are you excited."

"About…"

"Tric."

"Oh, I'm about as excited as you are that Rachel is taking Chris." Haley grinned much to Lucas's dismay. She lowered her voice, leaning in close to him so that her mother would not hear her. "It's just another responsibility added onto my plate. So no, not really."

"It's more responsibility for me too." Lucas assured her handing her over the necessary things she needed. "I mean Mom and Dad aren't going to let me skip out on everything. I mean, I talked my way out of the café, and managed to weasel my way out helping out at the body shop every day. But just because I happen to be Lucas Roe, Tree Hill basketball God doesn't mean their going to let me off the hook so easily with this."

Even though he was her best friend, Lucas could be a bit conceited at times. Their moms had been best friends since they were eight, never letting the years break their bond. Subsequently, they married within weeks of one another and eventually gave birth to Lucas and Haley within hours of each other. So when they told people they had been best friends since the womb, there was no denying it. It felt good to be in his presence though; being around him always made Haley feel as if she were seven years old again without some much weight on her shoulders.

"You're so full of yourself." She scoffed. "I dunno though. Working at a club might be pretty awesome."

"We totally have to sneak some booze out."

"Of course." Haley agreed, giggling.

"Oh Lucas, I almost forgot." Lydia came up and squeezed in between he two friends. "I need you to mosey on down to the basement and pull up the other bunk for Haley's bed."

"What? Why?" Haley questioned before Lucas could even respond to the request. "Who's coming?"

"Well, I was talking to Anna on the phone the other day…"

"Mom no." Haley whimpered, already knowing what was happening before her mother had a chance to finish. "Mom paw-leeze!"

"Who's coming?" Lucas asked, clearly confused and out of the loop.

"My cousin." Haley gritted out, glaring at her mother. "When is she coming?"

"Haley, now I know the two of you don't get along…"

"Mom. When?"

"Well…"

"I'm here!"


	12. The Devil Wears Leather

**A/N: Sorry of the delay. I lost my focus a bit and well, my time too. This isn't the best chapter but it introduces someone who will cause a lot of trouble and a lot of turmoil, for everyone. Enjoy and leave me some love. Reviews have gotten lackluster and I know the updates have taken a while. I'm sorry. Forgive me. I'm getting my head back on. I just have the ideas and the words just they dont want to come out when i write. Forgive me for the writing and spelling errors; I'm only human. Enjoy and happy New Years!**

The Devil Wears Leather

"Peyton."

The name was dripped venomously from her lips as she stared at the stick figure that was her cousin. Her cousin who, in her opinion made Lucifer doubt the very evil in him. The blonde bombshell, as her entire family had dubbed her, dropped her bags in the kitchen, rushing into Haley's mother's arms. She could practically feel the steam spewing out of her ears at the recent development. Barely noticing Lucas's departure, mumbling something about getting the bed, she crossed her arms over her chest and waited patiently until her mother and cousin decided to part for lack of oxygen.

"Sweetie, you need a cheeseburger." Lydia teased opening up Peyton's leather jacket and skimming over her figure. "You are getting too skinny."

"Aww, Aunt Lydia, I consume more than you think." Peyton responded shrugging her shoulders. Haley coughed and Peyton glared in her direction.

"Well you two get reacquainted, I'm going to go call Anna let her know you're here." Lydia excused herself out of the kitchen leaving the two girls alone.

"Haley." Peyton acknowledge, a disgusting look crossing her features when she looked over at her.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Haley questioned, clearly not pleased that she was. "Who's life, other than your own and your parents of course have you ruined this time?"

"I didn't do anything!" Peyton defended, crossing her arms over her own chest. "At least it wasn't _that _bad." She continued mostly to herself. Haley marched up to her and reached up pushing Peyton's bangs off her forehead. Peyton, in return, smacked her hand away and took a step back. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I was looking for your horns!" Haley retorted, huffing to the other side of the island and beginning to start fixing the food once more.

"So it's going to be like this?" Peyton walked up to the opposite side of the island, placing her palms on the surface. "We still hate each other?"

Haley stopped chopping the vegetables briefly to stare at Peyton in disbelief. "You are nothing but trouble Peyton. You reek havoc wherever you go." She went back to butchering the vegetables in front of her but stopped a few seconds later. "And the answer to your question is you can't help but hate evil and you Peyton," she pointed the knife in her hand to the blonde's direction. "You are nothing but."

Peyton slammed her fist down on the counter. "Listen here, you oompa loompa reject," she stopped suddenly when Lydia floated back into the kitchen smiling at Haley affectionately. "I totally missed you too!"

"Are long is she staying?" Haley asked Lydia refusing to even be a part of Peyton's antics.

"I'll be graduating with you." Peyton answered a smug look on her face. "Tree Hill, Class of '08. They won't know what hit them."

"You, graduate?" Haley scoffed dropped the knife in the sink and rinsing her hands. "That was real cute."

"Haley!"

"Whatever." Haley grumbled wiping her hand and walking towards the door, ignoring her mother and Peyton completely. "I'm going to go help Lucas."

And by helping Lucas she meant ranting and raving about her cousin presence the entire time Lucas was taking the bunk bed up to the second floor. It was so infuriating that her mother would even agree to this debacle. Peyton had, and probably always would be a complete train wreck. To date, she had already served two terms in rehab, a small stint in jail, and she was positive a handful of other things that she had gotten away with. Her sister was, in a lot of ways, similar and she guessed that since her mom couldn't save Taylor, she was giving it another shot with saving Peyton.

"Do you think she's going to try and shove her tongue down my throat like she did last time she was here?" Lucas asked, throwing the mattress on the top bunk. "I mean don't get me wrong; I just don't know where's she's been."

"Not to mention Rachel?" Haley mused, absentmindedly twirling a pencil on the desk she was currently sitting at. She threw the pencil down and got up to help Lucas make the bed. "Well a, not only did the holidays just go to shit, but the rest of the school year is going to be hell on earth because unfortunately, she's around to stay."

"Oh joy." Lucas deadpanned, playfully bumping into Haley. "It'll all turn out okay, you'll see."

"I won't hold my breath."

X-x-X

Nathan dropped his keys and his bags haphazardly on the floor as soon as he stepped inside his apartment. He didn't bother to turn on the lights; he didn't care to make it to bed. As soon as he found the outline of the couch he crashed, exhaustion well overdue to take his body. The drive back had been hellish at best, from traffic to a flat tire to running out of gas. He couldn't say that it hadn't been worth it though. Caleb was in good hands and Nikki, for once would be completely out of his life. Nothing was there anymore to tie her to him.

Not even Cooper.

Pushing himself up off the couch, he turned on the lamp beside him and looked around to his bleak surroundings. There was nothing in his life worth living for and nothing to look forward to when he came home. Without even trying, his thought managed to drift to Haley. This girl, who wasn't anything special, had somehow captivated his attention. He couldn't help but think that if she were a constant fixture in his life, than that was something he wouldn't mind coming home to every once in a while. Even though he let himself entertain those thoughts every once in a while he knew nothing would ever come of it.

The lines had clearly been drawn there.

He got up when he heard a small pounding on his front door, praying that whatever surprise was awaiting on the other side was a welcome one. Drama, even though some of it he brought on himself, was not something he wanted in his life anymore. He was positive he just got rid of a good chunk of it but with his life, he could never really tell when it was going to pop up again. Opening the door, he sighed, rolling his eyes before stepping back and allowing the person inside.

"Felix." He greeted stoically waiting somewhat patiently for any explanation as to why he was here. Once Felix took off his coat and laid it on the back of a chair he turned around to grin at Nathan. "Wipe that shit eating grin off your face. Dude, what do you want?"

"Don't be such a Grinch, ass face." Felix responded going into the fridge, getting out a beer and popping the top. "Shelly said you stopped by a few days ago. I figured I see what's up."

"Like you give a shit."

"Look, I figured with Nikki and all her baggage being gone…"

"And by baggage you mean Caleb." Nathan clarified, unamused. Felix rolled his eyes taking a seat. "Sure, make yourself at home."

"Nathan look the fuck around." Felix motioned with his arms at the apartment surrounding him. "What do you have to lose in anything you do? Man, Nikki's gone and that was probably the best thing for you. Caleb excluded, the chick had way too much baggage anyway. All I'm promising is a good time. What's the harm in that?"

Nathan took a moment to consider before walking the short distance to the fridge and getting out a beer for himself. It bugged him, but Felix was right, about everything. For months now, he had avoided the party scene, intent on staying the hell out of dodge. But now, with everything looking pretty bleak as far as the future went, he didn't really care anymore. He took a seat beside him, pulling the top off his bottle and clinking it against Felix's. Chugging it back in a matter of seconds he placed it down on the counter, wiping the excess off his mouth with the back of his hand.

"What did you have in mind?"

"That's more like it man."

X-x-X

Haley slammed the door shut, sliding her body down the cold metal to the floor. Currently, she was hiding out in the café's walk in freezer. Dying of hypothermia seemed like the best alternative than having to spend one more god forsaken second out there with those people. Her family was absolutely insane and Peyton, in one of her devious ways had snuck the kids chocolate. They were practically bounding off the walls now, and it was all Haley could do to not pull out her hair and kill Peyton; although the latter would probably make the world, as a whole, a far better place.

Snatching the frozen bread off the shelves she was sent in there to get in the first place cursing the entire time, she opened the door and kicked it shut with her foot. She loved her family but being with them during the holidays made her absolutely hate Christmas. They simply sucked the fun out of everything. It was work, constant work, to even be in the James family. And now with Peyton in the mix it was all that much worse. It was nights like tonight she had to convince herself that she did, in fact, love her family.

She smiled warmly at Lucas once she walked into the kitchen, finding him putting icing on a cake she was sure Karen had whipped up. She turned on the oven and put the bread inside, turning around to lean against it once that was done. Once Lucas was finished with his task, he peeked his head down to look at the pass through from the kitchen to dining area of the café to check on everyone else. Seeing that they were all well above preoccupation, he hopped on the counter opening his arms for Haley. In an instant, she was slipping into his embrace, glad for the reprieve.

"Six more months babe." He told her and she nodded her head in his chest. "Then you'll be 3000 miles away."

"I'm just worried." She said, tugging at his shirt as she pulled away. "I mean, my mom, is just straight going to get a slap in the face the first day she realizes I'm not coming back to help her out."

"Hales, you're about to be eighteen, on your own, at your dream school. There comes a point where you have to life your own life and stop worrying about everyone else. Somehow, magically, your mom made it years and years before you came along. I'm positive she'll be able to manage years and years after you're gone."

Involuntarily she wiped away the tears spilling down her cheeks. "God, I'm such a mess."

"Hey," Lucas soothed, hopping off the counter as she backed away. "What's the matter buddy? You know you can tell me anything."

Only she couldn't; and looking into his worried eyes it made her feel sick to her stomach. Not once had she ever kept a secret from Lucas, and it was literally eating her up inside that she was now. She just suddenly felt so helpless, so overwhelmed that it didn't really seem up to her anymore whether or not she had a grip on things. She laughed somewhat bitterly, just stepping out of his grasp as he moved to rub the tears from her face. Never, ever, had she had to lie to him about anything…

…until now.

"I'm fine Lucas." She smiled, one she hoped she pulled off as genuine. "I'm just being a baby about everything."

"Are you sure?" he questioned, eyeing her suspiciously. She reached up kissing his cheek gently. "Alright, you're sure."

"Don't let me interrupt." Peyton smirked coming into the kitchen, dropping a pan loudly on the counter. She pointed between the two of them. "Are you two finally announcing your engagement? Or is he still up for grabs?"

"No and no." Haley responded, moving away from Lucas. "I'm sure your last trip to the free clinic proved that you don't know how to be just friends with a guy. I, however, can."

"Not everyone wants to be a virgin for life." Peyton retorted, leaning on the counter behind her. "You know, they have a club for that; you should totally join."

"So what?" Haley challenged, propping her hands on her hips. It kept everything in her not to wipe the smirk of Peyton's face with the truth at hand. Only the truth would make Lucas flip out and that was just not something she was willing to let happen just yet. "Is it really such a bad thing that I want to save myself for something more than some jerk off in a bar in the back seat of a car?"

"Hmm, I didn't realize Lucas was some jerk off in a bar." Peyton tapped her chin in thought. "I thought, it was more like my cousin's best friend from a cafe on a carousel. I could be wrong. We were a bit drunk and the details are hazy at best. In fact, I don't think it was entirely too memorable. At least the whole five minutes of it anyway."

"What the hell is your deal?" Lucas exploded, not caring when he shoved Peyton's shoulder slightly or when she pushed back. He laughed in anger shaking his head.. "But hey, since we're reminiscing here; junior year. Spring break ringing any bells?"

"Luke?" Haley questioned, her eyes darting in between the two. "Lucas!"

"Because I remember a certain train wreck sobbing out her entire life story to me overnight. Oh my daddy is gone all the time, boo hoo. Gasp! My mother works too much. Tear." He ran a finger from his eye down his cheek to mock her. "He didn't notice me. Sniffle, sniffle. They wrote whore on my locker. Newsflash Peyton!"

"You selfish bastard." Peyton seethed, lunching forward towards Lucas. Haley intervened, shoving Peyton back. "Stay out of this munchkin."

"Hey!" Haley grabbed Peyton's chin, bringing her close. "You listen to me, you blonde bitch. This is my world and if you think you're going to come in and fuck it up, you're wrong. I'm not playing games with you Peyton." Haley let go of her cheek, thrusting her back. "Understand?"

"You know I'm going to make you're life a living hell right?" Peyton smiled sweetly. She walked up to Haley patting her lightly on the cheek to which she smacked Peyton's hand away. "I think this is going to be the most fun I've had a in a while."


	13. I Light My Own Fires Now

**A/N: Sorry for the delay guys. I got a new laptop so I'm positive I'll be motivated to write more since I won't have to sit at a desk now. This chapter...didn't go anywhere near where I thought it would. It's going to create some nice drama though. I didn't get a whole lot of reviews for the last chapter but I'm hoping with twists I have in store for this story they'll pick up. Also, I know you all won't really care for what's going on with Nathan and Haley both together and seperately, especially after this chapter but it's all just part of the process. Please give it a chance. Enjoy and please review :)**

I Light My Own Fires Now

He hadn't been able to shut his eyes the entire night. Not after drinking himself stupid, not after taking four pills that promised him sleep, not after being up for days. It was simply him staring up at the water spots on his ceiling for the duration. After day three, he started to make sense of the shapes above him; until he was sure he was going crazy. At some point, one particular spot had gone from being just a water stain, to a dog, and now it was much more elaborate as a talking dinosaur.

And yes, they were having quite the conversations.

Nathan felt as if he was slowly and painfully losing his mind. In the past week, Felix had introduced him to a whole other world. Everything and anything was taken to the extreme and it wasn't in Nathan's power to stop himself from doing any of it. He felt a great sense of urgency to just forget, to numb away all the pain and torment that plagued his mind. And when one thing didn't work, then he would move on to the next until he blinked and his world faded away.

He hadn't been to work in days and he wasn't exactly positive if he still had a job to return to. At this point though, it was a pretty moot idea. He was too smashed to even move. In his present state, working on a car would probably get him crushed underneath one. Rubbing his forehead, he forced himself to move as he pushed his torso up by his arms glancing around his bedroom. It was trashed; much like he was; much like his life.

Maneuvering his body over the naked form beside him, he padded into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Seemingly overnight his apartment had been converted into party central. It was a non stop extravaganza of booze, and girls, with a never ending supply of drugs on hand. He had no perception of time; clueless at to the date or even the time of day it was at the present moment. The days had become blurred but to Nathan, it felt as only a matter of minutes had flown by.

Turning the shower knob on, he didn't even bother with the cold to set the temperature even a little bit warm. He was already naked, sans the socks on his feet which he had clearly been to be occupied to even bother taking off the previous night. Or was it day? Shaking his head and stepping into the shower, he didn't even flinch once the scolding water came in contact with his skin. Pain was a relative term to him at this point; almost to where he felt he was absolutely invincible.

He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment his life had spun out of control. He hadn't acted this selfish and this foolish in over a year. No, almost a year. God, had it really been that soon? For him, it seemed like yesterday, everyday. Cursing, he slammed his fist into the tile in front of him, allowing his head to rest on the ceramic. The surface was now broken and not even the blood tickling down his fist or the minimal amount of pain radiating though his hand bothered him. The flashing memories pounding through his head were another matter all in themselves.

Caleb was the one thing that stayed with him always. It was a struggling thought; knowing he did the right thing but wondering all the same if it was a mistake. He was, in fact, the only family he had left. While he had no doubt in the capabilities of Jules as a mother and Chase as a father he could only question if not being a part of his life was really the best decision. Because as it was, Caleb would never know his _real _father; someone he would've been able to look up to and someone Nathan had. It was only a shame; he couldn't be the same way.

Stepping out of the shower and toweling off, he walked back into his bedroom, stepping over a few people on the way. As he slipped on a pair of sweatpants he couldn't help but smirk. The two naked girls in his bed, once separated by his own naked form had managed to tangle themselves up together. By all appearances, Nathan Scott appeared to be living the dream life. Not having to worry about school; not giving a damn about work; and still managing to have not only one, but two beautiful people in his bed was something to be envied.

Only it made him feel hallow.

"Dude, you have any food?" he turned to see Felix in the doorway, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes. "I'm like mad hungry."

"Just because you stayed the night, doesn't mean you get the complimentary breakfast, man." Nathan snapped, walking past Felix, down the hall into the kitchen. Felix walked in after him, a scowl firmly on his face. "What? There's a Waffle House on every corner. Pick one and eat there. I don't give a shit."

"What crawled in you and died?" Felix asked, throwing up his hands in surrender. "Quit being a little bitch."

"Look, I haven't slept in days alright?" Nathan sighed, running his arm across the counter, swiping all the cans and bottles into the trashcan. "I'm so wired, I can't think straight."

"I could give you something but it would probably put you in a mild coma." Felix remarked, picking up an abandoned beer bottle and chugging the remaining contents, "You'll have the best wet dreams of your life thought."

"Well considering the last seven things you forced down my throat have put me in this situation, I'll have to pass." Nathan sneered, crossing his arms over his bare chest.

"Hey, nobody forced anything down your throat." Felix protested giving Nathan a pointed look. "It's called free will baby and you have yet to say no."

"Well I'm done with it. This is getting ridiculous." Nathan swore, continuing to throw things in the trash can. His hands stopped over a mirror sitting on the kitchen counter, a white powdery substance covering it. His previous words reverberated in his ears as his hands shook and he felt his words resolving almost instantly. He glanced up, his stomach knotting at the look Felix was giving him; one of complete satisfaction.

"Here, let me get that out of your way Nate." Felix grabbed the mirror, picking it up over the cups and bottles on the counter. Before Nathan could give it a second thought he was placing his hand on Felix's wrist, stopping the process all together. "Are you sure you wanna do that?"

"Felix, are you going to join me in the shower?" Shelly questioned, appearing in the doorway, clad in the very dress shirt Haley had previously wore.

"Take that off." Nathan commanded lowly, menacingly. When she didn't immediately do it, he slammed his fist down, hitting the mirror out of Felix's hands, sending it flying to the floor. "God damn it Shelly. Take it off."

"It's the only clean thing you have!"

"You." Nathan scoffed, his fist clenching at his sides. "You're concerned about clean? Now take it off!"

"Nate, man chill." Felix stepped between the two, slipping own shirt off and handing it to Shelly. "Shelly take his shirt off."

Nathan felt the rage inside of him boil as he waited for Shelly to take the shirt off. She cursed the entire time, finally chucking it at him once she was finished and stormed into the bathroom. He had caught it easily, frowning when Haley's scent didn't immediately fill his nostrils. He was losing his mind all over again and over something as stupid as a shirt. Grumbling and shouting, he managed to wake up everyone scattered around, kicking them out in under five minutes. He needed to get a grip before he got too far gone, not even he would be able to help himself.

His apartment was officially no longer party central.

X-x-X

"This was a good idea."

He nodded as she grinned, licking her ice cream cone once more. When Damien had called her that morning requesting just her presence and some time she had hesitantly agreed. But after a small breakfast and a lot of laughs and great conversation, they decided to walk the boardwalk. So far, nothing was horribly bad and he actually found herself liking him more and more as the time flew by. She shivered and instinctively Damien put his arm over her shoulder pulling her closer into his body.

"Probably wasn't a good idea to get ice cream when it's thirty degrees outside." He mused as he watched her nose turn to bright red. He took the almost finished cone, tossing it in a nearby trashcan.

"Of course it was." She disagreed shaking her head, unsure if the next words out of her mouth would be regrettable. "I ended up in your arms didn't I?" The pair paused once they reached the river court and his SUV.

Although things with Damien were new and somewhat sudden, she was enjoying it. Since the night he had apologized they had talked a lot over the phone and had ran into each other a few times since school had been let out. She found that they could talk about nearly everything; from their love of reading to their great desire to get out from under their parents and most importantly out of Tree Hill for good. Without even realizing it, she had truly started to care for him in a way that was completely foreign to her.

Except for Nathan. Thoughts of him clouded her mind all the time. Cutting him out of her life was an internal struggle for her every day. Only when she was with Damien did they fade to the back of her mind. She couldn't sort between lust and love for Nathan and she supposed she never would. But it was something she couldn't dwell on; she wasn't going to let a thing of the past destroy something possibly amazing for her future.

He smiled down at her, brushing a stand of hair out of her face. "Are you excited about Christmas?"

"I can't wait!" she squealed, her face lighting up at the thought. "It's only my favorite time of year. I love singing Christmas carols and watching the kids opening up their presents; playing knee deep in boxes and wrapping paper. It's like the best morning ever."

"We're going to New York for the holidays this year." Damien told her and she could hear the sadness lacing his voice. "Dad has an uber important client that he has to tend to."

"On Christmas?" her brow furrowed and she felt a great sorrow in her heart for him. "So that means you're leaving soon since Christmas is like two days away."

"Tonight actually." He admitted sheepishly. "That's kind of why I called you this morning. I needed something happy to get me through the next four days."

Before she lost her nerve she hesitantly reached up, pulling on his collar and brushing her lips against his. They pulled apart, her wondering if she had done the right thing but only for a moment. He wrapped his other arm around her, crashing her frame against his and kissing her once more. Only it wasn't soft and innocent, it was something he had been longing for quite some time and judging by the way she was kissing back, she had too.

"Does that make you happy?" she whispered once they pulled apart, her conflicted eyes glancing upwards at his.

"I'm going to be absolutely miserable now."

"Why?"

"Having to wait four days just to do that again is going to drive me insane." He murmured leaning down to capture her lips again. They sidle up against his SUV, his body pressing into hers against the metal. They were so caught up in one another that when the rain emptied from the sky it took them several moments to realize what was happening. Once they did, they didn't even break apart as he reach around her, opening up the door to the back seat and pushing them both inside.

"You're going to get sick." He stated as he reached to the back of the SUV, searching around for something to cover her with. She remained, her arms wrapped around her soaking body, the hair she had spent so long straightening, a tangle mop of curls around her face.

"I'll manage." She tugged on his arm just as he produced a blanket, wrapping it around the two of them as she fell into his embrace.

Both were searching for something, anything to fill up the void of silence surrounding them. Things were progressing nicely, she thought at least. But she couldn't calm the voice inside of her screaming for more. What scared her the most was not that she wanted more, was that she wasn't sure why. Was it simply because she had an amazing guy with his arms securely around her or was it to forget the troubled boy that had so selfishly used her for himself? Whatever the reason was, she pushed it into the back of her mind, lacing her fingers through Damien's.

"Tell me a secret." He worded into her ear, wiping away the water on her cheek and running her thumb across her lips. "I want to know everything about you Haley James."

"I'm going to Stanford." The words slipped from her mouth before she had even thought about them. She hadn't decided, not really until that very moment.

"That's far away." He pointed out and she nodded, her fingers playing with the buttons of his shirt. "What does that mean?" he stopped her hands, forcing her to look at him. "What is this that we're doing?"

"What does it have to _be_ anything?" Nathan's previous words were now echoing through her mouth as she gulped back the uncertainty in her throat. "Damien, we have five months before graduation and then we'll be off on separate coasts living our lives. Do you really want to muddle this with something much more complicated?"

"No." he sighed running his hand through her hair. "I guess not. But I like you Haley; more than I thought initially."

"That's good." She kissed the palm of hand and then his neck. "Because I like you too."

All her inhibitions flew out as his hand moved to her cheek and forced her face towards his. Suddenly the cold wasn't an issue any more with the warmth that completely enveloped her at that moment. As his lips moved from hers down her jaw line to her neck, she removed the blanket from over the two of them, her nimble hands working to eliminate him of the shirt on his back. His hands were working just as quickly to rid her of the heavy coat and sweater creating a shield between their skin. She laughed as he tried desperately to get off the scarf around her neck; it getting tangled in her long locks. In a matter of moments, in between their hurried kisses and fumbling hands; the only thing that separated them was the jeans that clung to their bodies and a thin camisole on her torso.

His fingers grazed her skin where the camisole stopped on her stomach. "Are we doing this?" he questioned, panting slightly.

"I…" her breath got caught in her throat as she heaved deeply. Was she really about to do this?

"Haley?" he prodded, dipping his head to kiss her forehead gingerly. His hand pushed her bangs from her face before resting it on her cheek. "We don't have to do this."

Deep in her soul she knew she had to though. She didn't want to be thinking of Nathan; comparing his sensual roughness with Damian's gentle caresses. She didn't want to think about how Nathan's look consisted of nothing but pure unadulterated lust whereas Damien's eyes were full of care and concern. They were two totally different people but both of them were capable of making her heart pound so loudly she was sure they could hear it. Ridding her head of all thoughts Nathan she guided Damien's hands down to the button of her jeans.

"Are you…?"

"Shh." She silenced him, placing a finger on his mouth. "Everything is taken care of."

**P.S. Check out my new story "To Bend and Not Break". I didn't get hardly any reviews for it and that kinda makes me sad because I thought it was going really well. Apparently not. Until next time...**


	14. As Lovers Go

**A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Reviews were fantastic. They made me happy. This chapter is a bit of a turning point and so will the next one. It kind of sets everything up for the rest of the story. There's a good bit of Naley in here so that should make some people happy. And guys, don't get to crushed but Damien will be sticking around for a while. Just trust me okay? Have a too terribly let you down before? It'll be a fews days, maybe a week before I update again. I'm still writing two other stories and was asked to write a third which I have started on. So enjoy this chapter and leave me some love. Till next time...**

As Lovers Go

Afterwards, once they had straightened out their clothes and got situated in the front of the SUV the silence had been deafening. Neither knew of the right words to say, or where it exactly put them in the grand scheme of things. The thoughts running through her mind were conflicting at best and she didn't want to stumble and say something that would be hurtful or ruin anything. Finally, the silence was entirely too much to bear and she took his hand in hers, giving him a slight squeeze.

"Should we talk about this?"

She noticed him clenching the steering wheel just a bit tighter. "I just don't want this to change anything. I mean, don't get me wrong Haley. This changes a lot. I don't want it turning from something new and potentially great to complete shit."

"I don't want it change anything either." She paused, letting out her breath. "But maybe we should try and figure out what we're going to do and then decide if that was a mistake or not."

"Are you happy that nothing happened?" he question, his face turning towards her, awaiting an answer.

"Yes." She whispered but it was the honest truth. "I don't think we should be jumping into something like that. And I for one don't think I'm ready for that just yet."

Without meaning to, she had allowed her thoughts to drift to Nathan. He was a big fat elephant in the room that was constantly around her and only she was aware of it. It was a daily struggle to not let everything she did or even thought about doing fall directly back to him. Her life was none of his business, just like he had made it clear to her that his was none of hers. So why was it the memory of his hands and his kisses upon her that had put a halt to anything physically further with Damien?

Was she just that much in lust with him? No, it was much more than that. It was the way his eyes shifted from the trouble gray that clouded them most of the time to the bright cerulean that illuminated his face when his touch was upon her. When somewhere in between the passion, his kisses turned from nipping and sucking to something much more tantalizing; like her skin to him was that to ambrosia for the gods. When those odd moments struck and he gave him one of the most genuine smiles that he could muster and she knew it was all for her.

In an ideal world, she imagined the two of them maybe reading; possibly even discussing the books they had read. They wouldn't be ashamed to hold hands walking down the hallways at school. She wouldn't have to question herself around him and wonder what was always going on in that troubled mind of his; she would just _know._ Mostly though, she wouldn't be terrified of getting close to him and falling deeper in so she would have the opportunity to live a life outside of the life fate had handed to her.

"Look, if I pressured you…" Damien was speaking and shamefully, she was barely registering what he was saying. "It wasn't my intentions. I didn't ask you out this morning in hopes of that. I hope you know that."

"Of course I do." She smiled, brushing her hand over his cheek. "We got caught up in the moment. It's not something to be ashamed of or regretful about. It happened." She chucked, frowning slightly. "Er, didn't happen. You know what I mean."

"Well this is you." He nodded to her house as he pulled to the curb and killed the engine.

"This is me." She parroted softly looking up at her darkened home. "I had a really great time, Damien."

"I'll see you when I get back, alright?"

She reached over the seat, hugging him and brushing her lips across his. "Merry Christmas."

X-x-X

"Merry Christmas!"

Haley jumped on her younger brother's bed, shaking him until he finally stirred from his slumber. Admittedly, she was still tired from the previous night when she had helped her mother wrap up last minutes gifts and set the stage for 'Santa' to arrive that morning. She was exhausted but entirely too wired to go to sleep and had ended up staying up, reading a book, and barely waiting for the sun to rise to wake up her siblings.

"Nelson, dude, get up." Haley poked her brother in his sides until he groaned and begrudgingly got up. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before going over to their brother's cribs that were positioned next to his bed.

"Hay-we?" Jordan questioned stirring from his sleep and reaching his arms out for Haley to pick him up. Jason was already awake and bouncing eagerly waiting until Haley could pick him up as well.

When Haley turned around, Abby was in the door way, thumb planted firmly in her mouth her hand me down teddy bear, Mr. Waffles dangling by her side and slightly dragging on the floor. Walking to her, Jordan in one arm and Jason hanging on her back from her neck she tilted her sisters glasses straight and latched onto her hand as the five some made their way downstairs. Once they did, their eyes practically lit with glee and they stormed towards the mounds of present not hesitating at all to rip the paper off everything.

"Jason, Jordan you don't even know what presents are yours!" Haley scolded gently pulling the two boys away from the madness and planting them firmly on the couch. They both crossed their arms and jutted out their bottom lip in protest. "How about I sort through all this and give them to you? Then you can rip into them if you want okay?"

It wasn't until she had shifted through and found all of their gifts did the pouts disappear and giggles and laughter returned. She simply watched, amazed with the simple things children could find delight in. Her thoughts were interrupted when her mother called her into the kitchen. She ignored the first two calls but by the time Lydia James was on her third, she was roaring so loudly that Haley was sure that she had woken up the rest of the house.

"Yeah mom?" her tone was slightly annoyed as she slumped into a chair. "I was with the watching them open their presents."

"I need milk, bop." Lydia explained, opening up the fridge and rifling through. "I can't make half of my Christmas dinner without it."

"There's nothing open!"

"Café." Lydia said simply, chucking the keys at Haley to which she awkwardly caught. Flashing her mother a glare she got up and stormed out of the kitchen. "Get some coffee too!"

X-x-X

Stomping her boots off on the mat outside, Haley slid the key in the door rushing inside once it was unlocked. It was absolutely frigid out there and she was in no mood to be caught in it. How completely typical of her mother to not have everything prepared. She could cater, with no problem, a wedding party of five hundred and have every last detail planned down to the spices in the appetizers; but when it came to her own life and in her own home, she couldn't get a grip on anything. Haley long ago realized that it was because of her presence and her mother simply didn't have to for that reason.

At the same time though she was happy to be out and away from the wackiness that was sure to ensue soon. Peyton would no doubt be up in a short while, probably with a pretty huge hangover. She hadn't stumbled in the previous night until nearly five in the morning, looking trashed, and rightly so because she couldn't even make it to the top bunk. Instead she had fallen and landed on the floor to which Haley had no sympathy and had simply stepped over her this morning.

Ever since she had arrived, Haley had made sure that she stayed away. It would only end up bad and she was sure Peyton would spin it around to make it seem as if she were the victim. It was something she was good at and Haley just didn't have the time or the heart for her family to believe someone else over her. And even though she wasn't 'officially' tied to Damien she still had a sense of protectiveness over their relationship. When Peyton had claimed that he would be her next conquest Brooke had ended up giving her one good lick in the back of her head much to Haley's satisfaction.

Shrugging of her coat she tossed it on a table as she made her way to the kitchen. She flipped open her cell, effectively turning it off and tossed it too on the counter. Putting a kettle of water on the stove, she pulled a mugged down from the cupboard and scooped in some hot chocolate mix. It didn't take long for the water to boil and once she poured it in the cup and stirred she made her way out to the front of the café. Idly sipping the steaming liquid, her eyes grazed over the endless books she, Karen, and Lucas had stored there. Running her fingers along the spines and tilting her head sideways, she finally came across one that she could enjoy and picked it out, taking it over to the couch by the window.

It was snowing, again, and she couldn't remember the last time Tree Hill had so much snow. It gave her an odd sensation; like somehow this year at this time things were taking on a complete new life of their own. Things were progressively changing and although some were good, she took the bad with them as well. Gingerly sitting her mug down, she sat down on the couch, her back resting on one of the arms and her feet stretched out before her. She opened the book, smiling that the page she had dog-eared months ago was still there.

She sighed with contentment.

The last time she had read a book, other than for class had seemed like ages ago. It was one of the few guilty pleasures she had; to get so engrossed in a book and open her mind to allow it to be a welcome release. Hours would pass by and she would have no conception of it. In some way, she always found a little bit of herself in every book she read or she would learn something valuable, a moral perhaps, and she would carry it with her after that.

The tapping at the window beside her head, nearly had her jumping off the couch.

Nathan.

Her heart was pounding, through her chest it seemed, and the stern look she was giving him didn't seem to faze him in the slightest. But what she felt most afraid of at that moment was the haunting look that shadowed his face and plagued his eyes. Closing the book, she motioned towards the door, allowing him entrance once he stepped inside. Words weren't spoken at first and as he took off his light jacket, she took to closing all the blinds for a sense of privacy.

Awkwardly she stood there, her feet shifting back and forth. On arm rested across her stomach as the other's elbow rested on top of that, her finger in between her teeth. Words escaped her and he was offering nothing of himself; as if that surprised her. He looked dejected and somewhat frightened and it reminder her of when she had to tell her kid brother that his puppy had gone to heaven. It was then she realized that through his gruff exterior and iron clad walls, Nathan Scott was just a kid himself. Just like her, just trying to find his way.

"What are you doing here?" she questioned, her voice coming out more scratchy than she had intended. When he didn't answer, she pushed the lump back in her throat and tried again. "Nathan?"

He didn't know how to answer her. The honest truth was that he wasn't sure. But walking the ghostly streets of Tree Hill, he had caught a glimpse of her through the window and it had captivated him. Even though he couldn't put his finger on it, there was something very different about her. A certain something that inexplicably drew him to her. He had watched her for a little while; her brow kinking as she pulled her bottom lip through her teeth in though. He wasn't positive he was going to her until he was knocking on the window and pulling her out of her reverie.

"I saw you." He nodded to the covered windows. "I thought…"

"Thought what?" she interrupted, the raw emotion thick through her words. "That you would just come in and use me some more?"

"No." the low rumble of his tone didn't go unnoticed. "Is that how it's going to be now?"

"Like what?" she murmured, not trusting herself to speak any louder. "All it is with you is take, take, take. And_ I_ can't take it anymore." The pointed directly to her heart and as much as she wanted him to remove his steely gaze, he held it firmly until she looked away.

"Is that what you want?" he demanded to know. Silence engulfed them but to Nathan it spoke volumes. "No it's not, is it?"

Her head snapped to him. "How dare you! Do not come waltzing into _my_ life and even try to pretend like you know me!" her voice was a lot louder than what had started out but at that point she didn't give a damn. Stomping up to him, she pushed his chest vehemently. "Because you don't; and furthermore you don't even want to! And even if you did, "she laughed bitterly. "A big 'if' at that, then it's a pretty moot point now."

"I know all I need to know." He responded simply. He inched his body closer to hers and even though she told herself to take a step back her feet refused to move. Moving his hand to the back of her neck, he tilted his head and bent down to capture her lips.

"But I don't." she spoke just as he was barely grazing her lips. His hand dropped and he took a step back as if she had scorched him. "I don't know anything about you. You get this far away look in your eyes sometimes and I…I just dunno. It scares me because there's a part of you that resides in a very dark place. I can't let you pull me down with you."

"Can't you just trust me?"

"Ha!" she snorted, shaking her head. "Trust you? Do you even trust yourself?"

"I trust myself with you."

"That's not good enough." She snapped, fighting herself not to explode. "I appreciate the sentiment but it's not enough. You don't know me and I certainly don't know you. And this, whatever it is, or was, it's not worth it. We're heading in to different directions."

"You're so lonely you don't even realize it." The words seemed to reverberate throughout the small café. "You think you can fill up your life with books, and friends, and mindless jocks that won't mean anything to you further on down the road. You're so terrified to slipping up and failing in the face of your parents that you're constantly tip toeing around on eggshells. When's the last time you did something completely and utterly for you that made you happy; nobody else. Just you."

"You." She closed her eyes, instantly regretting her omission. When she opened her eyes after a few moments of silence, he was towering over her. Before she could even take a breath, he was crashing his lips upon her, scooping her petite frame in his much longer one. Warning bells screamed in her head, but the moans erupting from the bottom of her throat were quickly drowning them out. "Nathan…"

"Trust me baby." He nibbled on her earlobe as he walked them to the couch. Placing her down first, he skillfully tore of his shirt reaching down to capture her mouth once more.

"We can't do this." She breathed, her hand trembling on his chest. "I can't do this with you."

"Yes you can." He coached, taking his time unfastening each of the buttons on her shirt. His hand stopped once it rested on her skin; the creamy texture aching the tips of his fingers. Digging in to her waist, he pulled her hips flush with his own desperately needed to feel her as close to him as possible. He started placing butterfly kisses at her navel and worked his way up savoring every inch of skin on his tongue. Her hands instinctively reached for his head, her fingers latching onto his raven locks.

"Wait, stop." She whimpered, the severity of the situation bearing down on her. "Stop. I don't want this."

"You do want this." His ministrations had moved to her neck now and once he reached the oversensitive patch of skin right below her earlobe, she bucked in response. "This is all I need to know about you. You want me and whether it scares you shitless or not, you still want to get lost in me; with me. It's the only time you don't feel completely alone."

"What's in it for you?" she had to ask as he maneuvered her hands above her head for better access. The grip around her wrists seemed to tauten slightly as his other hand moved to the button of her jeans. She tried to wiggle free but it was fruitless. She was positive the panic in her voice was more than apparent. "Nathan."

"I need to feel you." He nuzzled her neck, his ministrations stopping temporarily. "It's the only time I feel anything."


	15. Spiral and Escape

**A/N: Hi. I'm aware that it's been like a year; literally. I'm really sorry about that, honestly. This year has been ridiculously rough. However, ironically I guess, I did happen to end up in a situation remarkably like this story so I have a lot more perspective. Also, I get to plant real live experiences now, hehe. Hopefully people are still interested in this story and I hope to start writing a lot more; for all my stories. Thanks and enjoy :)**

Spiral and Escape

It was a struggle but he did his best to contain his labored breath to a minimum. It took everything in him not to wake her. It took every ounce of strength to keep his hands away from her body. The worry lines that were a constant present on her features dissipated once she was asleep. Running his fingers across the top of her forehead he was glad to feel the smoothness underneath. He had decided that someone like her didn't need to worry about the rest of the world as she did. But someone like her would never stop either.

He was sitting on the floor, his back against the coffee table as he faced the couch. She was asleep, laying her on stomach, a small blanket just barely covering up the small of her back. The rest of it remained bare from their previous activity. Her left arm was tucked underneath her head, the right one was dangling beside the couch on the floor. Her long brown locks tumbled down her cheek; the undoing of her ponytail happening sometime in the midst of their passion. Every so often she would sigh, as if she was dreaming of something that made her deliriously happy.

His fingers itched to touch her creamy skin; to feel it once more under his touch. Carefully, he stood up, and picked up her limp body, sliding his underneath hers. She stirred, only slightly as her arm moved to around his back and she settled her head on his chest. To lull her back into her slumber he placed his calloused hand on her back, rubbing soothing circles up and down; a trick he had learned from their very first night together. After a few minutes, he knew she was awake despite his ministrations when she began to run her fingers along his chest.

"Hi." She whispered as her fingers continued their dance on his skin. "How long have you been awake?"

"I never went to sleep." He informed her, his hand pushing the hair away from her face. "But it's only been about half an hour."

Haley's eyes popped open at the mention of time. It was then that realization suddenly dawned on her. The fact that she had been gone going on nearly an hour and a half to get milk was not something she could easily explain. She was positive her mother would send a search party out for her soon. With her luck it would end up being Lucas, or God forbid Peyton finding her in this compromising position. But being in his arms, the contentment that she felt not only for herself but the serenity radiating off of him was something that she just couldn't part with just yet.

"It's Christmas." She said out loud, hoping for some kind of acknowledgement or recognition from Nathan.

"It is." His voice cracked slightly, but he decided to chalk it up to the tiredness plaguing his body. "Were you a good girl this year?"

He could feel her smile on his torso. "Of course."

"I think you've been a very naughty girl." He teased, his hands pushing her body up us so that their faces were closer together. She kissed him softly; a vast difference from the passionate and lust filled ones he was normally accustomed to. "You're going to have do a lot more than that to get on the nice list."

"The nice list isn't all it's cracked up to be." She quipped, getting up and wrapping the blanket around her body. The sudden lack of body warmth made him frown as she padded to the bar. "And to further enforce my naughtiness, I'm about to lie to my mother."

He watched as she quickly dialed a number and held it away from her ear. "Mom! Stop yelling! Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry; my phone died. No, it just started snowing and I didn't want to leave just yet. Mom! Have you looked outside? It's like Siberia out there. Just give me few hours once it calms down and I'll head home. Yes, I know. Christmas dinner isn't ruined Mom. We'll be fine. I'll see you in a few hours okay?"

"So, does Santa want some cookies?" she grinned as she left the phone sitting on the counter and off the receiver. "Or should we just use me as the treat?"

"Can I dip you in milk?" He got up and walked over, snagging and apron off the hook. "Here." He handed it to her as she gave him a questioning look. "You can where that."

"Only this?"

He smirked. "Only that."

"You better be glad it's Christmas mister." She let the blanket slip off her shoulders and pointed a finger at his chest. Latching onto her hand, he pulled her to where she was flush against his body. "What?"

"I think this will end up a Christmas I actually enjoy." He told her and she was left speechless at the sincerity of his words. He pointed upward and her gaze followed his finger to the mistletoe hanging over them. "Merry Christmas Hales."

She expected a kiss on the lips but was surprised when he kissed her forehead gently. "Merry Christmas Nate."

X-x-X

"Favorite game as a kid?"

"Hands down, capture the flag." Nathan laughed, as he wiped his mouth with a napkin. "Only because I was the most agile out of all the kids. I don't think I ever lost that game."

"Mine would definitely be playing pretend SATs with Lucas." Haley flushed with embarrassment and giggled as Nathan gave her a curious look. "I never said I wasn't a big dork."

"I would call you more of a geek." Nathan picked up their empty plates and took them into the kitchen, dumping them in the sink. Haley was right behind him, gulping down the rest of her drink and placing her cup in the sink as well. "I'll do the dishes if you'd like."

She looked at him curiously. "How about we do it together?"

They washed in silence and she was truly grateful for it. It gave her a little time to think and organize her thoughts. She shoved her feelings down, refusing to even let them come into play. Even though she had said no to him, she had never been frightened or worried that it would turn into something bad. She knew it was something she shouldn't continue doing, especially at this point, but all it took was one look and one kiss and one touch and it was all she could do but not to cater to his every need. If the look in his eyes hadn't been so honest as he uttered those words she would have sworn they were almost scary.

As if reading her mind, he spoke. "I didn't scare you did I? I mean, I didn't take it to far did I?"

"No." she swallowed shaking her head. "It was amazing, actually."

"I'm trying here." He told her as he slipped a dish in her hand. "I'm going to mess it up, I know but I am trying."

"I know."

He was being completely truthful but he knew that it was only a matter of time before his nature got the better of him. He would screw up and he would probably hurt her. He was finally starting to feel something; albeit it was a tiny inkling, it was still something. Everything out of his mouth was the completely and uncensored truth. He could promise her nothing and would most likely give her the same amount. He suspected he would receive a lot more than he put in. The only thing he could do was try his best and work out the kinks as they went along.

"This is never really going to more than this is it?" she asked, nearly smacking herself in the forehead at the absurdity of the question. She threw up her hands shaking her head. "Forget that. Ignore it."

"More than this?" he parroted, his brow furrowing in confusion. "What more do you need than this?"

A bitter laugh bubbled out of her throat. "You really are completely clueless."

"What?" he demanded, as he let the sink stopped loose to let the water drain. "We're together and spending time with one another."

"Can we just drop this?" she pleaded, regretting ever opening the can of worms. "It's a redundant argument."

He opened his mouth to speak but closed it almost immediately. His eyes took notice of a small mark on the crook of her shoulder; a mark he was sure he did not leave. He had learned from their first night together the peaks of her pleasure that his lips left on her skin and that was not one of them. He didn't know why he hadn't noticed it before; perhaps he was simply caught up in his need to be with her, to feel her that his eyes had ignored everything else. Taking a step closer, he swept the hair off her shoulder, revealing the purple mark even further.

"I didn't leave that." He stated simply, as her fingers instantly reached to touch it. He shoved his hands in his pockets, a solid glare already hardening on his face. "And whoever left it obviously didn't care to much how you felt."

"What do you mean, whoever left it?" she asked, guilt seeping through even though she knew she was trying to cover up her secret.

Instead of an answer, he snaked his arm around her waist and bent his head down to the opposite shoulder, his tongue and lips gently nipped and tugging and sucking at the skin it was in contact with. Although it did feel amazing, it wasn't a spot that completely drove her wild. After a few moments he drew away, his steely gaze transfixed on the spot on her shoulder. She was caught and even though she had no reason to feel guilty, it was still pouring out in waves.

"If the idiot who did that was paying any attention to you, he would've known to move on." Nathan said calmly even though his insides were practically boiling.

"He's not an idiot."

"I bet you it was the same idiot who betted you in that basketball game." Nathan challenged and under his heated glare, Haley couldn't protest. "What a stand up guy."

He had absolutely no reason to be jealous. She was just a girl. Only days earlier he had had a plethora of beauties in his bed. That was the way he was though. He had always made it very clear that he was strictly no strings attached. He just hadn't thought that he should have attached strings to her. But there was always something pure and innocent about Haley that had attracted him to her. Now, it just seemed somewhat tainted; her luster losing its shine.

"Nothing happened." She found herself defending her actions when he had no right to an explanation. "But if something were to have, it is none of your concern."

"I never said it was."

She quirked up an eyebrow. "You don't have to. If it hadn't of mattered your face wouldn't be flushed with envy right now and the tips of your ears wouldn't be red from anger."

"You could marry the guy and you would still be in my bed. So it wouldn't matter one way or the other." He gritted out, his arms crossing over his broad torso.

"Don't." she warned, mimicking his actions.

"Don't what?"

"Cut the bullshit Nathan." She sighed, brushing the bangs from her forehead. "You can push me away all you want to but you and I both know that it's not going to stop this."

"You can't save me." He told her, feverously believing every word. The hardened look on his face showed her how serious he was and how truthful he was being but the look in his eyes and the sadness they held told her that he wanted her to.

"Maybe you can save me instead?" she spoke so softly that the words nearly died on her lips and barely fell on his ears. It was the first thing that came to her mouth, instead of her mind. Her eyes fell to the floor before she briefly glanced up at him. It wasn't what she had planned on saying at all.

He didn't have a witty remark or a sarcastic comeback for the small bomb she had just dropped on him. It was different before; somehow he thought that the expectations of their arrangement weren't much at all. It didn't help matters that he wasn't exactly sure what she meant by the comment either. Save her from herself? The world? He knew that it wasn't something that he was capable of doing. Furthermore, he wasn't sure if it was something he wanted to do.

"That came out wrong." She rushed out, her cheeks flushing. Wringing the cloth she held through her hands, she slammed it down on the counter in frustration. "We both know that we use each other for an escape. I can paint on pretty smiles and sing laughs but most of the time; they don't mean a whole lot. Look, I'm not naïve enough to believe that everything is going to be sunshine and rainbows between us. But you have to know, I don't really expect more out of you than what you can give me."

"Do you want more?" he questioned and it took everything in him to not let the panic show on his features.

"Sometimes." She admitted sheepishly. "You know, when my mom is driving me bonkers or I see a couple walking down the boardwalk holding hands I just wish I had that person in my life that I could rely on; be with. Then I think that in six months I'll be flying 3000 miles away and how screwed up it would make everything. Which is why it different with you."

"So, wait." He chuckled to himself, shaking his head, before looking back up to her. "Let me get this straight. You're just using _me_?"

She let a deep laugh bellow out. "Yeah, I guess when you put it that way." She reached up, kissing him fervently. "It's just that in a lot of ways sex is the easy part; the ridiculously easy part. It's giving up the other part, the sacred part that's a big deal."

"An escape." He echoed, getting a feel for the words and the meaning it held behind them. He could see her point. She gently traced the cursive word branding his wrist. There was definitely something there, with her, that he could get so completely lost in. Everything bad and ugly in his world just seem to diminish once his focus was on her; with her. "I can see that. I can deal with that."

"Haley?!"

Haley's eyes widened at the sound of Lucas's voice floating from the front of the café. She kissed Nathan quickly, pushing him down behind the center island and pointing to the back door. She mouthed an apology to his sullen and somewhat angry face and watched as he practically crawled out of the café on all fours. Thanking herself for having enough sense to get dressed despite Nathan's protest, she smoothed out her clothes, caught her breath, and walked to the front of the café.

"Hey Luke." She greeted, smiling at him. "What's up?"

"Your mom sent us on a rescue mission." He explained, shaking the snow off his coat and hair. "Actually, I decided to come get you because I was tired of hearing her complain so much about you taking all of Christmas day to come back."

It was in that moment that Peyton walked in, all leather and malice.

"She decided to follow me like a lost puppy." Lucas explained with a grimace once he was met with Haley's disapproving glare.

"What were you doing here?" Peyton questioned suspiciously eyeing the couch and the surrounding café. "Was there someone here with you?"

"No, there wasn't." Haley lied easily. "I was catching up on my reading while I waited to go home."

"I'm going to get the stuff your mom wanted." Lucas ducked between the two girls heading into the kitchen.

"Right." Peyton nodded, unconvinced. "You're just the same old tutor girl huh?"

"Not exactly."


	16. Rain

**A/N: Hey party people. Sorry for the delay. I had it written about half way and got completely blocked. In my defense though, it's not my fault. My brain won't shut up and stop giving me ideas about a Twilight story I'm writing. Even though it sucks and no one reads it. I'm being retarded. Not only that I'm having to re-read all my stories and try to figure out where I wanted these stories to go because it's been eons since I've updated. Seriously, I'm like trying to remember how I made these characters look. It's that bad. If Haley has blonde hair or brown hair; short or long. I don't know. So my bust if there's some continuity's errors. **

**So this chapter. Eh. It didn't go any where near where I thought it would. Where it went and where I thought it would go are in two totally different hemispheres. I did end up liking it though. It had to happen, all of it, but I didn't expect it to happen this chapter. Shows what I know. My character are running a muck on me and I can't stop it. Oh well. **

**As always, thanks so much for the support and the reviews. It makes me all kinds of happy. I'm going to try and update my other stories as soon as possible. It's just I'm trying to get back in the groove of writing so please be patient. Thanks. You guys rock my socks. (And they are awesome socks indeed)  
**

Rain

"I'll be down in the second!"

Haley shoved her hoop earring in her ear as she hollered out her door and down the steps. She flipped her hair and began tugging on one heel at time as she continued to walk towards the first floor. Out of the three of her best friends she was the quickest one to get ready, always waiting relentlessly for Malibu and Delinquent Barbie to get ready. And yet the two of them never failed to be absolutely intolerable to patience whenever she was running even the tiniest behind.

"You two are impossible!" she muttered once she landed on the foot of the stairs, heaving up her pantyhose that had slipped down in her haste. She glanced at her watched and flicked another annoyed glare in their direction. "I am two minutes late."

"What has your panties in a bunch?" Rachel snapped, rolling her eyes and forcing Haley's coat on her arms. "We're trying to ring in the New Year. You may want to be Ghost of Haley past but I am turning over a new leaf."

"Is it plastic like the rest of you?" Haley quipped as she slipped her scarf over her head. She looked up at Rachel, giving her an impossibly sweet grin. Rachel glared. "Oh come on darlin'. I didn't mean it. I know only half of you is fake."

Rachel snapped Haley with her clutch. "Ladies." Brooke interfered before Haley had a chance to retaliate or Rachel had a chance to due further damage. "We are now seven minutes behind and no closer to being drunk than we were hours ago. So please for the love of Jack and Jose, can we vamanos?"

"Hey party people."

Haley shoved her fist through the top of her hair, holding it before releasing it down across her face. If there was any God up there, he had to understand that he was being kind of a dick. Peyton had done nothing but completely disrupt Haley's life since she had waddled her way in, chicken legs and all. She knew people would weasel her way into this, somehow, and sneaking out like she had planned would be nearly impossible.

Haley turned around. "NO."

Peyton scowled. "No what?"

"Your blonde comes out of a bottle Goldilocks so don't play dumb with me." Haley placed her fist on her hip. "You're not going to do something stupid to get us all thrown in jail."

"I'm a little offended." Peyton feigned innocence placing her hand over her heart. "You could at least give me the benefit of the doubt."

"Please." Brooke scoffed. "The penal code is your personal to-do list. Pick a section and you've violated it. We're not the parentals. Who are you trying to fool?"

Peyton grinned. "Ah, Brookie monster. It's not up to you." She narrowed her eyes at Haley. "Or you. Felix invited me."

"What?!" all three girls screeched at the same time. Haley continued. "Oh I see. You go down and he moves you up the social ladder."

"Pipe down Jabba the mutt." Peyton slipped past Haley, patting her head and grabbing her leather jacket. "You don't really think I would miss out on this do you? I mean the entire school is going to be there. My parents are a million miles away and yours are out getting just a sloshed as we are. The kids are at the sitters down the street, sound asleep while she makes out with her boyfriend on the couch, and we're all free to do whatever we please. So what exactly is the problem?"

"You are always my problem Peyton." Haley sighed, defeated, motioning for her friends to follow her out the door. It wasn't like she was planning on staying the entire night anyway.

"I certainly am."

X-x-X

Nathan wasn't sure how to do this. It seemed that his and Haley's Christmas day rendezvous seemingly made their relationship that much simpler and that much more complicated all in one swoop. He couldn't deny that things, forces beyond his grasp were pushing him a direction he wasn't sure he was willingly to go towards. He also couldn't deny at how absolutely perturbed he had been; down right pissed actually when she had shoved him out of the café to avoid being seen by her friends. It wasn't like him and it shouldn't have mattered. But then again, lots of things mattered when it came to Haley.

"Here, take this." Felix forced a tall shot glass in Nathan's hand, clinking his own against it, and drowning the harsh liquid. Felix grinned, clapping Nathan's shoulder. "Having a good time man?"

Nathan rolled his eyes. "This scene gets old after a while, don't you think?"

"You need to loosen up man." Felix quickly decided, reaching over and grabbing another shot glass. The fluid sloshed over the sides of the rim as Felix nudged Nathan. "Dude, there's this new chick. She's a little on the thin side but totally hot. I could get you an in, man."

"Just give me the damn shot." Nathan growled, wanting nothing more to deck Felix and his shit eating grin. He should have stayed at home and rung in the New Year alone. What tore at him the most was that even though he was at this stupid party, his only reasoning for being there was to see her. Take her. Claim her as his own.

"Hey hot shot." Rachel greeted the two guys as she walked into the busted kitchen with a wink and a wicked grin. Brooke and Haley trailed behind her giggling into each other's shoulders. "God Felix. Could you have picked a more dilapidated place to through a kegger?"

"It's secluded and free." Felix shrugged, slipping his arm around Rachel's waist. "Besides, all our parents are getting faced at my house."

Haley was surprised to find herself happy that Nathan was there. Even with his reputation, she wasn't sure he was going to make an appearance. It made her whole evening that much better and far less complicated. She had planned all along to skip out and join Nathan. She couldn't think of a better way or with a better person to ring in the New Year. She wasn't naïve enough to not realize how much deeper she was crashing into the whole affair. While she wholeheartedly believed everything she told him Christmas day in the café, there was still a much bigger part of her that wanted to explore every inch of Nathan Scott; damage pieces and all.

"Hey you." Haley jumped as a pair of warm and strong arms slipped around her torso, catching her off guard and igniting a small fury in Nathan's eyes which didn't go unnoticed. She turned around in her captor's arms and did manage to find herself happy to see Damien. She didn't know what to do with that emotion. He swept down and brushed his lips against hers. Obviously, he did. "Happy New Year."

"Hi." She grinned despite herself. "Happy New Year. How was your Christmas?"

He shrugged making a noncommittal grunt. "How was yours?"

"One of the best ever." She spoke honestly, knowing that her impish grin in plain sight of Nathan gave away her implications. "I didn't know you were going to be here."

"I couldn't think of a better way or with a better person to ring in my New Year." He smiled warmly, and Haley had to choke back the lump in her throat. She felt the same way, but for a different guy. Gently, trying not to offend him, she shrugged her way out of his arms. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Sure." Haley nodded enthusiastically, shooting a pleading glance at Nathan. Brooke and Rachel were wrapped up in a conversation with Felix but both gave her warning glares. "I'm just going to find a bathroom."

It took her nearly ten minutes to maneuver though the thick throngs of people to the upper floor of the abandoned house. She wasn't even sure if the house had running water which probably meant working bathrooms were out of the question but she wasn't exactly going to use the facilities anyway. She could sense his presence not too terribly far behind her, and she had to bit her lip to keep her focus straight ahead. It took everything in her to not turn around and completely blow their cover.

God, why did they have to have a cover anyway?

She had just stepped past a row of doors when she felt herself being yanked back into one of them. His grip around her wrist was fierce and dominating as he slammed the door behind them and gently pushed her against it. He wasn't familiar with the emotion pulsating through him but he knew it put him on edge and pissed him off in the same beat. Her eyes were wide; guilt and lust swirling around and battling it out. He took a step back, planting himself the furthest distance away, which was maybe a foot a best, as he rested his body on the bathroom counter.

Her hands were still up on either side of her head resting against the chipped white paint of the door. She tore her gaze away from his stormy eyes and tried to focus on their surrounding instead of the war that was waging in her head. Finally, she willed herself to look at him once more, dropping her hands down to tug the hem of her dress. She gulped as she watched his grip on the edge of the bathroom counter tightened; almost to the point where she was sure he would turn the granite to dust at any moment.

His eyes were skimming over her; drinking her in entirely. It was a different girl than he was accustomed to. He had long been subjected to holey jeans and busted t shirts. Sometimes he was even graced with an enchanting poncho. She was just an ordinary girl. This was not the same girl. Where she had always been pretty in her own right, she owned this dress and it took everything in him not to rip it from her body. She was insanely and impossibly gorgeous.

She found her voice. "Nathan?"

He seemed surprised.

"What?" he snapped, but lessened his grip slightly.

"I.." she couldn't think of the words and didn't know if they would come out right anyway. Hesitantly, she took a step forward, only a step away from being completely flush against him, and wearily placed her hand on his chest. She glanced down to see his fingers twitch for an instant before they made their way to hip. His other hand came dancing up her back and found their way underneath her hair at the nape of her neck. After a moment, he buried his head into her shoulder, attaching his lips to the skin just below her ear.

"I don't like to share." He murmured into her ear but she could definitely hear the roar behind it. Her hand instinctively gripped at his shirt, pulling the fabric into her fist. With his lips doing ministrations like that, it was hard for her to remember her own name much less protest his caveman tendencies.

"I'm not a toy." She whimpered, pathetically. He growled, kissing along her jaw, down her neck, and around to the other side of her head. Clearing her throat and attempting to do the same with her mind, she tried to swallow back the absolute raw emotion that was lodged there. "I wanted to see you tonight."

He didn't respond and she honestly hadn't expected him too. He was still keeping her at arms length even with her securely wrapped up in him now. Mustering up all the physical and emotional strength she thought she could find in herself she pushed him away, instantly feeling the lack of warmth from his body. She didn't know how she was blinding herself from it before. Looking into his eyes, the shield he so cowardly wore so often not being present she suddenly knew. It was a relief and a curse all in the same thought. Matching an emotion to a name and knowing to the core that it was right.

She was falling for him.

Crashing.

And he would never feel the same.

Looking around the bathroom, she suddenly became disgusted with herself. She literally had to clutch her stomach from physically wrenching all over the place. This wasn't how she pictured any of this. Never had she thought she was capable of losing her virginity to a practical stranger in the back seat of a car; the cold leather rubbing her skin raw. Or realizing that she was in love for the first time at a cliché house party in a dirty bathroom. Their entire relationship was tainted and flawed; like him. Like her, she realized.

Without meaning to, she took a step away from him. "This is over." She rasped, and for a moment she wondered if she had even said the words out loud. And then she wondered if she truly meant it. Confusion instantly marked his features and his brow furrowed between his eyes. It took everything in her to not smooth out the lines.

It only took him a moment to connect her words with their entire situation and not just the one at hand. The fact that she looked scared shitless was a dead giveaway. But she was determined; he knew the look well. When he purposely pretended to not understand a math equation or when she was calling him out on all his infinite bullshit, it was the same definitive look. Rubbing the back of his neck in frustration he was torn with being indifferent and being compassionate. One emotion was the safe haven he flocked to and the other was a foreign land he didn't have a passport for.

Her eyes were downcast as she continued, her bottom lip snuggly secured underneath her teeth. "I need to go."

She didn't look up as she reached behind her and searched for the door handle. She waited for the protest that would never come. When he couldn't find the knob that would free her, she turned around and slammed her palm into the door. The move surprised Nathan, as he had never seen Haley lose her temper or her cool. Suddenly she turned around and rested her throbbing palm on his chest; directly over his heart.

She could have clocked him and he would have been caught less off guard.

"You're heart is like a natural lullaby, you know?" she whispered, her head still bent down. He watched as a tear slipped onto her outstretched arm. "It's hard listening to that hard heart of yours. Knowing I can't know anything that's in there. And then to hear it with mine? So close that I can hear it but too far away to ever touch it." She fingered the fabric of his shirt lightly and chuckled once; hard and bitter. "I'm pounding against stone and steel here. I can't knock down your walls and I won't try to climb them. You're just going to open the door for me."

He grasped her dancing fingers. "What are you saying?"

When she looked up, she didn't even bother to conceal the tears that were spilling down her cheeks. She sniffled once, twice, and bobbed her head when his hand came up. He paused, suddenly unsure of the gesture and himself before she moved her head forward enough to give him permission. The shock radiating off both of them was palpable but he wouldn't help himself. Finally, when all traces of sadness were gone, save the look in her eyes, she leant forward and kissed him. It wasn't passionate or lustful. It was simple and soft but containing an intensity that was foreign to him.

Goodbye.

He snaked his hand to the back of her neck, underneath her hair and kissed the top of her head. It was the most love she was going to receive from him. The most affection. The most of himself. All that he was willing to offer in small touches and stolen glances and tiny gestures. And it wasn't enough. Not for her now, and not for her ever.

"I'll be seeing you."

x-X-x

He wasn't getting drunk.

He wasn't even in the same area code as being drunk. It didn't matter that he was consuming any and all liquid that was presented to him because it wasn't touching him. It couldn't erase the burning image out of his mind of her tears and it couldn't drown out her words that seemed to reverberate off the cold bathroom walls long after she had slipped out of his grasp. He was letting himself fall back into the Nathan pre-Haley where days went by in a cloudless haze and nothing touched his cold heart.

"Here." He glanced down as a mirror was slide underneath his nose on the counter. His eyes locked on the lines of white substance that adorned the mirror before they look up to the source. The blonde smirked knowingly and winked. "You look like you could appreciate a good high."

"Who are you?" he asked once he had bent down and inhaled one of the lines. He sniffed, wiping his nose off. "I haven't seen you around."

Grinning, she slinked around the counter and slid on top of it beside him. "Me? I'm trouble. You don't want to know a girl like me."

"You know, I always thought the devil would be hot and wearing leather." He fingered her jacket approvingly. He watched as she bent down and removed another line from the mirror. "You assume a lot."

"Do I now?" she laughed, quirking up her eyebrows. "How's that cowboy?"

"I don't want to get to know a girl like you."

"Smart boy."

"I don't need to know anything about you. Not to do the things I have in mind." He pulled her body until she was directly in front of him. It only took a moment before she was opening up to allow him to slip in between her legs. "I don't even need to know your name."

She bent down and kissed him, dragging her teeth along his bottom lip. He reacted instantly, shoving his hands into her curls and tugging harder than he intended. She laughed, almost menacingly before doing the same to his long locks. Just as he was about to pull her to him once more she jerked away, thumbing off the little bit of blood that produced on Nathan's lip and plucking it in her mouth. She couldn't stop the impish grin from forming on her lips.

"You're going to need to know my name, sailor." She giggled and put her lips to his ear. "You'll be screaming it later."

**A/N2: Peyton's pretty slutastic huh? I've never made Peyton evil before; not quite like this anyway. Hey, at least she's not whining. Anyway, just wanted to throw this out there: don't give up hope. I haven't yet. I think Nathan wants to believe in the sappy happily ever after as much as I do. And Haley needs to put on her big girl panties and deal with it. We'll see. Thanks again!**


	17. The Fix

**A/N: Hey look at me...not waiting a year to update. Praise Fonzie. Anyway, this is an important chapter. It's a month later from the last chapter and it's setting up for the rest of the story. Which I don't know how much long it's going to be. Nathan and Haley still have a lot of ground they have to cover. Because Nathan's hasn't exactly told us his story yet and I'm still fighting with him to get him to even tell it to me. And then I get to help him explain it to Haley. So we'll see. Anyway, thanks for putting up with my lackluster updates and so so chapters as I try to get into the swing of writing again. Thanks a ton for the reviews. They are amazing and it makes me feel all warm and gooey inside. So leave me some more and enjoy.**

**A/N2: If you already read this, my bust guys but it was brought to my attention that I left two things out so I put them in. If you can re=read the Nathan section once more. Thanks.  
**

The Fix

One Month Later

"Oomph."

"Hey let me get that."

Haley struggled on her tip toes trying to reach the top shelf and failing miserably. She wasn't sure where she got the short stature from in her family but she certainly didn't think she benefited from that gene pool. She slid down on the soles of her feet as he came up behind her and effortlessly reached over her and grabbed the box she was aiming for. Once he successfully placed the box on the floor, she turned around to give him an appreciative grin.

"What are you doing here?" she questioned, pulling on the collar of his jacket and bringing him down to meet her lips. "I thought I was seeing you later on tonight?"

"You know, I thought it was hard before to see you." He pecked her lips once more. "But lately, it seems I have to get my girlfriend to pencil me in."

She was quietly squealing on the inside at the mere mention of being his girlfriend.

"I know." She grimaced an apologetic smile and scratched her head. "But Tric is about to open and I'm running around with my head cut off trying to help."

"Well, that's where I come in. Where do you want me?" he questioned, looking around the space before him.

She quirked up an eyebrow. "Where don't I want you?" he made an attempt to kiss her again but she heard the door opening behind them and knowing who is was, decided to poke a little fun. "And Lucas is supposed to be helping…"

"Look, I'm sorry I have my own life!" Lucas hollered, walking into the spacious warehouse that was being converted into the night club Tric.

Haley winked at her boyfriend. "And by that, he means Mr. Tree Hill Basketball God is too busy stroking his ego to help out."

"Hey!" Both boys scoffed at her theory. Her boyfriend continued. "I thought I was Mr. Tree Hill Basketball God?"

"Oh, excuse me." She laughed, throwing her hand over her heart. "I stand corrected."

"And that's my cue to exit." Lucas coughed as Haley threw her arms around her boyfriend's neck and he lifted her up to the bar.

"Mmm, I'm sorry I haven't been around." She apologized in between kisses as he ran his hands from the top of her shoulders, down her torso, and along the length of her thighs.

"Can I just say how incredibly hot you are in just a t shirt and jeans?" he mumbled as he moved his lips from her mouth to her jaw and up to her ear.

"Not today."

"Favorite outfit ever."

"You said that yesterday when I was wearing the turtleneck and boots." She reminded him, as he continued his ministrations on her neck. She giggled as he landed on a particularly ticklish spot, but pulled him closer to her nonetheless. "What about you, huh? You've been playing the vanishing act all week."

"Oh I'm aware." He pulled her shirt slightly to the side to get better access to her shoulder before coming back up to kiss her mouth. "But I'm trying to be responsible here. I had to work."

"Work is overrated." She announced as she made her way down his jaw. "We should play much more often."

He gripped her hips as she grazed over the sensitive part of his neck. "Are you suggesting a play date?"

"You know, I think I want to play a game."

"Babe, I'm not playing pretend SATs with you."

She shoved his shoulder playfully as he took a step back and wiped his mouth; smirking the entire time. It was that smirk that always managed to crumble all of her resolve and forget even her own name sometimes. It was small moments like these when she was truly grateful that they had made that step forward in the right direction in making what little they had into something much more important. Even though when she took a closer look, she wasn't sure if it was what she really wanted anyway.

"Funny, but I was thinking more along the line of seven minutes in heaven." She leaned back on the bar and tossed her head over her shoulder in the direction of the elevator. "But I mean if I don't make your elevator list…"In one fluid motion he was tossing her over his shoulder and practically sprinting to the elevator. "Hey, what if you don't make my elevator list?"

He chuckled as he set her down in the shaft and shut the door behind them. "Damien West makes everyone elevator list."

x-X-x

Ducking his head under his pillow, it took every once of Nathan's will power to not get up and pound the shit out of whoever was blasting the music that was invading his sleep. Well, he knew who is was, but the will to not move was strongly greater than the desire to fight with said person. It would just end up an epic screaming match that would end with him storming off and punching yet another hole in his already demolished bedroom walls.

Just as suddenly as the music had startled him awake, it had now suddenly ceased and desisted. He heard his door open and shut and the water running in his bathroom. He pulled his head from under the pillow and rested his torso on one elbow as he watched her slink into the bedroom with nothing on but her grungy t shirt and underwear. She took a sip of the water in her hand and handed it over to him as she took a seat on the bed.

"Did the music wake you?" she asked in an almost sweet voice that Nathan knew was otherwise quite salty. She reached over him and grabbed a Sharpie from the bedside table and began drawing something on his back. He wretched away from her and sat up as she rolled her eyes and placed the cap back on the marker. "What?"

"You know I hate when you do that shit." He grumbled, snatching the pen from her hands and tossing it across the room as she humored him with an amused look.

And this is how it always started with them.

"Well." She got up abruptly and shoved on a pair of jeans. "This has been a peach."

"Where are you going?" he sighed, rushing his hand through his hair. She ignored him, of course, and continued to zip up her pants. He reached over and grabbed the waist of her jeans and yanked her on the bed. "I said where are you going?"

She hit his chest. "Felix texted me. I thought I would go see what he was up to."

"Like hell you are." He snarled seizing her phone and throwing it too across the room. She tried to hit him again but he wrapped his fingers around her wrists and pinned her down. "Calm down."

"Fuck you." She spat, struggling against the weight of his arms. He kissed her forcefully and barely flinched when she bit down on his lip. "I hate you, you know."

"I'm not concerned about it." He promised as he released one of her hands to pull down the jeans that she had put on just moments earlier.

They fought.

They made up.

"Peyton." He growled as she fisted her hand in his hair and tugged. In the moment of pain he had a moment of clarity and glanced at the clock on his beside table. Ignoring her for the moment, he stretched and turned the clock in his direction, cursing when he saw the time. "Fuck." He was out of the bed in an instant, shoving on the first pair of pants he saw. "I gotta get to work."

"Yeah?" she scowled, rolling her eyes. "I've gotta get to work, too."

"What work?" he was only vaguely concerned with her presence and income source at the present time. He only thought he would humor her.

"Do you want the legitimate one or the not so one?"

He sighed.

"When are you going to get it through your thick skull that I don't care how much you bait me, I don't give a shit what you do outside of these four walls." He motioned to the bare and damaged walls around him. "You are nothing more than a means to and end Peyton."

Glaring at him from beneath her eyelashes, she got up quite lithely and simply watched him as he got dressed. Up until this point, she had been playing nice, playing fair, and it was getting to be a bit of a bore and somewhat redundant. Her phone vibrated from it's place on the floor, and shoving past him she walked over to grab it. It was time to shake things up a bit, and fortunately enough for her, she knew him well enough to know what buttons to push.

"What do you want Haley?" she answered the phone, over dramatizing her annoyance. She felt him stop his shuffle but refused to acknowledge his suddenly peaked interest. After she had successfully blocked out Shelly's voice, she continued. "Last time I checked, I didn't have to answer to you. No, I'm not getting into trouble. Okay, I'm not getting into that much trouble. God, would you pipe down already? I'm at Nathan's. There? Are you satisfied?" she snapped her phone shut and pretend to be astounded. "Guess not. She hung up on me."

"Who was that?" he hated the weak stature of his voice. When Peyton didn't immediately respond, he palmed his hand into the closet door, startling her only slightly. "Goddamn it Peyton!"

"Hey!" she marched up to him and slammed her finger into his chest. "Who the hell do you think you are? Just because I lay down in your bed doesn't give you the right to have some animalistic power of me. It was just my cousin! So why don't you calm the fuck down?"

He had never even bothered to ask. Never bothered to care. It was what he lived by; the only real and grounded rule he had. It didn't matter someone's past or future as long as he was their present. Except with Haley. It was suddenly very clear to him that whatever she was to him, he didn't want someone like Peyton to taint or tear down what they had. And he knew all to well that someone like Peyton would do everything in her power to do so.

"Is she hot?" Nathan went with his smart ass answer to rile Peyton up and settled into his comfort zone.

Peyton scoffed. "Hardly. I mean if you're into the munchkin thing. Although, she did manage to snag the co captain of the basketball team. Maybe's she's just good in bed."

The magic words.

Nathan rushed upon Peyton, forcing her body into the wall behind them. Her legs wrapped around his waist and her feet began to toe down the jeans he didn't even get to button all the way up. Her practiced skills had her moaning at just the right intervals, and touching in all the right places. She arched her back momentarily for him to release her of her shirt and let a satisfied gasp when the thin panties she was wear was ripped from her hips.

Peyton hated being the weak link and refused to be anything but in power. And the way she could simple say a name or spin a simple statement made Nathan a complete puppet in her hands. It was empowering and addictive. After stumbling upon Nathan and Haley not only entering the bathroom at the party, but exiting together some time later, it became all too clear what she had the power to do. It was also the most delectable and perfect way to get the revenge on Haley she so heatedly desired. It would only be a matter of time before she stepped up her game.

"Fuck work."

X-x-X

"How long do you think we could hide out here before we got caught?"

Haley grinned up at Damien as her head rested in his lap. His body was sitting down in the elevator, his legs outstretched before him, as she angled her body perpendicular to his. Her feet were planted about half way up the wall as she reveled in the way his fingers ran through her long brown locks. Things had gotten pretty heated, pretty fast, but as always, she managed to halt their activities just shy of third base; no matter how many times he attempted to steal it.

"You seem happy." She observed as she scrutinized the content look on his face. She idly wondered if she featured the same.

He gave her an impish grin. "I'm all kinds of happy."

"Oh yeah?" she quirked up an eyebrow playfully. "I wouldn't have anything to do with that would I?"

"Not even a little bit." He answered in the same breath.

"Certain parts of your anatomy tend to disagree." She playfully rubbed her chin along his most sensitive spot. "I think you're lying."

"I think certain parts of my anatomy betray me." He surmised, lifting her body off his lap and settling her into the crook of his shoulder. "You make me alarmingly happy. I honestly thought that New Year's was going to be a disaster. Especially after you disappeared on me."

"Hey, I came back."

The words were whispered and pained, and she hoped that if fell on blind ears. It was probably the hardest thing she had ever had to do; realizing that she was in love with Nathan, devastatingly so, and realizing that there was nothing she could do but walk away all in one heartbreaking instant. But knowing that in the end, if she was walking away now it would be exponentially better than trying to walk away later. Or even worse yet, not having the strength to walk away at all.

So she had walked out of that bathroom and out of his life, squared her shoulders and sought out the thing in her world that could make sense. Even if it didn't quite ground her the same way, it would serve its purpose. She had nearly laughed as she landed on the bottom floor of the house to find Damien wondering around, searching for her. In the depth of her she knew it to be foolish and admittedly wrong, but she couldn't stop herself from rebounding right into his arms.

"Where did you go to that night?"

"I had to clean something up." She answered even though her head was saying something else entirely.

I was making a clean break.

She glanced at her watch. "So, I say we have around 27 minutes of solitude before someone comes to interrupt. Want to escape a little more with me?"

"If I could do nothing but play basketball and escape with you, I could be happy."

"You're dad's riding you pretty hard, huh?" she questioned knowingly. He closed his eyes and nodded once before resting his head against the wall. Gently, she stroked the tip of his chin before tracing the contours of his lips. "You could just tell him, you know?"

"Tell him what?" he growled, removing himself from her embrace. It wasn't the first time his father had been brought up; only this time it seemed to enrage him quite a bit more. He got up to his feet, brushing the dust off his khakis. Haley remained sitting on the floor, startled by his outburst. "What do I need to tell him Haley? That the dream he's been grooming me for my entire life isn't exactly what I want?"

"Yes!" she yelled, scrambling to her feet and lacking the grace he had. "You don't want to be your father, so why are you trying to pretend to be something your not?"

"Oh, okay Saint Haley." He chuckled bitterly, rubbing his jaw. "Because you're nothing but up front and honest about who you are? You haven't even told your parents you're jetting across the continent to get away from them!" he motioned his arms, barely missing the walls of the small elevator.

"That's completely different!" she screeched, bewildered and a little hurt that he would use her secrets against her.

"It's a little hypocritical don't you think?" he questioned, staring down at her in a hard glare. "Look, you and I, we do what we have to do. I pretend I want nothing more than to be a lawyer and you pretend you love nothing more than taking care of your parent's offspring. It's what we do! It's what makes us connected. We both do exactly what is expected out of us!"

In that moment, she thought of Nathan.

"No." she shook her head at his statement and her thought. "I'm leaving so I can do exactly what I want with my life. I'm not forcing myself to be or do anything other than what I want. It's not anywhere close to the same thing."

He huffed; placing his hands on his hips and shook his head. After a second or two, he composed himself and walked quickly to her and placed a chaste hiss on her forehead. He kept his hand on her neck but pulled his head back to duck his head and meet her eyes. She read the emotions in his eyes as if she could see the words engrained there. Pity and understanding with the slightest hint of anger and defeat; none of which made any sense.

"You're leaving because you want to do exactly what they didn't with theirs. Regardless of whether you're leaving for them or against them, it's still all about them. You're not doing anything for you. It's the _exact_ same thing."


	18. Dance We Do

**A/N: Well, look at me. I managed to keep my word. I wanted to thank each and every one of you that came to my defense to my other's note. Now, I'm going to show a little humility and come to the defense of the person who wrote said review. **_differentwavelengths _**pointed something out to me and once it was shone to me in that light, hey, maybe she's right. Anyway, it may have been a big misunderstanding and maybe I jumped the gun; I dunno. Let's just move on shall we? The most important thing is I have returned and I've updated. **

**Now. This chapter...eh. I wasn't thrilled with it. But in writing it I got a pretty clear picture of where the story is going and just how Nathan will end up telling us his story and most importantly telling it to Haley. I don't know how I'm going to end it or when yet but I have a better vision of the story now than I did when I first started writing it. I'm going to try and put some Nathan and Haley together in the next chapter okay? Anyway, thanks again for reading and enjoy!  
**

Dance We Do

Somehow, despite his greatest efforts, he had ended up back where he didn't want to be. Or maybe he wasn't really trying that hard to deal with it at all and that was why everything good or grounded always managed to slip right through his fingers. In the end though, it was where he felt most comfortable and more at ease; encased in a darkness that never faltered in swirling around him. The more he thought about it, the more he lived it, the more he knew that he had managed to really let something so profoundly amazing slip right through his fingers.

His thoughts were so loud in conjunction with the pounding of the rubber against the blacktop that he didn't hear the laughter until it was nearly upon him. He jerked his hoodie off the top of his head and fought every instinct in him not to chunk the ball at either the guys in front of him or the river behind him. He was already in a foul enough mood as it was having to deal with the devil herself without adding any drama associated with the people in front of him.

Also, he was extremely irritated when he found himself searching for her.

More so, when she wasn't to be found.

"Hey man." Lucas Roe was still laughing and the surprise was written on his face was evident. "Do you mind if we shoot around some?" he motioned to the empty court. When Nathan's expression didn't change, he cocked his head and tried a different approach. "Okay…can we play with you?"

"Dude." Damien warned, gently slapping the back of his hand on Lucas's chest.

"What? You don't want to play me now that you have no one to wager?" The venom in Nathan's tone was enough to make Damien wince at the memory. Without a moment to waste, he was throwing the ball at Damien to which he expertly caught. "I'll tell you what. I'll give you a three point lead."

"Look," Damien sighed, giving the ball a few quick bounces. "That was a while ago and I'm not proud of that moment. So can we move on and play some ball?"

On the one hand, Nathan wanted nothing more that to walk away from the past demons that he could walk away from. He had so many that he couldn't; so many that were molded and entwined in his very essence, that every opportunity he had to get rid of the one he could was taken. But goofing around and shooting hoops by himself didn't nearly satisfy him like it did playing with other people. The challenge, the adrenaline, and the excitement that would come when he did beat these guys was enough to make him consider it.

Without his permission his thoughts landed on Haley. Just because they had skillfully mastered the avoidance dance didn't mean she didn't waltz through his thoughts on a daily basis. She was destined for far greater things than he could even hope for and he did care about her enough to want those things for her. And maybe, if he could start getting himself together, start trying to fix the damage done, one day he would feel worthy enough for someone like her. Maybe it wouldn't be too late.

"Come on Nate." Lucas spoke up, snatching the ball from Damien's fingers. "We were uneven anyway. You can be with me and Fergie. Damien, Skills, Junk can try to beat us. What do you say?

Nathan deliberated for a moment before throwing up his palms. "We got ball first."

X-x-X

"You are ridiculously overqualified to be playing just at the Rivercourt."

Nathan grinned at Damien's compliment. Three games later, Nathan's team had just defeated Damien's in the tie breaker. Damien was panting, his hands resting on the top of his knees, while Nathan didn't even seem to be tired in the slightest. And despite his greatest efforts, Nathan couldn't find a lot wrong with Lucas or any of them for that matter. Not even Damien seemed to be that bad of a guy if you subtracted the fact that he was Haley's boyfriend. And that was still a major deduction.

"Thanks." Nathan responded both to Damien's statement and the bottle of water Skills threw at him. "You guys aren't so bad yourself."

Lucas smirked and plucked his shirt. "That's why we're going to the playoffs baby."

"That's why _I_ got you to the playoffs _baby_." Skills interjected, cocking his head up. "You wouldn't be anywhere without Big Game Skills."

"I'm pretty sure he means Big Head Skills." Lucas laughed, clapping Skills on his shoulder. "How come you never tried out for the Raven's Nate?"

Nathan gave Lucas a dumb but obvious look. "It's not really my scene man."

"Could you imagine how we would light up that gym floor with him on our team?" Lucas conspired with Skills as he stood with his arms crossed and his head bobbing. "I mean with Q, we'd be unstoppable."

"They've got that look in their eye." Damien told Nathan as they watched Lucas and Skills converse about the possibilities. "The look that says they have a fantastic idea that they won't be discouraged from. Coach has gotten pissed so many times because of the two of them directly going against his plays because they have a better idea in their minds."

"But I bet you Coach shuts up when their right."

"Oh he does." Damien nodded and smiled. "Because 99 percent of the time, their dead on."

"So practice is from three to six Monday through Friday." Lucas finally said in Nathan's direction. "You should come."

"Practice." Nathan deadpanned, clarifying that he was indeed talking to him. "Have we met dude?"

"Look," Lucas started, easily slipping into this persuasive tone. He took a step closer to Nathan, walking slowing with his hands up. "We're in the playoffs. We only have a few games left and then there's the championship which we will win. Just a few high school basketball games under your belt. What's the harm in that?"

"Ok, forget scene. That's not even in the same _play_ as I am." Nathan retorted even though he was mildly intrigued. "You caught me on an off day today. I'm not really a team player kind of guy."

"You could just think about it." Damien offered lamely. "There's going to be scouts at some of the games."

"They'll be there for me." Skills bragged. "But I mean, they can check you out too. Come on dog, it won't kill you to play a few basketball games."

"I've never played on a team before."

"Yeah, I mean, you're rough around the edges but we got a week to clean you up." Lucas interjected enthusiastically. "Well, I'll talk to Whitey regardless and I'll look for you on Monday."

Damien glanced down at his watch. "Guys, it's getting late and I gotta go meet up with Haley."

Nathan watched as they guys gathered up their stuff and started walking towards the cars parked in the grass. He was never one for social scenes unless it involved out of control parties and the very thought of being part of an institution that he had wholly hated for so long didn't seem that appealing to him. But the fact that scouts would be there did happen to pique his curiosity. He didn't have any real goals in life but getting some of his ducks in a row didn't seem like too terrible of an idea.

"Did Nazi Brooke let them out of cheer practice early?" Nathan heard Lucas ask Damien. "Maybe Rachel will be up to hanging out tonight."

Plus, Haley in cheer bloomers cheering for him?

"Hey!" Nathan called out impulsively, not certain where his new found epiphany came from. "I'll be there."

X-x-X

"What?!"

Peyton covered her mouth in an attempt to keep the liquid in her mouth at Nathan's revelation. She gulped quickly and sucked in some air, but couldn't keep the amusement out of her voice. Nathan rolled his eyes and sulked to the fridge to grab a beer, kicking the door shut. Once he was on the other side of the kitchen island he took a seat, a deep breath, and waited for Peyton to stop her chortling. He knew it was a bad idea to even mention it.

"Wait." She held up her hand and shook her head, trying several times to keep a straight face. She pumped her fist mockingly. "You mean, you're going to be all 'Raw, raw, go team?' You, Mr. School Spirit himself. That's really rich Nathan."

Nathan took a swig of his beer. "You can be a real buzz kill, you know that?"

"Maybe I'll try out of the cheer squad."

"Maybe Hell will install an air condition for you." Nathan retorted, not at all amused. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"What does it matter?" she questioned wearily. Nathan was fun usually but he was becoming more and more moody and she was starting to wonder if it was worth all the effort. She decided to test the waters a bit to see if she could jolt some amusement in her life at his expense. "Besides, Haley wouldn't shut up about Damien."

"Damien's not that bad of a guy." Nathan admitted begrudgingly and Peyton frowned.

"What about Haley?" she probed, slinking around the counter and leaning against it beside him. "Do you know her?"

Nathan tugged at the piercing above his eye. "Not really. She used to tutor me."

He didn't like to admit it to himself but it irritated Nathan to no end that Peyton was Haley's cousin. And he sure as hell wasn't going to admit to Peyton that he knew Haley in any other way than platonic. He didn't even acknowledge the information when Peyton had finally told him earlier in the week. He did what he always did when he didn't want to deal with something; he got lost in Peyton much the same way he had gotten lost with Nikki in the past. He didn't deserve to be lost with the person he wanted to. He also had enough humility to admit he was weak enough to not stop.

"Good ole' Tutor girl." Peyton shook her head. "I gotta give her some credit though, the stuff she was telling Twiddle whore and Twiddle slut was pretty juicy. I was impressed."

"What kind of game are you playing Peyton?" Nathan finally asked feeling that Peyton was hedging at something she already knew and something he wasn't going to admit.

"I don't want to play games anymore." She said, suddenly serious. She took Nathan's hand in her own, entwining their fingers. "I heard Haley talk about how much she loves being with Damien and all the things they do as a _couple _and I found myself wanting all those things too. And I can see having them with you."

"You want a relationship?" Nathan sputtered and nearly choked on the word relationship. He glanced down at their hands. "What kind of happy pills did Shelly give you?"

"I'm not kidding."

"Any ship with you would be a sinking one Peyton." Nathan told her bluntly, removing himself from her grasp. "Look, I'm sorry but we both know who we are. And we're good at what we do. Why screw with fate?"

Peyton scowled, grabbed her jacket and bag and walked to the door. "I guess I wouldn't know. But I'm guessing you sure do Mr. Point Guard."

X-x-X

"Hey buddy."

Haley grinned as she looked up from her stance to Lucas entering the rooftop. She looked down and putted the ball in short distance through the tire and watched as it landed a few inches from the cup she was aiming for. She kicked the club to her side and used it as a support and she waited for Lucas to weave though the masses of junk scattered around to reach her.

"I wasn't sure you were going to make it."

"I don't miss date night with you." He beamed finally reached her, pulling her into a hug and kissing her cheek. "Besides, last time I missed it I got bombarded with water balloons."

"Smart man." Haley forked over the club and observed as Lucas took a shot. He missed it by more than a foot and cursed under his breath. "Sucky player though. You should stick to basketball."

"I was planning to, thank you." He responded, lounging in a nearby folding chair. "Have you ever taken Damien up here?"

"No." Haley replied quickly and quirked up an eyebrow. "Have you ever brought Rachel?"

"No." Lucas shrugged his shoulders and accepted the club from Haley's hand. "But then again, Rachel and I are never exclusive enough for me to merit all the normal boyfriend rituals. You and Damien however…"

"However what?"

Lucas got up and tugged on her jacket as he walked past her. "Well don't you know Hales?. I mean, you're wearing his letterman jacket. You're going steady."

"Okay, Fonzie. Let me know when you blast back to the future. ." Haley laughed, wrapping the jacket closer around her torso. "It's not really that serious."

"It looks serious." Lucas pointed out; opening up the cooler they kept on the roof. "You pilfered beer? Haley James. I'm shocked, I'm astounded." Haley gave him a look. "I'm impressed, I'm grateful. Ku-dos buddy."

"You're mom was totally too busy making googley eyes at your dad to notice." Haley smiled ruefully at the memory. It was something she one day hoped for; a love profound enough that made the world slip away like it did for Lucas's parents. "And Damien and I, we're just and occupation of each other's time right now."

"If that's really all it is…"

"You wanna know a secret?" she whispered even though it was only the two of them on the roof and probably the only two people in Tree Hill still awake. She knew this was going to be tough to tell her best friend, a guy she grew up with and someone she cared about a great deal. "Rachel got into UNC. She won't exactly spell it out but I know it's because that's where you're going." Lucas's face lit up but Haley placed her hand on his shoulder to simmer down the excitement until she got the rest of her confession out. "And it's a good thing because I'm going to Stanford."

"Oh." Lucas's face fell and in an instant he was swooping Haley into his arms. "I thought; I mean we always said you were going to go. We always talked about like you were. I just didn't know you had made the decision to actually go. Now it just seems that much more real. You're going to be a million miles away." He murmured into her hair as Haley clutched the back of his shirt. "Who's going to go claim stuff at the lost and found with me?"

"You wanna know what I think?" Haley said pulling away from him and practically dancing to the roof's edge. She leaned against it and peer over the edge as he came to stand beside her and do the same. "I think life is nothing but a giant lost and found bin. We lose things all the time Luke." She whispered glancing up at him. "But there are so many other and greater things to find."

"What are you trying to find Hales?" he cleared his throat, absentmindedly running his finger over the top of her hand.

"Myself, I guess." She murmured softly. "Somewhere where I'm not tutor girl. And I'm not your best friend. Or a three musketeer with Rach and Brooke. Or my parent's genetically created babysitter. Somewhere that I can be just plain old Haley James."

Nathan. The only person in the world it seemed that with one look just got everything there was to know about her. The fear, the strength, the adventure, the drive, and the desire. She thought that maybe part of the reason for being so terrified of him, besides the fact that he probably had the greatest power to hurt her, was the fact that she didn't really know herself at all and he did.

"I had no idea."

She smiled. "That's because I'm okay with being all those things now. But god, we're about to be in the big bad real world. You'll be all happily ever after with Rachel at UNC. Brooke will be with same with Jake at SCAD…"

"Yeah?" he interrupted, shaking his head. "Where's your happily ever after?"

"I haven't quite made it to the ball yet Luke. I'll let you know if I happen to get one of those." She laughed despite herself even though Lucas was giving her a serious look. "Okay what?"

"I was trying really hard to just be the supportive best friend with this whole Damien thing. I mean, I want you to be happy. And I know you; Damien's not supposed to be your happily ever after is he? I just want you happy Haley, that's all. "

"It's not like that with me and him." She bristled, suddenly defensive and suddenly feeling very sad about. He was now looking at her with pity; like she couldn't understand the concept of the kind of love he had. Unfortunately, she understood all too well. More so in that moment than any other she wanted to spell out everything that had happened over the last few months. "He's a good guy and I have fun with him. That's all I need right now. I'm about to be 3000 miles Luke. I don't need something, a relationship here to tie me down."

And what she couldn't shake from her thoughts was that she couldn't have _Nathan_ tie her down.


	19. Inside Out

**A/N: SO sorry for the late update. My computer crashed if that's a good enough excuse :/. But I'm back so yay! Thanks so so much for all the reviews. you guys rock my socks. I don't know when the next chapter will be because it's a bit complicated for me to write; I have to get the dynamics down. Anyway, as mentioned, this chapter has some Naley in it. It's not exactly all angsty but it's not exactly a fluff ball either. I think you'll enjoy it. Apologies for typos. I am only human after all. Enjoy!**

Inside Out

She would be lying if she thought things were exactly the same as they had been a week ago. The temperature outside had dropped unreasonably cold, and it seemed that the cold had invaded her life, her relationships, her heart. It wasn't as if it had stopped; the world still turned, people pushed through, but she suddenly felt at a stand still. As if she were on a ledge and the gaping hole between her present and her future was becoming increasing larger and she only had seconds to make the decision to leap. Only in the coldness, she was frozen.

"I'm not going to be here this weekend for the opening." Damien snapped shut a plastic tote and hauled from the floor the counter. She glanced up from the papers she was shuffling though and felt no emotion towards that information whatsoever.

It showed.

"Oh." She said flatly. He blinked and she cleared her throat sensing there was more she was supposed to say but not quite remembering what it was. "Where are you going?"

"We're flying up to Boston right after the game."

"Harvard." She deadpanned, hating even bringing up the horrid place he would be so miserable at. After their argument in the elevator; seven minutes in heaven that had quickly descended into hell, they had a silent agreement to mention neither of the offending schools. Even Stanford had lost its shine.

"Don't." he warned, already shaking his head. They hadn't known each other long, she knew that. But they already knew each other so well; their secrets binding them so profoundly. She stared at him blankly. "I know what your thinking, and I can't hear it from you again, okay? I've got so much going on right now. Between games, and busting my ass in all these damn AP classes, and living up to my father's lofty expectations and, and…"

And you.

He didn't say it but he may as well have screamed it. He took a breath. "Do you know how much groveling I had to do to get him to let me stay in the game?"

"Do you know how many tables I'm going to have to serve in the next month between TRIC and the café to afford my plane ticket to Stanford?" she offered up her rebuttal but it didn't ease the situation any at all. "Why are we letting our future affect our present so much?"

She suddenly thought of when she was seven, in a world where there were no siblings to fend for, no desire to leave any and everything she had never known, only a world that seemed so big and foreign that she couldn't ever imagine venturing into. Taylor at that point was in gymnastics and always got home much later than Haley did. It was seven year old Haley, who watched as Taylor bounced in the house, ignored her existence much like always, and dropped her books on the floor before bounding up to her room the snatch the phone away from everyone else for the next several hours.

Taylor, to Haley, always seemed exotic. Like there was something to completely alien about her being in their world. And most of the time, Taylor did live in her own world. It was what she coveted most about her sister, something that she would always envy; even now. Taylor was the impulsive one, wild to the core, and completely untamable. Which left Haley to seemingly always overcompensate to make up the difference.

Scouching over their scratchy and worn rug, Haley picked up the top book from the pile spilling out of Taylor's backpack. Geography in Haley's grade was limited to the states of the America and the sing along song for the seven continents. But this book, as Haley leafed through its pages held every possibility to the world at large. India fascinated her; it's bright and rich colors seeping into her grey world. She didn't know how so many people could live on an island as seemingly small as Japan. Africa held animals that grazed the open fields that she had only seen in zoos.

She read the book from front to back and then flipped through the different pages, rereading the ones that captured her interest. She was only seven, but she understood that someone like her would never be content settling for one place, one small town, for the reminder of her life. There were too many things to learn and grow from. And the list would never get accomplished staying in Tree Hill. Reading that book on that sunless afternoon had been the driving force in her life hence forth.

"Because we don't get to the future without living through the present." Damien answered her question about thirty seconds too late. She had already realized. He stepped around the counter and tucked a loose strand from her braided pigtails behind her ear. His warm hand rested on the nape of her neck. "We agreed on this right?"

She nodded, only barely. When she spoke, her voice came out croaked and odd. "We did. We agreed to live in the moment."

"So why do I get the feeling that we're suddenly sailing into uncharted territory here?" he studied her, ducking his head to meet her eyes.

"What's the point?" she squeaked out, averting her eyes away from his gaze. She didn't feel like she was talking about them anymore. At least not that particular them.

"Point of what?"

"This." She took a step back, his hand falling, thudding against his side. It sounded especially harsh in conjunction with her voice. She scratched the back of head with both hands, unraveling one of her plaits. "We're not just living in the moment anymore; we both know that."

"Do you wanna know what I think?" he took a step back, placing more distance between them, and leaned against the counter, folding his arms across his chest. "I think that for the first time in a long time, I feel like I can just breathe around you. Like when I'm with you, the chaos and pressure just cease to exist. And you know, that's just pretty fucking scary. Maybe you don't feel the same way, and I'll understand that, but if it's too much for you, just say the word. And then we can cease to exist."

"No." she sound of her voice answering his question surprised her almost as much as her answer. She couldn't deny that she cared a great deal about him. Her face softened and she closed the distance between them. "I don't want that."

"So," he kissed her softly. "I guess the point is we can tolerate each other enough to hang around for the time being. It doesn't hurt that you're a good kisser."

"Just so we're clear," she wound her arms around his neck and kissed him again. "I care enough about you to be pissed that you're going someplace you know you're not going to be happy at. That's all this is about."

"I know." He nodded, resting his forehead on her own. "And I care enough about you that I'm going to miss the shit out of you when you're gone. That's all this is about."

"I'll miss you too."

x-X-x

For as long as she could remember, from the moment she sat down at a piano, from the first note played, the world around her crumbled and didn't exist. When they brought home her baby brother, she sat his carrier on the bench beside her and played soft lullabies. When her parents woke to find her sister Taylor gone, and the chaos that soon followed, it was her music that filled up the house and drowned out all the tears.

Ever since Damien had stole away over an hour ago, Haley had remained rooted at the ancient baby grand that sat on the stage at TRIC. She had fought tooth and nail to have it remain in the club despite everyone's protests. It was a little worse for the wear and needed a bit of a tweaking to get it tuned right but otherwise it was perfect and something she couldn't imaging just throwing away. The song didn't have words yet, and as she hummed to the melody that flowed from her fingertips she didn't hear the door open and close behind her.

Nathan stayed rooted; completely entranced. He remembered from their very first night together that she sang, but he couldn't imagine it being anywhere near what he was hearing now. He wondered if this was exactly the way he looked to her playing basketball; sated and content and more in her element than she could ever possibly imagine. Something that made her so happy that the world could be ending and it wouldn't break her out of her spell.

He cleared his throat, once, than again before he walked up the steps and placed a hand tentatively on her shoulder. Her hands slammed down on the keys, startled, and she whirled around to face him. Upon seeing that it was Nathan she visibly relaxed, but only momentarily before she became instantly cautious. Sensing this, Nathan shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled his feet anxiously, all the while moving away from her.

"What are you doing here?" she finally asked wearily. "I'm not up for playing games with you."

He suddenly felt very small in her presence and in his reason for being there. "I came about the ad in the paper." For proof he fished the folded up newspaper from the back of his jeans and held it up for her to see.

"You want a job." She said slowly, mechanically. Gently she took the paper from his hands and scanned the article. "What happened to your other job?"

He rubbed the back of his neck with the palm of his hand, grimacing slightly. "It didn't work out, for various reasons."

"I don't know Nathan…"

"Look, I'll bus tables, clean up vomit, kick people out. I'll do whatever it is you need me to do. I can't not have a job Hales." He pleaded and Haley could tell that in itself was a real struggle for him. "If this is about Peyton, I'm sorry. It has nothing to do with you."

"What?" she choked out, her face falling. But in that moment, she knew. But she had to hear him say it, for whatever masochistic reason. "What about Peyton?"

"I didn't know she was your cousin, honestly." He started but she held up her hand to silence him. "Hales, we're just…"

"Friends?" she finished, her voice cracking on the word. "Like Nikki right? Like me?"

"No, not like you." He mumbled so low she almost didn't hear him. It was then that she realized it didn't matter. She held no claim on him. He couldn't get mad if she was seeing Damien and she couldn't get upset if he was seeing Peyton. That wasn't their relationship. "I'm sorry. Can we just start over?"

"Yeah." she murmured, nodding her head slightly before glancing up at him. "We can. So, you need a job. And we're going to need busboys. I'll have to talk to Karen about it but do you think you can manage that?"

"Sure." he took a step forward, eagerly shaking his head and latched on to her hand. "I can do anything."

"Good. That's good." she released his hand and turned around, clearing her throat. "Then let me show you the ropes."

X-x-X

"So, that's basically it."

Haley whirled around to face him as she concluded her tour of Tric. The small journey had snaked them through the warehouse that had been converted into a night club. But it had seemed much longer, with wooden questions and clipped answers. She wanted more than anything to relax in his presence, but knew that the more she was around him the more her guard would fall and she didn't want to do or say anything she would later regret.

And then she realized that nothing with him had ever been a regret.

"This is pretty awesome." he said, his gaze drifting over the eclectic design and high ceilings. "How are you involved in all this again?"

"Well, with the café doing so well, Karen thought she should expand." Haley explained, taking a seat on the bench in front of the piano with one leg on either side. Nathan mirrored her position and sat opposite her. "So she thought about opening up another café. I think she wanted to do something a little different though and expand her horizons. And here we are."

He watched as she lifted her hands in showing. She didn't say it, and he doubted she would, but he could tell that she was just as big of part of this as anybody. The animation and pride that was written all over her face, almost made him just want to sit there, remain there with her, and watch her in all her happiness. It was within the same thought that the knew he could never possibly deserve to be happy with someone like her and didn't want to position himself in a state where he could take it away either. With a start, he realized that he had missed her quite a bit more than he initially thought.

"You what?" she questioned, her brow furrowing in confusion.

"What?" he parroted back, seemingly having missed something in their conversation. "What did I say?"

"You," her fingers floated to the keys of the piano as if they would magically make the words for her. She refused to look at him and just as he was about to ask again she abruptly looked up. "You said you missed me."

Hadn't he? Or had she imagined it?

He wanted to be defensive. He hadn't meant to say it out loud. He wanted to tell her in between his sheets. Because that what he should have been missing. Not the way his body only seemed to feel any kind of warmth except beneath her touch. Or how being in her presence instantly calmed all the storms raging within. He shouldn't have been missing the way she looked at him; a look that held such a profound faith yet deep sensibility.

"Sure." was the answered he settled for; vague and short. He didn't want to be Prince Charming, but she deserved more than the Beast. Before he could launch into any further detail she was filling up the silence with chatter.

"So, in addition to it being a nightclub, Karen's going to have an all ages night and an open mic night. It's going to be awesome to be able to do something other than basketball and mall on a Saturday night."

She didn't dare venture further into any emotions with him and she didn't even say she had missed him as well. It wasn't something she could allow herself to do at this point. He had looked like he was going to say more but she really didn't want to hear it. On the one hand she would be thrilled to hear that he had missed her, truly; albeit cautious. And the other alternative was that he had only missed what she could do for him and that wasn't something she too terribly cared about being missed for.

"Speaking of basketball, " he begin, grinning. Haley gave him a curious look, cocking her head to the side. She hadn't seen him often animated. "I'm going to be playing in the playoff with the Raven's apparently." Covering her mouth, she tried to swallow the fit of giggles that were threatening to erupt. In return, he scowled. "Okay, what?"

"Nothing."

Instantly, her hand was clamped back down on her mouth again. He reached up, grabbing it and as she swung up the other hand he snatched that one as well; pinning them down to her sides. She was biting her lip in the impossibly insane way that she did, and unconsciously he scooted forward on the seat so that their knees were touching. He looked at her seriously for a few moments, leaning in closer and heard her breath hitch in her throat and her laughter cease and desist.

"Nathan…" she breathed, trying to move her face away but losing the battle against herself. "Don't…"

"Don't what?" an impish and hopelessly sexy grin appeared on his face, her hands were released, and his fingers were dancing on her ribcage. Doubling over in giggles and in his arms, she couldn't stop his tickle attack. What amazed her the most was that he was laughing with her; a sound she wasn't sure she had ever quite heard before and a sound she most certainly could get used to. "Yeah, I thought you were laughing at me."

Just as suddenly as the assault had started, it ended and she playfully shoved his torso away from her and threw the hair out of her face. "You're such an ass." she caught her breath and rolled her eyes. "So you're going to be a Raven?" her eyes raked over his body and her hands started to roam every inch of his being.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked, amusement coloring his tone.

"Looking for any indication that you're Pod Nathan." she snickered, as he stilled her hands and mockingly glared at her. After a moment, despite better judgment, she entwined her fingers with his, resting them against his chest. "Does this make you happy?"

The question was vague, he thought. He wasn't sure if she was referring to the intimacy they were experiencing now; seemingly so much more than anything they had ever encountered before. He knew every inch of her body…the insignificant birthmark on her inner thigh, the small mole on her back hip, and the tiny scar just below her hairline. He knew the exact spots to nibble and touch and he had held her so close to his own body that at times it felt like that had molded into one. Yet this simple act, seemed infinitely more monumental than all of it combined.

The other alternative was if he was happy about basketball. Which oddly enough, he felt like he was.

"Yes." he murmured, the pad of his thumb rubbing the back on her hand. Vague question; vague answer seemed like the best option. But he absolutely meant yes to both questions. He swallowed the lump in his throat and forced the next words out of his mouth, because it was the furthest thing from what he wanted from her. "Do you think we could be friends Hales?"

She smiled up at him. "I'd like that."

Because he wanted so much more.


	20. This Mortal Coil

**A/N: I am ridiculously sorry for the late update. The bad thing about it was the first part of the chapter was the part I thought I was going to struggle with was the really easy part. It turned out better than I imagined. The ending, I got completely stuck on. But I'm thinking I set it up nicely for a mostly if not all Naley chapter the next go round. Woo Hoo. Thanks so much for the continual support and love for this story. So, enjoy!**

**P.S. I'll try my damnedest to update sooner. You guys totally deserve it.  
**

This Mortal Coil

This is what he knew.

When he was four, when his stubby little fingers no longer let the rubber ball slip through his fingers, his father planted him in front of the basketball goal. It was there he remained for however long it took him to land twenty free throws in a row. It didn't matter if it was raining or snowing or if they were having a nuclear fallout. Nathan remained there until he knocked down twenty shots in a row. If he reached nineteen and missed the last one, the process started all over again.

He remembered the first year, he was horrible at it. He would look over to the kitchen window and see his mother looking out longingly; wanting to pluck him out of the rain or heat but being completely powerless to do so. He remembered his brother, only a few years older than he, coming and going as he pleased. Because their father didn't care about him; didn't care what he did or how he did it. It was Nathan he was molding into becoming him in every way.

In a lot of ways, he had succeeded brilliantly.

Nathan remembered being able to run miles upon miles before he was nine years old without so much as an uneven breath. He knew far too often what morning felt like long before the rest of world stirred. He knew what it felt like to have water cut into your skin like ten thousand tiny knives as you pushed your way through the elements and the pain. How close your heart could come right out of your chest in the last small stretch before the finish. The quiet, the stillness; the only noise being that of chirping birds and rubber sneakers pounding on the pavement.

_Thump, thump, thump._

He could not, however, recall being involved in basketball in any way resembling what he was doing now. His father had trained and taught and groomed him to be the epitome of basketball divinity, only to deny him any pleasure he could ever get from it. He was never allowed to play with other children or join any teams. It was punishment; since his father couldn't play, he would never be allowed to either. Misery loved their company.

The whistle resound loudly in his ears.

"Hit the showers ladies!"

Nathan snatched a towel off the bleachers and sank to the floor beneath him. The bench seemed foreign and unwelcoming at the moment. Almost as if he knew he didn't and shouldn't belong there. Wiping off the sweat of his brow, and blowing into the cotton, he watched as the other players ambled their way into the locker room. He knew he was supposed to join them but he wanted nothing more than to get up and play some more.

Play.

It's all it was to him, really. The stout fingers of his childhood were long gone. The grip he had on the ball was always powerful and almost profound; almost as if there was a sort of magnetism and connectivity to the whole concept. It was really the only thing good that came out of the disaster of the last year. With so much tragedy and chaos, it was only basketball that he found true, honest to God solace in.

And he only felt like that about one other thing.

Person.

_Her._

"Are you coming, man?" Damien stood in front of him, a loose towel hanging around his neck. He was panting, something Nathan was barely doing, and wiping the towel repeatedly across his face. "We're hitting the showers."

"Scott!" both boys looked over to where the coach, Whitey, was standing across the gym. "Get your skinny ass over here, now!"

"Good luck." Damien grinned, waggling his eyebrows. "Coach has got the hots for you."

Nathan stood up and jogged over to the oversized man that always wore a shit eating grin or scowl and planted himself in front of him. "What's up Coach?"

"You'll have to excuse my bluntness, son. But have you ever played on an actual team?"

"Well, uh, " Nathan grimaced, rubbing the back of his neck. "Not exactly."

"I figured as much." Whitey responded. They began walking the length of the gym. "Physically, you're probably in the best conditioning I've ever seen on an athlete. But it's more than just that. You gotta figure out how to play up your strengths and let your other teammates play off your weakness. You'll foul yourself out before the first quarter is over if you don't watch that little bit of a mean streak you got in you."

He was angry, but he swallowed it back. "What do you need me to do?"

"Quentin's going to help you out." Whitey nodded ahead of them where Quentin was standing with his arms folded across his chest. "He's not thrilled about it, but he won't baby you either. He'll shape you up in time for the next game. We'll see how you do then."

"Coach?" Nathan stopped Whitey from walking away just yet. "I'm not taking anyone's chances of playing away am I?"

"Ah hell son. Half the team got suspended for stealing that damn school bus a few months back and the other half have at least another year to have their shot. After the way you played today, they're happy to have you. Trust that and don't let them down."

Nathan nodded as Whitey slipped away and into his office. Quentin was not too far away from him and for a moment neither said anything. Finally, Quentin took a step forward, scooping a ball up from the floor and it seemed, stomped up to where Nathan stood. Without ever removing his glare from Nathan, he effortlessly shot the ball and he didn't have to turn around the know that it of course landed in the basket.

_Swish._

"Look,"

"No." Quentin placed his palm on Nathan's chest. "I am only doing this as a favor for my team. _My_ team. Lucas, Skills, and Damien all seem to think your some basketball God. And now, after today, I'm sure Coach feels the same way. But this, " he motioned his arms around him to the expanse of the empty gym. "This is my Mount Olympus. You, Scott, are nothing but a mere mortal in my kingdom."

Quentin was only an inch, maybe two, taller than him Nathan guessed. He was stronger though; infinitely more faster he was sure. He was in peak physical condition for any athlete. He knew with one swift right hook, Quentin Fields would be no more of a mortal than he. He was arrogant and self righteous and Nathan realized that the reason why he immediately couldn't stand him and why he was drawn to him at the same was he reminded him so much of someone else; another lifetime.

So he went to a happy place; a place filled with fiery touches, and breakfast, and sideways glances.

"Can we just play some ball?" Nathan finally said, once he had calmed himself down enough to not beat the kid in front of him to a bloody pulp.

"Yeah, see if you can keep up, Scott."

x-X-x

"Man why aren't you listening to me!"

"I am!" Nathan exploded right back at Quentin. An hour into their so called training session, the two had done nothing but scream and curse at one another.

"I told you to go right and follow through!" Quentin snatched the ball from Nathan's hand and demonstrated. "But what do you do? You fake right, go left and dunk. You won't be able to do that come game time."

"Don't tell me what I can't do." Nathan growled, grabbing the ball from Quentin and getting into position once more. They tried the play once more but Quentin stole the ball from Nathan's fingers and ran the ball down the court to the opposing basket.

"You don't get it." Quentin hollered from the other end of the court. "Turner, their star player, can't go right. He falters, every time. So if you go left, it's his automatic response and he'll follow you there. He'll get the ball. Then he'll own you."

"Fine." Nathan conceded throwing up his hands. "You win."

"No, they win." Quentin met him in the center of the court and got into position once more. "Come on, I want to try something."

"What?"

"Just do what you would normally do." Quentin instructed, dribbling the ball between his legs and then in between the two of them. Nathan tried to make a move for it but Quentin moved slightly out of his way. "Come on Scott. You're going to have to do better than that."

Nathan lunged for it once more and missed it again. Quentin danced around him, backing him up and down the court. Finally, Nathan got the ball in his possession, a little too easily he thought, and made his way to his side of the court. Quentin backed him into a corner, seemingly matching every and all of Nathan's intended moves before Nathan himself thought of them. After a few moments, Quentin pounded the ball from Nathan's hands and shot for the basket.

Nathan remained near the sidelines, defeated.

"Do you know what you did just then?"

"What do you want from me?" Nathan instantly bit out. "I don't care what kind of god you think you are. I'm not bowing down to you or any bullshit like that. I'm not trying to steal your spot or take your team. I wanted to try something different. This seemed like a good place to start."

To Nathan's surprise, Quentin laughed. "Sorry I don't have a couch for you to sit on or an ear that cares to listen to your problems off this court. On the court your problem is this; whenever you get backed into a corner, you freeze."

"I do not."

"Man I just watched you!" Quentin chuckled again. "I boxed you in, and you did all the classic moves a player does when he panics. How do you think I matched your ever move? You can't be afraid of anything on this court. You have no enemies but yourself. Take a chance, take the shot. All of this, " he motioned his arms outward towards the gym once again. " it doesn't mean anything if you can't knock down the shot. "

X-x-X

He made sure that he stayed in the shower and in the locker room long enough to make sure everyone else was gone. The steam from the shower was fogging up the entire room and everything seemed hazy. But it was everything that was clearing his mind and making him focus more on Quentin's words and how they applied to his life in general and less on how they applied on his basketball game.

The sun was sinking in the horizon as he pushed the doors open to the parking lot. It had been a particularly long day; one that he was thankful to have over with. He found himself oddly excited about the upcoming game and idly wondered if it would change his perspective any, if at all. Slinging his back over one shoulder, he fished in his pockets for his keys only to find them empty. He dropped the bag on the ground and dug through the openings but still didn't find his keys.

"Hey hot shot." he whirled around to see her leaning against the brick wall of the school; his keys twirling around on her finger. "Looking for these?"

He snatched his bag of the ground and walked towards her with an amused smirk on his face. "Resorting to stealing my keys, eh? That's pretty sneaky of you Hales."

"Oh shut it." she shoved the keys in his chest and he caught both the metal and her hand and held them there. "You left them on the bench after practice. I figured if I had them you would be so grateful that I found them that you would give me a ride home."

"What's that? You want to ride me?' he teased, eliciting a faint blush.

"Charming as always I see."

"You don't have to bribe me to give you a ride home." he matched her grin, holding onto his keys and letting her hand drop. He gestured ahead of the two of them. "Your chariot awaits."

She dropped her satchel into the backseat through the open rag top and climbed in the passenger seat. She didn't want to admit it, not even to herself, and most certainly never to him but the small little moments together was becoming something she looked forward to more than she should. It was almost like how everything should be; how everything could be. As he turned the ignition to the car, he shot her a small smile and she caught a glimpse of the tattoo on his wrist.

_escape_

They were still worlds apart.

"How was practice?" she asked, focusing her attention on something other than the vast difference between them.

"I liked it." he responded quite candidly. "Whitey can be a real that Quentin's ego can fit into the gym; but other than that, it felt pretty good. All the other guys are pretty accepting, too."

"You looked like you were enjoying yourself."

"I was enjoying the view." he waggled his eyebrows at her playfully before casting his eyes back to the road. She found herself reveling in the sound of her laugher mixed with his. "You never told me you were a cheerleader."

She shrugged. "I wasn't. I'm sort of a fill in, too. Theresa went in for a high kick, and overcompensated. I don't think I've ever seen so much blood come out of one orifice. "

"Do you wanna go do something fun?" he asked suddenly, knowing he was nearly her house and knowing that he wasn't ready for the short ride to end just yet.

"Fun?" she didn't mean to, but she had sputtered over her words. Then she laughed at the absurdity. "You know, I can't squeeze in a stint to jail tonight. Try me on the weekend and I'll try to pencil that in okay?"

"Ha." he deadpanned, rolling his eyes. "That's cute. I'll have you know that mug shots can make awesome pictures."

She was silence for several moments. He was grateful that she didn't prod further into his past than what he was willing to give her. He knew of the constant stories swirling around him and he was sure she had heard her fair share. Never once though did she try and pry or peak into the corners of himself that he never showed. And because she never asked and because it was her, he wanted more than anything to show her everything about himself.

"What did you have in mind?" she found herself asking, not willing to end their time together just yet.

He grinned mischievously.

"Uh, oh."

"How opposed are you to getting dirty?"


	21. Dream

**A/N: Sorry for the delay and thanks for all the lovely things you've said. Enjoy.**

Dream

"Move a little faster!"

"Is that all you've got? A little harder next time!"

Haley swiped her sweat drenched bangs from her forehead and exhaled all the breath she had from her body. This was far more amazing than she could have ever imagined. Of course she had her concerns and wondered if it was a good idea. But when it came to Nathan, it was always doing first, thinking later, and having zero regrets in the in between. Glancing up from beneath her eyelashes, she caught his smoldering gaze and grinned impishly.

"Are you ready for this Scott?" she questioned, wondering at the same time if she was.

"You number is up Miss James."

Haley cursed beneath her breath and looked up at Nathan and the paintball gun in his hand. Just moments before, in her crouched position behind a barrel of hay, she had seen him way across the field. In the short time it took her to get her bearings he had snuck across the field and she had no choice but to be in his captivity. She stood up slowly and once she was upright she leveled her own weapon at his masked face.

"I could just shoot you right now. Game over."

"You could." he conceded with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "But you wouldn't nearly be fast enough and then I would win."

"Is that so?" her grip on the gun tightened slightly. "There's only one tiny little problem with that."

"Yeah?"

"You're out of ammunition soldier." her eyes flicked to his hopper. In the second it took him to look down, Haley had her gun shot; a burst of pink paint coating the front of Nathan's mask. Mockingly, she held up her gun and blew at the tip. "I win."

When they pulled off their masks, and dropped their weapons, he was scowling with just a hint of amusement on his features and she was smirking triumphantly. It only took her a moment to realize the particular look in his eyes. She took off in a sprint, trying desperately to avoid the debris throughout the playing field while trying to stay just out of his grasp. In the end, he was faster and stronger, and with a giant _umph_, they both fell to the ground.

"Ah, Nathan!" she grumbled from underneath his frame. "I'm going to be picking hay out of all kinds of uncomfortable places for days!"

"I tried to warn you about getting dirty." he pulled some of the straw from her hair and dusted it from his fingertips. She reached up and run her fingers through the front part of his hair that got a fair amount of pink paint. "That was a very sneaky thing you did back there."

"I have a handful of younger siblings. I am the queen of bullshit."

"Do I look like a child to you?"

In a word; absolutely. She had never once seen his face look more childlike or serene. Even when he was playing basketball, he seemed to get lost in the vortex that surrounded it. This was a different. There was a crinkle around his eyes that she had failed to notice before for the simple fact that this was an expression the he never wore. There were no piercing, no tattoos, no pain; just Nathan in his simplest and seemingly happiest form. It didn't escape her that it could very well have a great deal to do with her.

She didn't know where to put that.

"Man, child. Same difference." she smiled, her fingers playing with the buttons of his coveralls. He laughed her favorite laugh, one of the rare times he was completely genuine. "This was a lot of fun."

He had thought so. The more he was around her, the more he realized how much she was to him. Faults and flaws and fractures bared to her, and only her, and she never once wavered on her feelings about him. It simply didn't matter to her. She seemed to look past all the bluster and bullshit and really see him; Nathan, the boy, the man, the truth. They were close still, their legs entwined, their hearts pounding beat for beat in harmony. He had never wanted her so much in his life.

Her eyes fluttered shut, and her hands stilled, has his fingertips dipped across her forehead and down her cheek. He brushed some of her loose hair from her face. He knew that however much he wanted her for himself, he wanted to protect her more than anything. The life he lead, the demons he fought, and nightmares that haunted him had no place in her hands. Hesitantly, he bent down and kissed the corner of her mouth just below her lips. He lingered there for a moment, hearing and feeling as she let out a shaky gasp.

Despite what she was feeling, when she opened her eyes, the world was still in motion. The sun was kissing the horizon in a violent orange. The wind was shifting the trees in a lovely beat and sway. She could still smell the grass and straw beneath them. In the distance she could hear the birds singing soft lullabies. A group of tiny butterflies soared around them. He burrowed his head in her neck, in her scent and she coiled her small arms around his huge frame. She didn't know how long they stayed like that; maybe a few moments. Maybe hours.

Finally, she found her voice.

"That may be the most devastating kiss I'll ever have. "

x-X-x

The water quietly lapping against the rocks and their feet pounding on the boardwalk were the only sounds she heard. It was late and it was dark and the temperature had dropped several degrees , but for the moment, Haley's world seemed right. Walking beside him, close enough to feel the warmth radiating out of him but far enough way to where they weren't touching, it seemed the most natural the two of them had ever been. And despite her better judgment, she didn't want it to end.

"You've got one hell of a shot James." Nathan stated into the still night air. He glanced down as Haley smiled ruefully but didn't offer up a response. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets, but he extended his elbow out for her to slip her arm through his.

Hesitantly, she did.

"Haley?"

"Hmm?" she mumbled, resting her head on arm and nestling further into his torso.

"This is as close to a date as we've ever been on." he whispered in top of her hair, wanting nothing more than to stay there, with her, and knowing he couldn't.

"I suppose it is."

"I…"

She stopped abruptly and placed her thumb over his lips. "Shh. Words will ruin it, Nathan."

He kissed the pad of her thumb, as she ran it along the contours of his mouth. When she dropped her hand, she threaded her fingers through his and pulled his fist up to her lips and placed a feather light kiss across the lettering on his wrist. He pulled her close against him dripping his head down to meet her only to hesitate at the last moment.

He had to remind himself to breathe.

"I'm not stepping on anyone's toes am I?"

She tugged on his shirt, granting him permission to take what was always his. "No."

X-x-X

Getting home, Haley felt an odd sensation of relief and loss at the same time. She never understood how she could so equally divide herself between the Haley that was with the rest of the world as a collective whole and the Haley that was with Nathan. Often, she found herself wondering which she should succumb to and how much she would be losing when she finally did.

The house was silent, which wasn't often and that too seemed both comforting and alarming. In a few months it was what her life would be; void of toys scattered on the hardwood floor and crayons littering the kitchen table. Gurgles and screams and laughter would surely still be around her in California but the innocence of it all that had become the elevator music of her life would be gone. She would miss it, every bit of it. But she would covet every ounce of opportunity that it would grant her.

It was several minutes before she pushed her frame off of the closed front door behind her. Homework and laundry beckoned her and they seemed just the right demanding menial tasks to occupy her time and empty her head. It seemed so long ago that her world was mechanically and methodically rotating with the biggest hiccup in her life being that of a sick sibling or a pop quiz. A world where Nathan existed only as a dormant fixture in her day; something dark and twisted and pretty to look at and wonder about. Someone who seemingly carried the weight of not necessarily a world she knew on his shoulders, but _someone's_ world. He was Atlas, and he shrugged and it knocked everyone's world off kilter.

Mostly her own.

Trudging up the stairs to her bedroom, she didn't know where today left them. It was some odd paradox that made them friends in the only way they knew how to be; locked in an awkward dance dictating what should be right and what actually _felt _right. It wouldn't be fair to say that she hadn't thought of Damien and the onslaught of consequences the evening with Nathan would bring, because she had.

"Brooke?"

"You know," Haley was greeted with Brooke's dimpled grin as the brunette placed the frame back on Haley's nightstand and turned around to greet her. "We couldn't get you out of t shirt all summer. Or books for that matter. It dove Rach and me crazy."

Haley took a seat beside Brooke on the bed, glancing at the framed photo of the two of them and Rachel at the beach the previous summer. "I wasn't expecting you."

"Well, since my best friend can't pencil me in, I figured I just demand my Haley time." Brooke smiled and pulled out a folder from her satchel. "My advisor emailed me today. She's needs a portfolio by next week. And you just volunteered to help."

Two hours later, the house was no longer quiet as scissors sliced and the girls giggled. They were sprawled out on Haley's cramped bedroom floor reminiscing about the years that had gone by and aching for the next few years that would spend apart. It wasn't until then Haley realized how much she had missed Brooke, and Rachel for that matter. Here world would be thousands of miles away soon. Too soon, she thought.

"Where were you tonight anyway?" Brooke nudged Haley's shoulder and reached up to pull on one of Haley's locks. Brooke examined the substance on her fingers and wrinkled her nose. "Is that paint?"

Haley felt her cheeks flush. "Oh, yeah. I was hanging out with Nathan."

"Oh." Brooke bit down her bottom lip and ducked her head. "That's uh, kinky?"

"Shut up." Haley rolled her eyes and laughed with Brooke. "It wasn't like that. We were playing paintball. "

"Sure." Brooke shrugged with a impish glint in her eye. "Well look at you H. James. Six months ago you wouldn't even wear a two piece bathing suit without a t shirt. Now not only do you have Damien West as you're boyfriend who is just talented and exquisite and smart; but you're off cavorting with Nathan Scott is who is so yummy and like sin in man form. "

"We kissed." Haley admitted shamefully. "It's not like I don't care about Damien, because I do, a lot. But just being with Nathan makes all my senses deaden and heighten at the same time. I don't know what to do about it Brooke. Damien makes sense. It's like we should be together. There's a profound understanding and a sense of being…"

"Safe." Brooke filled in, propping herself up on one of her elbows. "Damien's safe. Because you know that even though he probably will hurt you, it would never really be intentional. He'll protect you, put you're needs first occasionally, and make you happy. There's a definitive predictability in him. But Nathan on the other hand …"

"Nathan, " Haley let out a bitter chuckle. " Nathan is selfish, and unreliable, and sporadic. The guy is cloaked in secrecy. I never know what I'm going to get from him. I never know if I have to settle for it or if it'll be enough to sate me. I would end up getting so wrapped up in that world, his world. It would tie and bind me to him and if I even wanted, if I ever _had_ to get away, I wouldn't know how to get the knot to slip."

"But Haley, don't you think there's beauty in that though? The fact that there's so much more than face value. I think you'll probably always be learning something new about him. And sweetie, you love to learn."

"It doesn't matter Cookie."

"Why not?"

"Because," Haley sucked in her breath and exhaled a few seconds later. She didn't know when she supposed to tell Brooke this, but now seemed like as good as time as any. "I'm going to Stanford."

Brooke's eyes went wide and just as Haley was about to defend her position, Brooke threw her arms around Haley's neck and squeezed tight. "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you Hales. I knew you could do it. I don't know what you were so worried about."

"Thanks Brooke. That means a lot. I've never felt more set on a decision in my life." Haley confided, pulling away from Brooke, and biting on her lower lip.

"Yeah, you've been dreaming about Stanford for so long. Of course you're set on your decision. But why does it feel like you're changing your mind?"

"Because dreams change. Because some mornings you wake up and you can't remember anything that you dreamed about. Because dreaming becomes superfluous when life is so much better."

"But you're not changing you're mind, are you?" Brooke gathered searching Haley's face and watching as a single tear slid down her cheek.

"No, I'm not."


	22. Hey Man, Nice Shot

**A/N: sorry for the delay. Forgive me? I was on a much need vacation. It was my birthday :) I'm getting old. Boo. Anyway, I haven't forgotten about this story; I'm so in love with this Nathan and Haley and I want to do their story justice. Be patient please?? Thanks for all the love and I'll update as soon as possible! Enjoy!**

Hey Man, Nice Shot

Peyton let out a strangled gasp, let go of her grip on the sheet and his hair, and lithely slid off his body. He watched as she pranced to the bathroom; watched as she wrapped the sheet around her naked cadaver and watched as the very epitome of the worse of himself winked at him before she closed the bathroom door. Nathan remained rooted, numb, and emotionless in the bed as he heard the shower turn on and watched the steam seep under the door frame. And he felt that at any moment the smog would suffocate him and how that necessarily wasn't as bad as it sounded.

He had hoped, probably rather foolishly he admitted to himself now, but hoped nonetheless that Peyton could be just the escape he needed from his head. As he reached for his boxers, pulling them roughly back on his hips, where only a short time ago they were being ripped from, he paused to take notice of the ink spilt on his wrist. It wasn't something he often studied; it was just a tattoo and he wore the branding every day. But fingering it now, he could still feel the warmth of her lips on his skin and knew that there would only be one true escape in his life.

Her.

Haley.

It was maddening. He wondered how far he would push himself into corners and frayed edges with her, prodding boundaries until one of them had to give. He knew he cared enough about her to want to protect her; to want what was best for her but not enough to actually be said provider of all those things. He had a fairly good idea how she felt about him; even if she would never really say it out loud. She would dance around the words to guard herself even though she left herself most vulnerable with him. And because of all this, he knew that no one would ever feel so profoundly about him as she.

Even when he couldn't understand it.

But all things with Haley seemed a million and a half hours ago. In just two short hours , his feet would be meeting gym floor and his palms would be met with rubber. There would be skepticism and excitement and tangible energy in the air. Pressure, so much pressure. And a certain expectation of failure, too. Glancing at the clock, he realized he only had about half an hour to get to the gym yet he stayed transfixed and frozen in his own self doubt.

The shower shut off and the steam cleared from the room. He had forgotten all about Peyton. He had battled so many drugs over the past couple of years; drugs that could grip him and consume him but all that could be shaken off. She was worse, he thought. Like a cancer that wormed it's way in, making lacerations on every negative part of him. She fed off his turmoil, devouring it up. She was relentless and he was tired and she was winning.

"Why don't you blow off this stupid game tonight?" she offered from the doorway; the flannel shirt she wore hanging just slightly below her panties. Any beauty that she possessed outwardly was tarnished by the darkness that whirled within her. "We could go over to Shelly's and chill out. Or go downtown and play some pool."

"I'm going to the game." he spoke, barely, his voice came out raspy and deflated. He reached for his shorts and shirt, pulling them on quickly. "Maybe I'll see you after."

"That's not a world you belong in Nathan." she huffed, crossing her arms over her slender frame. "Trust me, from someone who's in the inside, who's crawled her way out, it's not for people like you and me. "

"People like you and me?" Nathan parroted, disbelieving. "You are delusional. Completely fucked."

She smirked. "Well that's kinda the point right? We're both fucked. You're going to go out there and make a fool of yourself. They want you fail, they know you'll disappoint."

"No, Peyton, they know you'll disappoint." Nathan stomped past her into the bathroom and slammed the door, rocking her and the small apartment.

Angrily, Peyton stormed the bedroom, gathering her things and shoving her legs through her jeans. If it was any other guy she would have long been gone. The simple fact of the matter was, Nathan was never going to be just any other guy. He could crawl underneath her skin and she could feel more exposed to him than she could ever feel with anyone else. She prided herself on being completely detached with almost everything; but Nathan, he was a challenge.

A knocking at the door, interrupted her thoughts and motions. Glancing at the still closed bathroom door, she dropped the items in her arms and walked to the front door. Opening it, she was both surprised and a little happy to see Haley standing in the doorway. Peyton rested her arm high above her head and against the door as Haley looked away somewhat embarrassed and definitely disgusted.

"Haley." Peyton greeted cheerfully. "Are you looking for me?"

"That's cute." Haley grimaced, slinking in past Peyton into the living room. Peyton rolled her eyes as Haley removed her coat, revealing the appealing cheerleading's uniform underneath. "Where's Nathan?"

"In the shower." Peyton shut the door lightly behind her and rested against it. "Washing me off, I suppose."

"I suppose he would need an entirely new skin then, huh?" Haley quipped as Peyton's glare narrowed. "I came to make sure he's going to get to the game okay."

"I think he, along with the rest of the world will manage swimmingly without you holding their hand." Peyton pushed her frame off the door and padded over the refrigerator, and grabbed a beer.

"You know, I feel sort of the same way about you and guys' cocks, but somehow that doesn't stop you." Haley grinned, swishing her scarf along her neck. She absolutely refused to give Peyton any kind of leeway here. She wasn't concerned with what part Peyton played in Nathan's life at the moment because she knew regardless of anything, she remained with the upper hand. "What are you telling my mother? I mean there's some grand excuse for you being out all the time right?"

"Well," Peyton started, ticking off her fingers as she went. "There's studying with Felix, and my tutoring sessions with Shelly, and my workouts with Nathan….all very time consuming activities if you ask me. You're mother thinks I'm fitting in so nicely with everyone here. And my grades are fabulous so there's no complaint."

"Yes, I did hear about your stellar academics." Haley nodded her headed and made her way over to Peyton, taking a sip of her beer. "Aunt Anna was practically glowing over them. " Peyton's face paled slightly and Haley smirked. "She cannot believe how much of an improvement there's been with you in such a short period of time. In fact, there may have been talk to you coming home…."

"You called her!" Peyton screeched, snatching the bottle from Haley's hands and slamming down on the counter. Haley's jawed clenched as she watched blood surge from the gash in Peyton's hand. Peyton, didn't seem to notice at all. "She's not taking me back there. "

"You're bleeding." Haley pointed out nodding down at the open wound. She watched as the blood pulsed through Peyton's neck before she finally tore her gaze from Haley's and took notice of the cut. Noticing that despite her acknowledgement, Peyton was not going to make a step to fix it, Haley grabbed the nearest dish towel which was questionable in sanitation and quickly wrapped it around Peyton's hand. "Christ Peyton."

"It's just a flesh wound." Peyton gritted out as Haley moved them to the sink and switched on the faucet running both their hands underneath the cool water. "I can't believe you called my mother."

"I think you need stitches." Haley examined the wound more carefully, holding their hands steady. "And I didn't call her. I just wanted to piss you off."

Peyton couldn't feel the water or Haley's prodding fingers. She felt the burning sensation on her palm and the warmth of the blood trickling down her arm. It was the searing that she was used to, what she looked forward to. The self inflicted scars on her thighs that boys always paused at and skipped over, never questioning their origins. Pain was something she was accustomed to and something wanted. Mostly because she wanted to feel anything at all.

"It's fine." Peyton found her voice over her instant gratification and jerked her hand away from Haley's. "I'll be fine. Don't worry you're pretty little head over me."

Haley shut off the water and dried her hands, tossing the bloodied towel on the counter. "I remember when we were what, eight or nine and spending the entire summer with you. And every Tuesday we would get up early and hop on our bikes and I would spend hours with you browsing through records; both old and new. Then you would spend hours with me sorting through books at the library. Then one summer you came here and Peyton was gone."

Peyton winced at the memory. "Peyton," she begin, pausing only momentarily. "was never really there."

X-x-X

When Nathan emerged from the shower, his apartment, his world was quiet. Wiping the steam from the mirror he tried to picture himself sans his piercing and scowl, and donning a Raven's jersey. It wasn't nearly as easy as he thought it could be. During practice he could almost imagine himself in the midst of foreign players and screaming patrons but the thoughts were snatched away almost as soon as he could produce them. No matter how much he immersed himself deeper in that world he knew he would never really fit.

"You're going to be late."

His brow crinkled in that cute confused way that she adored so much at seeing her in his doorway. She shrugged and twirled slowly flirting with the edges of her skirt . His lopsided lazy grin is just was she was searching for as she stopped her show and edged closer to him. The tattered towel hung loosely on the v of his hips as she grew as close to him as she thought safe and offered up a pair of running pants and a t shirt.

"I couldn't find your big girl panties in there." she grinned as he slipped the clothes from her fingertips. "I was hoping you already had those on."

He laughed despite himself. "What are you doing here?"

"Cheerleading welcome committee." she winked, sliding her tiny frame onto the counter. "I am here to make sure you are dressed and prepared to get to the game. Then I make sure you actually get there."

"Shouldn't you be assigned to your boyfriend?" he questioned, slipping on the pants underneath his towel.

"Well," she smiled sweetly motioning him forward and taking the task of putting his shirt. "You see, he's pre game ritual involves nothing involving me." she slid the shirt of his head and down his torso as he put his arms through the sleeves, his fingers dancing barely on the edge of his skin. Without permission, she reached up and twisted the ring above his brow, releasing it from it's resting place. "So that means you get me hot shot."

And something in him fractured, because he would never get her.

Though he couldn't bring himself to speak the words out loud.

X-x-X

The entire drive to the gym, Haley amused Nathan with stories of stuttering speeches and debate debacles that had him filled with a confidence that even if he did screw up, astounding people like Haley James screwed up, too. So it couldn't all be bad. She had held his hand the entire journey, their fingers intertwined, resting on the shifter. And the warmth the flowed from her to him, put him at a calm he only felt with her. Once they had arrived, she kissed his palm and scampered out the car hollering good luck over her shoulder.

He threw up once he fingers grazed the gym door, the contents of his stomach emptying out into a bushed that picked at his skin. He felt as if he were emptying himself of his very essence and it felt good to be doing so. The bad in him had not place in his world this evening. He thought that maybe he could even taste the bitterness of Peyton leaving him but he couldn't be sure.

Slipping into the locker room seemed surreal. All the guys were laughing and grunting, listening to iPods and tying up shoe laces. They didn't seem to notice him at first which oddly relieved Nathan but it was only a moment or two before both Lucas and Damien eyes locked on Nathan and they made their way towards him. Lucas clapped his hand on Nathan's shoulder and Damien bumped their fist together.

Nathan released the breath in his throat.

"Good to see you here, man." Lucas said, steering them towards a row of lockers. They stopped in front of a locker, much like all the same, only a small piece of white tape had the name Scott scribbled across it. "This is you. All your stuff is in there."

Sensing Nathan's hesitation, Damien spoke up. "Don't worry, we didn't haze you or anything. You're uniform's not soaked, or pink."

Nathan let out a nervous laugh and reached for the locker handle, lifting it up and opening the door. He fingered the fabric of the name Scott lettering the back of the jersey and his fingers traced along the numbering that read 23. He reached down to pull out the sneakers and scowled as he produced the socks that were placed inside. He held them up disapprovingly to Damien and Lucas.

"Hey," Damien held up his arms in surrender. "We said the uniform wasn't pink and soaking. Nothing about the socks."

Both boys made a mad dash away from Nathan as he hurled the bundled up pink socks towards them. A moment or two later a fresh pair of socks were being tossed over the lockers and into his hands. He knew then that even if he never really did quite fit in with the rest of them, if this was never supposed be his world, in this moment he felt connected to it in the smallest possible way. But at least he felt something.

He threw up once more after he saw his reflection in the mirror wearing the uniform that seemed so much larger than him but so much a part of him that seemed as if an extra skin. After countless moments of trying to imagine the moment, the picture in his head didn't do any justice to the mirror image being thrown back at him . He thought in that moment, huddled over a toilet in the Raven's locker room, his father and the look on his face in seeing Nathan involved in all this and he threw up everything else inside his being.

X-x-X

Quentin was the one who pulled Nathan to his feet from the bathroom stall. He had slapped lukewarm water on Nathan's face and tucked in his jersey; physically preparing Nathan for his journey out to the court that lay less than twenty feet from them. And then it was Quentin who snapped his fingers in front of Nathan's face and spoke the words that would mentally prepare Nathan for the challenge before him. The words came out garbled at first but once Nathan honed in and focused, Quentin might as well have been yelling them.

"Man, are you hearing me?"

Nathan blinked. "What?"

"All those people out there, they already know what you're about. They already think you suck, they already think you're some kind of charity case that Whitey is throwing in the game for shits and giggle. Nathan who? Because that's who you are man, right now. Who? A nobody."

"This a pep talk?" Nathan questioned, rubbing his large palm over his face. "No, really. This is awesome, keep it up. "

"But the Nathan I know, the Nathan I've seen?" Quentin took a step forward, their faces inches apart. "When that ball in his in his hands, that ball is an extra limb. It's a part of who you are. You don't let something so special enter your soul and refuse to show it to the world. This isn't just about you anymore either. There are four other guys putting their asses on the line for you. I'm putting my ass on the line for you. You best be putting your ass just as far out there for us too."

"You really think I'm not going to go out there and choke?"

"Get out there and answer their question. Nathan who? You're Nathan fucking Scott. Prove it."

Quentin shoved his shoulder in camaraderie and stomped out of the dimly lit bathroom. Nathan palmed his hands on either side of the sink, feeling as if he needed something other than himself to hold him and push him throw. He didn't know what laid waiting on the other side of those gym doors and he didn't know if it would be the end or the beginning of a shifting in his world. He only knew that Haley was on the other side and if he focused long and hard enough on her, then maybe he had a shot in hell after all.

As he inched forward to his awaiting team, the vibrations from the gym grew increasing louder. He heard chants and whistles and music and the pounding of his heart trumping over it all. And once the gym doors opened and light filter through, he was the last person the enter the gym, the colors and excitement transcending everything else. It was until the game had started and the ball was passed to him, the rubber connecting to him, and speaking volumes that he glanced over to her and saw her wink and crinkle her nose that he took his very first shot.

And his eyes never left hers.


	23. The High Road is Hard to Find

The High Road is Hard to Find.

Nathan could recall almost everything about the first time he was high.

Even now, even after countless other experiences, he often wondered if it hadn't been a dream after all. Lights brighter, sounds sharper, and sensations that he was sure his brain could not comprehend. He has been just shy of fifteen at the time and on the brink of becoming what life had handed him to be and becoming something more, something better. He remembered thinking that it was a choice, that seemingly unimportant in that instant was a choice that was about to define him and mold him and eventually consume him.

Grease stained the calloused hand that held out the tiny pill before him. Said hand that had pushed him down and gave him the shiner he had for two weeks in the fifth grade; the hand that stole countless balls from his grasp and secretly showed him how to shift a manual transmission and change a tire. His eyes traveled from hand to tattooed forearm and he could almost hear the screamed match that ensued because of said tattoo. They continued past the shirt that was his own, a shirt that he was rapidly outgrowing and up to the eyes that were his own. Eyes he trusted. His brother flicker the pill into Nathans hand and winked.

"Go ahead bro. You'll thank me later."

He knew he never thanked him for the experience. He was heightened that night, elevated almost to Cooper's level, but not quite. If he thought about it long enough he could almost still feel the music pulsating through his veins as if he was still in that night and in that moment. He has lost his virginity that night to a girl with scorpion tattoo on the small of her back. He had woken up the next day feeling both dazed and a desire to feel more. In time however, we would stop feeling at all.

Reflecting back it was the turning point for just about everything in his life. Sure, there was a rapid downhill decline from his brother's death but that night was just the beginning. It was where he could pinpoint this version of himself came out; as if taking that one blue pill morphed him into someone completely different. There would be many more parties and girls and pills and highs. Highs that stole him from the lows and highs that he would never retrieve.

But this...was almost transcendent.

Everything in his peripherals were blurry. All he could see was a basket in front of him and a ball rolling on the floor and ever so slightly a net swooshing from the fury that had just fell through it. It wasn't the first basket he had made that night, but as the last one of the game, it was by far the most important. Vaguely he felt the people celebrating around him, pushing into him and patting him on the back. Everything was almost so loud to the point of silence. He couldn't wrap his head around the vision in front of him yet every fiber in his being told him this was real; it wasn't some high from a pill or a drink or a powdery white line.

And it was all his.

"Dude, you can blink now" Lucas tugged Nathans jersey forward towards him slightly. "That shot, man that's why we wanted you on the team."

Nathan glanced over a beaming Whitey huddled around the rest of the team. He tore his eyes from the basket to Quentin who stood underneath and shrugged his shoulders. " This team is why I made that shot."

X-x-X

Haley was torn between what was clearly the thing she should do and fighting everything in her with what she wanted to do. She has seen Nathan play enough to know that when the ball connected with his hand, he was in a world that she couldn't connect to. She knew that he enjoyed basketball but she also sensed he resented it to a certain degree, something she was unsure of the source. From where she stood on the sidelines, he wasn't smiling, he rarely did, but there was contentment in his face that she had only seen a few other times.

"It's not bad if you want to go congratulate him." Brooke bumped her hip beside her. "I mean even if the whole world doesn't know you've bumped uglies, we all know that you're some sort of pseudo friends to everyone else."

"Brooke." Haley frowned, rolling her eyes. She turned her head up to look at the wacky brunette. "Also, bumping uglies?"

Brooke giggled. "Haley this is a big moment in his life. At least go back the guy on his back. Oh and don't forget to kiss your boyfriend on the way." she patted Haley's bottom and scampered off to find her own boyfriend.

As if on cue, Damien strolled up to her, a grin on his face. "Congratulate me baby." he pulled her into a bear hug and lifted her lightly from the ground.

"Eww!" she wiggled her way free and shoved his shoulder slightly. "You're all sweaty. And gross."

He kissed her cheek and leaned down close to her ear. "You didn't seem to mind that when we were in the back seat of my car."

"That was different." she scolded, blushing and giving him a stern look. She pulled him close to her and whispered conspiratorially. "Just so you know, I have an escape plan or two if you wanted to ditch the rents and plane tonight."

"I wish I could." he mused, entwining their fingers together. "I'm lucky they let me play tonight at all. I'm basically cutting the grass with scissors until I leave for college."

"But you haven't even heard my plans!"

He chuckled and kissed her softly. "I have about an hour before I need to be home. They said I could celebrate for a bit with the team. But I sort of just want to be with you."

"I understand if you just want to be with the team." she pulled their hands up to their chests and pulled him closer. "I mean they are hotter than me."

"By far." he agreed. "Hey, we may have enough time to recreate some of Valentine's Day." he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and she rolled her eyes at the memory of their frigid skinny dip into the ocean.

"Or we could just sneak off and make out in one of the classrooms." she suggested.

"I have no idea why we're still standing here talking about it."

She pulled him towards the exit. "Let's go."

X-x-X

The opening of Tric had seemingly exceeded all of Haley's wildest expectations. As she entered the club with Brooke and Rachel on either side of her, she felt a sense of pride well up in her as she saw all her hard work come to fruition. The countless hours and energy she poured into scrubbing floors and painting walls and wiring speakers was all coming together. Coming off the emotional high of winning the basketball game and Damien's kisses she could already feel that this was going to be a night that she would not soon forget.

"Tutor girl, I'm impressed." Brooke gave Haley her smile of approval. "This is something really amazing."

"So where's all the good places to hook up?" Rachel smirked, her eyes skimming over the club. "And don't try to pretend that you haven't. With either of you boyfriends."

"I truly hate that I told either of you anything about anything."

"Well, since boyfriend one is out of town, go keep boyfriend two company." Rachel nudged Haley in Nathans direction. "I'm going to go find Lucas"

Brooke waited until after Rachel had scampered off before she spoke again. "I know we're giving you shit about this but it's only because we love you and we're trying to look out for you."

Haley blew out her breath. "I think it was easier when we were just fooling around."

"What's the fun in that?" Brooke proposed, kissing Haley's cheek and skipping off.

Left alone in the crowd, Haley scanned across the floor of teenagers and college kids looking for Nathan. It wasn't something she even attempted to hide or deny to herself any more. It wasn't lost on her that months ago, she couldn't wait for things to move forward, and move fast. Now with things moving almost too fast, she wanted things to slow down about. It was the beginning of March and in less than three months everything from the club she was standing in to the boy gazing at her and making his way across the room, would be gone.

Upon reaching her, Haley stuck out her hand. "Congratulations."

"Thanks." Nathan chuckled, engulfing her hand around both of his. He looked around the room and put his mouth on the crook of her neck. "I guess the same goes to you though."

Whether she would ever truly admit it, and he doubted she would, he could tell that she was feeling pretty accomplished about the whole thing. Playing basketball his whole life, he had felt hot rubber meet with his palms enough. The heat that was radiating from their still joined hands was something he relished in quite a bit more. He was still unsure of how he got into this position, but somehow being with her gave him a contentment that not even basketball could sate.

"You were great tonight, although I knew you would be." she told him earnestly. She knew it was probably all he had heard that evening but she was sure that she was the only one that knew he was going to do so well going in. She had heard enough whispers the week leading up to the game from just about everyone about their doubts in Nathans ability to not screw something so vital up.

"Are you going to get up there and show everyone what your made of H. James?" Nathan smirked nodding in the direction of the stage and the piano resting there. Seeing the widening of Haley's eyes, he laughed and pulled her towards the backstage.

"Nathan, what the hell are you doing?" she questioned once they reached the back stage. The music outside was not dimmed to a dull thud and there was only sparks of light flickering in through. For a few moments she wondered if he would make any moves on her; and even more so if she would stop him.

"I think you just get up there and sing." he stated matter of factly. "I got out there tonight and bear pretty much all of me for everyone with everything on the line. I think you should return the favor."

"The favor?" she sputtered shaking her head. "What favor was that exactly?"

"Do you really think I would have agreed to play on the Ravens if you hadn't been a cheerleader and if your boyfriend hadn't asked me to?" he challenged. He had to admit that he was proud of himself that he manged to say boyfriend with much malice. Even more, he hated to admit that Damien was a decent guy that he couldn't help but like.

"But what do you get out of this?" she asked, settling to not argue his logic. Reaching up, he captured a strand of her hair between a few of his fingers. She couldn't stop herself or her eyes from fluttering under his touch. "Nathan..."

"I think you know what I'll get out of it."

She hesitated. "I don't think that's something I can do."

"Haley." Nathan tucked her hair behind her ear and rested his hand on her neck. He ducked his head to meet her eyes intensely. "Basketball is something I have been doing my entire life. Never once did I think that it was anything that would amount to something. And after tonight, it still might not. But damn, did it feel incredible. Its rare that I feel anything Hales, but tonight was the first night I truly felt anything about basketball at all. I think you should have it too."

She hadn't realized he cared so much. She wanted to say so, but she thought it would diminish the moment and she worried that instant she would shut her out and shut down himself. She liked this version of Nathan, an almost childlike wonder and carelessness about his being. Even in the dimming light she could see the waves of blue in his eyes dance around at his excitement. This was the only true time that she had ever seen him not marked with some kind of pain.

She didn't want to lose that.

"Do you think we could at least sneak me a few shots?" she finally said groaning into Nathans chest. He kissed the top of her head, laughing once more.

"You'll be great."

"Until I forget every single key and note and lyric." she grumbled into his chest. Finally he pulled her head back and look down at her. "This could possibly be the single most embarrassing moment of my life."

He hesitated briefly before leaning down and kissing her softly. He wanted to tell her that when he was playing the only person in the room he saw was her but didn't want there to be anymore added confusion to the situation. He knew that in the long term scheme of things he couldn't be what she wanted but at the moment he felt that he was everything she needed.

"Just look for me in the crowd and pretend I'm the only one there. Just play for me."

X-x-X

"This is going to end badly."

Haley glared at Chris from her position crouched behind the piano. How she was keeping herself focus enough to get all the wires in the correct location was beyond her. Just behind the curtain covering stage was pretty much her entire existence waiting to watch her...fail? She wasn't sure. She kept telling herself that Nathan was also on the other side of the curtain and if she just found the first inkling of her voice and grazed the right key and had his eyes on her, then maybe after all she could pull this off.

After all, it was he who put a certain boldness in her.

"You know, I'm aware this whatever between me and you," Haley grunted, standing up and motioning with her hand between the two. "isn't exactly roses and sunshine but at the very least you shut your mouth."

"I thought the point of me was to sing with you."

"It is."

"I think you're confusing me with a ventriloquist." Chris stated laming hooking his guitar into the amp. "You've never even sang in front of an audience and you threw a shoe at me for listening to you that one time."

"Chris!" Haley steamed standing upright and pushing the hair from her face.

"I applaud the effort and I'm touched that you want my help in helping this be successful..."

"You are beyond obnoxious." Haley jerked the guitar from his grasp and set it down on the piano bench. She sat down beside it and absentmindedly plucked the strings. The next words out of her mouth were so quiet he almost didn't hear her. "You don't think I know that I probably can't do this?"

"Then why are you doing something you don't think you can do?"

"To prove that I can."

X-x-X

Peyton hadn't vested enough of her energy into her games with Nathan, and in particular Haley. Nathan was almost too easy to warp. Haley was almost an entirely different person than the girl she used to know. Sometimes she did reflect on the summers spent with Haley all those years ago. Peyton used to have some of the best memories of her life during those summers. Then the world caved in and she didn't even believe that any happy version of Peyton was real.

She spotted Nathan from across the room surrounded by the team of boys he help lead to victory. She pushed herself off the bar stool and proceeded to slink across over to them. If there was one thing she wanted, it was to make Haley feel inferior to her in any and every way possible. And Nathan was the the only route that lead to that. She supposed she could go after Damien but she felt in her gut that Haley was far more interested in Nathan but just simply playing it smart but being with Damien.

Typical Haley.

"I noticed you're real good with your hands." Peyton snagged Nathans earlobe from beside and wrapped her arms around his torso.

"Peyton?" he spun around in her arms and stepped from her grasp. "What are you up to now?"

"What?" she asked innocently, groping at the front of his shirt. "I thought I would help you celebrate your victory."

"He is celebrating." Lucas interjected eying Peyton with disgust. Peyton swirled around to face him. "Don't you have something to cry about or cut or destroy?"

"Oh Lucas!" she dramatically placed her hands on either side of his chest and pulled him close but the fabric of his shirt. "You're so tense? Ginger not loosing you up enough?"

"You're pathetic Peyton." Lucas removed himself from her grasp and stepped back.

"Peyton, come on. Cut it out." Nathan placed a grip on Peyton's arm and pulled her towards him. The last thing he wanted was a scene during Haley's debut. He gave Lucas an apologetic glance and pulled Peyton towards the back of the club. "Look, why don't you go to my place and I'll meet you there in a little bit."

"Because," she pulled his neck down to kiss him forcefully. "I don't want to wait for you."

"Well then if you wanted to help me celebrate you would give me this time with the team."

"Team?" she spat incredulously. She started laughing uncontrollably. "You are delusional Nathan. It took some time, but I finally got your whole story. It's like you're the black plague in this town. Nobody wants you around them for any reason other than bad. You come from a long lineage of fuck ups don't you? And your 'boys' out there, the 'team' your idolizing right now, they will only care for as long as you throw a ball threw a hoop. Past that, you're absolutely nothing to them."

"You have no idea what you're talking about." Nathan seethed, his fist clenching. He knew he would never hit a girl but it was the only time he had ever wanted to come close.

"Face it, you're no golden boy." she stated plainly. She grabbed his hand just as he heard Haley's music cue up. "I wanna do real bad things to you."

"Peyton..."

"Just give in to who you are."

In that instant, he looked at Peyton and say nothing but a tiny blue pill.

And he had no choice but to swallow.

X-x-X

Scanning the crowd for Nathans face and finally finding no version of his familiar face, Haley sucked in her breath and pressed down the keys, forcing herself to breathe with the first note and finding it in sync with the music once she found her voice.


	24. Bullet and a Target

**A/N: Thanks for all the kind words everyone. I've had a lot of changes going on in my life the last three years and it always surprised me to get emails about this story throughout the years. I hope I'm not disappointing because I'm really rusty. I never forgot about this story though and so help me, I'll finish it. Enjoy. :)**

Bullet and a Target

"The table in the back needs busing."

Haley slammed the dish bin on the counter in front of her, the contents inside rattling. She glared at Nathan from across the bar of a few moments before twirling around to finish fixing her drink order. Karen was using this weekend all ages night as a dry run for the grand opening of the club the following weekend and while Haley and Nathan got a free pass for the previous evening, they were stuck working together and being miserable. They hadn't been able to say a single polite word between the two and things were notably tense.

"Anything else Princess?" Nathan bit out snatching the bin off the counter. He was surprised when Haley slowly turned around to face him. "Well?"

"I wouldn't want to put too much pressure on you to do anything more for me outside of what is required for your job." Haley retorted tersely.

Grumbling, Nathan stomped off towards the tables in need of his service. He had expected the evening to go a lot smoother than this. After getting detoured with Peyton and missing Haley's performance he had spent most of the previous night lying wake next to the sleeping hollow next to him thinking of a way to somehow make this up to Haley. Put coming into work and running into her, with one look she shot down any hope of being friendly. And he knew he deserved it.

"Lover's quarrel?" Brooke questioned sliding into a bar stool and glancing over her shoulder to Nathan. "The way you too fight and make up, it's almost like your a real couple."

Haley sighed dropping the washcloth on the counter and putting her chin in her propped up hand. "I just don't get what I keep letting him disappoint me. I know he could be so much better than what he is because I've seen it."

"What does he say about you going to Stanford?"

"Nothing." Haley crinkled up her nose. "He doesn't have opinions on things. He is the sun and everything revolves around and gravitates towards him."

"He's definitely not the prodigal son." Brooke snorted and Haley straightened herself.

"And by that you mean..."

"People talk Hales."

"Like your mom?"

Brooke sighed. "You talked about him to; before you know. Gossip and all. And whether that was because you were infatuated with him or because you were just gossiping with us, you still did. We all heard about his mom, and then Cooper..."

"Just, okay. I get it Brooke." Haley cut her off abruptly. Brooke studied her as she busied herself hand washing the glasses beneath the bar. It took her a few moments before she spoke up.

"Haley, pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Stop giving him a pass."

X-x-X

"_How is she?"_

"_I managed to get her off the kitchen floor and onto the couch."_

_Nathan nodded as Cooper sat down beside him on the concrete. Cooper reached over, gently smacking the ball from Nathans hands, spinning it slowly on the driveway. Nathan watched as Cooper gradually hit the ball over and over until is was spinning so fast that Nathan was sure Cooper's hand wasn't even touch the rubber. Magic, just like Cooper always seemed to be. Suddenly, the ball was snatched up and catapulted across their back yard into the trees that lined the edge. Somehow Nathan sensed the action wasn't meant for the ball. _

"_Nathan, I mean this with every fiber in my body." Cooper started, his eyes staring straight into the oblivion. "You will never have to do what I do for her."_

"_Coop."_

"_Dude, listen to me." Cooper tore his gaze away, from what Nathan was unsure. Nathan looked up into the eyes and the face that was his own. "She's not going to do that to you. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you. I'll always be here to protect you."_

X-x-X

Sitting on top of the club roof, Nathan reflected on one of the few snatches of memory he allowed himself to have of Cooper. There weren't many; in fact Nathan remembered the day of Cooper's funeral getting so drunk that he told himself to only remember 7 since it was how many years that he remembered Cooper being in his life at all. His older brother seemed like a blur to him until he was 8, and then when their world started to fall apart, Cooper was suddenly a god and a savior in Nathans life.

The club beneath him was winding down and he watched as most of his classmates and now teammates filtered out, laughing gregariously and carelessly. He remembered watching Cooper act the same way with his friends, despite the life around him and he envied how easy it was for him to live two separate and distinct lives; the one he wanted to live and the one he was born into. It was one of the many shortcoming he had in comparison to Cooper.

"So this is where the real party is."

Nathan pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"Q, man I am not in the mood."

"Wow Nate, trust me. I'm not either. I just figured since you know we blew it up on the court last night, we could hang with each other for a bit and not be at each others throats."

Quentin waltzed over to the edge of the roof and sat down next to Nathan, swinging his baggy jeans and Tims with him over the edge. Nathan wasn't sure what his situation with Quentin was seeing as how they had started off on no footing, then the wrong one, and somehow they had managed to feed off each other the previous night in the road to their victory.

"So I got this kid brother, Dre. He's four and I may as well be on a lunchbox for this kid. Other kids are bringing Batman and Spiderman figurines and all Dre can blab about is how great Q is. Little man even so far as getting my mom to make me a cape."

"What's your point in all this?" Nathan sighed, kicking his foot against the brick of the building.

Quentin tore his gaze from the figures beneath them to stare at Nathan. "Fool, I'm getting there. You know I didn't move here until last summer? We lived in Charlotte before here. A year ago, I was in the same spot you were; I mean except I had this mom that was constantly on me, and this teacher who would make me read all these books to try and keep me in line. None of it really mattered since I had to mindset that I was predisposition to be a complete screw up. I mean so was Pops, so should I right?"

"Congratulations Cinderella. You made it to the ball."

"Dre was little, he still is but he was starting to understand more about what was going on around him." Quentin continued ignoring Nathans sneers. "So bad group A that I was apart of pissed off bad group B, and some shit hit the fan. I had boys getting sniped at left and right. Crazy. Then one day I have Dre with me shooting some hoops and I saw this car driving up. I don't know man, I just knew something wasn't right. Then all I could see in front of me was Dre wearing my basketball summer camp jersey and all I could think about was wanting to see him grow into that jersey."

Nathan had to admit he was a little intrigue at this point. "Well what happened?"

"I grew up around that shit long enough to know the smell of gun powder and blood. Its not the same though unless its coming from you though." Quentin pulled down the corner of his shirt to show Nathan a small scar and a tiny tattoo beneath it on his right shoulder. "I felt the bullet rip through me and I cover Dre. I didn't get up until a paramedic pulled me off of him. That's why little man thinks I'm a super hero. That's why his name is where that bullet came through. Because it took him, by way of that bullet to get through to me."

"We're not the same."

"Well no man. I actually learned from my mistakes, my misfortune." Nathan gave him a pointed look. "People talk and whether its the whole truth or only parts of, I have enough of your back story to know this. You were exactly where you should be last night. And you're about to walk away from it all. After that bullet I got focused. Put my head into the ball game, into teaching Dre to be anything but like me or our Pops."

"But I don't have that something to be focused on or to push me to stay that way."

"Don't you?" Quentin retorted. "You've got me and we both know I'm the best shooting guard in the state and I need a point guard that's going to feed me the ball. Trust me; I'll push you. So will Luke and Skills and Damien. We've all got your back now. I know you probably don't understand what team means but that guys and me, we're it."

"My dad won the state championship when he played in high school." Nathan admitted quietly. Speaking about his father in any form was an unwritten rule he had given himself the day he put Cooper in the ground. At times, he had found himself wanting to open up to Haley and spill out everything but he kept himself from letting her see what had caused him to be the way he was. She would try fix him and he wasn't sure if he wanted that. "He taught me to ball. He made me absolutely miserable. Learning basketball was the only time I spent with my father and it was all terrible. Every second. But it was the only time I felt like myself. After a while I just associated suffering with who I was supposed to be. And the better at basketball I became the more he hated me for it. He knew I was better than him. So he taught me everything he knew and then he wouldn't let me have it."

"Do you understand that he's not the one stopping you from having that right? Do you understand the rest of your life is being shaped right now? It's up to you, you can walk out from that court and fail this team and take your chances, or you could sit down, listen, and learn from somebody that's been there. Choice is yours. The rest of your life is a long time and whether you know it or not, it's being shaped right now. You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate, or bad luck, or bad choices, or you can fight back. Things aren't always gonna be fair in the real world, that's just the way it is. But for the most part you get what you give."

"I have no clue what I'm doing any more." Nathan said quietly have several minutes of letting Quentin's words sink in. To Nathans surprise, Quentin chuckled.

"Like the hell any of us do."

X-x-X

"That's the last of them."

Lucas hopped on top of the bar and spun on his bottom to face the other side. Haley was just finishing up the dirty glasses and tossed Lucas a few wash cloths pointing to the bar beneath his body. Grumbling, he snatched them up and started cleaning the bar in silence. After a few moments Haley started humming and Lucas joined in soon after sounding purposely off key.

"You were great last night by the way." he finally said after several minutes of horribly tuning. "I've known you my whole life, and I never thought that was in you."

"There's a lot you don't know about me Lucas." she smirked pulling the drainer stopper out and drying her hands. "And congratulations. I know that's what you were fishing for. Between Rachel and Damien we didn't get a lot of chances to talk last night."

"Ever since I joined the basketball team, it's all I've dreamed about. I mean, I'm not trying to make basketball a career but damn does it feel good to win." Lucas grinned. "We couldn't have done it without Nathan though. I can't believe how talented he is."

"Lucas," Haley started unsure if she should say anything about Nathan. "I wouldn't get your hopes too high on Nathan. He's a born runner. I just think he might bolt from all this; it's not a life he's used to."

Before Lucas could respond, Rachel was walking in with Brooke and Jake in tow, along with a few of the other basketball players and cheerleaders. Haley gave Lucas a shrug as if to tell him that it was just a thought and finished tidying up behind the bar. She cocked her head as she watch Nathan and Quentin coming down the stairs that led to the roof goofing off and laughing.

"Well Ladies and gentlemen, I would say it's time for the real celebration to begin." Rachel announced slinking behind the bar and pulling out various bottle of liquor. "Orders up!"

"Rachel." Haley warned tiredly. Lucas held up his hands in innocence. "We can't do this."

"We can." Rachel promised pouring shots and handing them out. "We are."

"Relax Hales." Lucas coaxed putting his arm around her shoulder and squeezing. "We used to sneak beer out of the cafe all the time."

"We were 12!" Haley laughed remembering the few occasions they had snuck beer and the good memories that came with it. She finally relented though. "This is so not the same."

A few beers later, Haley was probably one of the more sober ones there but was definitely more relaxed than what she had been. Noticing Nathan laying on the stage, a small beach ball being tossed from his hands into the air she made her way over and crawled beside him. At that point in her inebriation and life she really didn't care what people would think of the exchange.

"You missed it." she whispered, her eyes glancing to the piano behind them. "You forced a gun to my head to make me play and then you shot me anyway."

He didn't turn to face her. "You're still standing."

"Lying." she corrected nodding her head. "I didn't miss your game."

"You didn't miss your boyfriends game." he corrected coldly. She bolted up suddenly propping her head on her hand to look down at him. "Oh your drunk. That's cute."

"I looked for your face, like you told me to. I missed seven notes; Chris had to keep compensating to fix my errors." absentmindedly her fingers began playing the invisible keys above her head, her brow furrowing whenever she missed a note. "Clearly I still can't get it right. Oh don't worry, I know you're not going to apologize because that's not your style. But you know when you mess up; you always know the split second before it occurs and you always do it anyway."

He hated the way she was getting inside his head. She had every right, every reason to be angry with him and he wanted nothing more than to make things right; hell it had gutted him just as much to not see and hear her perform as much it hurt her. It was his fault for letting her get so close to him. People who got close got burned and it was the last thing he wanted for her. He thought of Quentin and his bullet. How in his situation he wasn't Q but Haley was Dre. In his situation, he was the bullet. And she was brave to put herself between a bullet and a target.

"I've always looked for your face though." she continued in her haze. "In the hallways, in the class we were in, I was always searching for you. I'm practically psychotic. I overheard Mr. Darby that you had to get a tutor or he wasn't going to allow you in his class any more. I heard him tell you to go check the news board and find a tutor that day. I rushed to the board and put up my make shift poster. You took my number and I got to look at that twisted face of yours on a scheduled basis. I don't know what made me do that. I really don't."

He had long ago stopped tossing the ball.

"I saw you though, you know?" it was rhetorical, he knew but it didn't stop him from wanting to answer. He watched as a single tear slid down her cheek. "Past all the bluster and BS, I saw you. I don't know what exactly happened to you Nathan, and maybe you'll never tell me." Suddenly she turned her head to face his reaching out to touch his cheek, then his neck. "You are not what happened to you. You can only be what you choose to be."

"What should I be?" he sputtered out meekly. Even to him it sounded weak but with her hand on him and her warmth pulsating through him, he felt incredible fragile.

She beamed ruefully. "Anything you want."

_Except yours_ he thought.

"Haley?"

"Mhm..."

He took her hand from his neck and wrapped his much larger hand around hers. She kept laying all her cards out for him to play and in typical Nathan fashion he kept folding.

"Do you know why I get tattoos?"

"Enlighten me." she dramatically waved her free hand in the air.

"When Cooper died, it was so much chaos. I couldn't even see straight, much less think about having any control of anything. I was so ripped apart that I couldn't dress myself properly." he brought her hand to his wrist and her fingers grazed the inked _**escape**_ on his skin. That tattoo was the only thing I could control during that period of my life."

"Thank you." her eyes fluttered briefly. He could tell she was fading.

"What for?"

"For giving me another piece to the enigma that is Nathan."

He kissed the back of her hand as she gently drifted off to sleep. He recalled that day in the quad scanning over the various offers for tutoring. The whole thing had been a joke because he wasn't stupid and he didn't need a tutor he just didn't care enough to put effort in anything. Ultimately he had picked Haley's number.

Because he had looked for her face too.

He just hadn't know it at the time.


	25. Goodbye Too Soon

**A/N: Sorry about the wait everyone. And thanks for all the support and loyalty you have shown to this story. I feel like I've got the rest of the story mapped out pretty well but we'll see how it goes. This is a pretty important part of Nathan's journey because it shows you a good portion of his past. Till next time. -A**

Goodbye too Soon

Haley found her eyes sliding open to the same familiar water stains on the ceiling and the same cracks in the wall that she had awoken to before. Rolling over, she pulled his sweater that she was wearing to her nose, inhaling his familiar scent before slipping it off to just her camisole top. She was brought back to that first morning so many months ago, and moments with him she never thought possible. This was different and unfamiliar though. Lying next to him, his breathing steady and his heartbeat singing it's natural lullaby it was no wonder that if she ever felt right anywhere it was right there beside him.

"You think entirely too loud." Nathan groggily turned over slinging his arm around her torso. For two people who were seemingly all wrong for each other, they always managed to fit just right.

"Do I?"

"Mhm hmm." he mumbled burying his head in the crook of her arm. "More sleep. Now."

Haley smiled into the top of his head. It was rare when she questioned her judgment on anything because she typically had good instincts. No matter what happened between them, she always felt like being with him was exactly where she was supposed to be. She didn't believe in soul mates or fate she just knew that her whole life she had grown up in a house with so many people coming and going. And with Nathan in his tiny somewhat shambled apartment, engulfed in his arms, it was the only time she felt _home_.

"I didn't miss your song."

This surprised her but she didn't say anything.

"I heard it, from the roof. Every word." he was still burrowed in the crook of her arm and she could feel his lips brushing her skin. "I wanted to be there and see your face."

"Why weren't you?"

Nathan was happy for this time with Haley. The further they got along into the year and the closer he watched her get to Damien the more he knew she was slipping away. The stronger he felt about her and the closer he got to her the more he wanted to hold onto her. People had a habit of always leaving him and he knew Haley would be no different but try as he might he couldn't stop himself from getting attached and wanting to hold onto her; being with her was the only time he didn't have to struggle.

When Brooke had knighted him guardian of a drunken Haley the previous night, he was thankful for once that he got to take care of her instead of the other way around. For so long he had been used to no one, save Cooper to look after him. It was the smallest possible way, but it seem that this one fluke night and subsequent morning was the only way he could give it back to her all she had given him.

He kissed in between two of her ribs, sighing. "I didn't want Peyton to ruin your moment."

"Peyton." Haley repeated, trying to keep the malice out of her voice. "When Peyton and I were seven she pricked our fingers with a safety pin and made us blood sisters. At the time, I thought it was ridiculous considering we were already cousins but I went along with it. I idolized Peyton."

"Why's that?"

"Her curls." Haley managed to even laugh a little. "I was so jealous of her curls. All the dolls I got growing up had there perfect little ringlets and Peyton was like a living doll, with Converse. Mostly though, she just seemed so brave, so larger than life."

"So what happened?" Nathan lifted his head towards her. If Peyton was so much like him, he wanted to know what fractured her to that point. "Because you don't idolize her now right?"

"No." Haley agreed, her fingers idly stocking Nathans hair. "I don't really know what happened to Peyton. She came one summer and she had cut off all her curls and was drawing all these crazy pictures on her arms and legs. She always had on headphones with blaring music and all of a sudden I couldn't reach Peyton anymore. I mean, I was fifteen and I guess some part of me knew that something had happened but she wasn't speaking to anyone and anytime my parents talked about it, it was all hushed whispers."

"Last night, I thought she would make a scene to spite you. You didn't deserve that."

"You are not the same as her." Haley told Nathan seriously. "I'm not going to pretend like I'm exactly thrilled at the two of you being together but if you're with her because you think she's like some kindred spirit who has gone what you've gone through, she's not. You're better than that."

Nathan didn't understand it, but he got defensive. "How exactly do you know what I've been through."

"I..." Haley fumbled on her words as Nathan pulled away from her, sitting up in the bed. It was a simple statement, not even a question. "I don't know Nathan. Maybe that's the point."

She waited for him to let her in.

"I'm going to get in the shower."

Instead he closed the door once more.

X-x-X

He wasn't sure how he kept himself from not punching yet another hole in the tile in his shower but somehow he managed to keep his anger at a simmering level. The he had turned the water as hot as he could manage wondering if he could feel anything other than the radiating fury rolling off his body. He wasn't upset with Haley; she had every right to be let in and she had been patient enough. He had only given her pieces, and not enough to fit the whole enigma that was him together.

Shutting off the shower finally, he toweled himself dry and got dressed. He expected to find his apartment empty once he came out of the bathroom and was surprised to find Haley leaning on the railing of the balcony. In his oversized sweater with her short statue, it was hitting her thighs right below her waist and as always she looked incredible. He was grateful she stayed because something had occurred to him in the shower that he wanted her to be a part of.

"I want to take you somewhere." he told her from the doorway. Thankfully, the cold air from winter was fading into the warmness of spring. She turned around to face him. "I want to share something with you."

Something always made her stay.

"What's that?"

"It requires a field trip." he stepped onto the balcony, taking her hand into his. Her fingers encased around his without permission. "You're right, you know. I don't let you know a whole lot about me. I'm not afraid that you won't like what you see, I just don't think you really know what you're getting yourself into."

"Maybe I should have thought of that all those months ago on the river court?" she mused ruefully stepping further into his embrace. Somehow she could never bring herself to feel guilty when she was with Nathan and not Damien. "So where are you taking me?"

"Get dressed, and you'll find out."

X-x-X

Nathan didn't say much on the quiet ride through town. The early Sunday morning was grey and foggy and to Haley it almost seemed like they were the only two souls out there. Every part of this town was in grained in her being but she had no idea where Nathan was taking her. Looking out the window, watching the buildings and trees pass her by, it was almost like she was experiencing the town for the very first time.

"Do you remember Caleb?" he asked, breaking the reverie of the silent car. Haley tore her gaze from the window and looked at Nathan, nodding her head slowly. "Did you ever wondered what happened to him?"

"I wondered lots of things about Caleb."

"He was Nikki's child." Nathan started, his fist clenching the steering wheel just a bit tighter. "You know, the girl from the party the first night we hung out?"

"I remember."

"He's my nephew. My brother, Cooper was his father." Nathan explained and Haley didn't feel the need to respond, only to listen. "Nikki, well she's this awesomely terrible person. She didn't deserve Cooper and she didn't deserve Caleb."

Haley hadn't noticed the car had stopped until Nathan had killed the engine and removed the keys. She glanced out the window and took notice of where they were. Again, she said nothing, sensing that Nathan was in his own element and needed to do this on his own time. She had waited long enough for answers, for insight, that a little more patience with him would probably go a long way. Nathans head was bent towards his lap, his fingers playing numbly with the keys in his hand.

He got of of the car and walked around to her side, opening the door for her and taking her hand in his. He held her hand tightly, leading her way across the grass tightening his grip every so often, almost as if acknowledging that she was actually still there. After a few moments, he led her to his side and stopped in a small clearing that was tucked far away from the rest of the grounds.

"The first time I met Nikki was at one of Cooper's races." Nathan spoke softly. He was terrified that if he spoke any louder he would lose it. "He raced cars, Cooper I mean. He was so much older than me; sometimes I think I was an accident for my parents. Anyway, he loved the speed and adrenaline that racing gave him. He started out really small and then before I knew it, it was like he won the golden ticket. He was on his way to being NASCAR. He met Nikki at some party and they fell in love." he practically spat the last sentence.

"So then one day Cooper takes me fishing, which isn't something I'm fond of, but he enjoyed it a lot. He tells me that Nikki's pregnant, I'm going to be an uncle, and he's quitting the circuit. He didn't want to be the kind of parent that our parents were to us." Nathan had to stop momentarily to gather his thoughts. "All the parties he went too and all the racing he did, sitting there on that boat with him was the happiest I'd ever scene him. He was so unafraid of it all like for the first time he was coming home.

"The night he told Nikki he was quitting the circuit was the last time I saw him. You could tell Nikki really was relishing in the life that Cooper provided her. She's an overgrown spoiled brat. She told Cooper in the middle of a first class restaurant that if he left racing and opened up the garage he wanted to, not only would she not marry him but she would abort the baby."

"Nathan."

He didn't respond and he didn't continue right away. Haley found herself reaching across the short distance between them and bridging the gap; capturing his hand in hers. All the intimacy and moments they had shared together and this was by the far the closest she had ever been. The silence gave her time to mull over Nathan, and the many circumstances that had brought him here with her and who he was. She wondered about what kind of parents he must have had to be so broken to the point where strength is all you had and how much losing the the only support in your life would make you feel so much less than who you were.

"We went fishing again, me and Cooper." Nathan spoke softly, finally, long after they had been shrouded in silence. "It wasn't the same. All that peace and calm was gone. I knew it then, but I was just a kid, I didn't know what to do with it. My whole life Cooper had been the one to fix things and say all the right words to make it better."

"_How's Nikki?"_

"_Fine."_

_Nathan tried again. "What did the sponsors say when you told them you were leaving?"_

"_I'm not leaving."_

"_But with the baby coming..."_

"_And you heard Nikki." Cooper snapped guzzling back the beer in his hand. "Racing will provide a better life for the kid anyway."_

"_Or provide it without a father."_

"_So what Nathan? I just quit and Nikki gets rid of it and then I don't get to be a father anyway?" Coopers explosion was contained and precise. He hadn't even raised his voice but Nathan felt the timbre in it. "Is that what you would do?'_

"_I don't know what I would do."_

"_Mom left you in a car once when you were a baby"_

_Nathan turned to look at Cooper in surprise. Cooper remained unfazed, looking at the still water. _

"_I heard her come in and drop the car keys in the bowl and then **cling, cling, cling.**" Cooper continued making a motion of dropping invisible ice cubs in an invisible glass. His stoic exterior didn't change, nor did he look at Nathan. "Did you know that when you were a baby you cried incessantly?"_

_Nathan cleared his throat. "Dad has reminded me once or twice."_

"_Dad." Cooper scoffed shaking his head and showing just a hint of emotion for the first time all day. "I didn't hear you crying. The only thing I heard was the TV in the living room and ice melting and settling in a glass. I thought it was the strangest cacophony of noise I had ever heard."_

"_How long before she realized I wasn't in the house?" _

"_She didn't." Cooper recalled, reeling in his line and recasting it. "I had to pull a chair from the dining room to get the keys out of the bowl. I forgot to put a jacket on when I went outside. It was freezing that day. I didn't have a clue as to what key opened the car door and you cried the entire time I fumbled through the keys. I had a hard time getting you out of your car seat because of the buckles and my small hands. Then I picked you up and carried you inside. I couldn't reach your crib so I put you in my bed with me and covered you up and we went to sleep."_

_She never noticed? She just left me? What did she say when you told her? All those questions burned Nathans tongue but he couldn't bring himself to ask any of them. He knew the answers. He knew just how insignificant he was in his parent's lives. _

"_It was the first time I held you." Cooper finally looked at Nathan. "I think instinctively you knew I would always look after you because whenever I was around, you never cried."_

"_Why are you telling me this Coop?"_

"_Nathan, I can account for every bad that has influence all the broken in me. Hell, we both can. Whatever Dad I end up being to this kid, any good that I do for it comes from having you as my baby brother."_

"That was the last time I saw Cooper alive." Nathan exhaled deeply physically feeling the weight of that being lifted off his chest. "The storms he had going on inside him, I could see. I couldn't figure it out. Sometimes when you look at me Haley, you look at me the same way."

Haley had a hard time finding her voice. "What happened next?"

"The next week, I stood beside Nikki in the stands and watched Cooper crash into a wall and die." Nathan responded automatically. He was sure he never once uttered those words out loud.

_Cooper died. _

They had been thrown in his face, and whispered behind his back and even he had told himself that Cooper was just simply gone. Like one day he had just packed his back and sped out of town. Nathan wasn't sure why, even now after all that had happened post Cooper he had remained in Tree Hill rooted to the place that had caused him nothing but pain and aching.

Haley squeezed his hand in a quiet answer to his unspoken plea.

"Everyone tried to convince Nikki to go through with the abortion, especially after Cooper's will was read."

"What was in the will?"

"Everything was left to me." Nathan sat down on the grassy knoll, exhausted, and pulled Haley with him. She sunk in between his legs and rested her back on his torso. "But on some twisted level, Nikki loved Cooper and she wanted some part of him I guess. Which is why she kept Caleb and why she wrapped herself up in me."

"I doubt that's the only reason." Haley replied and Nathan shook his head. "Why do you think that you're so insignificant? Just because you had lousy parents? Cooper saw the significance in you."

"Cooper didn't stick around did he?"

"He did it on purpose?"

"No." Nathan whispered. "He didn't do it on purpose but I still get angry at him for leaving me all the same."

Haley pivoted in his arms to face him. Smiling sadly, she placed his face in her hands. "Cooper told you that if there was any good that was going to come from him, it was going to come from having you in his life. Don't you think that any good that you have comes from having him in yours?"

She looked behind them to the headstone and back to the boy in front of her.

"That means he stays with you. And I'm not going anywhere either."

_Oh and I lost my way  
It's the same mistakes I always make  
And now I know there is little I can do  
I know that i've said goodbye too soon _


	26. The Shock of Lightning

**A/N: Hey party people. Are we still interested in this? I am a terrible person. I know. Seriously. **

The Shock of Lightning

They didn't speak for a really long time.

Nathan couldn't ever remember giving so much of himself to anything let alone in one moment to one person. He wore Cooper's death like a scar, one of his tattoos, something that would remain a permanence in him. He had tried for so long to get rid of it to no avail that it felt relieving to finally tell someone and get it out. It had released him in a very small way from all that followed him in the wake of his brother's death.

He hadn't visited his brother's grave often; only in fits of rage or drunkenness, something he knew wasn't fitting to the memory of Cooper. He wasn't sure how long they had been sitting there with her back resting comfortably on his chest but in that time his world was still and peaceful. Ever so often he would kiss the small patch of skin behind her ear and she would sigh with contentment.

Eventually she got up from the ground, dusting her jeans from the grass and debris and held out her hand to him. When he didn't immediately reach for it, she ran her fingers lightly through his hair, his eyes faltering under her touch. He briefly imagined a world, a life where Coop had lived and he had met Haley. He looked up at her and knew his brother would have wanted her for him.

Standing up, he fished his keys out of his pocket. Haley flinched once, twice and then looked up towards the sky. She held her hands out and Nathan watched as a few drops fell once, twice. She squealed and giggled, grabbing his hand and running towards a tree several feet away. It wasn't much coverage from the sudden downpour but it was enough in the interim.

"Did you ever play in the rain when you were a kid?" she asked him ringing her hair out on one side then the other. He grimaced, barely, but she caught it.

"That didn't really seem interesting to me." he told her but she didn't sense that was the right reason. He perked his eyebrows up suggestively. "But then again I didn't have a hot girl to play with me."

Lightly, she shoved his chest. He sighed and exhaled deeply.

"Truth is, Dan, my father would make me practice in the rain. And snow. And heat. He would stand with his arms crossed over his chest and watch me. He yelled a lot when I was little. As I got older, he would mostly just stare at me when I messed up because by then I knew that I was doing it all wrong. The guilt would rattle me enough."

Nathan paused, allowing Haley to soak in the information. This was apparently a day of divulging as he had never spoken so openly about Cooper or his father. He watched as Haley leaned back against the tree and reached for his shirt, gently fingering the buttons. He waited a beat before he realized that she was waiting for more from him. A more he so desperately wanted to give.

"When I was ten, I asked to try out for basketball. He allowed me to. He encouraged me." Nathan laughed bitterly. "I made the team. The coach told me that I was the best he had seen in a long time. I listened to my father brag about my endurance and stamina and form. He told the coach he was _**proud**_ of me. It was just a big joke to him."

"He didn't let you play." Haley whispered, forcing herself to look at him. It was hard for her to wrap her head around such punishment. Her parents, albeit sometimes self absorbed, had always encouraged her to do whatever it was that she wanted and supported her in her talents.

"Nope. Shit was so bad for me that summer because of that stunt. He was already having problems with Cooper and my mother. I stopped having joy from basketball then." He paused, collecting his thoughts. He decided a change of conversation would be good; that he has exposed enough of himself for the time being. " It wasn't until I joined the team that it finally started to feel good to play again."

Haley smiled. "You were amazing. It was like you were in your own world. Nothing could touch you."

"It definitely made top five moments of my life." he looked at her thoughtfully. "I don't think I had any until this past year."

Her hard gripped the shirt her fingers had been dancing along the last several minutes and pulled him closer to her. Hesitantly, she reached up and kissed him softly. After a few moments she sunk into his embrace as the rain steadily died off around them. She wanted to tell him how much he meant to her, how much this entire morning had meant to her but she also didn't want Nathan to close up around her.

"I should get you home."

x-X-x

Haley gave Nathan a small wave after shutting the car door. He had insisted on driving her all the way home but given the last few days, Haley felt it was time for her to unwind and process everything that Nathan had given her. She watched him pull away from the curb, a block from her house and pulled her jacket closer to her body. The weather was getting warmer, but the afternoon had clouds and thunder rolling in and rain was about to pour once again from the sky.

She felt she would always be watching him leave.

When she first got involved with him, she knew so little about him. She had felt hungry for knowledge especially after knowing him so. The weekend sans Damien that had been spent with Nathan had given her an influx of information and still not enough to piece any together to make sense of it all. But at least he was giving her small portions. She just wondered if she'd ever get the whole picture.

Slowly she began her walk to her house, grateful for the reprieve from her mom, and Peyton, and all of her siblings. Between school and cheerleading, Tric and the cafe, and Damien there was little time for anything else. She adjusted her head towards the sky as she felt the drops of rain pelt down on her body. As her house came into view, her clothes were drenched and she noticed a figure sitting on her doorsteps.

"Damien?" she squinted against the rain and he rushed down the steps and enveloped her with his letterman jacket to shield her from the rain. "What are you doing here?"

"You're soaking wet." Damien ignored her question pulling his jacket tightly around her and rubbing her arms on both sides. He led her to the porch swing and sat them down. "Are you trying to get yourself sick."

"I don't get sick." she told him, teeth chattering. He leaned in a kissed her forehead softly. She tried a different approach. "I wasn't expecting you."

"I missed you." he said simply, pulling her shivering torso into his side. "I got back early and wanted to see you. No one was home though. There's a note on the door. "

Haley got up from his embrace and walked to the door, pulling the note off. "_Took the troops for food, movies, and ice cream. Be back later._"

"They should just put a sign in the yard that says 'Rob Me.'" Haley grumbled, rumpling up the paper in her hand. "You want to come inside?"

Damien followed Haley inside and watched as she flipped on a few lights and walked into the living room, lighting a fire in the hearth. He remained in the doorway of the living room as Haley peeled the top layer of her clothing off and laid them in front of the fireplace to dry. She kept waiting for him to speak to say something but when she snuck a glance he was leaning against the wall, arms folded, quietly eying her.

"So how was the trip?" she finally mustered, crumpling to the couch and hanging her torso over the back to face him. All she had left on was a slightly damp camisole and soggy jeans she couldn't exactly strip out of at the moment. "And what's the real reason you're back so soon?"

He exhaled. "There were a few complications." He unfolded his arms and walked slowly to the couch, sinking in on the opposite end.

"Complications." she parroted, pivoting her body to face him directly. She couldn't tell if his face was conflicted or relaxed in the shadows of the dancing fire place. "What happened?"

"I couldn't go through with it." he shrugged nonchalantly as if he had decided to wear sneakers instead of boots. "I woke up yesterday morning still on this remarkable and satisfying high from the game and I couldn't get the feeling off me; of the ball in my hands." he held out his palms and gently motioned them up and down. "We were sitting the library for orientation and I looked to my right and there were just hundreds of books. Law books. Leather bound and thick. I reached over and palmed a spine in my hand and I just..." he looked up at her abruptly. "Rubber. Rubber belongs in my hands. Not leather."

"So you just left?" she sputtered, unable to hold back her grin. She reached for his still extended palms, cupping them in her own. "Wow."

He squeezed her hands. "I took a train to UCONN. I had to see for myself. So I'm sitting in the middle of Gampel Pavilion which I know is completely empty but all I can hear is cheering and all I can feel is rumbling from feet stomping and hands clapping and I know I'll never feel that way about anything the way I feel about basketball."

She couldn't stop the smile from her lips. "Yeah, I know what you mean. There's no other high like someone cheering for you or being so enamored by you talent."

"Your show." he frowned, his forehead creasing. "I bet you were incredible."

"Well," she heaved her shoulders and let them fall. "I was decent. I flubbed a few times. But it was definitely, definitely worth it. It was so great."

"I won't be missing your next performance, trust me." he let go of her hands and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "There's nothing that could stop me now."

"Feeling pretty confident since you went rouge huh?" she giggled. "What did your parent say?"

His mood instantly darkened and he visibly tensed beside her. "They didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"Say anything."

They didn't speak for a while; they simply sat watching the dancing flickers of light. She could tell he was tormented and disappointed but she was unsure of the words to give him to make it all go away. Even though she hadn't told her parents of her plans she knew they would say something, have an opinion. Probably a very loud one and one she didn't like. But that was far better than indifference to it at all. She was startled when he kissed the hollow between her neck and shoulder.

"I'm sorry to dump this all you on." he mumbled into her skin. He continued his kisses down her arm and around her shoulder blade. "I truly missed you Haley. I couldn't wait to get back to you."

She couldn't stop herself from trembling under his ministrations or her eyes fluttering from the trail he was leaving. And his words for that matter. It seemed selfish to her to have the want and desire not really for him exactly but for the idea of him; this boy who said all the right things and did all the right things and wanted her. The thought occurred to her that maybe he too wanted just the idea of her, and that maybe there were connected and bonded that way.

She wanted Nathan. She had always wanted Nathan. She had him, in a way, in pieces on his terms. And while there was a certain kinship to Damien, to Nathan, she felt tethered. The highs and lows of their weekend together had even more so solidified that. There was intimacy that hadn't been there before. She had felt herself gripping, aching for so much so that she wanted to grab onto anything.

Anyone.

She recalled the cool leather on his backseat and the rough movement of his calloused hands. The pain she felt and in his movement. The urgency and desire. The leather beneath her now was warm, molded around the two of them. His hands were gentle, teasing, memorizing everything they touched. He was whispering in her ear, things she couldn't really hear or maybe didn't want to hear. She focused on the movements. Soft, caressing, everything that it should have been.

"I've wanted you for so long."

His hurried words fractured Haley from her thoughts and she snapped back to the present moment. She was torn between what she wanted so desperately and how she was supposed to react to what was going on. This sweet and handsome boy who belonged to her was telling her how much he wanted her; she could feel as much and she didn't know if it was what she truly wanted in return. A very big part of her wanted to belong to Nathan, and only to him but the reality was that she probably never would.

She captured his mouth with hers. "We should move this upstairs."

In one swift movement he had lifted the two of them up from the couch. Haley wrapped her arms around his shoulders and her legs around his waist, her lips never breaking from his. They paused briefly at the staircase, her body against the wall, their foreheads touching as they tried to catch their breath. She slipped down and planted her feet firmly on the ground. Grabbing his hand she started up the stairs, gently pulling him with her.

They had never really talked about this for their relationship. The topic had never really came up sans the the one day in his SUV. The both assumptively knew that there had been others before and given their present situation and the distance approaching them in just a few short months, they certainly wouldn't be each others last. But for the moment she decided that if someone was willing to give there whole self to her, she could be willing to do the same.

Once they reached her bedroom, she lead him inside and shut the door behind her. When she turned back around he was sitting on her bed, quietly toeing off his shoes. Biting her lip, she removed her still wet camisole and shimmied out of her jeans kicking them to the side of her bedroom. In just her bra and underwear she walked over to him and settled into his lap. Kissing him passionately she gripped his shirt from the bottom of his back and pulled it over his head, her hands moving down to his pants next.

She squealed as he flipped her over onto the bed, his lips moving from hers to her neck and shoulders. Her hands stayed at the task; unbuckling his belt her hands quietly teasing beneath the top of his boxers. She heard the sharp intake of breath and the slight buckling of his body and took that as a cue to continue. She slipped his pants down as far as she could with her hands and used her feet to push them the rest of the way down.

He paused, moving the hair from her face. Haley noted the intensity on his face and wondered if he was changing his mind about he whole affair. Her hands stilled from rubbing his back and torso and waited for him to say something or continue. It was several seconds before he sucked in his breath and kissed her once more.

"I'm so happy that you're mine."

x-X-x

Nathan ambled up the stairs to his apartment, shaking his hair of the rain. He had let it grow out the last few months. As cheesy at it sounded to even him, he liked the length his hair because of the simple way Haley would push it from his face. He loved the small intimate moments of contact with her. They felt so much more real than anything. The rest of the team were shaving their heads before the championship game the following week and were begging Nathan to do the same.

Team.

The word, the concept was still so foreign to him that Nathan had to remind himself that it was actually happening. The only team he had ever felt remotely apart of was his partnership with Cooper; a relationship so out of sync that he still was having difficulty grasping it. Quentin was obviously his closest ally and supporter and honestly, he was filling a rather big hole that Cooper dying had left.

Slowly, over the course of the last several months, the people that he encountered and the more he integrated himself into their lives the more and more whole he felt. People were willingly breaking off pieces of themselves to fork over to him and he didn't want to be selfish with that anymore. Especially with Haley. He would probably never feel good enough for her, and would never truly deserve her, but he at least thought he should try. He knew no one had ever given so much of themselves as she had for him.

Reaching the last landing of his stairs, he turned the corner and stopped dead in his tracks. It was there, standing before him that stood the very thing that would rip every good thing from his life; the only person who had the power to. He could almost literally feel himself shrinking into the small boy that the man in front of him made him feel. He watched as a sadistic grin spread across the man's face at the top of the stairs and opened his arms wide.

"Son!"


	27. Liars, Lions, & Dragons

**I am blown away with the amount of interest this story still carries. To randomly get reviews throughout the last few years has been a huge honor and I am truly undeserving of that. I've always had the intention of finishing this story and I've always had the climax in my head floating around. Honestly, Dan showing up was out of the blue as I was writing the chapter. I felt it was necessary to bring Nathans demon's full force and for you as the reader to fully understand the truly messed up family he had. It will show you his weaknesses in a way that I haven't been able to show before because I didn't have Dan for it to bounce off of. but you'll also see an amazing strength that comes from that. As far as Haley and Damien...read this chapter and I'll address any questions or concerns you may have. I dont know how long this will be but I do know that I have every intention of finishing this. And soon. This chapter popped out in just a few hours so that's pretty impressive. Two hours is better than two years. Also, for those of you who said you had to go back and re read the entire story...yeah me too. This is a long story! Thanks for staying with me. To you saints and scholars, I hope you enjoy. **

**-A**

Liars, Lions, and Dragons

Nathan inhaled sharply.

So much time had passed since the last time he had seen his father, he wasn't sure if it eyes were playing tricks on him. The remained frozen; transfixed by the behemoth that stood at the top of the stairs. He recalled the breathing trick the very person in front of him taught him so long ago. Deep breaths in and out, remain focus, and keep the end game in mind.

Quickly gaining his bearings, he stomped up the remaining stairs, blowing past his father's still out stretched arms. It was embarrassing to him having to fumble for his keys, trying to get them into the door. He didn't bother slamming the door behind him, he knew enough to know that he wasn't getting out of this particular predicament.

His father quietly shut the door behind them, unbuttoned his suit jacket and took a seat on his sofa, grimacing as he did so. Nathan stayed in the kitchen and watched as his father squirmed, trying to get comfortable and finally giving up with a sigh, dropping on hand on his thigh and stretching the other across the back of the couch.

"Well son, are you going to offer the old man a drink?" he grinned, crossing one leg over the other.

"I see some things never change." Nathan grumbled, dutifully fetching a beer from the fridge and tossing to his father which he easily caught.

Dan Scott.

Nathan placed both hands on his kitchen island and watched as Dan savored the drink in his hand. When he was a kid, Dan liked to have his buddies over to play poker. Nathan knew how to make a Jack and coke before he knew how to swim. It was surreal to see him sitting in his living room, enjoy his beer, and invading the life he had made for himself.

"I see that the money Cooper left you holding you up quite nice." Dan said after a few moments. "You haven't cashed any of the checks I've sent you over the last year and a half."

"I do alright."

"Do you have a job?"

"You know I do." Nathan spat. He was playing the daddy card and Nathan was far too old to fall for it. "Don't pretend that you haven't been keeping tabs."

Dan guzzled the remainder of his beer, signaling for another one. "You're awfully surly, Son. Its no wonder you're shacking up with that little blonde spitfire."

"Peyton?" Nathan clarified.

Dan nodded, swallowing and clearing his throat with an 'ahh.' "Yeah. That's the one! All curls and cattiness? I'm sure she keeps you on your toes."

"She was here?" Nathan questioned, more so to himself and wondering if that meant she would be back. Peyton had a sixth sense for trouble and if anything was the epitome of, it was Dan. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh!" Dan hopped up, almost gleeful. He pulled a paper from the inside of his suit jacket pocket and tossed it on the counter. "My son, making the game winning basket!"

Nathan didn't remove his eyes from Dan's as he picked up the paper. He gritted his teeth and broke away from his fathers shit eating grin to look at the paper in hand. There, on the front page was Nathan; his feet slightly elevated off the floor, his arm above his head, and the basketball slipping from his hands. The crowd behind him was raising to their feet already. Vaguely, he could make out Haley with the rest of the cheerleaders, routing for him.

Haley.

More than anything he wanted; no he needed her right then at that moment. Nothing terrified him more than the power his father had over him and the distance that was placed between them after Cooper had died was such an amazing blessing. He couldn't ever imagine exposing Haley the monster in front of him. Dan would destroy anything that meant anything of importance to Nathan. He couldn't risk that with Haley. He couldn't lose her like he had lost everyone else.

Nathan sighed, dropping the paper on the counter. "It's just a stupid game."

"A stupid game?" Dan smirked, the words dropping from his mouth like liquid. "Basketball, is everything, Son." Nathan grimaced. It was a saying he had heard far too often. A reminder that he couldn't have everything because Dan couldn't have everything.

"I remember."

"Then you remember the agreement we had?" Dan cooed. The underlining undertones were threatening, even to a now adult Nathan. He wasn't supposed to have anything that Dan did get to have.

"I was ten." Nathan hated how weak he sounded, chocking on the words coming out of his mouth. "And you haven't been around."

"Yes!" Dan beamed, shouting exuberantly. He slammed his palms down on the counter. "I just don't know _**what**_ I would do without your lovely mother and all the joys she brings to my life!"

Nathan winced as the mention of his mother.

"Do you want to know how she's doing, Son?"

Nathan hung his head, his teeth grinding and his head spinning. Nothing ever made him feel as weak and pathetic as the man in front of him did. He felt trapped; like a caged animal in his own home and no matter how much he portrayed strength, inside Dan Scott made him turn into a complete wreck. He had thought with the time passing and distance that when he once again came face to face with him, that he wouldn't be the shriveling little boy he felt at that moment.

"She had a room with a view." he started walking back into the living room and taking a seat. "There was a garden with lilies and tulips. Oh and orchids! Did you know her mother loved orchids? Made them the centerpiece," he started to cackle. "at our joke of a wedding."

Nathan finally looked up, unable and unwilling to stop the madness that was spewing from his father's mouth.

"So anyway," his laughter died down to a mere chuckling. "Orchids. She also wasn't too far from the beach. You could hear the waves crash down if her window was open. Beautiful view. Simply stunning. Its a godsend that Cooper didn't want to go to college. His college fund is paying for his wonderful insane asylum."

"It's a rehab facility." Nathan managed, the sting of Cooper's name tearing deep within him.

"It's a goddamn looney bin." Dan spewed venomously. "She just pops the pills to try and stop the crazy. This lovely view and she just throws it all away to cut herself with a melted down spork. Slit from her wrist to her elbow." Dan motioned the action on his own body. Nathan had to look away. "So now, instead of this spectacular view she had padded walls. Just crying and wailing most of the time. Or not saying anything at all."

"Well is it any wonder? All the hell you've put her through?"

"Oh son." Dan sighed, looking at Nathan sympathetically. "She does that to herself to get over the fact that it was Cooper that died and not you."

x-X-x

Haley could hear the cricket chirping outside her window. She could hear the sound of Damien's steady breathing. She could feel the gentle thumping of her head against her chest, against his arm draped across her. He smelled of cinnamon and aftershave and to her it was an odd mixture with her cherry blossom perfume.

Idly she wondered how long her parents and siblings were going to be gone. She wasn't even concerned with getting caught. As far as she was concerned this certainly wasn't the worse thing she had done. It wouldn't be the worse thing her parents would yell at her about. She couldn't muster enough energy to feel any kind of emotion towards the events that had just transpired.

With Nathan, she had always been the one to fall asleep first. He would never admit it, and she would never own up to knowing it but she knew he watched her sleep. He enjoyed tracing the contours of her body and kissing the hollows of her curves. It was the only way he knew how to be intimate with her and the only way she knew how to allow him without scaring him off.

Damien snuggled closer her, pulling her body more into the crook of his. The tip of his nose nuzzled the inside of her neck and she felt him start to trail kisses down her neck and onto her shoulder. Her fingers traced patterns on his arm and he continued his ministrations. He hand snaked through her hair and pulled her face towards his. The kiss was slow and sensual as if he was savoring every taste and every moment.

"That was amazing." he finally whispered, pulling away. His fingers worked his way through her hair and back again. "You are so amazing."

She smiled. "You're totally losing your cool points here, buddy."

"But I'm totally gaining amazing boyfriend points." he chuckled kissing her once more. "I think we should make up for lost time." he smiled against her lips and gingerly climbed on top of her.

"Is it good that we waited?" she asked, unsure if she really wanted to know the answer. She wasn't sure if she shouldn't have waited more; if she should have ever done it to begin with.

"Haley, I'm one game away from a state championship. One. I had this crazy emotional high from winning the game and basically telling my parents to suck it. And to top of this out of control weekend I get to spend it with you. This fantastic girl; woman that wants to be with me. This jackass kid who hasn't done anything to deserve you. I couldn't think of a better way to top of this weekend."

She didn't know how to respond and she didn't even know if she wanted to. Guilt racked her entire core knowing that all the things he was saying wasn't anything compare to how she felt for him. She couldn't bear to face that her emotional high wasn't from the boy kissing her passionately in her bed, but from Nathan. She couldn't say she necessarily regretted the experience. She knew she cared Damien a great deal.

But she was in love with Nathan.

"Stay with me." he murmured, has he continued his soft assault with his lips along her neck, and chin, and collarbone.

"I'm right here." she whispered back, surrendering herself to him with her whole body, even if it was the thing she could give him. He stopped and pulled back, looking deep into her eyes with far more intensity than he had the night before.

"Stay with me. Always, I mean." he kissed her quickly. "Come with me. We don't have to end this with graduation. Stay with me Haley. Please."

Once again here worlds failed her.

Instead she kissed him in response, and pulled him to her.

x-X-x

Haley sat quietly at her kitchen table, dunking a tea bag in the steaming water again and again. Rarely was it ever this still in her home. It felt empty and foreign, as if something had been thrown off kilter somehow. Her heart remained heavy even now, hours after Damien had left in such nearly jubilant mood. While she hadn't promised anything verbally, she knew he had taken her kiss and their subsequent lovemaking as and unspoken vow.

"Tutorslut." Peyton ambled in the kitchen loudly, dropping her back on the counter and slinking into the seat across from Haley.

"I'm not in the mood for you Peyton." Haley sighed and stood up, putting her cup in the sink and rinsing it out.

"Oh come on Haley." Peyton exasperated. "Why don't you tell me all the dirty things you and Damien just did."

Haley whirled around to face Peyton. "What are you talking about?"

"I came home." Peyton laughed. "Heard you moaning. Nathan did not mention that you were such a moaner."

Haley had to bite her tongue. Defending Nathan meant exposing what they had to Peyton's cancerous venom. She wasn't willing to hand over that to her and have her shred any good that come out of their relationship. Ultimately she knew that Peyton was just trying to get a rise out of her and she refused to stoop to that level.

"Does he like the same kinky things that Nathan does?" Peyton pondered out loud. "Hey! Maybe we could switch it up and swap boyfriends."

Haley chuckled bitterly. "Boyfriend? That's awful generous to bestow that upon yourself."

Peyton narrowed her eyes. "You know, you think you're just this never ending parade of perfection. Do you really think that Nathan is going to come around and realize that he deserves that? We're kindred; me and him. The shit his family has put him through and all the shit mine has..."

"Your mother is a saint!" Haley interrupted, trying not to dwell on the titbit of his family. "His parents are absolute monsters. You're just being a spoiled and selfish tyrant. You have no idea what he's been through."

"Funny." Peyton smirked, shaking her head, her curls bouncing. "When I met his father earlier, he didn't seem like the big of a monster."

Terror ripped through Haley.

Grabbing her keys, she headed towards the door. She didn't know Dan Scott but she knew Nathan needed her.


	28. Crawling Towards the Sun

A/N: I appreciate everyone who has stuck by me through this story. This chapter is Nathan's whole sordid story. Please leave me so feedback so I know what you guys think of it. I'm a little rusty with writing and I want to make sure I'm still doing the story justice. I see this ending in around 10 chapters or so. Maybe 12. Let me know what you think! -A

Crawling Towards the Sun

Haley couldn't bring herself to get out of the car. The humidity was fogging up the windows around her and slowly Nathan's apartment was creeping away from her view. She had drove like a bat out of hell to get there, Peyton's words haunting her thoughts. Just that very morning Nathan had told her the horror of his father; a man so despicable that Haley couldn't imagine how Nathan ever survived it the way he had.

He was a fighter.

Struggle was tattooed on his neck but he had shown her with everything that he could that he was a soldier. Something more stopped her from rushing to his aide. Wouldn't have have asked for her if he had needed her? Also, did she really want to see the darkness that Dan Scott was sure to bring out of Nathan?

She she strong enough for it?

x-X-x

Nathan recalled the countless times Dan had slapped the back of his head. All the times he had picked him up by nothing but his shirt collar and pushed him forward; not even giving him the chance to wipe the vomit from his mouth. That was all physical. It was all things he would inevitably get over. It was the emotional punches that always managed to scar him the most.

He felt like he had been punch in the gut.

"Oh come on Son." Dan shrugged nonchalantly. "You always knew Cooper was her favorite. She never made you forget that."

"When are you leaving?" Nathan asked, swallowing the bile building in his throat and hoping to divert the conversation to something more positive. Like his father's departure.

"What? Trying to get rid of me already?" Dan grinned. He walked around the island and clapped his hand on Nathan's shoulder. "I couldn't miss the State Championship could I?"

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. "You mean, you're going to let me play?"

Suddenly he felt ten, and small, and utterly powerless. The grip on his should tightened and the delight on Dan's face was palpable. No matter how long he stayed away, his influence over Nathan seemed to always be there. Never had he missed Cooper so much as he did in that very moment. Cooper, despite his very many faults, never failed to protect Nathan from Dan.

A knock at the door released Dan's hold on Nathan. It took him several moments before he gained his bearings but he finally managed to walk to the door. He was afraid his knees would give out from beneath him, and a small part of him actually wanted them to. The very proximity of his father turned him into a pile of pathetic mess. Exhaling, he swung open the door and just as quickly as he had released his breath, he had sucked it back in.

"Haley." her name sounded broken on his lips and it matched the broken boy in front of her. "This isn't a good time."

There was nothing more he wanted at the moment more than for her to leave. As much as he was thankful just for a glimpse of her face, a whisper of her voice, he knew Dan would rip her to shreds. He might not have been strong enough to leave her alone and he may not in solidarity been strong enough to stand up to Dan for himself, but for her he was fiercely protective and he wasn't going to expose her to Dan.

"Well invite the lovely lady in, Son." Dan hollered from the kitchen. Popping open another beer, he made his way around the island and into the door. Grabbing Haley's hand he lead around Nathan and inside.

Nathan felt as if Dan was literally ripping his very flesh from his body. As often as his skin had connected to hers; through hands and lips and everything in between. It was a connection he had with no other. The very person he hated the most, a person that was so present within him had his hands on her. His insides bubbling, he reacted quickly, pulling Haley from Dan's grasp and tucking her into his side, his arm around her shoulders.

Nathan could see Dan visibly reacting to his protective stance of Haley. The glint of humor and delight on his face was clearly evident. Dan had come there in hopes of destroying Nathan's basketball dreams. And now laid out in front of him like an early Christmas present was clearly something Nathan cared more for.

"Dan Scott." he extended his hand after a few moments and Haley hesitantly took it. Nathan's grip on her tightened.

"Haley." she croaked out, her voice breaking. It was the first thing she had managed to say.

"Are you another one of Nathan's girlfriends?" Dan asked, hoping to illicit a reaction. "You seem far more pleasant that the blonde that was here earlier."

"Haley tutored me for a little while." Nathan spoke, a lot more confident than what felt. "We also work together at her mom's club."

Dan eyed Nathan's grip on Haley. "Yes. Well I'm sure you two are really good friends." after a beat he shrugged and smiled. "Well, I guess I'll leave you two alone. Haley, it was so lovely to meet you." He grabbed his jacket from the back of the couch and tossed his beer bottle in the trash can. "Honestly Son. I'll bring you a wonderful Scotch. Killing brain cells on that filth is a waste." he looked at Haley pointedly. "I'm sure I'll be in touch. Bye for now."

x-X-x

Haley didn't know how to react for several minutes. Nathan had already sunk into the couch as if he wanted the piece of furniture to swallow him whole. She had remained rooted in the spot she had been in for the duration of the interaction with Dan. In all the images her brain had conjured of Dan Scott, her imagination had never quite gotten it right. She knew he was a monster and a terrible parent but to this extent she had never fathomed.

She knew Nathan well enough to know that she shouldn't touch him. When he was ready he would react to her; whether that was pushing her away or clinging for dear life. She sat in the chair adjacent to the couch, pulling her knees up to her chest. Nathan was hunched over on the couch, his head in his hands.

After a small eternity he reach his long arm over and captured her hand.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." his voice cracked and she could barely hear him. She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "You shouldn't have come." The sting of those words made her try to remove her hand from his grasp but he held on tighter. "I need you here, though."

With that he pulled her towards him, off her chair and into his lap. He buried his head in her chest as she soothingly ran small circles on his back. She had never seen him so vulnerable and so out of sync with what was going on. It was terrifying to see him like this; and more so that a single person could steal away so much from him in such an instant.

"He saw the game winning shot in the paper." Nathan whispered. "I don't know who would send him that. Why they would even give a shit at this point about me. I'm so fucking close to getting out of this."

"Where would you go?"

"Anywhere. Everywhere." he said instantly. His grip on her tightened. Only anywhere and everywhere without her didn't seem as appealing anymore. As safe. "Why did you come here tonight? I didn't think I'd see you any more after this morning. At least not until school tomorrow."

She cleared her throat. "Peyton said your father was here. I thought you might need me."

"I don't deserve you."

She pulled his face into her hands, cupping either side and forcing him to look at her. "Why do you deny yourself so much? Is it because of Dan? Nathan look at you. You're so incredible. I wish so often you could see yourself the way I see you."

He sighed and leaned back. How could he tell Haley everything that had happened that would make sense to her? Her parents were sensible and loving. He didn't think they appreciated how amazing she was, but they also didn't run her into the ground either. It all came down to whether he was willing to open himself completely up to her.

"My parents married their freshman year in college. That's where they met." Nathan started having a hard time getting the words out. He never had to before. "My mom found out she was pregnant with Cooper shortly after they started dating. From what I understand, their parents forced them to get married; Dan's father threaten to disinherit him and my mom's parents just promised to cut her out of their lives completely. So they had to drop out of college. Dan started working at his father's car dealership, abandoning his basketball dreams and my mom eventually had Cooper."

Haley had heard variations of this story through gossip throughout the years. She had a feeling that this was only scratching the surface of Nathan's story. She hadn't asked for but she knew this was a huge step in whatever they had between them. Nathan had never revealed so much as he had over the course of this weekend. She was grateful for it.

"Dan loved Cooper. He was his first born son. There was no one prouder of that than him. Cooper and I were playing in the attic one day when we were kids and found a photo album." Nathan paused, running his hand through his hair. " You have to understand that our family didn't take family photos. The only ones we had up in our house were ones before me and Cooper. There were no photo albums."

"You have no baby pictures?" Haley was perplexed.

"Not that I've ever seen." Nathan responded. Haley moved from his lap to the cushion beside him, her hand never leaving his. She squeezed, urging him to continue. "So we find this album and its the strangest thing to us. It was all pictures of Cooper up until he was 4 or 5. Dan holding him and showing him off. His first birthday. Dan showing him how to play basketball. My mom swimming with him in the pool. Dan resented my mom getting pregnant but he loved Cooper so much that he made it work."

"So why did everything change when you were born?"

"Cooper and my mom were involved in a really bad car accident. Cooper nearly died. He lost a significant amount of blood. Dan was going to donate for his surgery and he found out that he couldn't because he didn't have the same blood type. In fact, he couldn't even be Cooper's father because of his blood type."

Haley swallowed hard. All of a sudden she didn't know if she wanted to hear the rest of Nathan's story. She looked at him, really looked at the boy in front of her and it took her off guard how much of everything that made him what he was was so tangled in ugly and bitterness. But she loved him. She was so in love with every piece of him, broken and not. And everything bad he had been though made up all the great parts of him, too.

"Cooper told me once that as a kid he didn't understand why Dan didn't visit him in the hospital. He had nightmares about it for a while. Dan could have left my mom. Hell, he could have been a better man and just accepted the fact that my mom messed up when she was a teenager and moved passed it. Instead, he force my mom to get pregnant again; with me. I was meant to be a punishment to her. That she would forever have a piece of Dan. He told me once that she could never love me because he was inside me. That she only loved Cooper. And Dan, because he had once loved Cooper couldn't punish him for my mom's mistakes so he chose to just pretend he didn't exist. So everything he wanted to take out on my mom, on Cooper, he took out on me."

Nathan stopped to gather his bearings. Not only had he never had to tell that story to anyone, he had never really ever thought about the whole thing as one complete event; his life. He had always felt his life were just a series of moments strung together like a slide show. At some point he had decided to stop dwelling on the things that had happened and had not and had lost the ability to connect to people has he had never been taught. He had connected to Cooper and once he had died, Nathan felt like he too had stopped living.

All that had changed with Haley. He had never felt more connected to a person more than he did with her; including Cooper. And that was probably what scared him the most. He saw how much Cooper's death had ripped him apart and thinking about the possibility of losing Haley shredded his insides to pieces.

"My mom, she just shut off. The car crash injured her as well. Between the physical pain and the emotional and mental abuse that Dan was putting her though it was easy for her to turn to pills and alcohol to get through it. She tried to kill herself a few times when I was really young. Random periods of time was filled with different nannies because she would go away for months at a time. When Cooper died, she lost her shit. Dan decided to put her away for good. And because I was sixteen, they left me to my own devices. So they packed up and moved down to Florida."

Haley knew Nathan was done when he shifted and laid down to rest his head on her lap. She didn't respond to what he had told her; she didn't think she could if she had wanted to. It was so much information to processes, and so much of Nathan made sense. Soothingly, she ran her fingers through his hair and listened to his steady breathing.

"You're not ready to run?" he asked after several minutes. He turned his head so that he was looking directly at her. He faltered under her touch as she traced his face with her finger around his eyes and down his cheek to his chin and back again. "Say something." he begged.

"I just," she paused wanting to make sure the words came out right. "It's just such a testament to how remarkably strong you are that you went through all of that and you still managed to come out such a wonderful and decent person. I know you don't see yourself that way but think of it this way. You always tell me how astounding I am. And even though you push me away, I know that you do want to be around me. Nathan, we don't choose to be with the better person. We choose to be with the people that make you better person. You just happen to be both."

"Would you stay with me?" he requested getting up and pulling her into his arms. "I just need to know that you'll be there when I wake up tomorrow. I just need you in my arms tonight. You make me feel safe."

She kissed him softly. "There's no where else I'd rather be."


	29. Coming to Terms

**A/N: Hey all. So, firstly I want to say thanks for reading and leaving the feedback. It makes my whole day. Secondly, I want to clear up some confusion. One, Chapters 22-28 all take place in one weekend. From the day of the basketball game on a Friday to a Sunday night when Dan shows up. I know that's a lot to take in. Also, as far as Damien and Peyton go: Nathan was never 'with' Peyton as in he was hers or vice versa they were just there for one purpose. Damien and Haley will get addressed in this chapter. Again, thank you for all the love. Keep it coming and enjoy! **

**P.S. If any of you don't know who Mary Lambert is you need to now. She sung the chorus on Macklemore's song One Love and made that into a full length song. Her other stuff is frakkin amazing. I've been listening to her all day. **

Coming to Terms

Haley stared at the all too familiar water spot gracing Nathan's ceiling. She then looked to the boy next to her. In all the times Haley had slept over she had never seen him sleep quite like this. She ran her fingers over the his smooth forehead, no remnants of the grief and sadness that kept it creased before. His breathing was deep and even and he hadn't woken up once the entire evening. It was strange being the one to watch him sleep when so often it had been the other way around.

Everything in her didn't want to disturb his peaceful slumber. It was as if finally telling someone everything that had consumed him had managed to allow him some stillness in the war he raged with himself day to day. She ran her fingers through his messy hair and rested her hand on his neck. Leaning her head into his chest, she snuggled further into his embrace knowing that this is what she wanted all her mornings to be and wondering if last night was a step to finally allowing him to give her that.

"Can't we blow off school today?" he mumbled into her hair. Her head lifted up to face him. "Its not like your not ahead in all your classes."

"It is rather tempting." she mused and he sighed knowing that she wasn't going to relent. It was these small moments she felt most like his, and only his. "Besides, if you skip school Whitey won't let you play Friday night."

Nathan opened his eyes finally. Basketball. The championship game. These were things that didn't feel really his anymore since Dan had shown up yesterday. If he knew Dan at all, he knew that he was sticking around for the duration. He didn't want to see Nathan succeed, or worse show him that he was in fact better than him.

"Nathan," Haley whispered, snapping him out of his thoughts. He tucked her hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek. "Thank you for telling me about, well about everything. I know that had to be extremely hard for you and I'm so grateful and honored you choose to share it with me."

"So seeing Dan didn't scare you away?"

"Why would that scare me away from you?"

"You see what evil I came from." Nathan sighed. He smoothed out out the worry crease in between Haley's eyes. "That's somewhere inside of me, too."

Haley gulped and tried to fight back her tears. He was pushing her away again. Whether is was because it was some misguided attempt to protect her or the fact that he didn't really want to be with her, it all hurt just the same to her. She didn't have it in her to once again tell him how much he was different and better. He had to see that for himself at some point.

"We need to get to school." she finally mustered out, pulling herself out of his embrace and getting out of the bed. He watched her stand up and marveled at how stunning she looked in his favorite t-shirt and panties. Everything in him, wanted to hold onto her for dear life because she was the only thing that made him feel safe and warm and at peace and he didn't know if he could provide her with all the same things.

"Do I need to take home for clothes?"

"No, I texted Brooke last night. She's bringing me clothes and taking me to school." Haley glanced towards the front door at the sound of a knocking. "And speaking of the devil, I'm sure that's her. Haley tugged on a pair of jeans and as she was leaving, Nathan hopped quickly out of the bed and stopped her.

"I know I've disappointed you again." he started, cupping her face in his hands. She tried to pull away but she gently pushed her against the wall and forced her to look at him. "I know you're sick of my bullshit with me pulling you in just to push you right back out. There is nothing in this world that make me want to better, the best, than you do. Why do you think I've stood by and let you be with Damien all this time?"

"Why's that?"

"Haley, he's a good guy. And he takes care of you in way that I can't; unselfishly. And with Dan showing up like this last night, just about everything in me tells me that I just need to walk away. From you, from basketball, from the team and self destruct because that seems a lot easier than letting Dan do everything he can to destroy everything that is my sanctity. And to me, you are that to me the most. I know you think I'm strong, but I'm just not Haley. I am a very weak person. But I do feel strong being able to walk away from you when I know that I'm not good for you."

Haley clenched her eyes shut but couldn't keep the tears from falling. "But..."

"But I'm still weak because I keep dragging you back to me." Nathan buckled seeing Haley cry over him. It was one of the many reasons why he had to stay away from her. He wasn't worth staining her beautiful face. "Haley, do you believe me when I say that I care enough about you that I don't want you hurt." she nodded, swiping at the tears on her face. "I want to be so good for you, you have no idea."

"So just do it! Be better!" she choked out, pushing him away and practically running to the door.

X-x-X

"So are we going to talk about what happened this morning?" Brooke inquired setting two coffees down on the table and sliding into the booth across from Haley. Haley glanced up briefly from the books sprawled out in front of her and continued writing. "Haley, seriously. I've never seen you so upset over a boy."

"You've also never seen me in love with one either." Haley snapped. She softened at the expression on Brooke's face and pushed the hair from her face. "I'm sorry. I just, it all hurts right now. I'm trying to sort it out."

"What about Damien?"

"I have to end things with him." Haley took a sip of coffee. She had realized that this morning, knowing that even if she wasn't going to be with Nathan, settling for Damien wasn't fair to him or to her. "I care a great deal about him, don't get me wrong. But I'm not in love with him. I could never be in love with him."

"This is so screwed up." Brooke shook her head. "When are you going to tell him?"

"After the championship. With everything else going on in his life I just don't think that I could tear up his world by breaking up with him."

"Little high on yourself, aren't you?"

"No." Haley threw down her pin and lean back against the booth. "He wants me to go with him; to UCONN. He asked me to go with him yesterday."

"Haley..." 

"I know. It was in the heat of the moment."

"Heat?" Brooke quirked up her eyebrow. "So you finally sleep with him the day before you realize you're going to break up with him. You're timing is impeccable Hales. I'm actually surprised you went through with it at all."

"I'm not a virgin Brooke."

"No, but you are in love with Nathan." Brooke retorted. She threw her hands up. "I'm not judging by any means. It's not a bad thing to get lost in someone just so you don't have to feel so much anymore. Trust me, before Jake I had my share of faceless and numbing encounters. I thought by losing myself in them I would be deserving of my parents forgetting about me. But being with someone you love, even if you aren't with them, and feeling that connectedness and that intimacy, that makes it worth all the feeling good and bad."

"The more time goes by, I think I'm just supposed to be alone." Haley frowned. "I've worked too damn hard to get to where I am. I got into my dream school and I'm not giving that up for anyone. For love, or for security."

x-X-x

Haley had spent two hours and four more cups of coffee thinking about her conversation with Brooke. She wasn't one who necessarily did regrets; whatever she did or didn't do, she took them as lessons learned. So while she didn't regret what happened with Damien, she also knew it wasn't fair to him to keep him leading him blindly on.

"Hey pretty lady." Damien kissed Haley cheek and slid in the booth across from her. "I've been thinking about you all day."

"I thought I'd see you in school?" 

"I wasn't supposed to come back until tomorrow originally." He explained, pulling a menu out and perusing the selections. "I did go to basketball practice though. I'm starving."

"How was practice?" she asked, wanting mostly to know if Nathan had showed up and hating herself for being so deceitful.

"I'd thought I'd see you there." he mimicked, winking at her. "Practice was grueling. Whitey came up with some new plays with Q, so we spent most of the time practicing those. Nathan is going to be our secret weapon. The guys from the other team are already all over Facebook trying to figure out who Nathan is; especially after the game winning shot last week."

"I was busy with Tric this weekend, so I didn't get a chance to study and I needed to catch up on my homework. So I bailed on practice. I'm just a fill in anyway."

"Well as long as your cheering me on Friday night, I'm okay with not seeing you at practice." Damien responded cheerfully. "Although from the looks of things, everyone is going to be cheering Nathan on."

"What makes you say that?"

"Nathan. He's so freaking good at what he does. I don't understand how he's never been on a team, never been coached professionally. And the way he and Q play off one another; so in sync like each other is an extension of the other. I wish I had that kind of chemistry with anyone."

Haley was increasingly becoming uncomfortable. Yes, she had wanted to know if Nathan had shown up for practice but she couldn't bear to hear about him. That was the real reason she had skipped practice. She didn't know if after everything that had happened that morning if she was capable to seeing him.

"What did you spend your day doing?"

"Well," his entire face lit up. "I'm glad you asked. I spent the whole day talking to various people at UCONN. The coach, the same one who offered me a full ride last October said he has a spot for me on the team. The only downside is that he doesn't have any scholarship money left to give me. He did say that he would pull some strings and get me off the wait list since I initially turned down their acceptance."

"That's great! At least you'll be there and on the team. But what are you going to do about financial aid?"

"That's the tricky part." he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and sighed. "I'll probably have to work and take out a bunch of loans; at least for the first year. I get good grades so I'm sure I can get some kind of grant or scholarship the rest of the time."

"So this is all awesome news. Why do you seem so stressed still?" Haley pressed reaching over and grabbing his hand. Even if she didn't love him, she still cared a great deal about him.

"My parents still aren't back yet. And I haven't heard from them. I just know another world war is going to erupt when we're finally all back together again."

"What do you think they're going to say?"

"I have no idea. I'm mostly afraid they're going to pull their permission to let me play on Friday." he looked out the window beside them. Haley knew how devastated he would be if he couldn't play in the very thing he had worked is whole life for. "Anyway, I don't want to think about that now. I'm here with you and that's all that matters right now.

As Haley watched Damien immerse himself in the menu and signal a server, she shut her books and put them aside. She knew at this point that there was no turning back from her decision. She struggled with wanting to come right out and say it then and there and wanting to protect him enough to not completely ruin everything they had shared. He already had so much on his plate that she couldn't imagine adding a break up on top of everything else.

Instead, she just squeezed his hand tighter.

X-x-X

Nathan trudged up the stairs begrudgingly. Practice had worn him out but what had mostly drained him was his morning with Haley. Seeing her so broken and torn up over him, had ripped something inside of him. He knew that he had to get himself straightened out soon so that if she ever decided he was worth her time that he would be ready and deserving of it. So much in him wanted so much for her because he knew how much she should have it.

He dropped his bag on the floor inside the door and headed towards the shower. The hot water cascading over him was a welcome relief the not only the aches that resided in his muscles but the heat and the steam kept him distracted from all the thoughts swirling inside his head. Thoughts of Dan, and the repercussions of him being here meant. Thoughts of Peyton, and his overwhelming desire to wash and rid himself of even allowing himself to sink so low as to allow her claws to sink into him. But mostly the thoughts of Haley and how much he wished it was her touch burning his skin instead of the water beating down on him.

"Do you care if I join you?"

His reverie was broken by her voice and the cold air swooshing into his heated cocoon. Quickly he turned off the shower and snatched a towel off the bar next to it to cover himself. He stepped around her small frame and began drying himself off. Looking at Peyton, her menacing smirk planted front and center something inside of him snapped. This wasn't the face he wanted to be looking at. Or touching. He didn't want to give any more of himself to Peyton.

"Peyton, this thing, whatever it was is over." he walked into the bedroom and slipped on a pair of boxers. She followed him and stopped in the doorway of the bathroom. "I mean it. You can go now."

She didn't more or speak. He continued to dry off his torso and his hair. She remained smirking. "Do you really think its that easy to get rid of me?"

"Yes. Hell yes." he pointed to his right. "There's the door. I'm sure enough people have kicked you to the curb to understand this."

"Is this about Haley?" Peyton implored calmly. It was eerie to Nathan how she hadn't flipped out on him yet.

"This is about me Peyton. You're bad news and honestly you're just not a good person. Whatever messed up thing broke you, really ruined you."

She rushed up to him, wrapping her arms around him. "See baby, that's the thing. We're kindred spirits."

"No." Nathan removed himself from her arms forcefully and put her arms at her side. "That's just the thing Peyton. You have no desire to be better. There aren't even any redeeming qualities. Me? I'm better than this. For the first time, I see myself with a real future. You? You're so wrapped up in anger and hate you want to keep yourself in purgatory. Well, you're not keeping me there with you."

Peyton laughed manically. "Wow. Just wow. This is about Haley. You know, it's not like I don't know about you two. About your secret sleepovers. I've got news for you Scott, Haley's not in that pretty future you paint yourself either."

"That may very well be Peyton," Nathan stepped up close to her face. "But as long as you're not in mine, that seems like a huge improvement already."

"She's not even yours! She gave herself to Damien yesterday!" Peyton pushed Nathan away. "_All _of herself." she took notice of his crestfallen face and pounced. "Oh? You didn't know? Did you not think your precious Haley would do that? Ha, you thought you'd be the only one for her. I think having sex with him is a pretty good indication that she's moving forward with him and not with you."

Nathan clenched his fists next to his body. It took everything in him to not lash out and lose it all. He had always assumed that Haley and Damien were but hearing the confirmation from Peyton was enough to have him come completely undone. Especially with how much he had let Haley in over the past weekend. He couldn't help but be just a little bit annihilated by the thought of her letting someone else in when he had only allowed her in so much.

"You need to get out of here now." Nathan threatened through clenched teeth.

Peyton snatched her bag off the floor and pushed past Nathan. "I'll make you regret this."

A**/N: So, I have a question. Out of my other unfinished stories, a)do you read any of them and b) which one would you want me to continue once this is done?**

**I hope you enjoyed! Leave me lots of love!**


	30. Heavier Things

**A/N: I so appreciate all the feedback even if it was a bit lacking last chapter. I want to know what you guys think! This is nearing an end. Enjoy and leave me some love! It inspires me. In fact one review lead me write a particular scene in this chapter. Your words matter! -A**

Heavier Things

"Hey, Princess Nathan! Did you want to join us here or were you content playing in never never land?"

Nathan rolled his eyes at Quentin before expelling the ball from his hands into Q's. Whitey was kicking their asses this week. It wasn't as grueling as what Dan had put him, but Nathan was mentally exhausted and was having a hard time focusing on what he should be doing. He knew that by playing in this game on Friday he was opening up major doors for himself but he couldn't push thoughts of Haley out of her mind.

It was easier said than done. Haley was right across the gym with all the cheerleaders. She wasn't practicing; she had her books out on the bleachers and would observe and occasionally interject herself into the conversations the cheerleaders were having. He couldn't bring himself to look at her for very long; their conversation replaying over and over in his mind.

"Dude!" Nathan pushed Quentin away right after he had smacking Nathan in the head for not paying attention. "What the hell?!"

Quentin grinned. "Man, I need you here. I need you focused. This Friday night is the do all, be all of our high school career. There will be no other night that is more for us. You and me, we're unstoppable!"

"Ladies!" Whitey called out after them and whistled. "If you're done cooing at each other I have a practice I'm trying to run!"

"Yeah, yeah Coach" Quentin laughed, smacking the ball out of Nathan's hands. "Maybe after practice you can sing us a lullaby."

Nathan couldn't help but feel himself loosen up and relax. Quentin had a way about him that was able to put Nathan at ease. And he pushed Nathan. In the best way, he was always propelling Nathan into greatness. And while there were a lot of people who thought Nathan was the golden ticket to winning the championship, he knew that it was Quentin who had it all. The heart, the passion, and the talent to take him places.

"Nathan, Son come on! You're not nearly bending your knees enough!"

It was so odd how simple a voice could cripple and consume Nathan so quickly. The ball plummeted from his hands to the floor and he watched it roll away to the side of the gym. The rest of the gym seemed at a stand still with all eyes on Dan at the corner of the gym. He hands were shoved deep in his suit pockets, a menacing and shit eating grin plastered on his face. Right above him hung the very jersey he himself had worn to the last state championship over twenty years before.

Whitey threw his clipboard on the floor and blew the whistle. "What are we are a tea party?! Back to work!"

Nathan finally snapped out of trance when Quentin clamped his hand down on his shoulder. "Dude's your dad?"

"More like sperm donor." Nathan scoffed, stomping off towards his father. He locked eyes with Haley who had stood up in the bleachers as if at any moment she was going to leap to his defense. "Dan, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too, Son."

"Seriously." Nathan blew out. "You can't be here."

"The boy's right, Danny." Whitey interjected, strolling up to the two. "Only students, faulty, and parents are allowed at practice." Whitey look at Dan, looked around the gym, and then grinned. "And you know, I just don't see one of them around."

"Whitey!" Dan chuckled, thrusting his hand into the older man's and gripping had. "It seems you have forgotten to take your happy pills this morning! Now, if you don't mind, I'd like a moment alone with my son." Nathan nodded at Whitey letting him know it was okay and the finally walked away.

"Please just go back to Florida." Nathan pleaded, desperately wanting to rid his life of his father.

"And miss the chance to see my son's jersey next to mine," he motioned to the empty spot on the wall. "I don't think so. Besides, we should talk about that kid."

Nathan followed Dan's eyes to where they landed on Quentin. "What about him?"

"You can't possibly want him to take all your glory."

"Glory?" Nathan couldn't stop from laughing. "What are you trying to do Dan? This is just like when I tried to play basketball before. You built me up just to snatch it all away from me. You aren't interested in seeing me in my 'glory'. You certainly don't want my jersey next to yours up there. You can't even stand the thought."

Dan narrowed his eyes, his false demeanor changing instantly. "I think you have forgotten who your talking to."

Nathan was seething, but he didn't want to cause a scene. Furthermore, he had said a whole helluva lot more than what he usually had the strength to say and it had taken a lot out of him. Dan's eyes danced in victory at knowing he had effectively shut down Nathan yet again. And to Nathan's horror, he watched at Dan noticed Haley.

"Haley!" Dan boomed, turning on his heal and heading towards her. Nathan felt as if he was going to throw up. He made his way to her in just a few quick strides and captured her hand in both of is. "You lovely, lovely girl. How are you?"

Haley's panicked stricken face was enough to make Nathan nearly collapse. He was completely helpless. She faltered on her words. "I'm...I'm well, sir."

Haley's hand felt cold and clammy encased in Dan's much large hands. Everyone was looking, including Damien. His eyebrows kinked together in confusion. It took Nathan a few seconds but finally he made movements towards them. Without thinking of the consquences and only thinking of getting Dan away from Haley, he once again put himself between the two and tucked Haley into his side.

Dan smirked. "You two do make a fabulous couple. Just so...cute." This disgust dripping from his words were tangible. "I should take you two out to dinner!"

"Dan! Just get the hell out!" Nathan finally exploded. The silence that engulfed the gym following his outburst was damn near deafening.

Haley had kept her eyes on Damien the whole time. His face transitioned from confusion to realization to hurt and now finally anger. He pounded the ball on the floor and left the gym, his feet heavy on the floor. She was torn; did she stay in support of Nathan or did she go after Damien who so clearly had just understood her betrayal.

In the end, she squeezed Nathan and ran after Damien.

x-X-x

Peyton stood up from her kneeling position and leaned her body against the wall behind her. Grabbing a paper towel from the dispenser, she wiped her mouth and straightened out her clothes. Felix stood in front of her, zipping up pants, a satisfied smile gracing his face. After a beat, he grabbed his backpack and pulled out a small bag full of white powder and tossed it to her.

"Pleasure doing business with you, Peyton."

She waited until he was out of the restroom and locked the door behind him. Pulling out her makeup bag from her bag, she pulled out a powder compact and a brush. She stared straight ahead as she gently swished the brush over the foundation and gingerly stroked her face. When she was satisfied with the result, she twisted the top and the bottom of the brush off, leaving just an empty tub. With just as much precision, she dumped the blissful white powder on the mirror and scraped it into a line.

Sniffling, she once again stared at herself in the mirror. Her face was stretched almost inward, growing thin over the years. Her once vibrant eyes had sunken in and faded into a dull, murky color. She had lost count of how many nose bleeds she had nursed herself through over the last few years.

She could almost recall a point when she was more vibrant. Her step at more bounce than her curls. She dressed to impress herself, not sell herself. Her hands stayed stained from paints and charcoals and pencils from endless hours of drawing. Her legs, although still chicken like, were long and lean and not covered with scars from self harm.

She used to smile. She used to help her mother, Anna, bake cookies for church and garden in the backyard. Her father had taught her how to play soccer in the backyard and when he was home on leave she still made time to play with him. She had friends; honest to goodness friends. Girls that she could share clothes with and gossip with and shop at the mall with.

Peyton couldn't have asked for a better life growing up.

Snorting another line, she knew she had definitely asked for this far worse one.

X-X-x

Haley had went to the school hallway, to the parking lot, to the locker room, and back to the parking lot. She scanned the area in front of her and still saw Damien's SUV parked in the distance. At least for a moment she could catch her breath and at least figure out what she was going to say to him. She rested against the wall of the building and was startled when the door next to her busted out and Damien came trampling out.

"Damien!"

"Not now Haley." he dismissed her with a wave of his hand, not even bothering to turn around. She rushed up to him and latched onto his arm. He swung around in a fury and jerked his arm away from her grasp. "What?!"

"You have to listen to me."

"I don't have to listen to a damn thing."

Haley held her hands up in surrender. "You're right. I know. But please. Will you just let me tell you about all this. I know you're jumping to all the wrong conclusions. I'm not trying to make excuses, I just want to tell you what happened."

"You know me?" he spat, once again walking away from her. He took long steps and reached his car before she did. She scrambled to catch up. When he continued getting into his car she got in as well. "Haley, get out."

"No."

He cursed under his breath and cranked up the car. "Suit yourself."

He peeled out of the parking lot and Haley struggled to put on her seat belt with all the jerking. He was speeding through the town, missing the red lights by only seconds. Haley gulped down her fear, knowing that deep down he was upset and pissed but he wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt her.

He drove for a long time. His grip on the steering wheel never relented but he did slow down after a while. His jaw remained clenched shut and a word didn't pass between the two of them. They stayed on a long two lane road, heading out of town and it seemed like a small eternity they stayed there until he finally pulled over next to a small lake. He got out, slamming the door and walked to the edge of the lake. She waited a few moments before removing her belt and walking to meet him.

"My mom convinced my dad to let me play on Friday." he finally said after a few moments or staring into the nothingness in front of him. "Dad said he was 'really disappointed.'" Damien used air quotes for emphasis. "That was really shitty. But for reference, this is way worse."

"Look,"

"I loved you." he turned to her and shrugged. "A lot of good that gets me right now."

"I..."

"I swear to God Haley; do not tell me about how much you care about me." he shook his head. "Don't patronize me. I don't deserve that shit."

She didn't say anything in response.

"How long was it going on?"

"I didn't sleep with him when I was with you." she responded. She didn't know when it started. Did start when he first took her in the backseat of his car? Did it start with their tutoring sessions many months before then? Did is start the day she first laid eyes on him, all tattooed and tattered?

"But you did sleep with him."

"Yes." she had to force herself to not look away, ashamed. While she was ashamed of the deceit she had put Damien through, she was not ashamed of her relationship with Nathan.

"What was that shit in the gym today?" he asked after pausing for a moment. "I thought his parents were dead?"

"Nathan's past is very complicated." Haley answered vaguely. Nathan had trusted her with his past and she wasn't going to divulge that to anyone. "His father was trying to get him riled up so he went through me."

"Did you cheat on me?"

"I did, emotionally." she nodded. "Physically too, if you count kissing and touching."

"I do."

"Then yes. I did."

"Then why were you with me?" he vexed. He picked up a few rocks and skipped them across the water. "I didn't pressure you into anything."

"No, you didn't." she agreed. "Nathan and I, we were just a whirlwind of confusion and disaster right from the start. Which was before you. I was drowning, being in that hurricane with him. I was with you because I wanted to be. We were happy, you and I. And I know you don't want to hear it but I do genuinely care about you."

"But you love him. Like, you're in love with him." he deduced begrudgingly. "Haley, I would've let you go."

"I know." she cried softly. "You were on such a high from the game and standing up to your parents and from our afternoon together..." she trailed off as he winced at the memory. "I didn't want to distract you from the game on Friday. Honestly, I was just trying to do what was best for you. It was misguided, I know but that's the truth."

Damien held out his hand and Haley hesitantly took it. He pulled her into his torso and hugged her small frame to hers. It was then, replaying her own words in her head, that another small piece of the Nathan puzzle fell into place. She was beginning to truly just how much Nathan would deny himself to protect her from any harm that he would do to her.

She so desperately wanted to give all of herself to him.


	31. Confidence Man

**A/N: Hey all. I am excited about this chapter. I just really enjoyed writing it. A lot of you are thanking me for finishing this story and it's you who I should be praising. You all are so amazing to read my work and give me such amazing feedback. Writing for me as always been an outlet and the reason why I didn't write for a long time was because I didn't need an outlet. Now, I'm at a time in my life where I unfortunately do, however it makes me feel great to write again. I had forgotten how happy it makes me as well. **

**It looks as if the next story I'll be working on is Things We Lost in the Fire. I've reread my chapters a few times time now and I have some pretty good story lines developing in my head however I won't start that until I finish this story. I owe it to you guys. Enjoy :) -A**

Confidence Man

Homey.

It was the only word Nathan could come up with that described the house in front of him. A white picket fence lined the perimeter of the front yard and nestled against the house were flowerbeds full of blossoming lilies and tulips. Red shutters framed the windows and two rocking chairs and a swing made their home on the small front porch. A huge oak tree sat in one corner, its large branches shadowing the entire house.

This was a house Nathan could see himself enjoying coming home to. He imagined that a Christmas tree would be in the front window. Pumpkins would line the few steps leading up to the porch. He envisioned barbeques in the back yard. The house he grew up in was large and it was consumed with emptiness. It was a wonder how being a true family could turn something as inanimate as a bunch of wood and stone and concrete into something warm and safe and _home_.

He had blown off practice. He couldn't bear to go through another spectacle that had happened the day before. Not just with Dan, because that was terrifying in its own right, but with everything involving Haley. It didn't take anyone long to start talking and he had heard it all throughout his classes and the hallways during school that day. The last time this much whispering was going on about him had been with Cooper died.

"Nate!" Quentin stepped easily off the porch, completely missing the steps and ambled down the pathway. He pushed the gate open and allowed Nathan access inside. "I'm glad you could make it. Come on inside, my mom wants to meet you."

Quentin had called him when he hadn't showed up for practice and invited him to his home. He hadn't asked any questions about the debacle that had happened the previous day and for that Nathan was truly grateful. Somehow he knew that Quentin wouldn't either. In just short time, the two had grown close, even if was only through a mutual love for basketball.

The house smelled of a mixture of cinnamon and vanilla and it wafted throughout the rooms Quentin lead Nathan through. Nathan noticed the hall lined with pictures of Quentin's family and even though he knew this to be a normal occurrence in most homes, he didn't know what a home was and was always fascinated to be inside an actual one.

When they reached the kitchen, a woman who Nathan assumed to be Quentin's mom was sprinkling powder sugar over a tray of cookie with a small boy looking on in anticipation. The warmth that was emitted from her smile when she saw Quentin nearly startled Nathan. He couldn't recall a time when he had seen his mother smile at all much less at him.

"You must be Nathan!"

"Mrs. Fields." Nathan nodded, but couldn't push himself to step further inside the kitchen. He didn't want to ruin the bubble of goodness that seemed to encase this family and he somehow felt that he would, considering that was he did to his own.

"Ah. I see Q hasn't told you that story yet." she admonished her older son with her eyes and Quentin shrugged, grabbing some bottles of water out of the fridge and tossing one to Nathan. "It's Mrs. Green these days. But you can call me Cynthia."

"I'm Dre!" the small boy exclaimed, hopping down from the bar stool he sat on next to the kitchen island. Nathan was grateful for the interruption to his serious gaffe. Dre jetted to Nathan, the words rushing out of his mouth quickly. "Quentin says you can fly! Do you have a cape? My mom can make you one, she made mine."

Just as soon as he could, he was racing out of the kitchen and Nathan looked between Q and his mom. He chuckled "I can fly?"

"What can I say?" Q grinned, holding his hands up in surrender. "Little man likes to hear about practice. What am I going to do? Tell him that Whitey makes us run until we want to throw up and is an overall huge pain in my ass?"

"Q! Language, really." his mom swatted a towel at him. "That pain in your ass as been one of the best things to ever happen to you."

Nathan briefly wondered what his mom meant by that statement.

"Language mother." Q mocked, walking over and giving his mom a sideways hug. Dre came barreling into the kitchen then and dramatically snapped the cloth in his hands.

"Quentin can fly too!" Dre beamed. "He said that he doesn't need a cape though because he's magic." he tugged on Nathan's shirt for him to lean down. Dre cupped his hand over Nathan's ear to whisper. "He's bulletproof!"

Nathan gingerly picked up the cape from Dre's much smaller hands and ran his fingers over the giant 'Q' stitched into the fabric. He thought of Caleb in that moment and how much he would have meant to Cooper. He was by no means a perfect person. Or a shining example of morals. He had encouraged Nathan to be promiscuous and to sample drugs and how to live life on the edge. He protected Nathan though. But something had definitely shifted in his older brother at the news of him being a father. Something had settled deep within him, and it was clearly visible to Nathan. He struck him then he wanted Caleb to look up to him, just as Dre looked up to Q. For the first time, he truly made the connection that Caleb was the only thing that was left of Cooper and he so was he.

"This is awesome, dude." he marveled. He glanced at Q and back to Dre. "And your right about your big brother. Maybe one day I'll be more like him."

x-X-x

It was time to come clean.

While the episode with Damien was the farthest from what she wanted to happen, it was almost cathartic finally being open with him. She had spent the rest of the evening tell him everything from beginning; from the tutoring sessions to confessing her love for Nathan. He was still hurt and angry, but she felt that in time they would become really good friends because after all, Haley was the only one that understood what he was going though.

Which is what brought her to her mother's kitchen counter.

Damien had the courage to stand up to his parents; to blatantly defy them at the pinnacle of reaching their dreams for him. He was committed to following through on his own though, no matter what the cost. This had given Haley profound courage. It was time that she too tell her parents of her intentions for school and for her life. If they couldn't support her in this decision, then she on her own. But at least she knew she would be following her dreams.

Her mother was a flurry of motion, hustling from one end of the kitchen to the other. She was making dinner for the entire brood, as Haley's father was going to be in town for the week on one of the rare reprieves from work that he got. Haley had offered to help, but Lydia was not so politely told her she would be more in the way than helpful so Haley had made a cup of tea and settled in at the counter.

Haley admired her mother. Lydia James had done everything in life that she had ever set out to do. There wasn't a single thing that she regretted and she took like with a grain of salt. Taylor, Haley's older sister and all of her younger siblings had been happy accidents. Haley was the only one they had planned and her mother had always referred to her a the one planned thing that had worked out. Haley had always felt entitled and a bit shackled by that. She after all, didn't want to disappoint her.

"Mom?" Haley's voice cracked and she cleared her throat and tried again. "Mom, I need to talk to you."

Lydia's head snapped to Haley in attention and then to the back door that was located off the kitchen. "Bub, that's your dad with the groceries. Will you go help him?"

Haley nodded, heading the carport and grabbing some of the bags out of her dad's arms. "I swear, I'm not back but a few hours and that woman has already got me doing her bidding." her dad grumbled but Haley smiled knowing that her father probably volunteered to go. He would walk over fire for her mother.

"Jimmy, Haley's pregnant." Lydia mused to her husband as she began to unpack the groceries and put them in the cupboards.

Haley blanched. "What? No, mom, I'm not pregnant."

"Hmm." she pondered. "Well, that exactly what I said to my parents when your father knocked me up with Taylor. They weren't so convinced I was telling the truth though when a baby came propelling out of me."

"Gross." Haley winced at the visual her mother had provided as her father laughed in the background. "Dad, tell her to grow up. I'm trying to be serious here."

"They said that to him, too!" Lydia exclaimed, giggling. "That he should grow up, I mean. And how serious it was. He told him that his sister had dolls, and that he knew what was up."

"I sincerely doubt he knew 'what was up' back in his day." Haley used her fingers to express air quotes. She sighed. Her parents were impossible. "Can we get back to what I need to say? Or are we going to spend all night strolling down memory lane?"

"Yes, of course sweetie." Jimmy kissed Haley on her cheek as he brushed past her. She gave her father an appreciative smile. He was always the one to keep Lydia, and their family as a whole for that matter, grounded.

"You know I graduate this year..."

"And we still haven't gotten an invitation." Lydia shook her head in disappointment at Jimmy. Haley glared at her mother and Lydia threw her hands up in surrender. "Yes, baby, we know you're graduating. Don't worry, Aunt Florence won't be there. I do not want another lost aunt fiasco on our hands like at Taylor's graduation."

"At least Taylor graduated." Jimmy conceded and Lydia nodded.

"I'm going to Stanford." Haley blurted out, knowing that if she didn't her parents would never let her get a word in edgewise. She braced herself for their reaction.

"You sent the check off to them right?" Lydia looked at her husband for confirmation and he gave a thumbs up in responds. Haley was dumbfounded. "And I booked the tickets for the flights... Haley did we forget something?"

"You mean, you knew?" Haley screeched and Lydia recoiled slightly. "This whole time, you knew?!"

"Haley, you've been talking about Stanford since you and Lucas started playing pretend SATs in the living room." Lydia replied knowingly. "I saw the big envelope in the mail box when your acceptance letter came. I just left it in there so you'd be the one to bring it inside and open it. I know what a big deal that was for you."

Haley's eyes welled up with tears. She ran around the counter and hugged both her parents. She should have known that just as with everything her life, they would support her no matter what. Deep down, she realized that she was mostly afraid of her reaction and the culture shock it would be to her system to be at college, in a town where no one knew her. Where she didn't know herself.

But at least she would find out.

x-X-x

Nathan followed Q out into the back yard when a small hoop was attached right about the garage. Dre came bumbling out a few minutes later and parked himself on the edge of the carport, his legs crossed Indian style and his chin in his palms. Q dripped the ball around for a few minutes and chucked in into the net before passing it to Nathan.

Nathan dribbled, the stress almost instantly release through his fingers into the rubber pounding the pavement. This; the ball connected to him, felt like home.

"What was your mom talking about earlier, with Whitey I mean?"

"Whitey found me playing on the river court. Hounded me daily to join the team. Clearly that was the right decision."

"I'm sorry about calling your mom the wrong name." Nathan tossed the ball to Quentin where he hopped up and effortlessly dunked the ball into the hoop. Dre cheered.

"Man, please." Quentin scoffed playfully. "You didn't know, that's all. My mom married Phil, my step dad a few years ago. He's Dre's father. You didn't know, so no worries."

"I didn't realize..."

Q paused his dribbling, and rested the ball on his hip. "You know Nathan, for a long time it was just me and my moms." He glanced at Dre who was preoccupied with chalk, drawing on the cement. "She worked all the time to support us. Like, all the time. So I was left with my own devices and I usually ended up in trouble. Phil, he caught me tagging this wall in some alley; he's a cop. He was off duty so instead of hauling me in, he took me and my mom to a diner and bought us dinner. And then he just never went away."

"And you were okay with this?"

"Hell no." Q shook his head. "I hated it. Pretty soon, Phil was moving in and he was always _there_. Always on my ass. I was stubborn, though."

"Shocking." Nathan muttered, his eyes rolling. He snicker and motioned his hands for Q to continue. "I mean, you were saying..."

"Yea, well, I still got in trouble. I told you that. Dre coming along changed things. He was even more on me about everything. I thought he was just hating on me because he finally had a son of his own and I was in the way. It wasn't until I ended up shot that I realized how wrong I was. He was so pissed off and I just knew that he was going to throw me out of the house. I heard him yelling in the hallway outside my room. The doctor was giving him a hard time about something and finally he told him that I was his son and he demanded information." Q paused and smirked at the memory. "It was the first time someone had claimed me at theirs; you know, someone who wasn't my mom."

Nathan took a moment to process that information. Neither of his parents had particularly jumped at the opportunity to claim him as theirs. His mom was so wrapped up in bills and alcohol and Cooper when she could be bothered to be shaken out of her haze, that it was almost as if Nathan didn't exist. Often, he had wondered how many times his life had almost never ceased to existed because of the harm his mother but herself through during her pregnancy with him. Or how different things would have been had Dan never found out Cooper wasn't his.

"Dan thinks of people as property; almost like toys really, anything he can control and manipulate." Nathan explained. Quentin hadn't asked directly but he had opened the door up for conversation. Q had shared two very important moments in his life to Nathan and with his confessions to Haley coupled with Dan's presence, he felt he could confided in Q more. "This whole show he's putting on, its just a way to get into my head. You're lucky you have the family you have; you have no idea what's it's like to never have that."

"Nate, man, it's not too late." Quentin furrowed his brow and frowned. "Like I said before, for a long time it was just me and my mom. And it took a long time for her to find Phil. It took even longer for me to find him even though he was always right in front of me. The point is, family is what you make it. Luke, Damien, Skills; those boys are my family, too. That river court, the gym, all second homes. Just because you've never had one, doesn't mean you can't ever."

Nathan mulled over Quentin's words. He didn't fully understand it, not truly anyway. He knew he had family in Cooper but that was at best a twisted sense of the word. Even though Cooper had done his very best to protect and nurture Nathan, he often faltered. It was a struggle for Cooper, knowing that he was apart of a unit that he truly couldn't claim as his own. He rebelled most times when things got particularly messy and there were times when he left Nathan to his own defenses.

Cooper walked a very fine line of loving the Dan that was around for the first several years of his life; the one that hugged him, and told him he was proud of him, and taught him how to ride a bike and the Dan he hated that consumed the rest of it. Nathan always assumed that when Cooper was at his best with him, he was seeing the very best of Dan in Nathan and when Cooper shunned him it was because he was blinded by seeing the very worse. Nathan didn't like to think about what evil of Dan he possessed within him.

It had taken Nathan a long time to figure all of this out. Not just about Cooper, but of himself as well. Being around Haley had surfaced feelings long thought gone. When he had died, Nathan had buried most feelings, good or bad, and pushed himself into a life of oblivion. He knew now, that was no way to live his life. Now, being around people like Haley and Quentin, people who were surround by loving and solid families, was helping him finally grieve for Cooper in the right way. It was also helping him to forgive him.

"Haley's the only person that made me feel like I belong." Nathan finally said, running his hand through his long locks. He had never talked about Haley to a single soul. It felt foreign coming from his mouth. "She just has this way that makes me feel like there's not other place I should be than with her. And knowing what I come from, and what that make me capable of, scares the hell out of me."

"Don't you think you should let her make that decision?" Quentin questioned pointedly. "I think Haley's a smart girl."

"That's just the thing," Nathan started, unsure of what he really wanted to say. "I don't want to hurt her and I know I have and I just kept gravitating back to her. But what really scares me, is that I don't want her to ever decide I don't belong there. With her I mean. And that," Nathan gulped. "that's the worse part. Because that's me being so selfish that I'm willing to possibly hurt her so I don't feel like crap."

Quentin thought for a moment. "You don't think you deserve happiness? Success? Why is that Nate? You think because you came from a dude like your dad that it makes you undeserving? The man I saw in that gym yesterday was strong and proud, as he should be. You're dad, that was no man Nathan. That was spineless piece of crap that needs to put others down so he can step up onto his own pedestal. The only man I saw in that gym yesterday was you. So step up and be one more often."


	32. She Keeps Me Warm

**A/N: I had some serious difficulty with this chapter and I hope I did it justice. Enjoy and leave me some love! -A**

She Keeps Me Warm

Haley hesitantly knocked on the door in front of her. She had come to this door her entire life and never once had to knock. In fact, she still had the Barney shaped key on her key ring that was made for her so many years ago. This door was to her second home, her best friend. After months of lying and keeping secrets she felt she owed it to him to finally come clean.

"Since when do you knock?" Lucas questioned, opening the door after a few minutes. He held it open wide, allowing to Haley to hesitantly step inside and take a seat on his bed. "I was wondering when you were going to show up."

"I guess I have some explaining to do." she offered with a shrug of her shoulders. "Are your parents here?"

"Nah, they're at Tric preparing for the grand opening. Mom's been a basket case all week." he plopped down beside her. "I don't understand it considering the dry run went so well."

"It's a big step for your mom. It's really the first thing she's done on her own." Haley explained. "With the cafe she had my mom with her the entire time and it was their brainchild. This was all on her own."

"That's not true." Lucas laid down on the bed, pulling Haley with him into the crook of his arm. "She had you. Don't sell yourself short on this. Are you going to be working there later on for the last dry run?"

"I am." she confirmed, picking the lint off of his shirt. "How's practice been?"

"Difficult." he admitted. "Not the practice, actually. It's so weird. We've been a team forever and now all of a sudden without Nathan, it doesn't feel like we are anymore. Like somehow he was a missing puzzle piece. Q is blowing up at poor Fergie every five minutes just because he's not Nathan. Damien is being a broody little shit thanks to you."

"Hey!" she pinched him on his chest. "That's not fair."

Lucas sighed. And waited. Somehow this made Haley feel that much worse. Because she knew Lucas wanted to know and had every right to know because this whole things was affecting his life now too and yet he was good enough to her that he wasn't pressuring her for an explanation. Just the same way that Damien had seemingly easily let her off the hook. It was as if everyone thought of her as innocent and pure and didn't mind keeping her halo on her head in tact for her when she stumbled.

"I fell in love, Luke. I couldn't stop it." she whispered softly and he squeezed her tightly. "I didn't want to either, I suppose."

"And Nathan?" Lucas prodded gently. "How does he feel about you?"

Haley stiffened and shifted uncomfortably. "You've met Nathan. How the hell am I supposed to know how he feels about me."

"I thought it was pretty obvious." Lucas looked down at her wide expression. "Haley, it's like he gravitates towards you. Look what he put on the line just to protect you from his dad."

"Yes!" she exclaimed, jumping up and settling on her knees. "Exactly! Luke, he didn't put anything on the line. I was the one who ended up embarrassed with a hurt boyfriend. And now no boyfriend at all."

Lucas's expression was thoughtful. "Haley you know him best, but when have you ever seen him fight for anything?"

"He doesn't." she murmured, her voice laced with the hurt that the thought brought to her. "He doesn't fight for anything."

"Well, " Lucas cocked his head to the side in slight disagreement. "I'm no expert, but standing up his dad, a man so intent on causing Nathan pain and suffering to protect you sure as hell seems like fighting for something to me. And not just something, Hales. He was fighting for you."

x-X-x

Haley was having a hell of a night.

Several of the people that Karen had hired to run Tric had at the last minute not shown up and it was leaving Haley swamped with most of the grunt work. Lucas was in the kitchen with his dad slinging bar food and Karen was a fixture behind the bar mixing up cocktails and pouring drafts. Who the hell knew where Peyton was, considering she was supposed to help as well. It was all just as well considering the fallout from the last few days, Peyton was the last person she wanted to see. She wasn't even sure she wanted to see Nathan, but she wasn't allowed to dwell on in too long as she saw him stroll up to her.

"Well I'm surprised you actually showed up."

Haley rolled her eyes and threw the towel in the bin full of dishes in front of her, easily picking it up and carrying it away. A dumbfounded Nathan remained rooted behind her and she silently cursed herself for being so terse with him. After days of no shows at practice and practically avoiding her at school, she was truly shocked that he managed to come into work at all.

Dumping the bin on the counter, the contents jingling in conjunction with her anger, she spun around to face him. He had followed her into the kitchen and when her eyes finally landed on him he looked dejected, his hands in his jean pockets and his head hung low. They had never promised themselves to each other and if she was really honest with herself, she was the one completely at fault for the situation they were thrown into. She was the one who agreed to be Damien's girlfriend and she was the one who found herself never being able to stay away from Nathan.

"I told you when you gave me this job that I wouldn't let you down." he finally spoke, his eyes now burning intensely into hers. "I'm sorry about what happened Haley."

Nathan wrestled with this decision for most of the past two days. He had always had a tendency to run when things got especially tough and usually when it involved him having to make real decision of any kind. Being around Quentin had put things into a an unusual perspective for him. A lot of the qualities he admired in Cooper he found in Q. Both had seen undeserving potential in Nathan, as did Haley. For once he didn't want to let them down, but mostly he wanted to stop hurting Haley.

"Which part?" she sneered. She couldn't contain any of her anger and unfortunately it was all coming out in waves on him. She just couldn't figure out what exactly she was angry about. "You throw my world into a tailspin and you disappear! Where the hell have you been?" she snickered. "I mean besides wrapped up in Peyton."

Nathan had to tell himself to breathe. In the end, he too couldn't control his temper. "Peyton? Really, that's where you want to go with this? None of this couldn't possibly be any of your fault! Where's Damien, huh?"

"It's not the same thing!" Haley yelled as she began pulling dishes from the bin and dumping them into the sink.

"Oh no?" Nathan questioned, coming nearer to her. He watched as Haley tensed. "Tell me Haley, how do you think it made me feel watching you every day at practice with him? How it made me feel when you flew into _his_ arms, for _my_ game winning shot?"

"At least he wanted to be with me!" she boomed right back at him. "I wasn't some dirty little secret in the back seat of his car!"

He winced. Haley turned back to the dishes, dropping them into the sink and washing them one at a time. That wasn't how he thought of Haley at all. For months he had kept her at arms length for just this reason. He never wanted to fall short of the expectations she so clearly had for him. He was after all, human, and had faltered so often in pulling her back into him.

"How, after everything we've been through, can you look at me and say that? Is that really all you see of me?"

Haley looked away in shame. It didn't matter how in love she was with Nathan or how much she cared about Damien because in the end she had done them both a horrible injustice. With Damien, she had used him as a means to an end, a way to fill a void and pass the time. And since that had just imploded because of her feelings for Nathan, she had now taken away the thing that had made Nathan come to life the most since she had known him. Basketball.

It was then that she realized what she was so angry at.

Herself.

"When are you and I going to realize that everything that feels good to us, just turns out so muddled?" she bit her lip, forcing the tears back. He rushed to her, enveloping her small frame into his, molding her to him.

She was saying everything he had ever feared. At some point he knew she would come to the realization that he was all wrong for her and now the fear had come to fruition. It took everything in him to hold on to her, to try and assuage her. She softly cried into his shoulder, emotionally exhausted from all the suffering they had each put one another through.

For once, she finally understood the meaning of his tattoos and why he wore them so prominently. Nathan wasn't one to shy away from pain or sadness whereas she typically choose the safe route. And hadn't that been what had drawn her to him in the first place? The way he embraced the things that came his way; good, bad, or indifferent. Had she expected to give herself to a near stranger in the backseat of his car? No. But she hadn't then, and she still didn't regret it. It was the first time she felt alive. That was the way Nathan made her feel all the time.

"Hey Hales, Mom really needs you out there." Lucas busted through the doors, pausing when he saw the lovers embrace. The quickly separated themselves from each other and when Lucas took notice of Haley's tear stained face, he rapidly became defensive. "What the hell? Are you okay Hales?"

Haley wiped her face with the back of her hand. She walked to Lucas and placed a hand on his chest. "Yeah, buddy. I'm okay. Really, I am. I'm going to go help your mom."

She left Nathan felling hallow, knowing that once again he had caused such a huge devastation in Haley. While he had never promised he wouldn't do such a thing, it didn't make me feel any better about not being able to prevent it. She had left Nathan with a lot to think about. Had everything they did leave such a path of destruction? He had a hard time wrapping his head around that considering how far he had come and grown as a person just from knowing and caring for her.

"The team still needs you." Lucas spoke and Nathan had almost forgotten he was still there. He was so consumed with the idea of completely losing Haley that he felt like he was drowning in it. "Q, he's just not the same. You two feed off each others energy and talent. It's amazing to watch."

"And Damien?" Nathan vexed, turning his body to face Lucas. "And you? Why are you more pissed at me? Haley's your best friend! Look what I do to her!" he flung his arm in the direction of where she had exited.

Lucas took a deep breath. "Damien wants what's best for the team, and while I can't promise you that he won't knock the living shit of you, he'll be the first one to offer his hand to pick you back up. This championship means everything to him. And to me. And Quentin and Skills. We put ourselves on the line for you dude. The least you can do it put yourself back on it for us.

"Yes, I see what you do to Haley." Lucas continued hesitantly. "I don't know you very well Nathan and I imagine that you like to keep it that way for reasons which are all your own. Who I do know however, is Haley. We've been best friends since always." he smirked thoughtfully. "I don't know the Haley that exists when she's with you. She allows you to be so engrained in her that it changes her."

"I don't want her to change for me. I don't want to cause..." Nathan protested and Lucas held up his hand for him to finish. Nathan wasn't sure that he wanted to hear the rest.

"She's so...happy with you. Like something is lighting her up from the inside and making her warm throughout. So when you're thinking about all the bad, hold onto that and stay rooted in the warmth she gives you, too."

x-X-x

Nathan feverishly glanced around the crowed night club in search of Haley. Lucas's words had resonated deep within him. He had spent so much of his life living in the past and the pain that he didn't realize what was so plainly in front of him the entire time. He was so afraid of causing Haley pain and himself for that matter that he didn't even notice that he wasn't when she was around.

For once, he was sated.

Once his eyes landed on her, he pushed his way through the throngs of people but by the time he reached where she had been standing she was long gone. He pushed his hands through his hair in frustration and once again resumed his search for her. Across the room, it looked at if Lucas too were looking for her and shrugged his shoulders when there was no sign of her.

"All that grief you gave me about using her in a stupid bet when what you were doing was far worse."

Nathan grimaced at the Damien's sneer from behind him. He couldn't argue Damien's point but at the same time, he wasn't expecting to have to deal with this just yet. Not when he so desperately wanted to make things right with Haley first and foremost. However, he supposed it was better to deal with it now as apposed to at the championship game. He didn't want to ruin yet another thing.

He slowly turned to face Damien. He knew Damien was going to punch him, but he turned anyway and didn't try to block or avoid the impact in the slightest. Damien was smaller than him by a few inches and didn't quite have the muscle mass that Nathan had, but he was surprised with how much punch Damien packed as he felt the bones in his face reverberate back into his skull.

"Dude, come on. Not here!" Lucas was quick to jump in the middle, shoving Damien's chest and pushing in him in the opposite direction of Nathan. He glanced at Nathan questionably and Nathan shook his head to let him know that he wasn't going to retaliate.

"Did you know about him and Haley?" Damien spat, infuriated that Lucas was coming to his defense. "How could you take his side?"

"I'm not taking anyone's side!" Lucas cried out. "This is my mom's club and you're not fighting in it. Furthermore, Nathan is _our teammate_ and you're not fighting one of them either. So suck it up and be the better man."

Better man.

Nathan wiped the small amount of blood from his busted lip and copper and bitter taste slightly more welcoming than the recognition that Damien was in fact a better guy. Nathan had tried hard not to like the guy for a long time, but in the end from the way he stood up for his teammates to the way he treated Haley to the way he was there for his friends, he was a great guy. But now he knew, probably for the first time, that Damien wasn't the best guy for Haley.

"Damien, I hope that one day you'll realize that wasn't about you." Nathan stepped forward, but Lucas remained rooted between them. "But right now, I know you still care about Haley and so do I, and this isn't what is best for anyone. Especially the team; I know how much that means to you."

"He's right." Lucas interjected and Damien glared at him before pushing him away. "Whether you want to own up to it or not, Nathan is a part of our team and we're not putting out on of our teammates. Damien, the championship is tomorrow. We can't do this without him."

"This doesn't change anything." Damien held out his fist for Nathan to bump after a few moments of thinking. "We made it this far without you, I think we could make it all the way. But you mean something to them, and I give a shit about them because they are my brothers, my family. You take care of family."

"Yeah." Nathan bumped Damien's fist. "I'm beginning to understand what that means."

X-x-X

Haley had cowardly watched the entire exchange from behind the curtain of the stage. It didn't make her feel any better knowing that not only was this affecting Damien's person life, but the one thing he care and dreamed most about, basketball, was all affect in her screw up as well. Seeing him so worked up over her and what she had done made her feel wretched inside. She had gotten off far too easily.

But perhaps she hadn't. Karma had a way of working itself out, and with the way things were now, it seemed like it was getting his retribution by way of Nathan. Finally she was beginning to understand just how much the relationship with him was never going to truly work out. No matter how much in sync they seemed to be, the timing just never seemed to be right.

She was still going to Stanford. Her resolution to do so was now stronger than ever. With the support of her friends and family there was nothing tying her to Tree Hill. She wasn't sure she would ever feel the kind of love for anyone else as what she did for Nathan, but she also knew that she loved herself far too much settle either.

"I suppose you saw all that."

Haley idly fingered the keys, refusing to look at Nathan. He took a seat beside her and positioned his hands over hers. He guided them knowingly over the keys from white to black and back again and Haley had a hard time containing her surprise. After a few minutes, she dropped her hands and watched him play softly. It was difficult to hear over the loud club music but she adjusted and was able to tune into him, and only him.

He was giving another piece of himself to her.

"In middle school, I had a teacher that tutored me because I was doing so badly in classes." he spoke, his fingers or gaze never leaving the keys. He sighed. "I just didn't want to go home. She finally realized that so she stopped tutoring me in geometry and taught me how to play. I've never played for a single person other than her."

"This," she paused, really listening to the notes. "This is my song from last week. How..." she trailed off as he nodded. "This is wonderful Nathan, thank you."

"You're always so open with me," he explained, his hands stilling on the keys and moving to capture hers resting on her lap. "You don't keep things from me. I don't want things to be muddled with us anymore Haley."

"Nathan, I'm going to Stanford." his brow kinked in confusion, unsure as to what that had to do with anything. She took a deep breath and looked at him sadly. "I'm not staying in Tree Hill after graduation."


	33. Achilles Heel

**A/N: A guess my struggled really showed in the last chapter considering I didn't get as much feedback. This chapter went no where I thought it was going to go. The characters took over, I swear. I just want to say this before you read: go into with an open mind, and stay that way throughout. Just trust me. I have an endgame. I know exactly where this story is going to end up. You'll get everyone's stories, I promise. **

**Okay. Enjoy and leave me some love. Oh, also shameless plug. Please go check out my other stories. There are a few I really want to continue now that I'm writing again and my gears are turning and I really want to know what you guys think. Much love -A**

Achilles Heel

She felt like she could explode.

Haley's confession hung thick between them. He hadn't spoken, and no emotion had so much had flickered across his face. He had released his grip on her hands and had once again resumed his gentle hammering of the keys. She wasn't sure how she had expected him or how she had even wanted him to respond but all the panic and guilt and hurt was rising in her throat and spreading throughout her body in waves.

She reached for him, tenderly fingering the fabric of his shift when she heard him softly speak. "You think people don't see you." he looked at her then, his face a rare intensity. "Or hear you for that matter. Do you think that I wasn't paying attention when you told me all the schools you had been accepted to?"

"Well," she stuttered, overcome with his blunt words. He was surprising her a lot lately it seemed. "It just seemed like such an insignificant conversation and I never said which one I was going to."

He chuckled but she couldn't tell if it held any bitterness. "_I _see you Haley. I do. You are so smart and talented. I know everyone tells you that and it's everything you've ever worked for your entire life. To be someone; I mean really someone right?"

"Yes." she chocked out. She knew Nathan paid attention to her. All their interactions and conversations; there wasn't a detail Nathan didn't pay attention to. He had been the same with his schoolwork and their tutoring sessions which had caused Haley to no end deep frustration. "I don't know what you're getting at here."

"Then why wouldn't I, when you told me all those schools, assume that you'd be going the furthest away from this place as you possibly could?" he looked dead at her, and she opened her mouth but couldn't speak. "Haley, you're so much bigger than this place."

Nathan had always known Haley wasn't his to have. It went so much further than just being afraid of losing her, the way he had lost Cooper or not being worthy enough of someone like her. Everyone had their plans after high school and most involved staying close to home and the safety that provided for them. Haley was different. She was stronger and more brave than she gave herself credit for. He knew that she just needed to prove that to herself.

"So this isn't surprising to you?" she hesitantly asked. He grimaced, only barely, and tucked a falling strand of hair behind her ear and rested his hand on her neck. She couldn't understand why she was getting so worked up over something that she wanted so badly that he wasn't having a negative reaction to. He was being supportive. Wasn't that what she wanted? Forcefully she removed his hand from her skin.

"Come on, Hales." he sighed heavily, leaning away from her. "Don't be like this."

"What am I being like?"

"It's my job to be closed off and distant." he pointed out. "What reaction did you really want from me?"

"Nothing." she whispered hoarsely sliding her body away from his. "That's exactly how you react to everything; with complete indifference."

"Hey!" he protested, grabbing her and pulling her back towards him. "That's not fair. I'm not being indifferent. I'm right here, aren't I? I'm not running or pushing you away." he latched onto her hands and pulled them to his chest. "This is your dream, Haley. It's what you worked so hard for and you deserve it. You and I both know that nothing is going to hold you back from that, including me. So why is it so upsetting that I've accepted that? I've always known that."

Her head snapped up from their intertwined hands. She jerked them away and once again placed distance between that. The tears she had so skillfully held at bay where now threatening to flood out. "You _always_ knew that?"

"You were never mine to have."

He winced at the jaggedness of her words. He wasn't sure what she wanted from him at this point. He had laid out most of his cards on the table and put all his chips in and he was waiting for her to call. Silence engulfed them for a long time. The only sounds around them were the dull thumping of the club music and the sniffles and soft sobs coming from Haley. She wouldn't let him touch her but she hadn't gone away just yet either.

"So this whole time was what?" she bit out, swiping at the tears on her face. "You told me, that morning in your apartment that I was never going to be anything more with you. And now, now what? Now what?!"

She bolted up away from the piano and away from him. She stomped away but paused before leaving the stage and him completely. She didn't turn around though. The logical part of her knew that he was used to people leaving him and keeping people at arms length. The emotional part of her wanted him to fight, be upset, beg her to stay, beg to go with her.

Nathan dejected remained rooted. Every fiber in his being wanted to rush over and connect with her physically just as much as he felt emotionally tethered to her. But for once, he couldn't be selfish with her. If this was the way she needed to react, to yell and scream then he was going to let her do just that. For far too long she had followed his lead on everything. From the condition and state of their relationship to the oversight of his slow destruction of the massive walls he had thrown up for her. It was time he followed her lead.

She spun around slowly. "This, this is just over huh?" she gradually walked back to him, cupping his face in her hands. He involuntary nestled his face further into her embrace. "We're really just ending this before it ever truly got started?"

"What would you have me do?" his voice broke, his entire being feeling as if it was being shred apart. "Tell me what do Haley."

Haley dropped down, her knees hitting the stage so that she could be eye level with Nathan. She pushed the hair out of his face and kissed him gingerly. She didn't know what she wanted him to do. She didn't feel comfortable with Nathan being so vulnerable in her hands. It was what she had wanted the entire time; for Nathan to just let her in. And now that she was finally here, she couldn't will herself to make herself at home even though he was exactly what home felt like.

"Take me home Nathan; your home"

Being in her embrace, all Nathan could think about was how he already was.

x-X-x

Peyton stepped back from the counter and ran her hand across her nose. The emotional highs and physical lows that the magical white powder brought her was something she absolutely relished in. She couldn't remember how she managed to function, much less portray any resemblance of happy before it had been introduced into her life.

She could still recall her first experience. She had spent most of her time high or coming down in the years since then, but it was as if every memory prior were blurred and muddled because of how tainted they were. Everything since the introduction of the beautiful dust had made her world hazy and vivid all at the same time.

Stumbling out of the bathroom, she weaved her way through the smoke filled bar. The place was essentially a dump but they didn't look too closely at her fake ID and she never had any problem scoring blow when she really needed it. She slumped down at the first bar stool she could reach, her legs finally succumbing to the drugs flowing freely through her system.

"Scotch." she signaled the bartender with a whirl of her finger and he nodded. "Double it!"

"Put it on my tab." the man a few stools down from her smirked in her direction and patted the stool next to him. Languidly, she slid over and sidled up next to him. "I appreciate a woman who enjoys a good scotch." he held up his glass and drowned the rest. "Peyton, right?"

"A man who can remember my name." Peyton mused, quickly guzzling the drink placed in front of her and motioning for another. "I can appreciate that."

"I try and make it a habit to remember the women in my son's life."

"Woman." she scoffed and laughed hollowly. "Then I'm not your woman Mr. Scott."

"Please, call me Dan." he grinned, playfully tugging on one of her loose curls.

"Dan." his name dripped with a mixture of malice and lust from her mouth as she removed his hand from her face. "If you're trying to get to Nathan through me, it's not going to work. He's not a conquest I was able to conquer."

"Oh Peyton." Dan snickered, his hand running from her shoulders down her back. "You don't strike me as the type to give up so easily. Didn't your parents instill any values in you? You have to work hard for everything you have."

"Parents! Ha." Peyton chortled, slapping her hand on the bar top. "That's so rich! Especially about me and especially coming from you. How many father of the year awards did you win to come up with that nugget of wisdom? Do you see where I'm at Mr. Scott?" she motioned around her. "Shooting shit up my nose in a seedy bar on a school night? Lets be real honest here. My parents don't give a fuck about me, and I imagine you're the type to not a give shit about anyone other than Dan Scott. So lets cut the bullshit."

Dan never stopped stroking Peyton's back during her entire rant. His expression remained one of a amusement and menace. Everything about him gave off a vibe of deceitfulness but also there was also something about him that made Peyton feel oddly comfortable. It was as if because of how awful he truly was, he could almost sense the awful Peyton had been through. She felt as if he almost _delighted_ in it.

"You're right." he clapped his hands together, and took a thoughtful sip out of his drink. "About me, that is. I can't vouch for your parents, however. But looking at the level of fucked up in front of me, I can probably deduce your are correct about that as well."

Peyton pursed her lips together in anger. He was firing on all cylinders at every button she had. "Why don't you just tell me what you want from me and stopped playing these mind games."

"Why is it, do you think, that no one really wants you?" he smiled, warmly Peyton noted, and she couldn't stop the sickness from rolling into her stomach. "Nathan, as much as he would like to completely distinguish himself from me, can help but be like me. Look how the boy plays basketball. _I_ created that. And this desire to be completely selfish in his world? To be so wrapped up in one's self that everyone around you are but simple toys in your kingdom...that's all me. But I am God; at least to Nathan I am." 

"Nathan despises you." Peyton spat as Dan's eyes sparkled with pleasure. "He doesn't want you either."

"Ah!" Dan laughed, latching onto Peyton's arm. "There is it. You know, my father was extremely religious." he released her arm and settled back into his seat. Peyton stirred her drink uneasily. "He would make us go to church every Sunday morning, every Wednesday night. Do you know what the most important thing I learned about the Bible and God, and the devil?"

"I suppose you'll tell me."

"Lucifer hated God. And the hatred that dwelled in him has lead to an eternity long battle against him." Dan explained, passionately. He stroked her cheek lovingly. "The point, my dear Peyton, is that all logic points to him losing against God. But he stays fighting because it keeps him involved with God. All roads lead back to home. Nathan will eventually understand that and realize where he truly belongs."

"Nathan isn't evil, Dan. You are."

"Oh?" he questioned, grabbing her arm as she stood up to leave. It had been a long time since Peyton had felt anything other than hate and anger and nothing at all. "What about you? Hmm. Do you think you have a soul in that withering body of yours? If you did, don't you think someone would care that you're blowing shit up your nose in a seedy bar on a school night?"

"You don't know me." she snatched her arm from his grasped and stomped towards the door. Once she pushed her way outside, she welcomed the cool night air. Her high had rapidly dissapated the more her conversation carried on with Dan.

"Don't I though?" Dan called out after her once he too reached the parking lot. She stopped in her tracks and turned around. She watched him reach his car and unlock the door. "Get in Peyton."

"What do you want from me?"

"You didn't answer my question from earlier." she furrowed her eyebrows but found herself walking towards him. "You know, why no one wants you." he reached in his jacket pocket and pulled out a flask, taking a long sip. "You remind me of my wife. She is a true basket case. Tell me, do you cut yourself, too?"

He was ripping apart at the seems and Peyton was powerless to stop it. In fact, it was almost welcoming to her. People told her she was awful all the time, and how terrible she could be. Dan, was getting down to the very essence of herself and exposing her for who she truly was. She let people steal pieces of her for her entire life but now, she was serving herself up on a platter and she still didn't know what the endgame was for him.

"Tell me about Haley." he commanded, motioning once again to the passenger seat of his car. Hesitantly, Peyton walked around and sunk into the seat, slamming the door shut. Dan got in, starting the car and heading away from the bar. "Peyton."

"What do I get out of this?" Peyton clutched her oversized purse to her body and studied the shadows of Tree Hill dancing along Dan's face. She already knew what she would get out of this. Dan was someone who got what he wanted, irregardless of the consequences and so Peyton would get whatever she wanted out of the deal. She sucked in her breath. "She's just, I don't know how Nathan got tangled up in her. I think he believes she'll make him a better person."

"Do you think he's a bad person? I mean, he threw you away right? For her?"

She was once again reminded of the how perfect Haley seemed to be and how far she feel short of those expectations to everyone. It wasn't that she even cared about Nathan. He was just as royally fucked up as she was, more so even considering the father that he shared DNA with and somehow he was slowly rising above all of that. She, however, was still slowly drowning in the devastation that surrounded her. And Haley, who had once been so close to her that they were practically sisters, didn't even bother throwing her a life ring while Nathan was given an entire lifeboat.

She hated them both.

"If you're looking for Nathan's weakness, it's Haley. She's his Achilles heel."

x-X-x

Haley's tears had long since dried up. She had sat quietly in the passenger seat of his car as he had stoically drove them to his apartment. He had itched to touch her and had longed to see the girl that existed the first time she was in his car after asking him to take her home with him. Things seemed that much more simple and complicated all in one swoop then. Now, nothing seemed simple except for how obvious it was that they weren't simply meant to be.

And yet something always pulled them back to each other.

He held her hand and lead her to his apartment. He recalled the first time they had walked the stairs together. She had been leading him then his much larger strides not quite matching up to her small steps even though she was taking them two at a time in anticipation. She had stopped several times to kiss him and explore him. There were no traces of hesitation or trepidation that every step now held.

Still, there was anticipation. It was so electric between them that he could barely focus on getting the key in the door. He wasn't sure what he was bracing himself for exactly just that he felt on edge and out of his element and he wanted nothing more than to bolt from the whole situation. He dropped his keys and chucked at the irony when they both reach down to retrieve them. He helped her vertical once she picked up his keys and held himself there, embraced in her arms.

He wrapped his arms around her tighter, leaning them against the front door. She pulled his shirt at the waist and in such pulled him flush against her. She kissed him then, the right combination of urgent and slow, savoring every taste and sensation transpiring between them. Finally, he managed to free the door from it's lock and they went tumbling into the dark apartment.

She pulled away from him then, and he shivered at the lost of her warmth. He had always felt so empty inside, that cold never seemed to invade him. But the lack of her suddenly left him feel much more hollow. He rested against the front door as he watched her remove her light jacket and slip off her shoes. There eyes remained focused on each other as she stepped towards him, her fingers wrestling with his t shirt and pulling it over his head.

He was reminded of Christmas Day, and the last time that he had truly been with her. There was a intimacy formed that day, that had only been mimicked in stolen kisses and touches since then. Being connected to her, this way, Nathan felt like all his nerve endings were on fire. She tugged at his jeans, pulling him forward towards him bedroom. She set him down on the bed, pulling off her own shirt and settling down on his lap. Her fingers traced his skin, from his collarbones to the markings on his tribal tattoo, like she was committing them to memory.

Finally, she kissed him on the lips before moving to his neck and down to his shoulders. Nathan buckled as her tongue slid over the sensitive spot on his back, just below his neck. He gripped her hips tightly, fighting everything in him to take control. This was Haley's show though, and he was doing what he could to follow her lead. He was placing everything in him in her hands.

"Nathan." he come undone at her breathless mention of his name and buried himself in her. He wanted everything, both good and bad to be swallowed up by her essence, no matter what the cost to him. She leaned back from his embrace and looked deeply into him. Everything that had come before her, and everything after her would never compare to how she completely consumed him.

She was his Achilles heel.

But she was the only thing that held him upright, too.

"I'm yours, Haley. Even if it's just for tonight, even if it's just for a little while. You have all of me."

**Thoughts? -A**


	34. Saints

**A/N: Whoa. Over 600 reviews. That's pretty remarkable for any story much less one that I wrote. It's very humbling to me. I enjoy them so much. It truly makes my day and inspires me. Especially ****cyke93**** and your awesomely long reviews. You have no idea how much you invade my mind and get my gears turning with the questions you ask. But I love everyone's insight into what I write. Its motivation to not only finish the story but to give you a story that you all deserve. You've stuck with me for nearly six years and its you who deserve the great story. **

**The next few chapters will all be set during the day/night of the championship game. This is I guess the climax of the story as a whole. I will try to update as often as possible but I work around 50 hours a week and I have this wonderful woman in my life who is my feisty dalmatian Emma who takes up quit a bit of my time as well. So I will do my very best. I want to have it finished by the the six year anniversary of the first chapter :)**

**Enjoy -A**

Saints

He was sleeping peacefully again. She was grateful for that. Grateful for the reprieve of having to deal with all her jumbled feelings. They had spent the night, engulfed in each other, exploring, tantalizing, and absorbing one another. It was yet another side of Nathan he was finally showing her, one that was completely open and willing and sated in her hands.

It was early. The sun was just peeking in through the blinds, casting a series of shadows across his bare back. She kissed the tattoo on the back of his neck, wishing she could make it and all the meaning behind it go away. He stirred, only slightly, and she ran her fingers through his hair. She relished in these small moments because the juncture between the two were so seamless. It was if their whole lives they had been searching for the right outlet to plug themselves into to light up and they finally had, in each other.

She knew this was goodbye.

In him, she had found such a huge part of herself. He made her want to be strong and brave and to fight for what really mattered. She thought about asking him to come with her, be with her, and share his life with her. But she also realized that in asking him to do that, she wasn't giving him a fair chance at his own life. Once again he would be living in someone else's shadow.

"I so enjoy waking up next to you." he rasped, his torso turning to face her and pull her towards him. Her scent enveloped him completely, and he knew he would miss it soaking into his own. She wrapped her arms around his waist, her fingers playing and teasing at the edge of his boxers. "We still have school don't we?"

"Yeah." she grumbled into his chest. He pushed her tangled hair away from her face. "And you have a game tonight."

Nathan hadn't given much thought to basketball with all that had occurred the night before. For once he wanted his sole focus to be on Haley and only her. To lose himself so completely in her that all the mistakes and worry and confusion and hurt just washed away. He wasn't even sure that Whitey was going to let him play for skipping out on practice all week. He thought of Damien's words the night before and how team was family and you looked out for family. And Nathan was apart of the team, for better or for worse.

Her fingers lightly traced the cut on his lip. "I can't believe you just let him hit you."

"I deserved far worse." Nathan shrugged and smirked. "Besides, I've been hit way harder. He was angry at himself more than anyone. He knew you weren't the right person for him. He was just forcing himself to believe it."

"I don't want to fight with you anymore." she pleaded softly. He kissed he forehead. "Nathan, please. Can we just _be_ now?"

"Haley," he started, his fingers trailing down her arm and to her back. He refused to look at her for several moments. "How can we _be _anything, when you're leaving in two months?"

_Because I love you._

The words died in her throat. She couldn't bring herself to tell him that and trap him. The only other person who had ever told him as such was Cooper and he had died. Telling him served no point in the grand scheme of things she realized. But he had promised himself to her, even if it was only for a moment. And she would graciously take that.

"I don't know what to say." she spoke earnestly, sighing. The sunlight was flooding his small bedroom now, another indication that their time was running short.

"Tell me," he tucked more of hair behind her ear. He loved how crazy her hair got while she slept. "What are you going to major in. You can say that, right?"

She blinked back tears. "I, I don't know."

She truly didn't have a clue. She had worked for so long for just an out that she still wasn't sure what she was going to do once she got there. She had been counseled numerous times but ultimately she had accepted as undecided. It felt almost liberating to her at the time because it was the most impulsive thing she had ever done.

Up until the night she showed up on the river court.

"Hey, that's okay. You'll figure it out when you get there." he soothed. "You don't have to figure it all out now, Haley."

"We got here so fast." she cried, biting her lower lip. Her liberation almost felt suffocating now. "And now, I just. I don't have anything figured out anymore."

"Haley." he forced her to look at him. His words were strong and concise and convincing in Haley's ears. "You're going Stanford. And everything else will come along as you go on."

"You keep talking about me. What about _us_?"

"Was that every really a thing?" he vexed and she quickly tried to remove herself from his grasp and the hurt his words had just caused her. His grip on her never faltered and she stayed rooted.

"Nathan I'm right here! Look!" she motioned to their embrace. "What is this, if not _us_?"

He slid away from her as if he had been burned. He was clearly confusing and complicating things for her. She reached for him, but he got up from the bed and yanked on a pair of shorts. He saw the storms raging within her and felt like she was thinking of changing her mind. He had battled those storms himself. He wouldn't allow her to do that to herself.

"Us?" Nathan snapped painfully. She sat up, wrapping the sheet around her, and winced at his harshness. "There is me, only me, in the equation I see."

She could literally see him slamming back the walls around himself. She sank back into the bed, and didn't acknowledge his words right away. Quietly, he too mirrored her actions and did the same a few moments later. She reached for his hand resting on the bed but fully expected him to pull away from her and was surprised when not only did he allow her access, but pulled her towards him and placed her in his lap.

"I don't know what I'm doing." he murmured into her shoulder. Her hand connected to his cheek, her thumb rubbing his skin. "This scares the shit out of me."

"How about," she pulled away from and cupped his face to look at him. "we make it through today? And then we'll start over tomorrow?"

He nodded in agreement but he also knew that she was tearing away from him just as much as he was from him. For the first time they were perfectly in sync for what they wanted from each other however it seemed inevitable that what they desired and what they could actually accomplish were light years away from each other.

"We should get ready for school." he said, gingerly sliding her small body off of him and getting up. She studied him as he went around his room grabbing this shirt and those pants before he finally went to the door of the bathroom. He spun around then, pausing at the entrance. "Join me, Haley."

She marveled at the vast difference a few months made. The very same command had been made of her the first night she had spent the night with him rather flippantly and insincere and indifferent. There was earnest in his voice and to her it felt more like a plea than a request or a demand. She knew he wanted her with him and as much as she didn't want to confuse things further, she wanted to be with him too.

Unabashed, she slide out of the bed, her sheets falling behind her. She made the necessary steps towards the bathroom and glided past him in the doorway. She ran her hand across his chest as she did so and he immediately followed, snatching her waist and tugging her into his torso. He tossed her hair dangling down her back over her shoulder and kissed along her neckline.

She left his embrace to start the shower and stepped inside the steaming water. He forced the lump in his throat down, embarrassed with how nervous he was. He tiptoed into her grasp and felt more from the fervor of her touch than the water cascading over them. Months ago, he had taken her in that very shower with no qualms and no hesitation. Now she was inviting him in with her and all he could think about was he wanted to give up and give in to the whole of her skin, to the whole of her everything.

And he was crumbling.

x-X-x

Haley dropped her bag inside the foyer once she got inside her house. She slid her frame along the door and plopped down. The day had been taxing at very best and she was struggling to find the energy to make it through the rest of the evening. The people she cared most about were going to be involved in once of the biggest nights of their high school careers that evening and she had to be there to support them.

The previous night and subsequent morning with Nathan had left her lacking and clear direction or indication of what was to come next. She had watched him over the course of a last few months face, slay, and conquer most of his demons which she couldn't help but feel a sense of pride for him. But it made her feel small in comparison, and although when she was with him she felt brave, she also felt utterly defenseless.

"Haley? Is that you?" she could hear her mother puttering around the kitchen in the back of the house. She heaved herself off the floor and into the kitchen where her mother and Karen were both in a flurry around each other. "Oh thank god! We need all the help we can get."

"With what exactly?" she asked, as she slipped on an apron over her head. "Do you have a catering gig?"

"Well, sort of." Lydia responded. "This will either be celebration food if the boys win or comfort food if they lose."

Karen laughed. "They're not going to lose, Lydia. They have the best team they've had in years. Haley, you know Nathan better than anyone right? He's supposed to be pretty good, eh?"

"Sure." she choked out as her mother gave her a mysterious look. "What?"

"Nathan Scott? I didn't know you two were friends."

"I tutored him for months, Mom. You knew that."

"Hmm." Lydia grinned and winked at Karen.

"I got the buns!" Haley whirled around to the back door slamming shut and the voice fluttering through the kitchen. She sighed through her happiness because she knew the storm this was about to bring. "I had to go to four supermarkets and I'm pretty sure I cleaned out Tree Hill as a whole, but mission accomplished. Haley! My beautiful niece, you look wonderful."

"Aunt Anna, hey." she hugged her, the bags of buns going around her back with her aunt's arms. The two giggled and released each other. "What brings you in?"

"Well last I checked, my daughter was taking up residence here." she smiled tightly as if she knew what this visit was also going to bring. "And my sister said she could use the extra set of hands to feed an entire championship basketball team."

"Not champions yet." Lydia pointed out and Karen popped her with a dish towel. "Hey now!"

"Does Peyton know you're here?" Haley asked and Lydia and Anna exchanged worried glances. "Well, I'm sure she'll uh, react, to you being here."

"Oh Haley. Lydia told me that you two still aren't getting along. When are you two ever just going to bury the hatchet? You used to be so close. We couldn't separate you from each other." Anna set down the spoon she was using to mix with and chuckled. "You know, one time I got a call from Peyton's teachers because she went on an on about her 'sister' and her teacher wanted to congratulate me on my new baby. Turns out she was was raving all about Haley."

Haley heard the door shut from the front of the house and braced herself for Peyton's wrath. Peyton was smooth at keeping herself collected around her parents and most people in general, but when it came to her mother, she always erupted violently. When she was fifteen, she had visited them for the summer. It was then that she noticed the visible switch in Peyton to who she was currently. The fights that carried on between the mother and daughter were terrifying for Haley. It wasn't even fights really; it was Peyton tearing her mother apart and Anna simply taking it like she had something to be guilty of and was willingly accepting the punishment.

Anna visibly braced herself as well. Her hand clench the counter and she leaned on it for obvious support. Haley always admired Anna in her quiet strength and loving heart. She was a veterinarian and was always bringing home hurt animals to nurture back to health. Sometimes Haley wondered if she ever looked at Peyton as a wounder critter and how much that it chipped away at her that Peyton was the one she just couldn't save.

Anna bravely smiled at the woman in the kitchen and the tyrant that came into the kitchen a few moments later. "Peyton."

Peyton froze in her tracks. She was visibly torn between the reaction she wanted and the reaction she wanted to portray. Up until that point she had been painted as a misunderstood victim to her parents and paraded around as the lost daughter Lydia thought she could save. Now with everything in her view and with everyone watching, she wasn't sure what spectacle to put on.

She looked at Haley then and back to Anna before licking her lips. "What are you doing here?"

"I asked her to come." Lydia said steadily, almost daring Peyton to make a scene. While Lydia was hoping to save Peyton the way she couldn't save her own daughter, she also wasn't naïve to the heartache she had put her sister through. "Besides, you two haven't seen each other in a few months."

"That was the point." Peyton snarled, her face pinching in frustration. She had clearly lost the battle to hold it together. "I came here to escape from her. She doesn't belong here."

"Young lady." Lydia admonished, her steely gaze on Peyton. Peyton's scrutiny of her mother shifted to that of Lydia. "This is _my_ home, that you were kindly invited to stay in. _I_ say who is welcome here."

Anna had remained silent through the interaction as Karen and Haley had looked on. They could see the tear prickling Anna's eyes, but didn't slip out. She suddenly looked tired and defeated. "When are you going to just forgive me Peyton?"

"Forgive you?!" Peyton beseeched closing the distance between herself and her mother in three quick strides. "I idolized you! From your clear blue eyes to your long raven hair to the smile that seemingly made dad melt at the slight. " Peyton delicately picked up Anna's silky hair, twisting it around her fingers slightly. When Anna made an attempt to touch Peyton's hand, she jerked it away quickly. "You lied to me my entire fucking life."

Peyton stomped her way out the back door and into the yard. Anna choked back tears and longingly glanced out the window to her daughter. After a beat, she hastily fled out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Lydia, torn between going after her upset sister and berating Peyton stood still. Finally, Haley nudged her mother in the direction of Anna and she herself made her way to the back yard.

Haley made her way across their large back yard to were Peyton dangled on the old swing set, her feet kicking the ground below. She settled into the swing next to Peyton and began idly swinging in tandem with her. After a few moments, for the second time in the course of her day she reached for someone who she was sure was going to pull away and was still surprised when she didn't. For a moment at least they seemed to be sucked into a time wrap; back when they had connected the most.

"Do you remember trying to out jump each other?" Peyton asked after several moments of silence, ultimately breaking contact and releasing Haley's hand.

Haley snorted at the memory. "You always won because your legs were so much longer than mine."

Peyton sniffled. "Do you remember when you broke your ankle at the playground around the block?"

"You carried me on your back all the way home." Haley recalled. "You set me down on the kitchen table and wrapped my ankle in ice until my mom came home and took me to the ER. You never left my side."

Peyton nodded and stood up. She looked down at Haley, an odd mixture of sadness and anger flickering across her face. "I'm broken, Haley." she started to walk away backwards and threw her hands up in the air. "You owed me one for that day and you didn't deliver when I needed you to the most. Don't try to make up for that now. It's too late."

"Peyton wait!" Haley stumbled out of the swing as she tried to catch up to Peyton. The next words that tumbled out of her mouth stopped her dead in her tracks.

"I hear congrats are in order! I guess you're doing the same to Nathan that you did to me. That's what you do Haley. You abandon people when they need you the most. I guess we can't all be saints right?"


	35. Without Your Noose

**A/N: This was a really hard chapter to write. In fact I was stuck on the end and I wrote the next chapter as I figured out how to end this one. It's completely Nathan centric and while I know you all are clamoring for Naley, it's important to the journey. And like I said, the next chapter is written and it does have some pretty good Naley. I think you'll enjoy that. I appreciate all the feedback and for sticking with me. Leave me love and enjoy :)**

**PS: I've been watching season one of OTH the last few days. I had forgotten how slow that season is building all the relationships. So forgive me because some of the lines/ scenes are sampled in this chapter. I felt it fit pretty nicely though. **

Without Your Noose

"_Nate! Dude, hand me that wrench over there!"_

_Nathan rolled his eyes and easily swished the ball through the hoop in front of him. Cooper rolled out from under his truck, his body covered in grease and dirt and held up his hands. Quickly, he got up and stomped over to his toolbox and dug through it until he found the wrench. He then promptly threw hit at Nathan, hitting in the back of the knee before it clanked on the cement. _

"_Cooper what the hell?!" Nathan spun around and chucked the ball at his brothers head but it landed on his shoulder. Cooper didn't even flinch. _

"_I asked you to help me. Get your head out of your ass!"_

"_Dad told me I wasn't supposed to do anything but this." Nathan informed Cooper looking at the goal in front of him._

_He was fifteen at the time; his hair was buzzed cut and his skin was bare of tattoos and free of piercings. The hardest loss he thought he ever had to go through at that point was his denial to play in the junior leagues. It would take him a time more to realize that having a mother who didn't register your existence and a father who abhorred it was wrong but to Nathan it didn't seem out of the ordinary. Just simply his life. _

"_You're such a daddy's boy." Cooper scoffed walking back to his truck. "He's not even in the same state as us."_

"_And you're such a mama's boy." Nathan retorted. He sunk the ball easily into the basket. Cooper dropped his tools back into the chest and looked at him seriously. "What?"_

"_Come on. Let's go for a drive."_

_Nathan laughed. "Like I trust that clunker to drive."_

"_How about," Cooper walked to him and snatched the ball out of Nathan's hands. "if I land this goal, we bail on the torture, I mean training session." The ball gently glided through the net and Cooper pumped his fist in victory. He fished the keys out of his pocket and tossed them to Nathan. "Come on."_

"_I don't even have my permit yet." Nathan protested as he easily caught the keys. Cooper fiddled with something under the hood of his truck and shut the lid. He went and sat in the passenger seat and __shrugged his shoulders as he waited for Nathan to get it. Finally after a few moments Nathan tossed the ball in the back of the truck and slid into the driver seat. "Where are we going?"_

"_Doesn't matter." Cooper kicked his feet up on the dashboard and leaned back. "Let's go kid."_

_Half an hour later, Nathan was still driving and Cooper was singing horribly off key next to him. He had never operated so much a toy car. His father had been training him his entire life how to move his feet on the court and he could flawlessly. At the beginning of their journey he couldn't even figure out that he shouldn't use both feet. This major milestone and his dad hadn't even remotely taught him anything about it. Even with the static of the radio, the off pitch of his brother's singing, and the wind blowing through the open windows it was the most quiet Nathan had experienced; well ever. His world wasn't in turmoil and it was the most time he had spent with Cooper in quite some time. _

_His reverie was broken by a loud banging from underneath the hood of the truck and plumes of white smoke blocking the windshield. Cooper directed Nathan to the side of the road and hopped out once they had pulled over. He motioned for Nathan to pop the hood and once he did Nathan joined him in front. Nathan watched fascinated for several moments as Cooper tinkered with the engine's components all the while cursing under his breath. _

"_Don't worry. We can fix it." Cooper assured him after taking in Nathan's perplexed look. He walked around to the back of the truck and pulled out his tool bag. _

"_We?"_

"_Yea." Cooper nodded, dipping his head under the hood. "Hand me that red screwdriver in there."Nathan wordlessly handed the tool over to him. "Get in here kid, you're not going to learn anything standing way back there."_

"_Did Dad teach you this?"_

_Cooper smirked. "What do you think little brother? The only think Dan taught me was how to tear everything apart." when Nathan didn't respond, Cooper set the tool down and wiped his hands on his shirt. "You know me. I like to see how things work. So I take it apart. Unlike our sperm donor however, I like to put it back together."_

_Cooper spent the next two hours showing Nathan the inner workings of his truck. He showed him how to check the oil and transmission fluids and how the connections on the battery worked. Eventually he was shown how to fix the busted fan belt that had caused their roadside mishap. Nathan slid out from under the car and stood up, dusting the dirt off his back. _

"_What's all this about?" Nathan finally asked. He was a kid but he wasn't stupid. He and Cooper didn't quite 'bond' this way. It usually involved parties and drugs and girls. This was something completely different. _

_Cooper slammed the hood shut and hopped on top of it. "I got offered a job."_

"_Doing what?"_

"_Fixing race cars." Cooper leaned back, his eyes squinting against the high sun. "It's in Bristol, Nate. __Virginia. I leave in a few days."_

"_So you decided to play daddy for a day?" Nathan spat. It was no secret that Cooper wanted out of Tree Hill and especially out of their parent's lives. But Nathan had always naively though that Cooper was going to be around for the long haul regardless, if nothing else as a buffer between Dan and himself. Mostly he was afraid of who was going to look after him now. _

_Cooper cocked his head to the side. "Nathan, you and I are never going to have a father figure in our life. We have Dan. And today, I just wanted to show you that not everything has to be about him or about Mom or even about me. You're going to have to start living _ your _life at some point. Do what makes you happy. Eventually, all you will have is yourself. "_

Nathan and Cooper had returned back to reality later that day. They had faced the wrath of Dan together when Cooper had informed him of his impending departure. After Cooper had left, life got a lot harder for Nathan and he found himself counting down the days until when he returned for visits. He couldn't fault Cooper for taking a way out but he also couldn't help but resent him. It was a turning point for him because with Cooper's absence he didn't start living his life, he just simply started existing. It seemed like the easiest way of coping.

He sighed before opening up the gym doors and stepping inside. The last few months was the only time he felt like he was truly living his life. Haley, of course had a huge part in this shift. But basketball, something that was so engrained into his entire being was finally starting to be something he could express as a part of himself. And while this morning had left things up in the air as far as if he would lose Haley, the other part of himself, he knew he could still try and save basketball.

"Nice, isn't it? A lot of people like their gyms loud. I like mine like this: quiet, clean... kind of like a church. A lot of praying done here, anyway." Whitey had his back turned away from Nathan as he walked up. When Nathan reached him, the older man turned around slowly. "Got something on your mind?"

"I've never been to church." Nathan picked up the basketball on the floor next to them. "I'm not even sure I stepped foot into one. But I have been to a sanctuary. The river court, this gym that's what they are to me. Basketball is the only thing I believe in anymore."

"When I coached your daddy," Whitey took the ball from Nathan's hands and spun it gently around in his hands. "I had never seen someone so in tuned to the game; so connected to the ball. But he couldn't connect with the team. That's where you differ. You haven't been here very long, but it seems to me that you just molded right into rest of them. Don't you think you at least owe it to them to show up?"

"Look, I don't want to make excuses anymore. I know how much this means to them, and to me. I'm here now aren't I? I just, want to make things right. I haven't stopped practicing. I've been with Q every day. Coach, I need to play tonight. Not just for me." He paused searching for the right words. It felt good to fight for something that he loved. "I finally feel like I'm a part of something and I don't want to let anyone down. Get the ball in my hands and I'll get you and my teammates the championship they deserve."

"Is it what you deserve?"

Nathan mulled over that question for a beat. "I'd like to think that all the suffering I went through with basketball has brought me here. It's been a long and pretty tough journey. I think I have the talent because I earned it, not because Dan made me." He looked at Whitey dead in his eyes. "Yes. I deserve this. Basketball has always seemed like a burden I was supposed to carry. But when my feet hit this gym floor last week and every time that ball hit the rack, it felt _good_. I felt apart of something. I want to matter in this life. Right now, I do."

x-X-x

Nathan approached the boys locker room with much the same apprehension he had approached the gym earlier in the day. It was after school now and while Whitey had given his blessing to play in the championship game that night, the rest of his team had not. He knew he had Q and Lucas in his corner but he didn't know if his betrayal of Damien was going to have any sway on the rest of the team.

Squaring his shoulders, he stepped into the lions den sucking in his breath as the boys in front of him stopped what they were doing to stare at him. At this point, he didn't know if they were gawking because of the spectacle he had with Dan or because of how much he had dicked over his teammate. It was probably a combination of the two he decided.

"Nate." Q nodded, being the only one to acknowledge him personally. He gave Nathan a questioning look. "What's up?"

"You guys invited me here." Nathan started taking a step forward. He watched as Damien slipped on his practice jersey and sat down on the center bench between the lockers before finally looking at him. He quirked up an eyebrow, giving the Nathan the go ahead to continue. "I don't know any of you personally. In fact, I've tried my damnedest to stay away. To me, the whole concept of this seemed ridiculous."

"Well there's the door." Jake, someone who had mostly stayed in the background spoke up. "I have no where near the talent you have. This isn't a really anything for me but a game that I love to play with people who I care about. But they do care about this. If this is silly to you, then just go. We made it this far without you."

"Please." Nathan pleaded. "Let me finish. I know alright? You all saw me my first practice. I haven't ever had to share a ball. I'm not going to go deep diving into my past; you saw what happened the other day and with all the rumors about me, I'll let you connect the dots. I had given up a long time ago of being a part of a team; of doing anything really at all with basketball. I'm here now though, and I want to be a part of _this_ team. If you'll have me."

Everyone first looked at Damien. He had remained quiet and stoic throughout Nathan's groveling. Finally he stood up taking heavy and deliberate steps towards Nathan. He thought for sure that he was once again going to get punch, a punch he would willing take if it meant that he could show the team how serious he was about stepping up. When he finally reached Nathan he simply grabbed his shoulder in camaraderie and went to exit the locker room.

"Enough with the tea party ladies! We have drills to go over!"

"Welcome back." Lucas smiled, he too patting Nathan on the shoulder. "It's good that you're here."

Quentin stepped up to him after all the other guys had either bumped fists with Nathan or shook his hand. "You going to throw up again?"

"Nah." Nathan chuckled. "What's there to be nervous about when you've got my back?"

"Exactly! And we've got yours." Quentin threw his arm around Nathan's shoulders. "Man, we're just going to blow it up tonight!" he playfully shoved Nathan. "Come on. Get your lame ass in gear and get out there."

Walking back out into the gym, Nathan almost felt like it was the first time all over again. Whitey was screaming at the guys but he could tell it wasn't stressful. Everyone seemed like that were just just having a good time. They were prepared; they had been working their entire high school career for this night. Now it was time to just enjoy spending it with the people that they cared about, the same ones who had been pushing each other for greatness. Nathan felt honored to be a part of it.

"Are you Nathan?"

Nathan spun around to a man behind him. The blonde jogged up to meet up with him tucking his clipboard underneath his arm and extending his other hand. "Yeah, I'm Nathan."

"I thought so." the man grinned eagerly. "I'm Clay. Clay Evans. It's good to finally see you in person. I can't wait to see if your video did you justice."

"Video?" Nathan parroted, his brow kinking in confusion. "What video?"

"Clay! Dude, you made it!" Quentin was next to them, shaking Clay's hand and pulling him into a hug. "I'm glad you came."

"We'll see." Clay conceded reluctantly. "Did you get those papers sent off yet?"

"Monday. Things are just crazy busy right now." Quentin looked apologetic. "Hey, you sticking around for the game?"

"Wouldn't miss it."

"Awesome. I'll let you get back with Nathan." Quentin knocked fists with Clay and jogged back to the court. "Catch you later!" 

"Quentin sent me a video of your game last week." Clay explained after a moment. "It was a good game Nathan."

"Okay? Are you a reporter or something?"

"No. Nothing like that." Clay laughed and motioned towards the bleachers. "I'm a recruiter for the Southeast division of the NCAA. Basically I go around and scout for the colleges and universities. I then present them with their options and then they go after who they want."

"You make us sound like cattle." Nathan retorted sarcastically and Clay laughed again.

"Quentin warned me about your, wit, if you will." Clay stated. His face got serious after a moment. "Have you thought about your future Nathan? Applied to any schools?"

Nathan was caught completely off guard. There was little in life that surprised him but this was definitely not something he had really considered a possibly. Is father had told him that basketball was the best thing that could ever happen to him but had never allowed him to have it. Now that he was experiencing it he hadn't really entertained the thought that it would ever take him out of Tree Hill. He was just finally enjoying the game.

When Nathan didn't respond, Clay sighed. "I thought so. Look, I showed your footage to Kentucky. They're really interested. One of their potentials joined the military and dropped out. They have some free money. You would still have to apply and get accepted but they want you. They see great potential in you and Quentin."

"I haven't even been playing that long." Nathan ran his hand through his hair. "This is only my second game."

"Nathan, I've been doing this for a long time. I trust my instincts. My gut has never let me down." Clay remarked. They both looked out on the court, watching the team shot. "The first time I saw Quentin, I had never been so excited about anyone I had ever found. I've been watching him for a few years; from the shit courts he played on in Charlotte to the river court here and the playoffs last year. Last year when they lost the playoffs, the way he played was like poetry in motion. Watching you two play last week was like stumbling upon a book a sonnets. It was incredible to watch.

"I know this may seem really sudden and out of the blue to you." Clay continued, watching Nathan's face for a reaction. "You don't even have to believe me. But Quentin sees something in you too and I'm sure he's not the only one." he dug out some papers from his bag next to him and handed them to Nathan. "Here's an application. Just see what happens. This could be a great opportunity for you."

Clay walked down the bleachers, shook Whitey's hand, waved to Quentin and exited the gym. Nathan gripped the papers in his hand so hard that they crinkled in his hand and his knuckles turned white. He had spent so much time before Cooper died living in the past; his parents and Cooper's and after wards never thinking about the future that the prospect of it now seemed daunting.

"Never pegged you as a matchmaker." Nathan remarked stepping in front of Quentin and motioning for the ball. Quentin didn't say anything in response. "Thank you."

"Well if we don't work on your weak ass fade away Kentucky's not going to stay interested" Quentin tossed the ball at Nathan to which is easily caught. "That, and how you freeze when you get boxed into a corner."

"I don't freeze." Nathan dribbled the ball between his legs and laid it up into the basket. Quentin just once again looked at Nathan pointedly. He sighed. "Fine. Teach me your magical fade away ways all mighty Quentin."

"Thank you." Quentin bowed dramatically. He looked past Nathan's shoulder then and frowned. "Shit. Incoming."

Nathan turned around and slumped his shoulders. "You just can't take a hint can you Dan?"

"Relax, son." Dan grinned strolling up to meet him. "I'm just here to wish you good luck."

"I don't need luck Dan. I have everything I need right here." Nathan motioned with his hands from his heart and down his body to his feet.

Dan held up his hand and grabbed Nathan's with his other one mirroring them palm to palm. "Son, those are my hands." He brushed Nathan's shoulders from his neck to tops of his arms. "These are my shoulders, broad and strong.' He then looked down. "You're knees give you trouble from time to time, right? I see my knees never change. Your shoes are size 13. It's a bitch buying sneakers."

Nathan forcefully pushed himself away from Dan. "Yeah Dan. All those things I inherited from you. I have to live with that every day. What I don't have to live with are your mistakes in what you did with them."

"Tell me, do you see me when you look in the mirror?" Dan taunted, smirking. "Do you hear me in your voice, in your laugh? What about when I say 'Haley', does that sound like you?"

It took everything in Nathan to root himself in place. He had wanted to hit his father many times throughout his life, but never so much as he wanted to hit him right then. It was just games and manipulation with Dan and Nathan was slowly realizing that whatever power Dan held over him was all given to him willingly by Nathan himself. He had exploited his own weaknesses through Nathan and it was time for that to end.

"No Dan. I don't." Nathan spoke evenly and deliberately. "This stops today. This presence you continue to have in my life. You may have given me life, but I'm not letting you take it away from me anymore."

"Do you really think it's that easy?" Dan questioned, amusement flickering across his face. "Tell you what, I'll play you one on one. You bring your best game. If you win, I'll leave you alone." Dan removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. He loosened his tie and removed it over his head, tossing it with his jacket on the bleachers. "I'll even give you ball first.

Whitey looked as if he was going to protest but Nathan held up his hand and looked his father square in the eyes. "First to fifteen. Win by one."

He checked the ball to Dan and he caught it once it was returned to him. The next several minutes were filled with them battling head to head, shot for shot. Nathan was impressed that even after all this time his father could still play the game as if he was still a kid in his backyard. Dan shoved a hard elbow into Nathan's torso and the younger Scott fell to the ground as the older one laid the ball into the goal. Quentin extended his hand to lift Nathan up as Dan wiped the sweat from his face with the back of his arm, a satisfied smirk planted on his face.

"No foul. Point counts." Nathan ran his jersey over his face and squared off next to his father. Dan nodded in approval. They were tied now; if Nathan got the next point, it would all be over.

"I had to do it son. You have to know that you'll never be better at this than me."

In response, Nathan popped the basketball from Dan's hands and chucked it over his head. He couldn't help but smirk when Dan ducked and cowered. Nathan wasn't aiming at him, but at the case that hung on the wall above him immortalizing his jersey. The glass shattered around them and Dan's jersey fluttered to the gym floor.

Nathan pushed past Dan and picked up the jersey. His fingers traced the dual 3's stitched on the back of fabric and across the letter of the last name that he too possessed. He clutched the neck of the jersey and pulled at it, ripping it down the center in two pieces easily. He found great solace in the horrified look on his father's face at the desecration that had just occurred. Nathan tossed the shreds of fabric in the air like confetti.

"You don't deserve my best game Dan. You never did."


	36. Both Sides Are Even

**A/N: I struggled with the ending on this chapter, too. I think you'll enjoy the first part and the second part was...necessary. We'll just leave it at that. I have already started on the next chapter which I think will end with a pretty epic cliffhanger...maybe. I haven't exactly mapped it out yet. I appreciate all the kind words and all the support you all have given me. You guys are amazing. Enjoy** :)

Both Sides are Even

Nathan had never felt more relieved in his life. Telling off Dan, removing his power over him, and ultimately removing him from his life as a whole had felt liberating. He knew that it wasn't going to be that easy, that Dan would still make his presence known. For the first time though, Nathan didn't feel like a little boy cowering in fear. He felt strong and brave and he wanted nothing more than to share that with the person who brought it out most.

Haley.

The way that had left things that morning was ambiguous at best. But finally cutting off Dan, he finally felt himself opening up. He no longer was afraid of what part of Dan was inside of him because even if there was anything left, as long as he had Haley, he could overcome it. Basketball for him had always walked a fine line between love and hate. He had spent the afternoon fighting for it. There was no fine line with Haley. He wanted to fight for her, too.

He knocked on Haley's door several times before twisting the knob and walking inside. He had never once been in her home. It felt warm and well lived in, much like Quentin's but a with a lot more wear. The stairs were directly in front of the door and Nathan assumed that's where she would be. It was odd to him, how quiet the house was considering how many children lived there and the way Haley described them. He had never really asked about them after the first day in his apartment, but Haley would mention them from time to time offhandedly during conversation.

He hesitantly made his way upstairs pausing at the first door he came to. He assumed it was Haley's by the books on the shelf and the pictures hanging on her walls. His eyes grazed over her life's still moments and he envied not having her for more time during those moments. She never looked anything but happy; hanging on Lucas's back or squished between Rachel and Brooke. There were pictures of her family on Christmas morning and during birthdays parties. He never realized until then, not truly anyway, how much he missed her when he didn't even know she existed.

He heard a noise from across the hallway and made his way there. The door was cracked slightly and steam was coming out from behind it. He paused before pushing the door open wider. Haley was wrapped in a towel sitting on the edge of the bathtub, her hair a tangled and wet mess around her face. When she heard the door creak she looked up quickly, swiping at her eyes. Nathan sunk to his knees in front of her and pulled her hand into his.

"Hi." she whispered meekly. Peyton's words had left her reeling as if she had been hit. Up until a few months ago, and hell even a few days, she had been so sure of everything she was doing. There was no room for doubt or worry. Everything was set; she just had to simply follow through. Now, she just couldn't be sure.

"The shower this morning wasn't enough for you?"

She cracked a small smile. "Jordan threw up in my hair. He was being fussy and ate too many Skittles or something. It look like three washes to get the coloring out of my hair." she explained picking at her wet hair. After a moment she gulped and looked at him "What are you doing here?"

"I needed to see you." he stated simply. "I stood up to Dan today, at practice. He can't touch me now."

"Was it like, the most kick ass moment of your life?" she mused, tightening her grip on his hand. He shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly. "I'm proud of you, you know? That took a lot out of you, I'm sure."

"It was tough." he admitted. He sat back against the wall, never breaking contact with her. "But yeah. It felt really good. You should have seen his face. It was like I had just beat the shit out of him."

"Well you did."

"Whitey's going to let me play tonight."Nathan switched the subject trying to keep the matters between them more light. What Nathan had told Haley of his relationship with Dan had only scratched the surface and while it was still a pretty big break, Nathan didn't want to that to be the focus of their conversation. He wanted to focus on them.

"Really? That's so great Nathan. It's going to be the most incredible night of your life." she murmured, smiling at him. He knew she was happy for him deep down, but the smile never reached her eyes. Something was very off about her and he couldn't help but feel like it had everything to do with him.

"Last night was pretty incredible." he responded which just seemed to make her more sad. She pulled her hand away from his and pushed the hair from her face. It was then he noticed the sheen of tears in her eyes. "Last night was the most incredible night of my life." he reiterated capturing her hands once more. "That should have been our first time together. I should've waited to be better for you."

A strangled sob escaped her throat. "Last night was goodbye."

He knew that. He had felt it in every touch and whisper between them. But it didn't take away from how he felt about it. It seemed that they were slowly reversing their roles in the relationship. Just as he was finally realizing how much he wanted her in his life, she was realizing how much life was out there without him. He had never thought he would feel such a hole as the one Cooper had left. Now that Haley had filled it, she would be leaving a much bigger one if she left.

He wiped away her tears, cradling her cheek in his palm. "How about it's aloha? That way it was a hello, too."

"A beginning?" she winced, her tears still falling down her cheek. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Tonight, when I win this game, it's you who I want jumping into my arms. It's you I want to celebrate this with. Can you do that for me?" he asked and she nodded silently. She fell into his arms then, her still wet body soaking into his clothes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

She pulled back from him, searching his eyes. "What are you sorry for?."

"This." he ran his thumb down her cheek and across her lips. She couldn't tell if the salt she tasted was from her tears or his sweat. "It took me so long to get here. I've missed you for so long. I've been so selfish with you. I want to be someone who's arms you want to jump into when something good happens to you. Standing up to Dan, I realized how much I let the fear of him being in me consume me. Instead, I should have been embracing all the good that you instilled in me. I was afraid, a coward. I don't want to be that way with you anymore. Haley, I want to be with you. And that scares the hell out of me, still. But there it is."

She snuggled her torso into his chest and didn't respond right away. She knew how much this confession meant to him and how much it took out of him. It was the most he had opened himself up to her, in regards to their relationship and it left her reeling for the second time that day. She was left with a very real decision to make. If she allowed Nathan to tether himself to another person, would he ever live a life that was his own? Could she even live with herself if she didn't have him and could she be the selfish one to keep in with her?

"Say something." he breathed into her ear softly. His fingers were running through the curls falling down her back. He continued talking to her in a soothing voice. "Do you remember New Years Eve? In that disgusting bathroom, you we're saying goodbye then too. Well I'm not going anywhere and I'm opening the door now for you Haley. Don't tell me it's too late."

In all of his confessions and proclamations, he had never once told her that he loved her. She knew that he did, to the best of his ability to love anyone, but he had never said the words out loud. But then again, neither had she. She tugged his shirt and him closer to her, his scent consuming her, a scent so distinctly reminiscent of safety and home.

"It's," her voice came out scratchy and she cleared it before continuing. She took his hand and placed it on her throat and he could feel her racing pulse through his fingers. She then slid it down to her chest, her heart thudding against his hand. Feeling her through his palm was so much better than a ball connecting to it. "You live here; in these chambers and ventricles. You always have. I've just been waiting for you to call it home."

He kissed her passionately then, wrapping his his arms around her small frame. He had always felt like he was drowning, his whole life. Getting lost in her felt much the same, except she was also breathing life back into him in tandem. When he looked back on his life years from now, he could know that this was the day he could pinpoint was the start of his life.

She smiled against his lips, freeing herself from the sadness and worry that had over taken her the last few days. For the moment, she was in love for the first time and if she could look back at this day, sitting in a towel on her bathroom floor in his arms and remember even an ounce of what this felt like, she could probably live with that. Her whole life she had just been waiting for the moment her life was truly going to be begin. She had thought it was going to Stanford and leaving Tree Hill. She felt though, that it was starting now.

"So does this mean I have to give you my brand new Letterman jacket?" he teased once they finally broke apart. She giggled, dropping her head onto his chest. He glanced at his watch and grumbled. "Shit. I have to go. I still have to go home and get all my gear." he palmed her face in his hands. "It's going to be a pretty great night."

"Yeah?" she kinked up an eyebrow. He winked at her and smirked. "Why's that?"

"I meant what I said earlier. I'm going to win this thing. Not just for me but for Quentin and Lucas and for everyone else. But mostly I get to look at you the whole night cheering me on and everything after that is just well, cake. We have nothing but good things to look forward too now."

"Go." She kissed him, gingerly slipping of of his lap, helping him up and shooing him out of the bathroom. She smiled, for the first time reaching her eyes and waved as he walked down the stairs. "I'll be seeing you."

x-X-x

Nathan easily skipped up the stairs to his apartment, looking at his watch once more. He had about an hour before he had to be back at the gym, warming up for practice. He was exhausted; the past two weeks had been the most draining both emotionally and physically that he had had to deal with since Cooper died. He stopped suddenly a few steps away from his landing and looked at his watch again.

23|03|13

Had he really not realized the date?

He had to sit down then, his gaze never wavering from the the watch secured around his wrist. The red numbers seemed that much brighter the more he stared. It wasn't that he even just forgot about it today either; for weeks now he hadn't been thinking about it at all. Thoughts of him yes, just not his death as a whole. Had he really been dead for a year already?

He couldn't stop the guilt from wracking his body that he had so carelessly forgotten the day his brother had died. He had just been at his grave the previous weekend and still nothing had registered to him. He had been so immersed in Haley and basketball that his brother had simply slipped his mind. He let out a breath when he realized that this didn't have to be a bad thing.

It stunned him. He had forgotten because he had been living his life. The biggest thing he could do to mourn and celebrate Cooper's life was to continue living his own. There had been so many missteps that had lead him here; some where Cooper himself had taken the wheel often leading him off course. Then there were the things that steered him straight, the things that had taken his heart, like Haley and basketball. Ultimately though, it was him fumbling with the pedals and he didn't want to hit the brakes anymore.

He imagined Cooper there now, telling him how proud he was of him for finally going after the things that made him happy. He would be telling him how hot Haley was and nagging him about how he would steal her away from him. He would tell him how much he enjoyed watching Nathan wipe the smug look off Dan's face once and for all. The breeze around him picked up and he closed his eyes against the wind, relishing the memory of what his brother was and what he could have been.

Now, it was up to Nathan to be who he was supposed to be.

A Raven.

Even a man.

He hopped up, jogging the last few stairs and went into his apartment. He smiled, distinctly being able to smell Haley's perfume in the air. Until the day came that he could come home to her, he would have to settle for her aroma and that was okay for him at the moment because it still felt like coming home regardless. He dropped his keys on the counter and nearly stumbled back from shock at he heard a voice from his living room.

"Ready for your big game?"

"How did you get in here?"

She held up a set of keys dangling from her finger. "I still have the keys you gave me. You know, for all our late night booty calls."

"Peyton, didn't I make it clear the other day? This is over." Nathan sighed, leaning against the center island of his kitchen. He didn't owe anything to Peyton; they had been nothing to each other but punishment for unspoken crimes against their souls. But he was feeling so amazing with everything that had happened today that it was hard to not just feel sorry for her. "Can we not do this? I have a game to get ready for."

She slapped her thighs on her too tight jeans and stood up. "That's why I'm here!" she motioned dramatically and stumbled over the coffee table in front of her her. Her hand bypassed the wood on the edge and slammed through the glass on the center. Nathan looked on horrified as a deep gash formed in her hand and began bleeding profusely. He went to her, pulling her up and rushing her into the kitchen, turning on the faucet. She cursed in pain as he picked glass out of the wound. "Ouch damnit."

Nathan shook his head in disbelief. "You're high aren't you?"

"High?" she spat, jerking her hand and her body away from him. Peyton remained unfazed as the blood and water dripped from her hand and arm down to the kitchen floor. Her laugh was almost manic. "Someone who has sunk as low as I have, can't possibly ever be high. We we're supposed to be kindred, you and I."

"How was that supposed to work?"

"You're so broken." she slurred and Nathan couldn't help but grimace. "You should recognize this. Do I look put together to you?"

"Someone who was never whole to begin with can't ever really be broken can they?" Nathan proposed his eyes still on the blood pooling on the floor. He took a step towards her but she took two steps back. "But you were. Right Peyton? You were whole. What broke you?"

"People," she threw her head back and ran her good hand through her curls. She lost her balance in the motion and latched onto the counter for support. "I just keep telling people that Peyton never existed and they just don't seem to get it."

Nathan jerked the kitchen towel from the stove handle stomped to her and wrapped her arm in it. "What did you take?" he asked as her eyes fluttered. He wasn't sure at this point if she was woozy from her loss of blood or from whatever she had taken. Scooping her up in his arms, he placed her down on the couch and secured the towel around her wound. His sneakers crunched on the glass as he walked to her bag resting on the floor by the door. He dug around finding a small bag of powder and then his fingers felt a prescription bottle and he pulled it out.

_Deborah Ann Scott_

He dropped the pill bottle as if it had burned him and looked at Peyton, her good arm hanging off of the couch and the other resting on her stomach. She was beginning to stir, even though she had only been out a few moments. He watched as she sat up and swung her legs over to the floor. He swallowed hard, struggling if he wanted to help her or let her fall on her own. He imagined a lot of people had thought the same of her from time to time.

"Where did you get these?" he seethed snatching the pill bottle from the floor and tossing them at her. She fumbled catching them and hateful smirk crossed her face when she looked at it more closely. "Peyton! Did Dan give you those?"

"He listened to me." she mumbled examining the bottle. She looked at Nathan than, her face stoney and hard. "No one does that anymore. Just listen."

"What in the serious fuck." Nathan got up and walked to Peyton, pulling her up from the couch. "He's bad, Peyton. Don't you understand that?"

Not once had he ever had to pick his mother off the floor. Cooper had kept his word to that end. Once he left she had stayed in and out of rehabs and support groups and she would even sometimes spend long stretches of time in Virginia with Cooper. Those seemed like the times he bore most of the brunt of Dan's wrath. Dan delighted way too much in his mother's weaknesses so that he was always damn near giddy when she was carted off to rehab. Now it seemed like Dan was forcing all that Nathan had avoided with his mother through Peyton.

She looked passed him, almost as if she didn't even know she was there at all. Finally she acknowledged his presence. "Why won't anyone save me?"

"Do you even want to be?" Nathan questioned slowly sinking her back onto the couch as he took a seat on his broken table in front of it. He searched her face for a reaction or a response and when there was none, he sighed. "I think I should call an ambulance."

"No!" she protested, latching onto the top of his arms. "You can't do that. They'll take me away. I can't go through that again." It finally looked like she was registering what was going on around her. "Don't you remember what this is like? Just the liberation of falling so deep down the rabbit hole?"

He swallowed hard, and bobbed his head just slightly. He remembered it very well indeed. "Peyton, I don't need that rabbit hole. I have a wonderland here."

She shook her head as if she didn't want to hear the words. "Everything is a lie. Nothing is ever real anymore." a few rogue tears slipped down her cheek and she sank into the back of the couch, her grip on Nathan relinquished. "You'll find that out soon enough."

"I'm going to get a bandage for you hand." Nathan stood up and walked to the bathroom, rummaging through the medicine cabinet until he found some gauze and tape. It seemed so strange to him how broken she seemed and it scared him how much he saw of himself in her. But those moments were getting fewer and far between the more he sunk himself into the good in his life. When he made his way back into the living room he wasn't terribly surprised that Peyton was gone.

Deeper down the rabbit hole.


	37. Cinderella Man

**A/N: So to clear up some confusion, the 23|03|13 was a date as in March 23, 2013. I was writing it to try and show out it would seem on a watch. I honestly hate this chapter. It was so necessary to have though and I had to either stop it where it ended or making it really long and drawn out and I already did not want to draw it out. Hopefully with a new chapter I will be better motivated. So I apologize if it lacks quality and I hope I didn't portray my distaste for it through my writing. Thanks for the concern for my Author's note. Work has in fact slowed down however I have been sick the last few days. It's never ending. Anyway, enough about my dramas. I hope you enjoy and I look forward to the feedback, positive or negative. You guys definitely deserve a better chapter than this. Sorry for the wait. Until next time -A**

Cinderella Man

Nathan covered his head with his duffel bag, the rain drops falling hard and steady around him. He slammed his car door and jogged towards the school quad, his lips breaking out into a grin once he spotted Haley. She stood in the center, unfazed by the rain around her patiently waiting for him to reach her; much like she always had. Once they finally met, he captured her hand and pulled her toward the shelter of the school.

"Hey you." he grinned, bending down to sweep his lips across hers. She propelled herself higher on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck. He pushed her wet hair back from her face and kissed her again, rubbing his hands up and down her arms. "You're soaking wet." he studied her mysterious smirk. "What?"

"Nothing." she shrugged, still smiling. "I like this greeting. This is the first time you've kissed me at school."

"We have officially entered the land of Bizarro." he winked causing her to giggle into his chest. "It's good to finally be here."

He wasn't sure if he should tell her about his run in with Peyton. He didn't want to ruin the lightness between them, but he also didn't want to keep something as important from her either. Secretly, he had always admired her for her ability to be level headed with him. Had the situations been reversed and she was seeing his relative, especially one who caused so much destruction, he wasn't sure if he would be as humble to accept that as she so gracefully had.

She jumped at the crackling of lighting. "Jeez. It was so bright earlier. This weather is getting nasty. I hope the power doesn't go out."

"I can still knock down the shots." Nathan bragged and Haley shoved his shoulder playfully. She tugged at his warm up suit and looked at him seriously. "What's on your mind?"

"I just love seeing you happy with basketball." she responded softly. "You just, light up."

"The same thing happens when I'm around you." he told her and was satisfied to see a small blush creep across her cheeks. He ran the pad of his thumb across one of them. "I could get used to seeing that."

Haley wasn't sure if she was ever going to get used to this Nathan. She was used to him being surly and closed off and unwilling that it was taking some adjusting to find their niche. She wasn't even sure if they were a 'couple.' However, she also didn't feel the need to define what they were, and what they had with each with trivial terms.

"Nathan!" Clay interrupted them, extending his hand out to Nathan which he took, shaking it. "I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to tonight. It's going to be a great game." He winked and nodded at Haley before making his way inside the gym.

"President of your fan club?" Haley inquired, her eyebrow quirking.

Nathan sighed. "Something like that. It's a long story. I'll tell you about it later."

"Alright." she eyed him cheekily before shrugging. "So on a scale of one to earthquake, how nervous are you?"

"Armageddon." he replied without missing a beat. "I mean I know I proved myself out there last week to some extent but now, there's a lot riding on this. It's a huge deal."

She pursed her lips in thought. "So don't make it a huge deal. You allow this great internal battle with yourself over basketball. Just because Dan engrained it into it doesn't mean you have to fight yourself to love the game. Do you think about him when your palm connects to that ball or when your feet separate from the ground?"

"No." he scoffed softly, almost disbelieving. When she put it that way, she had had a point. "I never once think about him. I just enjoy the escape."

"So escape." she whispered nonchalantly. "And just have a good time."

"I guess we should head inside." he conceded and she kissed him then and smiled before playfully shoving his shoulder and walking away. At the last second, Nathan latched onto her wrist and pulled her back into his arms and his lips.

"I'll see you soon. Knock em' dead."

Nathan watched her walk to the gym doors and chuckled as she held up a 'rock on' sign with her fingers before prancing into the gym. He was split between feeling that his fate awaited him on the other side of those doors and the notion that no matter what happened in the next two hours it wasn't the end of the world. For the last eighteen years sans the last few weeks he had never made a big deal of basketball and now it seemed as if it could be absolutely everything literally in the palm of his hands.

After changing and goofing off with his a teammates, a term he was still adjusting to using and being a part of, they headed towards the gym floor and the roar of the crowd around them. The energy was so palpable that he could feel it down to his bones. They had made it; this was their night. He couldn't even stop the smile from spreading across face and for a moment he allowed himself the opportunity to truly revel in the greatness his life was at that very instant.

He studied the boys in front of him; chosen brothers that he was fortunate were catapulted into his life. He had lost Cooper the year before, to the date, and although that loss was a very big piece of him as well, he knew that all the suffering and all the pain had been worth it if it meant he got to be here, with these people in his life.

Quentin had undoubtedly filled the biggest gap; someone Nathan could joke around with and give a hard time to but was definitely going to push him in every good and bad way imaginable. In Lucas, he saw a tremendous amount of wisdom and patience that seemed out of place for such a young person. But the more he got to know him, the more he realized just how old of an soul resided in him. Even with Damien, he admired his ability to put the team first and foremost and above all others, including himself. He was a proud guy, but he also showed a huge amount of humility.

Cooper would have absolutely loved this. After giving him hell for it, he would have been in the stands cheering and whistling with the rest of the fans. Even if Cooper didn't understand it, he would always support Nathan's decisions to a fault. Nathan was doing this as much for Cooper as he was doing it for himself. It wasn't his life that was cut short and it wasn't he who died but right now, he was finally choosing to live his life.

In the shadows of the hallway, he allowed himself a moment to catch his breath. Yes, this was his game and it had always been his escape. Scanning the throngs of people cheering and clapping, his eyes didn't rest until they rested on her. He didn't think he would ever get used to seeing her in a cheerleading uniform, but because she was in his world for this night it didn't seem out of place at all. She locked eyes with him from across the gym and threw a wink in his direction and an immense calm washed over him.

As they made their way past the cheerleaders to the bench, Haley snagged his jacket and pulled him towards her, whispering in his ear. "Win or lose, I'll still be jumping in your arms at the end of this." she promised kissing his cheek and patting him playfully on his behind.

"Making your way down the starting line up?" Brooke teased, bumping Haley's hip with her own. "Just keep your slutty tutor hands off Jake."

"Brooke!" Haley admonished, hitting her with her pom poms. "Besides, Jake isn't on the starting line up."

Brooke giggled. "So when do I get to tweet out hashtag Naley?"

Haley laughed off her bubbly friend. "Why don't you be Captain responsible and pay attention the game?"

Her entire focus was on him. She was nervous for him. She would never actually admit that to him or anyone else but she could freely do so to herself. This was so much bigger than winning a high school championship game. Nathan had been told his whole life that he was undeserving of all the great things he was capable of. And he was damn talented at basketball. He deserved to ride that high for as long as possible.

The future was still so uncertain. They had settled into a little bubble within themselves; thoughts of the upcoming months and logistics remained on the outside. Presently they seemed to just remain happy and content in each other. She knew that she wanted it all. She wanted to go to Stanford because it had always been her goal and what she thought was her dream. But Nathan was reality now, and that felt so much better than any dream she had conjured up. And still, she remained conflicted.

"Do you remember that one on one game we played at the river court?" Damien plopped down next to him, his eyes focused on the court and the battle they were about to participate in. Nathan was caught off guard because Damien hadn't muttered a single word to him since he had punched him in Tric. He nodded in Haley's direction. "Looks like we didn't have to play any game at all. You had already won."

"Dude..."

"I was a shithead that night." Damien continued, his elbows sliding down his legs and resting on his knees. "I gave one look at you and thought there was no way you would have half the talent I have. As it turns out, that pretty much is the other way around." Damien paused and looked up at Nathan. "I told you that you were choking that night and you told me that you just didn't give a shit."

"Well as it turns out, we both were shitheads that night." Nathan muttered and Damien surprisingly chuckled. "What's your point in this pep talk?"

"I guess I just need to make sure that you give a shit tonight."

Nathan blew out his breath and ran his fingers through his still long locks. "I'm right here."

Damien nodded and stood up, clamping his hand on Nathan's shoulder. "Good. Just don't choke alright?"

"That's what I like to see." Quentin took Damien's place next to Nathan and handed him a bottle of water. "No punches or anything. Just good ole brotherly love."

"Easy soul man." Nathan took a gulp of water and then gulped once more. Quentin studied him for a minute and opened his mouth to speak but closed it before anything came out. Nathan looked at him pointedly. "Really? Now is the time you're going to shut up?"

"You're a different man than the boy that showed up on the court that first practice."

Quentin spoke earnestly and for a split second it was Cooper's voice he heard in his head. And when he blinked, for that fraction of a second his eyes were closed, he imagined it was also his brother sitting next to him. It was then than Nathan truly realized how much was riding on this night. Not just for Quentin and the guys on the team and not even to Nathan himself. Doing this, something he was so completely free to do that gave him such profound happiness was the best way to honor his brother. Cooper had done everything and anything he had ever loved that gave him the smallest amount of happiness. It was about time he started walking in his brother's best shoes instead of following in his dark shadows.

His focus shifted back to Haley. Quentin followed his line of site. "I guess you don't have to worry about belonging in her world."

"What do you mean?"

Quentin smirked knowingly. "Man, you're here aren't you? There's like a thousand people in this gym right now. She only sees you. And it's not just her world you belong in. You deserve to be in ours too. You've made it to the ball Cinderella."

"Does that make you my fairy godmother?"

Quentin laughed heartily. "I'll be whatever you need me to be if you can get the pumpkin though the net."

Nathan stepped up to the center court, his palms sweaty and hot, his body's natural condensation dripping down his forehead already. He had still in fact thrown up only minutes earlier and the somersaults his stomach was currently doing gave no indication that it was nearly over. His opponent, a towering mass of muscle and brawn stood across from him, a sickening sweet sneer planted firmly on his lips.

"So you're Scott. The Raven's wild card. The Joker, right?"

Nathan nodded once as the ref threw the ball into the air. He looked his opponent dead in the eyes and smirked. "Nah. I'm the ace in the hole."


	38. I Will Follow You Into the Dark

**A/N: Well, here it is. After 37 long chapters we have reached the climax to this story. This actually went in a completely different path than what I intended but I'm pretty satisfied with the result. On that note, I would like to say this. I truly appreciate the people who without fail review every single chapter. As a writer, I need the validation that what I'm writing matters. And that may make me selfish but I can't help that. It was the reviews and emails I got about this story that wanted me to finish writing this to that your got the ending to a story you've been with for the last six years and for me to finish one of my proudest pieces. What you say about this truly motivates me; it's sad how often I check my email for it. With that being said, I sincerely hope you enjoy this. I feel a lot better about this chapter than I did the last one. I can't wait to start writing Chapter 39 because it's been in my head for the last two years. Eeeeee. **

**Cyke: Yes, I did write in previous chapters that it was '08' but I wanted to keep the events current. Also, with Caleb I probably did make him a little older than I intended which caused some errors. I try to minimize those but again, I have been writing this for six years and even though I've re read it like 7 times, I still goof so for that I am sorry to you and to everyone else.  
**

**Enough rambling. Enjoy!  
**

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Haley exhaled slowly.

With the buzzer blowing for a time out, she didn't think she had breathed the entire whole of the game. The connectivity between the players on the Ravens had been damn near arresting to the fans that had been waiting the entire season to culminate to this one night. Even the people who were hesitant to place their faith in Nathan at first, and the ones that had given him a pass the week before, were now on their feet praising him in his very on sanctuary.

And he had been unstoppable.

The entire game he had been on fire. He and Quentin had been a true dynamism that had remained unbroken. The other team was by far under prepared and caught off guard by the presence that emanated on the gym floor. For someone that was a self proclaimed misanthrope, Nathan had shown true grace to his teammates; passing the ball and protecting them when necessary. And to Haley, he had never looked so _free._ No longer was he struggling through the epic vortex that basketball was wrapped up in; he was simply a kid enjoying a game.

It took everything in her to stay rooted in place. She thought she had been drawn to him before but the way things between them had suddenly shifted and spun around, she felt hollow without him. While that electrified her, the fact that she loved someone, him, so much that he could evoke that in her, it terrified her more than anything. She didn't know if she had it in her to leave him when the time came.

She held Brooke and Rachel's hand as the time in was called, and the clock resumed. There was less than a minute on the clock remaining, and as it had been all evening, it was a close game. It seemed even the weather was roaring along with the crowed as thunder and lighting crackled outside the gym. As Nathan walked to the center of the court, he wiped the sweat off his brow with the bottom of his shirt and looked at Haley. She radiated the biggest smile and crinkled her nose. The smile that he returned was arresting.

Nathan took a deep breath and looked at the clock. He then focused on each of his teammates and the intensity and courage portrayed on each of their faces. They had pounded the hell out of that gym floor that evening and win or lose, he knew he had never felt so accomplished as he did at that moment. He didn't know what it was like to work your entire lives for something, for a moment in time but as he glanced over at Haley, he felt like that kind of dedication was slowing working itself into motion. As long as Haley was there at the end of it all, he had a victory after all.

Lucas chucked the ball to Skills from the sidelines who was quickly double teamed. The opposing team had been all over Nathan and Quentin for the duration of the game and for once Nathan was completely wide open. He held his hands up and clapped, garnering Skills attention. The ball was in his hands before he realized it and was dribbling down the court to the goal. Out of his peripherals, he noted Quentin trailing directly behind him, a constant shadow, with Damien and Lucas on the outer edge of the court.

He paused, the ball poised in the air and goal within reach. The crowds faded away from him then. He felt small then, a little boy in his driveway knocking down shot after shot until his hands were calloused and his knees felt weak. In the short distance he would see Cooper tinkering on his truck, grease stains from his shins to his elbows. Cooper grinned, wiped the dirt from his face and stuck the rag and wrench in his back pocket and strolled up to Nathan, clamping down on his shoulder.

"You can let go now, Nathan."

Nathan blinked and just as quickly as Cooper had appeared, he was gone. The driveway had faded back into the gym but it was void of the fans and players that had been around him moments ago. Nathan had experienced highs in his life that had elevated him to superior heights but this was a completely different ball game than he was used to. He felt small hands around his waist and could smell her before he could see her. She walked around to face him and placed her hands over his palms that were resting on the basketball.

"You're home. You can let go."

He felt the air rush out of his lungs and once again he was back in the crowded gym, the rumbling of feet and hands stomping together. The clock in front of him ticked down and he knew that with everything in him that once the ball was released from his grasp it would land in that basket. With a start he realized that he had in fact been working his entire life for this infallible moment.

He couldn't have known that all the hell and suffering he had been subjected to during his lifetime would eventually lead to the this one night and this one instant. Looking at Haley directly in front of him, he could almost still feel her hands on his and the warmth that flooded him because of it. For his teammates, he was stepping up, rising above himself, doing a little more and showing he was something special. For his life, for Haley, he was pushing back.

The ball left his fingertips and landed into the awaiting hands of Damien. Damien shot the ball, landing on his knees as the buzzer sounded. Nathan shut his eyes, unable to watch. He smiled, because despite the buzz and excitement of the crowd and over the hushed sound of thousands of people waiting in bated breath, he could hear the distinct swoosh of the ball falling through the net.

They were champions.

Nathan stood transfixed as his teammates swarmed Damien, a hoopla of congratulations and woo hoos sounding out across the gym. He looked up at confetti sprinkled down from the ceiling and sighed in utter relief and contentment. A grin broke out as he finally saw Haley finally pushed her way through the army of celebrators. She paused when her eyes met his and released the breath she didn't know she was holding.

Without missing a beat she launched herself into his awaiting arms, her legs wrapping around his waist and her hands snaking around his neck. They didn't kiss immediately, their foreheads resting on one another as they took the occasion to just simply embrace being in that spell. Her fingers traced his face, void of piercing and grief and he faltered under her touch. Finally, his lips captured her and she sunk into the kiss.

"I am so proud of you." she murmured once they broke apart and she slid down his torso to the soles of her feet. She pushed his hair back and kissed him softly once more. "You were so incredible."

"This feels incredible." he admitted softly, longingly looking into her eyes. Nathan never had hopes and dreams for the future growing up the way most kids had. He had simply wanted out. Now, with Haley in his arms, he knew that even if he had, they would have paled in comparison to that moment .

"Nathan." Damien cleared his throat and Haley sheepishly and reluctantly stepped out of Nathan's embrace. He extended his hand to Nathan and once he placed his hand in his, Damien pulled Nathan into a brotherly hug. "You couldn't taken that shot. You would have made that shot. You have no idea what it means to me that I got to land that shot."

Nathan smirked and looked at Haley knowingly. "Well, I figured I landed the girl, I could at least let you get that."

Damien chuckled. "I'm happy for you two." He hesitated for a second before pulling Haley into a hug. "Honestly, Hales." he stepped back and Haley slid into the crook of Nathan's arms. Damien glanced over his shoulder to the stands. "Even my dad showed up."

"Well don't just stand there." Haley teased shoving him slightly. "Go up there so he can congratulate you!"

"Yeah, yeah. You guys are coming out with the team to celebrate right?"

Nathan peeked at Haley briefly before she answered for them. "Of course."

"We are?" Nathan asked once Damien had galloped off away from them. His arms were encased around Haley's waist. "I kind of just want to be with you."

"But a part of you wants to celebrate with the boys." Haley winked and playfully shoved him away. "Go. I'll be waiting for you when you get done."

"Hales..."

"Quentin!" Haley yelled, motioning him over to them. Nathan shook his head in slight embarrassment and annoyance. "Take this kid out to celebrate with the team, will ya?"

Quentin threw his arm around Nathan's shoulder. "H. James, I've got you. We'll get my man here right. We blew up that court tonight man. They didn't know what hit them."

Haley reached up and pulled the collar of his jersey down towards her, kissing him quickly. "This is your night Nathan. Take it. I'll see you later hot shot."

x-X-x

Haley made her way out of the gym, a rush of adrenaline and excitement pulsating through her. She pushed her way through the throngs of people, searching for the booster booth that her mother and Karen were working for the game. When she finally spotted them, she was quite surprised to see Anna sitting them, chatting up a storm as if the run in with Peyton hadn't occurred at all.

"I swear, after Taylor I thought I had done something good with Haley." Lydia commented as her daughter came into view. She motioned the length of Haley's body. "And then she came home with that on and I knew it was time to be grateful I had four other kids to get it right."

Haley rolled her eyes. "You were a cheerleader too, Mom."

"But I was so slutty!" Lydia gasped, winking playfully at Haley. "Speaking of, Nathan played well."

"Mom!" Haley admonished, her cheeks flushing a bright red. She focused her attention on Karen who was trying her best to not laugh but failing miserably. "Were you able to see Lucas play?"

Karen smiled warmly. "It's like a dream come true."

"All the boys played really well." Anna commented, a far away look in her eyes. She looked at Haley hopefully. "Have you seen Peyton at all?"

"No," Haley gulped. "I haven't. I'm sorry."

"Well, no need for that. It's not your fault. I'm her own moth-" Anna chocked back a sob, unable to finish the word. "Not even I can keep up with her."

With that, she got up quickly and bolted from the booth. Haley watched as once again, Lydia was dashing off after her sister. Haley couldn't shake off the feeling that even though it wasn't her fault for the way Peyton was, she was guilty in abandoning her cousin in her time of need. She was young and she couldn't relate to whatever Peyton was going through and her troubled cousin had never clued her in to her devastation. She wondered if it was because of her failure in Peyton that she had been so diligent and patient with Nathan.

It had truly torn her apart when Peyton and Nathan had been together. She by no means thought that Nathan belonged to her by any means but he was who she loved. She couldn't help her resentment towards Peyton for being someone to him that she couldn't be. But all the same, she took solace in the thought that maybe in being with him, Peyton couldn't somehow see that even in the worse of darkness, light always manages to find its way in the way it had with Nathan.

"You just don't know when to stop!"

Haley spun around at the sound of Peyton's scream from around the corner. She shoved her way through the sea of people; an uneasy feat considering her size but managed to finally dig through the crowd, only to stumble upon Peyton and Anna in a heated discussion. Peyton's curls were in a tangled heap on her head and her make up was smeared and smudged across her porcelain face. Her hand was wrapped in what looked like a t shirt and there were blood stains on her arm. She couldn't imagine Peyton's reasons for coming other than for trouble, so she quickly stepped in between Peyton and Anna.

"Oh great!" Peyton threw up her hands. "And here's saint Haley to save the day!"

"Peyton, please." Anna pleaded reaching past Haley to her daughter. Peyton bucked, her elbow landing in Haley's stomach as Anna fell back against Lydia and onto the floor from the momentum.

"Can't you _just _take a hint already?" Peyton spat over Anna. "I don't want you around me!"

"Peyton, my sweet baby girl." Anna cried, stumbling to get back on her feet and once again grasping for Peyton. Haley, who was still crouched over in pain could only look on in horror and sympathy as she watched her cousin manically laugh at the woman in front of her. "Please."

"Do you know how much I have let inside of me." Peyton taunted, a sly grin spreading across her face and taking steps away from them. "Guys, drugs, alcohol, hell even a few girls too along the way. But you, Mommy, you'll never be anything. How does it make you feel that you'll never be _in_ me; a _part_ of me?"

Peyton stomped off then and forcefully propelled the gym doors open into the cool night air. Haley waited a beat before taking off after her. She paused briefly pulling out her gym pants and jacket out of her bag and throwing them on before running out into the parking lot and pounding rain after Peyton. It wasn't easy to spot her in the sea of people or the storm around them, but she finally managed to see her struggling to get into what looked like Anna's jeep. She reached her just as Peyton stepped in the car and slammed the door.

"Peyton!" Haley pounded on the window trying to get her attention. Peyton stared blankly ahead, unblinking even as the thunder crashed around them. "Dammit." Haley slammed her hand on the window once last time before rushing around the front of the vehicle and sliding into the passenger seat. Peyton didn't even acknowledge her presence. "Give me the keys, Peyt." Peyton numbly turned the key in the ignition, ignoring Haley's commands. When Haley reached for the keys, Peyton back handed her and Haley crumpled against the passenger door with a soft thud.

Peyton put the car into reverse and quickly backed out of the space and into the car behind them. Haley lunged forward, bracing her hands on the dashboard from the impact, thankful that the airbags did not deploy as the sting from Peyton's blow had nearly brought tears to her eyes. She still had not uttered a word, the same blank expression painting her face. As people around them screamed at her manic driving, Peyton ignored them and put the car into drive, speeding over the grass and onto the highway, barely missing the oncoming traffic.

"Peyton."

Haley's voice was shaky despite every effort to keep it steady. They had been driving down the back roads for a while now, with Peyton forgoing the bright lights and honking of the interstate. She had swerved several times across the center line and shoulders without so much as a wince. Her hand had seemingly started to bleed again and Haley watched at the blood dripped from her clenched hands down to her jeans beneath.

"Can you please pull over and let me drive?" Haley tried again and once again, the car was embraced in silence. Haley had seen her high many times before, but this time was different. It was almost as if Peyton wasn't even there at all. Coupled with the nasty weather beating down upon them, Haley wasn't sure if she had ever been this afraid of anything.

"Do you remember playing in your attic when were were 13?" Peyton whispered so softly that Haley wasn't even sure she heard her at all. "We found all the old photo albums?"

"I remember." Haley rasped, and gulped. She felt unprepared for where this conversation was going. "We found my mom's hippie clothes and played dress up."

"There was an album. Your mom was pregnant. It was Christmastime." Peyton continued. Haley clutched the door of the car as Peyton veered slightly onto the dirt next to the road before correcting herself. "My mom was with her. It didn't seem significant then. I just remember thinking how pretty our mom's were together and even though I wanted them to remind me of you and me, they couldn't.

"People used to gush about how much your resembled your mom, Haley. From your hair down to your nose and even your feet. Men would tease your mom and call you her sister. When my mo-, _Anna_, took me to school, my friends thought she was a nanny. She would fawn over my curls when I was a little girl. It was like I was her own living doll. She said she was so jealous of them because of how straight and black her hair was."

"Everyone was jealous of your curls, Peyton." Haley spoke softly, her eyes flickering between the road and the broken girl beside her.

"In biology class, he did blood typing. Turns out, Anna didn't have a blood type that matched mine." Peyton kept talking, almost to herself as if all the information she was saying was the first time she had ever said it out loud. "I brought it up at dinner. I'd never seen my dad so angry and I never seen Anna so pale. She literally threw up right there in the kitchen trash can. Dad said that I must have did it wrong; that I clearly hadn't been listening to the instructions correctly. Anna didn't say anything."

Haley couldn't stop her stomach from sinking.

"For some reason, my mind kept flashing to that stupid photo in your attic." a few rogue tears slipped down Peyton's cheek. "After a few days of Anna not being able to look at me straight, I tore through every photo album in our house. There wasn't a single picture of Anna pregnant with me. I found," she gulped and winced at the memory. "I found that same picture with your mom at Christmastime. It was then I noticed the time stamp on the back. Haley, we're two weeks apart. Anna wasn't pregnant when Aunt Lydia was pregnant with you."

"I don't understand." Haley muttered to herself mostly. "The time stamp could be wrong. It could have been her pregnancy with Taylor."

"NO!" Peyton screamed, slamming her fist on the steering wheel. Haley jumped at the outburst. It was then that she realized that Peyton had been referring to her Uncle Larry as dad and her Aunt as Anna. Peyton sneered. "Daddy was so disappointed when I turned out to be as big of a whore as he was. Or maybe because it was because I turned out like the woman he knocked up."

Haley sucked in her breath at Peyton's revelation. "What?"

"Elizabeth Harp." Peyton spewed the name with venom. "The whore who gave birth to me. The whore I'm named after. Apparently daddy couldn't keep it in his pants when he was away at sea."

Peyton heaved with hatred for a few moments before the tears she had been holding at bay flooded down her face. Gut wrenching sobs wracked her small frame, her grip on the steering wheel faltering several times. Haley felt sick to her stomach; the clarity of Peyton's situation settling in her in the worst way. She suddenly couldn't look at Peyton, guilt and shame washing over her in waves. Her phone rang at that moment and she quickly answered it.

"_Haley?_" she breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of his voice. _"Where are you? You're mom said you went chasing after Peyton and her mom's car is gone?"_

"I'm with Peyton." she spoke quietly and deliberately, her focus shifting to Peyton and her erratic driving. "We just passed the county limits for Tree Hill."

"_Is she driving?"_

"Yes. We're almost home." she didn't want to worry Nathan any more than what she currently heard in his voice. She wasn't even sure if they were heading towards home. She hoped her voice sounded more steady than what she felt. "Everything will be okay, Nathan."

"_Haley, get the hell out of that car."_ Nathan commanded from the other end, his pulse quickening at the thought of Haley in the same car as Peyton. _"She into some serious shit right now. She's not in her right mind. You're not safe. Where are you?"_

"I know." Haley swallowed back the panic that was rising in her throat. "We're coming up on the gable bridge, now." It was at the moment that Peyton slapped the phone from Haley's hands, knocking it on the floor board of the car. Haley could hear Nathan calling her name but she didn't dare reach for it. "Peyton."

Peyton swiped at her face furiously. "Unbelievable. Do you know what just absolutely kills me about all of this? When they finally broke down and told me the truth, they had this huge fight. Anna was so envious of Lydia being pregnant with Taylor that she begged my dad for a kid. Then it turns out she can't have children. She accepted that, but then Lydia got pregnant with you and she lost her shit. Just could not handle it. So Larry goes out and gets her one."

"I had no idea..."

"No. No. That's not what kills me. It's one thing to find out that the mother who raised you your entire life isn't the woman who gave birth to you. It's completely another thing to realize that person you considered to bound to you but blood and connection and love is the very reason why you are here in the first place. It's your fault, Haley. And then you abandoned me!"

"You didn't tell me!"

"Bullshit!" Peyton bellowed, throwing her hands up in defeat. The jeep swerved the side of the road but Haley reached over and grabbed the wheel at the last second and corrected the steering. Peyton took back over a moment later, a look of scorn washing out her hardened face. "This needs to end."

Haley sighed in relief. "Yes. It does. Just pull over and I'll take us home."

Peyton slowly started to pull towards the shoulder of the road, a few hundred feet from the bridge. They came to a startled stop but Peyton didn't put the car in into park. Just as Haley was about to release her seat belt to take over driving, Peyton clenched the steering wheel, a look of pure determination and defeat marring her features before slamming her foot down on the gas and propelling the car straight towards the bridge.

Haley couldn't stop the scream from escaping her lips or that it was Nathan she was calling out for.


	39. Between the Dim and the Dark

**A/N: Thanks for the lovely feedback. Keep them coming :) I hope you enjoy! **

Between the Dim and the Dark

"Man, that's an 'S'!"

"Dude, no. The 'R' shot didn't count! Lucas was distracting me!"

Nathan chuckled to himself as he watched Skills and Quentin bicker amongst themselves. The game, _their_ game, had been over for a little while now and they couldn't bring themselves to leave the gym. They had settled to playing a game of horse, unable to leave the emotional high they were currently riding. The gym had all but emptied out, but they remained pounding rubber to wood, the confetti jumping at the contact like small burst of firecrackers.

"Did you imagine a more fantastic night?"

Nathan smiled as Lucas sat beside him on the bench. "If this is the best it ever gets Luke, than I think I could probably live with that. This is almost transcendent."

"You didn't take the shot."

It was a statement, but Lucas was asking for answers. Nathan sighed. "Something told me that it wasn't the end. That at that moment it wasn't the best it's ever going to get. So I passed."

"For what it's worth, it's awesome to see that you didn't do the same where Haley's concerned." he clamped his hand on Nathan's shoulder. "She looked really happy."

Before Nathan could respond, Lydia and Karen were in front of them. "Lucas, I'm sorry kid but I need the car tonight."

"What's going on?" Lucas asked, concerned etched on his face as he fished the keys out of his pocket. "Everything okay?"

"You know," Karen paused, glancing at Nathan. "I'm honestly not sure. Peyton and her mother got into a fight right after the game. It seems Peyton took the car."

"Haley went after her but and we've been waiting for them to return but they haven't. We thought maybe we should try to find them." Lydia watched as Karen nervously fiddled with the keys as Nathan bolted up. "Nathan?"

"Haley is with Peyton?" Nathan clarified, already digging into his pockets and searching for his phone. "Who's driving?"

"I'm, I'm not sure." Karen stuttered as she looked on wide eyed as Nathan frantically searched for his phone. "It looks like Peyton stole Anna's keys..."

"Shit." Nathan jogged across the gym to his bag and found his phone in the side pocket. He dialed Haley's number and nearly threw the phone against the wall when it went to voice mail. Lucas had made his way up to him at the point, and lightly touched his arm to get his attention. "Peyton; she was...Lucas, Haley _cannot _be with her right now."

Lucas took a step back, he too reaching for his phone and dialing Haley's number. With each call ending in the sound of Haley's recorded chipper voice, Nathan felt his heart quicken and his grip tighten on the phone. He couldn't help but think about Cooper; not even about his death but how he lived. Nathan had watched him countless times in a race car propelling himself nearly two hundred miles per hour around a track and the thought never once entered his mind that one wrong move, and one careless mistake it would all just be over. He never feared for Cooper's life.

Panic was suffocating him over the thought of Haley's.

"Answer. Goddammit Haley." Nathan muttered, another call ending in failure. He slammed the phone shut and pulled his arm back to throw it. Instead he yelled in frustration and slammed his fist against his leg. He took a breath and once against dialed her number. He nearly sank to his knees with relief as he heard the phone click on. "Haley? _Where are you? You're mom said you went chasing after Peyton and her mom's car is gone?"_

_"____I'm with Peyton.__" _she paused as if she were thinking of what words would make him panic the least._ "____We just passed the county limits for Tree Hill.__" _

Nathan was already walking towards the exit of the gym, his keys out. "Is she driving?"_  
_

_"____Yes. We're almost home.__"_ he slammed the doors to the gym open, his fear constricting as he looked out into the storm in front of him and the slight terror in her voice she was trying to hard to hide._ "____Everything will be okay, Nathan.__" _

He could feel it down to the pit of his stomach that it was the only true lie she had ever told him.

"Haley, get the hell out of that car." Nathan directed, running quickly to his car which at the moment seemed a million miles away. "She into some serious shit right now. She's not in her right mind. You're not safe. Where are you?"

"_I know._" he heard her audibly swallow. "_We're coming up on the gable bridge, now_." he heard a crack and then silence for a brief moment. He had to strain but he could vaguely hear an argument budding between Peyton and Haley.

"Haley?! Haley?!"

He fumbled trying to put his key in the door to unlock it, the phone pressed between his cheek and his shoulder. He said her name over and over, almost to the point where it no longer sounded correct against his lips. Just as he got the key in and the locked turned, Lucas and Quentin were joining him. It was Quentin who stopped him from stepping into the car.

"Let me." he commanded, his hands going to both sides of Nathan's arms, jarring him to the present. "You're in no condition. I'll get you there, I promise. I've got your back."

Nathan nodded numbly as they piled into his small car, the phone still planted on his ear. "She said they're just coming up on the gable bridge. That's at least half an hour from here."

"We'll get her." Quentin promised, throwing the car into reverse and quickly exiting the parking lot. "Is she still on the phone?"

"I can barely hear what's going on. It got knocked out of her hand or something." Nathan watched as the water assaulted the windshield in front of him. It was then he heard a lull in the conversation and he sat up straight in anticipation of perhaps finally hearing her voice, to know that she was okay.

He nearly came apart at the sound of her screams.

_X-x-X_

Haley struggled to open her eyes and winced as she did, a blinding pain rippling through her head. She could vaguely taste the bitter copper in her mouth from what she assumed as was blood and it took her several moments to gather her bearings enough to assess the situation around her. It was almost completely pitch black with only light emanating from the headlights piercing through the darkness and the soft glow of the jeep radio.

After several minutes, she was able to adjust her eyes to the darkness but just as quickly shut her eyes against it. She hadn't realized it before, but now that she was more coherent, she was aware that the jeep was on it's side, the drivers side kissing the concrete. Her window was cracked, the rain slipping through and soaking her. Peyton was pooled at the against the driver's side window, blood matted in her blonde curls. Vaguely, she could see the creek flowing the beneath the window, making Haley see that they were teetering over the edge.

"Peyton." she rasped, her shoulders and chest struggling against the seat belt that strapped her in. In a way, she was lucky it was holding her in place; her falling on Peyton would surely bust the window and dump them into the raging waters. The fall itself probably wouldn't be bad, but Peyton was unconscious and as she tried to wiggle her legs free of the dashboard that was crushed against them, she was fairly certain something was fractured, if not in fact broken. She tried to reach her arms to stir Peyton but they were barely long enough to graze her shoulder. "Peyton!"

The rain didn't seem like it had let up, and she wasn't sure how long they had been there. Minutes? Hours? As the raindrops hit the metal encasing them, Haley meticulously counted the seconds. Touching her hand to her forehead, she could feel the gash across her skull and the sticky blood attach her fingers. She felt completely helpless, unable to reach Peyton, who she wasn't even sure was alive, or a phone and completely trapped. Her only solace was knowing that Nathan knew exactly where they were and she hoped that it was enough to get him there.

When Peyton had propelled them towards the light post, Haley had momentarily froze before coming to her senses and lunging after the steering wheel. She hadn't been quick enough however, and the corner of the jeep nicked the just enough to throw them spinning in fast somersault across the bridge. It was a damn near miracle in itself that they hadn't tumbled right off the bridge into the awaiting water below. She shuttered at the thought and the cold that was evading her body. She felt sick and she knew that adding to the list of her other injuries was probably a concussion in which she needed to stay alert and focused.

Eventually though, she lost the war against her eye lids and allowed them to slip down across her eyes. She thought of her family; the one crumpled just a few feet from her and the siblings and parents she had left behind. The truth was, even though she had always felt a bit stifled by the pressure of caring for her siblings, she also felt truly honored that she was helping shape the individuals they would become. People were jealous of her parents in how they trusted her to make her own decisions, right or wrong, and stuck by her no matter what the outcome. She thought of Lucas who had ending up the surrogate sibling she needed to shape her.

Nathan.

Warmth flooded through her as her thoughts drifted to him. Since the moment she had gotten into Stanford, she knew her time was limited in Tree Hill. And although it had taken them this long to get to where they were, they had finally reached an impasse where at last they were sated. He had given her a lifetime within a few moments and for that she would be forever grateful. She could almost hear his voice flooding through her now as she allowed herself to sink further into the obscurity.

X-X-x

Nathan was out of the car before Quentin had even stopped fully. He headed in a full sprint towards the overturned jeep, the rain slicing into his skin like knives. The roof of the car was facing towards him, the almost entire front end jutting out over the edge of the bridge. He carefully cased around the back and climbed on the mangled guardrail and up a post to try and get a better assessment. His heart had nearly burst right then seeing Haley dangling from her seat belt from both relief and fear.

There was no good way in that way; at least not in a way that wouldn't tip the car over into the water below them. He scaled back down to the road and was met by Quentin. He instructed him to grab the sun visor and tire iron out of his truck and went back to studying the best way into the car. Even though they had already called for help, with the raging storm around them and the impossible location they were in, Nathan didn't know when they would make it there; if at all and in time.

"Are they okay?" Lucas asked as he crouched down beside Nathan as she fiddled with the back window of the jeep's hatch. "Nathan?"

"I don't know." Nathan wanted to explode, but kept his focus on the task at hand. He supposed that was festering the rising panic in his chest; the unknown. He didn't know if Haley was okay; he didn't know if he was going to be able to get into the car; and he didn't know if he would be able to help her once he did. After several attempts of trying to get the window open, Nathan snatched the tire iron out of Quentin's hand and slammed into into the glass.

He instructed Lucas and Quentin to stay put, his safety in the jeep uncertain at best. He felt glass slicing into his palms as he crawled through the car. He moved slowly and deliberately, pausing every few seconds to ensure that the car was still rooted in place. Once he reached the front, his fingers pushed Haley's hair back and felt her neck for a pulse. He took a moment to catch his breath once he felt the blood pound through her skin to his.

"Haley." he shook her gently, cupping her cheeks. "Haley, baby. I need you to wake up."

"Nathan?" she mumbled after a small eternity of silence. Her eyes slowly fluttered opened and she offered a small smile she they finally focused on him. "Hi."

"Hi." he kissed and nearly laughed in utter relief. He hands moved down to her seat belt but she stopped him. "Haley, I have to get you out of here."

"Peyton." she murmured, motioning towards her. Nathan glanced down and back up to Haley. She motioned to her legs. "I'm stuck Nathan. You need to get her out of here."

Nathan nodded, completely torn. He knew ultimately Haley was right but unable to make the movements to go into motion. Finally, he called for Lucas, guiding him in placing the silver visor across the broken glass. He reached for Peyton then, gingerly placing his arms under hers and lifting her against his chest. Slowly, he maneuvered on his back through the jeep until he reached the back, setting her down on the visor. He hadn't checked for a pulse but he could vaguely feel her shallow breath on his own chest.

"Lucas, take her to the hospital." Nathan told him as he watched at both Lucas and Quentin lift her from the car. "She's barely breathing and she didn't have a seat belt on."

"What about you?" Lucas shouted, against the thunder, Peyton resting her head on his chest. "What about Haley?"

"Look, Haley's going to be a little tougher to get out." Nathan explained glancing back to check on her. "Quentin can stay with me and help out but you need to take her now. Who knows when someone will be here." Lucas rolled his head, his face a mask of conflict. "Lucas, I promise you I will get her out of here. Just go."

Finally, Lucas groaned and trekked across the bridge, gently setting Peyton in the passenger seat. Nathan waited until Lucas had driven off before he snaked his way back into the jeep. Haley was still fighting against unconsciousness but it was mostly a losing battle. He held her head in his palm to keep it from dangling and quickly assessed her many injuries. She was right; the dash was in fact compound against her legs in a way that Nathan couldn't even see her feet.

"Haley." he commanded, lightly shaking her body. He was standing on the back seat window, which thankfully was touching concrete instead of dead air and trying to figure out a way that would get her out. He couldn't stop the panic from consuming him once he realized there wasn't any. "Hales? Haley, I need you to stay with me, okay?"

"How is she?" Quentin hollered from the back of the jeep, as he stepped inside. Nathan felt the light tremble of the vehicle as it adjusted to the extra weight and movement. "This is going to go any minute."

"I can't reach her, man." Nathan heard his voice crack at the words. It had been the only thought running through his mind for the entire duration, but actually saying at loud made it all the more real. "She's not good. I don't know how to get her out. The car's to far over the edge for me to get a good position. I could probably get her seat belt unbuckled but the dashboard is crushing her legs."

Quentin carefully scooted closer to get a better look. "Shit. Can you reach below the front of the seat to the adjustment bar?" Nathan stretched his torso until his fingers wrapped around the cool metal and he grunted a response. "Alright, so you lift the bar up while I pull the seat back. Then we can unbuckle her and pull her out the same way that we pulled out Peyton."

"Don't you think that's a little too much movement?"

"I think at this point, it's the only move we can make."

Nathan nodded and blew out his breath. He tried to stir Haley once again. "Haley. I really need you to wake up now for me."

Her eyes fluttered open before shutting back down completely. "Nathan."

"Hey, there you are." he pushed the hair back from her face and kissed her forehead. "Quentin and I are going to get you out of here, alright?"

"Peyton?"

"We got her out." he soothed as he watched Quentin brace himself behind the back seat and reach to grab the back of Haley's seat. He gave Nathan a nod when he was in position to pull. "Haley, this may hurt okay? Quentin is right behind you and we're going to pull the seat back to get you out."

She looked at him then, the most alert she had been the entire time. She was suddenly having a moment of clarity, the weight of their situation sinking in. For months she had studied him three times a week and his face was always a mask of stoicism that she could never read. Now, however, he could not conceal the terror etching his face. She reached her hand up, a pain shooting up her arm a lightly touched his cheek; a touch that surprised him out of the movements he was making.

"Nathan." she swallowed, the dryness scratching her throat. She couldn't stop the tears streaming down her cheeks as she soaked in the pain on his face. The car creaked and moaned around them and Haley gripped her hand around his neck. The wind was sucking them into a vortex of momentum and even she could feel the car jostling further towards the edge. She locked eyes with him then and with all the strength she could muster pushed him away. "You need to get out."

"I'm not leaving without you." he promised, shuffling to get back into the position she had just knocked him from. He latched onto her hand with his free one, and stretched back down to grab the adjustment bar. She opened her mouth to protest but he silenced her with a kiss. "I didn't just go my whole life waiting for you to come along to just abandon you now." she nodded, her grip around his hand tightening as he motioned Quentin into action. "Hang on Hales."

Haley screamed out in pain as Quentin wrapped his arm around her shoulders and the seat and pulled as Nathan lifted from beneath her. The seat wiggled only slightly and after a moment both boys released their hold. They both shifted their torsos into better positions and tried again, the seat moving more the second time, but still not enough to completely release her. Nathan cursed a set back, assessing their predicament once more. He assumed with the angle of the seat that gravity and overall physics were working against them.

"Do we still have the tire iron?" Nathan finally asked, direct at Quentin. Q nodded, and carefully crawled back out of the back of the car and onto the bridge. Nathan watched as Q looked around for the iron before finally finding it a few feet away where Nathan had tossed it earlier. "Bring it back in here, man!"

Just as Quentin put his hands on the car to get back in, a large gust of wind blew past them and shoved him down onto the road. Nathan felt the glass beneath him cracking as the car slid across the concrete and further towards the edge. He quickly reached up to the handle above Haley's door and latched on with his right hand and his left arm snaking around Haley's shoulders.

"Nathan."

"Just hold on, Haley. When I tell you, I want you to suck in and hold your breath as long as you can." he could feel her soft heaves and the strong beating of her heart against his forearm. He held onto that feeling and resolved to himself that no matter what happened in the next sixty seconds, he would make sure that she got out of there alive. He would make sure she had a life to live the same way she had breathed life back into him. She looked up at him then, her face a sudden vision of serenity and peace.

"I love you."

It was the last words he heard before they plunged into the darkness below.


	40. Timshel

**A/N: This was difficult to write. I hope I did it justice.**

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Timshel

He wrapped himself in the fervor of her; his hand snaking through her hair and his fingers splayed across her skin. His lips explored every nook of her body, her gentle curves molding into his palms as the water from the shower cascaded around them. The sensation of her lips peppering his chest coupled with the warmth of the water made the world outside crumble around them.

Cold.

Nathan was completely encased in the suffocating frigidity around him. The memory of their morning tryst had invaded his mind as pushed his way through the water and sputtering into the air. Desperately he tried to hold onto the warmth of that memory and the warmth of her as he finally broke free of the confines of the stifling water that had its grip on him moments earlier. His hands hit hard plastic and metal whichever way they reached until finally they found their way to her skin and he latched on.

The car had plunged into the darkness below as if propelled by God himself. Despite his grasp onto Haley and the car itself, upon impact had had been tossed around the vehicle like a pin pong ball and had ended up in the back of the jeep. It had thankfully landed on it's wheels in the shallow river bed but with the raging storm and the water rising, there wasn't much of an air pocket between the water and the ceiling.

His pushed himself through the small opening between the two front seats to where she remained motionless in the passenger seat. He barely had time to register relief at the faint beating of her pulse and he struggled to free her from her small imprisonment. Her legs were still jammed beneath the dashboard but the impact had jostled them to an awkward angle and he could no longer reach the adjustment bar.

Emotion, he realized rather quickly was going to be a very big burden in his current endeavor. Yes, it was the driving force but ultimately he had to focus on the mechanics on exactly how he was going to free Haley. He hadn't realized how long he had been waiting to hear her say those three little words until that had fallen from her lips or how much absolute devastation it had brought on him knowing she was saying it as a end instead of a beginning.

"Nate?"Quentin stuck his head into the broke out back window and carefully swam inside the jeep."I'm here man."

"I can't get to the bar anymore." Nathan informed him slamming his fists down on the dashboard in frustration. Haley groaned beside him and his hands immediately cupped her face. "Haley?"

"Keep that seat bealt on." Quentin commanded, joining Nathan at the front of the car. "It will hold her in place until we can figure out how to get her legs free."

"Haley." Nathan tried again, this time watching as her eyes fluttered open. It was only then once the relief washed through him that he felt his own pain flushing through his body and specifically his shoulder. He had years of practice blocking out pain, however, and he knew that it would be all for nothing if it couldn't get Haley out of that car. He looked at Quentin, pleading. "We have to get her out of here."

"Nathan." Haley murmured, her eyes not fully able to stay open. "It's so cold."

"I know, baby." Nathan soothed, pushing her wet and matted hair back from her face. "Can you open your eyes, Haley? Can you look at me?"

She felt like she was hearing a broken recording of his voice; almost as if he was so far away that he was out of reach. Vaguely, she could feel the familiar callouses of his palms touching her cheek and and the timbre of his voice echoing around her. Everything felt so heavy; from her legs to her skin and very eyelids that were preventing her from lying eyes on him. She knew that if she could just muster up enough strength for that, if she could just open her eyes and see him that maybe everything would be okay. Everything would be lighter.

"There you are." she whispered once she found his eyes. For months of tutoring she had watched them; dull and gray with an angry and suffering undertone shrouding them. But the more he seemed to heal and break out of his hardened shell, the brighter and more colorful his eyes shone. Seeing them now, even when she was most terrified, she felt at home.

"Here I am." he parroted and swallowed hard, pulling himself into her. "Now, we have to get you out now. Can you move your legs?"

She winced and nodded, her breathing coming out in harsh breathes at the movement. "Barely."

Nathan gave Quentin a worried glance. "Where's the tire iron?"

"I dropped it in the back before I got knocked over." Quentin was already making the movements towards the back. Nathan dove underneath the water trying to make out what was Haley's legs and what was car in an attempt to find the adjustment bar. Once he had surfaced Quentin was in the back seat once more with the iron in his hand. "Do you think you'll be able to reach it with this?"

"Maybe." Nathan mulled over his options. "If I go outside the car and through the window I'll probably have better leverage."

"You can't leave me." Haley cried, her fingers gripping the center of his shirt tightly. As much as she feared for Nathan's safety, she could only think about the terror of possibly losing him. "The water; it could wash you away."

"I'll go." Quentin quickly volunteered and was already out of the back window into the raging river before Nathan could protest. Haley sobbed into his chest as he watch Q grip and the car tighten as he sunk into the water. "If we're going to do this, we need to do it fast. They were talking about levy's breaking earlier."

Nathan maneuvered his body reluctantly away from Haley and moved into position behind her. He wrapped his left arm around her should and shoved his right arm behind her to grip the seat. Quentin reached into the window next to Haley, his torso in the car, with his bottom half on the outside. He groaned as he stretched the iron down beside the door and struggled for several moments until he felt the iron hit steel and he heaved his arm up and told Nathan to pull. Nathan obeyed and he cringed at the pain emanating from Haley as he pulled the seat and Haley backwards.

"Whoa, whoa." Quentin halted the movement and dropped the iron, leaning in further to examine their progress. "I can get my hand in between her legs and the glove box. We can pull her out now."

Nathan shook his head. "Man, you need to go. You're already out. We'll be right behind you."

"Nate.."

"Quentin, I mean it. We'll just end up tangled up in each other if you stay." Nathan patted his teammate, his friend, and for all intensive purposes his brother on the arm. Quentin clamped his hand down on Nathan's shoulder and gently touched Haley's. "We'll be right behind you."

"Is it my turn yet?" Haley asked meekly, a light smile touching her face after they watched Quentin swim safely to the river bank. "I'm getting pretty pruney over here."

"Yea, we're getting out of here right now." he promised, pushing his way back into the front seat and fumbled with her belt. He hadn't noticed until that point how much the water had risen; it was now lapping against Haley's neck, almost to her chin. He swallowed the panic, convincing himself that he just had to unhook her belt and pull her out and she would be safe.

There were few moments in his life that he could pinpoint complete and utter silence. Not the kind of silence that you heard, but the kind that placed a distinct stillness inside of him. The first time he played basketball without worry and stress and his father. The day spent under the hood of Cooper's truck. The day he watched his brother being placed into the ground. The snowy Christmas morning wrapped in Haley's arms. That very morning, losing himself in her embrace. And right then at that moment when he knew it could all very well end at any moment.

"I'm in love with you." he told her, and kissed her softly. "I've denied myself for too long the simple pleasure of feeling that."

He had been drowning in himself and grief for so long, that he hadn't been aware he was holding it at bay and shutting it out. He had realized as the cold invaded his body and her warmth battled with it to keep it at bay that he had a choice. He could open the door for her or keep his walls built high. At that moment though, the very thought of losing her, of being in a world where she didn't exist, he had chose to open the door. Although now, it didn't seem possible to do anything else otherwise.

"I've denied you too." he said after a short silence. "You should know how much I love you, regardless of what happens next."

She reveled in his words. Had it really just been the previous night he had promised himself to her, just for that spell, for the night? Now, with his confession, it felt like he was promising so much more than just fleeting moments. It was everything she had wanted to hear for the last several months. Looking at him now, his eyes so clear she could almost see through them, it dawned on her that it wasn't the words she had been waiting to hear all along. It was the meaning of them; the vow of something much more and the faith that they would pull through.

"I love you." she stated simply but Nathan noted the distinct anguish that brought across her face. "I truly do."

In her pause, in that small space, between that breath and the next deep one that followed, she had made a home inside of him.

"Don't breathe." she captured his lips with hers as the water slammed his torso against hers and she enveloped her arms around him. It only took Nathan a moment to discern that the deluge they were entrapped in was now consuming and overtaking them. He struggled with her seat belt for several moments before he was finally forced to gulp in water.

He forced his way up to the roof of the car, a small pocket of air permeating his lungs before he dove back down and released it into her mouth. The recalled the countless bolts on cars he had struggled with in his days of playing mechanic and how ultimately, it was his strength that had made him victorious over each one. Now, his body and his strength were betraying him; abandoning him at his very time of need in the most awful of ways. Finally, after what seemed like the longest minute of his life, he finally freed the belt from his clasp and latched onto Haley. It was only then he became aware of how still she was.

Of all the stillness he had ever felt, this was the one that had him unraveling at his core.

x-X-x

_**32 minutes.**_

The total number of minutes he had played regulation high school basketball.

The length of time it took him to change the oil in his car.

The sum of music of his favorite mixed CD.

The amount of time it took to pull Haley from the car to the time the ambulance got her to the hospital.

His whole life he felt like he had been drowning in one thing or another, a never ending cycle of continually grasping for something more. Now, as he paced the waiting room floor of the hospital he hadn't stepped foot in for a year, he couldn't help but understand why he had always kept Haley at arms length and usually further. Because if he was drowning, he would panic and bring down everyone that tried to save him as well.

He paused, studying the wall in front of him. Stepping forward, his fingers lightly traced the outline of the very obvious patchwork in the plaster. His knuckles ached in pain from the memory of his fist colliding with that spot the year prior, when Cooper's death had been confirmed. He had tried for so long to block out the white noise of life, that he couldn't take any solace in the the silence that was engulfing him now. Beyond the doors there was a distinct buzz of life and of death and he couldn't bring himself to fathom which fate had claimed Haley.

The doors swooshed open, the white noise invading his reverie. He stepped back from the wall expectantly and couldn't contain the disappointment when it was Quentin and Lucas who had come through. Quentin didn't offer any words but took the three longs strides towards Nathan and engulfed him in a hug. It was a comfort Nathan wasn't expecting, and not one that he thought would wash as much peace through him as it did.

"You did everything you could." Quentin assured Nathan as they removed themselves from each others embrace. "Everything else is out of your hands. She's in surgery now. Phil is here and he promised to keep us updated."

"I should've stayed with her." Nathan sank down into a seat and shifted uncomfortably, placing his elbows on his knees. "After the game, I should have stayed with her."

"This isn't your fault." Lucas interjected, taking a seat beside him. "In fact, if you hadn't been a part of her life, she would have ended up in that river without anyone to get her out at all."

Nathan glanced up at Lucas. "She has to be okay."

He couldn't stop the images of her limp body from assaulting his mind. It had taken so much time to get her out of her seat belt and even longer to pull her out of the car and towards the surface. The searing pain in his shoulder had slowed him down as well, and he had fought hard against the current towards the bank. In the end, they had ended up about a hundred feet downstream from the bridge. Quentin had met him there not long after he had made it to the bank, with only enough time to catch his breath and check on Haley.

He knew she wouldn't be breathing but it still didn't stop his heart from nearly stopping when he finally confirmed it. Quentin had slid into the mud beside them just as Nathan had started compressions on her chest. He wasn't sure if he was doing it correctly and he had instructed Q to take over as he breathed air into her mouth. Feverishly, has they both worked in conjunction with one another he thought of all the times she had breathed life into him and hoped she would allow him to return the favor.

Hearing her laugh was the his favorite sound in the world. It was always deep and pure and it bubbled from her very soul. He relished in the sound of his name against her lips in the few times he had made love to her. The deep sighs that came from her slumber had lulled him to sleep on the nights they had spent together. But the sound of her taking a breath after so long without it was the best sound he could ever remember hearing.

"You need to get your shoulder looked at." Quentin broke the silence as he touched Nathan's shoulder and he winced. He had expected Nathan's reluctance so he tried a different approach. "You need to be well for Haley."

"We don't even know what's going on!"

Nathan exploded, propelling himself out of the seat. The waiting was absolute torture. With Cooper, there was just waiting for confirmation. He had known as soon as the car had smashed into the wall with the metal and plastic disintegrating with the flames that lapped around that Cooper had died. There was no oscillating between life and death. With Haley, he had felt the weak beating of her heart and the shallow breaths but it wasn't enough to convince him it wouldn't be the last time.

"Nate, you're not alone in this." Quentin clamped his hands on both of Nathan's shoulders, careful to no irritate his injury. "We did everything we could."

Numbly, he nodded, his knees betraying him and succumbing to gravity and the enormity of the situation. He thought of that morning and how Haley had laid down, still wet from the shower and the water her skin saved that had spilled out beneath her like an inkblot test onto the sheets they had shared. He had examined the soaking silhouette she had left behind, his fingers tracing her outline of the imprint she had left.

Still drenched in his soaking clothes; water from the river and her tears and her body, he couldn't distinguish between where she had stopped and she had started and maybe that was the whole point. He didn't want her to just be a faded imprint on his life like so many others had before her. He liked that they had blended and molded into one another so completely that they were mere extensions of one another. He wasn't ready to lose the best part of him.

He simply hadn't loved her long enough.


	41. The Brave One

**A/N: You all are so lovely. I so enjoyed all the wonderful things you all had to say. **

**Scenes and lines from this particular chapter were partially inspired by the movie The Brave One so all rights reserved to that. **

**Enjoy and leave me some love :)  
**

The Brave One

_'Just breathe'_

She felt heavy.

Once, when she was a young teenager Taylor had shoved her fully clothed into a pool. She had been caught off guard and the chlorine filled her nostrils and throat so quickly that she had no time to react. Her lungs felt flames licking inside of them from the harsh chemicals she was gulping down. It was Lucas who had pulled her from the darkening abyss she had been trapped in and once she had landed on concrete, her body desperately seeking and gasping for air that she realized just how weighted down she felt with all her clothes clinging and molding to her body.

She thought of Nathan then, how the sun crept across his shoulders as he sunk himself into her. There wasn't an inch of his skin that she hadn't touched or explored in some way. Her fingers had traced the ink and the contours of his body and the more she lost herself him the more they too, had molded into one another. Even with the enormity of what they were feeling, she had never felt weighted though. It was in those small moments, drowning into him that she felt the lightest.

How vastly different this feeling was.

In her head, it was Nathan's hands that were pulling her shirt from her torso and his calloused palms sliding across her chest. It was his cool lips pressed against her neck and warm breath she was inhaling. His voice, whispering her name, was the only thing she was hearing. She was sensing and feeling it all, but the motions and sounds weren't connecting together correctly. This feeling was foreign and invasive to her. Shouting and beeping were overtaking the moment. Heavy, she still felt so heavy. She felt him slipping away and he was no longer upon her and she was sinking.

x-X-x

Nathan had been wandering aimlessly.

The thought occurred to him that he had been his whole life. And along came Haley, sneaking her way into his life and his heart and suddenly he didn't seem so lost anymore. The more time he spent apart from her the more despondent he grew and the less he felt tethered to her. He knew that as long as he felt some connection, even fading or weak, that there was at least a chance that things would turn out okay after all.

After so much time with no news involving Haley, Nathan could no longer stand to sit in the tiny box and sit and wait for the news that the only other person he had loved and let into his life had suffered the same fate as the first. He had to escape but his clothes, still wet from the river, clutched at him as an unwieldy reminder of all that he had endured in just a short amount of time. His shoulder and the cuts on his body were throbbing in agony but it was miniscule compared the the ache resting in his chest.

He had always believed that fear belonged to other people. Weaker people. Fear was brought on by the unknown, a dark hole of unexpectedness. It never touched him. And now it had because Haley, and everything that having her in his life brought had been unexpected. It was consuming his very being now. He supposed that it had been there all along, fear, just waiting beneath the surfaces of everything he loved.

Which wasn't much.

He loved basketball. Even when it was convoluted and sometimes even torture, he loved the game. It had taken him so long to admit his love for Haley; the realization had always been there. He had kept hiding in the words of his father and the blank expressions of his mother and the distance that had always remained between his brother despite the closeness. He supposed though, that the feelings he had for her had mimicked like none other he had ever experienced and he just hadn't recognized it soon enough.

"_Peyton please."_

Nathan's steps were halted by the deep agony resonating from the voice in the room to his left. He crept his torso around the corner of the door and watched as a woman with long dark locks clasped Peyton's hand, shrouded in a plaster cast, around her two smaller ones and rested her head on their knotted formation. Her other hand was lifeless next to her body, white gauze wrapped securely around it from the gash she had suffered earlier that night. There was a large bandage covering her forehead and tubes were going into her chest from various machines.

Sliding his body down the length of the wall in the hallway, he continued to listen to the woman's pleas. The sight was startling to him and he knew then that he wasn't prepared to see Haley in that kind of condition. With Cooper, he had seen him alive and vibrant right before the race and then he was cold and gone in a mahogany box. He had never seen someone literally having to fight for their life and struggle against the behemoth that was time.

"_I never carried you inside of me. I never felt you kicked through my belly or feel your tiny heartbeat nestled next to mine."_

He felt intrusive but he couldn't force himself to leave.

"_One day, I hope you wish and hope for something so desperately that when you finally get it, like it did when you were placed into my arms for the first time, that you'll realize just how much I persisted through life to have you." he heard her choke back a sob. "Please come back to me Peyton. All of you."_

"You're him."

Nathan jerked himself to his feet in a mere second. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to eavesdrop."

"You pulled her from the car." she continued, without missing a beat, her brow furrowing as she studied him. She had had startled him, her pretense suddenly in the hallway. He towered over her by at least a foot but he felt small with her, the same, their grief bonding them. "And Haley? You pulled them both from the car."

"Have you," Nathan swallowed hard, his voice thick in his throat at the mere mention of Haley. "Have you heard anything about her yet?"

She slowly shook her head and glanced back into the room. "Did you know Peyton? Would you like to see her?"

It was a loaded question. Nathan had known Peyton. He had studied her porcelain face and her green eyes and he had saw himself in her smirk far too many times to count. In her, he had seen the very worst of himself and he had embraced it, almost to the point of oblivion. He had thought that in her, he had found a kindred spirit; a soul that he could wander along with. But listening to her mom talk about that desperate need for something so amazing he had realized that it was in Haley who he had found a soul to journey with.

"No, I didn't know Peyton at all."

x-X-x

"Here, drink this."

Lucas gratefully took the coffee from Rachel's hands and gave her a tight smile. She sunk into the seat next to him, her cheer track suit swishing against the fabric of the chair. It was surreal to him all of a sudden locking at the Raven's emblem on her jacket. Had they really been state champions mere hours before? The emotional high and overwhelming exuberance from what was supposed the be the best night of their lives had felt like nearly a lifetime ago at this point.

"She'll be okay." Rachel said, her jaw set in determination. Her hand found Lucas's and gave it a squeeze. "Haley wouldn't miss her valedictorian speech for anything."

Lucas chuckled despite himself. He had known Haley for the better part of a decade and she had stepped in as a surrogate sibling when it seemed like he needed one the most. They had grown up playing mini golf on his mom's cafe roof, and digging through the lost and found and he had even humored her with pretend SATs. He knew that their lives were heading in different directions but the thought had never occurred to him that she wouldn't be a part of his in some form or another.

"It's just all so hard to believe."

Rachel was never one to fully portray her emotions. Truth be told, for most of her life she had been down right snotty and mean. She had started Tree Hill High late in her sophomore year and had quickly climbed the ranks of top enemy to both Haley and Brooke. It was only after a few bitchy cat fights and a budding friendship with good guy Lucas that she finally had broken down the walls and the three had become inseparable. She could admit there were days her surliness still came bubbling towards the surface but being friends with people as goodhearted as Brooke and as genuine as Haley had kept her from going back to her old ways.

"I just knew Peyton was going to be a disaster." Lucas scoffed softly. "I just didn't realize that she was going to end up bringing this much pain and suffering."

"She was clearly troubled. Maybe this can be her wake up call. " Rachel responded, empathy for the troubled blonde resonating in her voice. Lucas looked at her in disbelief, his head cocked to the side. "What Lucas? All I'm saying is that you don't know the demons people carry. She was into some bad shit, but look at all this. Haley went after her. Whether that was because she loves Peyton or because she's family, she saw something worth saving. Maybe that's all Peyton needs to finally free herself of those demons; for someone to see something worth saving."

"But Haley could die."

"Yes." Rachel nodded her head woodenly. "But that's what faith is all about Lucas. Faith she'll pull through. You had faith in me that I wouldn't always be the stuck up and raging bitch I was when we met. And you pulled me through; with the help of Brooke and Haley. Just like Haley pulled Nathan through. I'm not happy with Peyton at all. She put the life of someone I consider family in danger. In fact, if she wasn't lying in a coma I'm pretty sure I would Muhammad Ali her ass. All I'm saying is that with two people's life in the balance, maybe we should have a little perspective instead of placing all this unnecessary anger out in the world."

Lucas sighed, looking around. He hated to admit it, but maybe there was some truth to what Rachel was saying after all. The waiting room was filled with Raven's cheerleaders and players alike, as well as Haley's family. Karen was taken care of the the younger of James's brood, but everyone else important in Haley's life was there anxiously awaiting for any news. Nathan had taken off some time before, his body ripping out like a tornado and even though he had tried to go after him, Quentin had stopped him and promised him that Nathan would be back.

"He's been gone a while." Lucas ambled over to Quentin and took a seat next to him. "You said he would be back."

"I watched him fall into the river with her." Quentin responded, sliding his body from leaning on his knees to an upright position. "I watched helplessly as he struggled with her seat belt and when they were both overtaken by the water from the levy breaking. And I watched the surface of that water until he came up,with her." Quentin looked directly at Lucas. "He never left her side and he never stopped fighting for her. He's sorting things out, that's all. For some people, waiting is a an ultimate torture. But he knows that if there's a possibility she's okay and that at the end of all this waiting, its her waiting for him then it's all worth it. He wouldn't abandon her now."

The door to the waiting room creaked open and with a start, they all jumped up expectantly. Haley's mother and father had paused their pacing, waiting in bated breath at news, any news of their little girl. It was an odd mix of relief and disappointment that washed over Lydia James's face as Nathan stepped into everyone's sight. Nathan paused in the doorway, his shoulders slumped. It only took a few moments before Lydia made a few quick strides and wrapped her arms around his sagging frame. The motion took Nathan off guard but as the small woman squeezed him tightly, he found his arms returning the gesture.

"Quentin told us." she pulled back from him, her hand gently cupping his cheek. "You saved our little girl."

"She's okay?" he hope in his voice was enough to make them all believe, just for a moment. Lydia dropped her head and her husband clamped Nathan's shoulder. After a beat, he realized that there was still no news. "Oh."

Hope was a tricky emotion. It was something that, once held was powerful that it could give you a false sense of security. Nathan had spent his life grounded in certainty, that was never room for useless emotions such as faith and hope. Even love, he soon discovered after Cooper's death was a senseless emotion. He felt overwhelmed; he had denied everything inside of him in regards to Haley that now, on the brink of possibility losing it all and feeling it all at once, it all seemed so much that he felt ready to implode.

"Have a seat, son." Jimmy James lead Nathan to a nearby seat and guided him down. He bent down enough to look Nathan in the eyes. It felt odd to him, to have someone call him son so genuinely and compassionately. Jimmy's eyes flickered over the shattered boy in front of him. "Nathan? She's in surgery to fix the internal bleeding from the car crash. But son, I want a doctor to look at you and make sure you're okay, alright?"

Nathan vehemently shook his head. "Not until I know she's okay."

"You're going to be no good to her injured." Jimmy responded, sternly. Nathan looked at him, and Jimmy could see the soft sheen of tears in his eyes. "Don't you have any faith in what you did tonight?"

"I'm no good for her."

"Nathan." Jimmy clamped his hands on both of Nathan's shoulders, a soft commanding timbre in his voice "If you hadn't been there, god knows what would have happened. I'm telling you right now, that anyone as brave and unselfish as you were go do that for my Haley, is good enough for me. And for her, do you understand?"

Nathan nodded numbly. It wasn't lost on him that this was the first time he was meeting her parents. What an unfortunate and terrible way to meet the people who created the person you cared the most about. He could see so much of Haley in them; the crinkle in her fathers forehead and the soft cheekbones of her mother. But what he saw most was the utter kindness radiating off of these two people and how when he had been the most undeserving, Haley had showed him. God, did he need her to be okay.

"Yes sir."

"Good." Jimmy signaled for Quentin "Take him and get his shoulder looked at."

x-X-x

"Well Mr. Scott, its a good thing your season is already over." the doctor spoke, coming into the room and flipping his chart shut. "It seems your shoulder is dislocated. We're going to have to pop it back into place. The nurse is going to come in a few minutes and suture your cuts and give you a mild sedative."

"No."

"No? Nathan, putting your arm back into it's socket is a very painful experience."

"I need to be lucid." Nathan ran a hand through his disheveled hair. "Just do what you need to do, but I don't want to be sedated."

"Very well." the doctor nodded and left the room.

"You have to stop being so hard on yourself."

Nathan rolled his eyes at Quentin as he painfully stepped into a pair of scrubs. His wet clothes dropped on the floor with a soft thud. Reluctantly, he could still feel the twinges of joy from winning the state championship and having Haley safely in his arms only hours before. At the same time, it was an ugly reminder of just how much time had passed since he had felt such immense happiness.

"How did you feel?" Nathan bit out harshly.

"How did I feel?"

"When a bullet came gunning for Dre because of you?"

Quentin closed his eyes as the memory. "It was the worst feeling of my life."

"Exactly." he grimaced as he sidled up on top of the examine table. "Don't try an absolve my guilt when you've got your own to worry about."

"Guilt?" Quentin parroted, incredulous. "Man, please. I took the bullet and the consequences and moved on with my life. I'm someone that kid can look up to now. You just want to wallow the warm pool of your own self pity. She has one hell of a fighting chance because of you."

"It's not because of what I did in the river." Nathan explained. "Its what I didn't do earlier today. I could have prevented all this. Peyton; she was at my apartment, just out of her mind. I should have called someone and I didn't. She bolted before I had a chance to react and if I had done something sooner Haley wouldn't even had been in the car with her. She would have been safe."

"Nate," Quentin started as Nathan pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Look, all I'm saying is move on, man. Everything is in the past. Quit being a jackass."

Before Nathan could respond, a nurse and the doctor were returning to the room to set Nathan's arm. Quentin came behind him and held his good shoulder as the doctor got into place to twist the arm back into place. Nathan's jaw clenched as his arm was wretched back to his rightful position and nearly bit his tongue to keep from crying out in pain. It was every bit as painful as he thought it was going to be but it was quick and over with before he knew it. It was the most fleeting pain he had endured all evening.

Nathan ran his free hand over his haggard face as he walked down the hall with Quentin. He had lost sleep for days due to alcoholic binges and drug induced hazes and from caring for a feverish infant to nights with Haley he had experienced it all. A day that had had started out so bright and full of promise and life was gradually and then all at once spiraled into a pit of destruction and despair. But today, was exhausted down into his bones.

He wanted to go home.

Lucas met them in the hallway, his breath ragged from his sprint. He bent over, his palms on his knees, struggling to catch his breath. For an athlete, he was in top physical condition. For a friend who was emotionally and mentally drained from a night of oscillating emotions from one extreme to the other, he was an absolute wreck. He gulped in a huge chunks of air before finally erecting himself upright and gripping his hand on Nathan's shoulder that was in a sling.

"She's going to be okay."

x-X-x

He paced.

For so long, when things had gotten tough or rotten or unbearable it was in his nature to bolt. To run as fast and as far as his legs or drugs or alcohol would transport him to. It wasn't fair to keep comparing what was happening to him now, to what he had endured with Cooper's death. But he couldn't stop himself from stacking two against one another and feeling that between one or the other he had at some point been a far lesser man. He hated to think that Cooper's death had been planted in his life to prepare him for this fracture in time; a time when he would not longer feel the need to run.

But to plant roots.

"She's not awake. But she'll pull through." Lydia informed him as she stepped out of the ICU unit of the hospital. She handed over her visitors badge to Nathan and winked. "If anyone asks, you're her brother."

He felt a tremendous privilege to be able to see her before everyone else. Summoning up every once of strength he could muster, he pushed himself though the dark, beeping wing of the ICU. The enormity of the delicacy of life hanging in the balance as he trooped on was stifling. He thought of Peyton's lifeless body from earlier and even further back the limp one of Haley's as he pulled her through the raging river waters.

He held back the gasp in his throat and bile rising from his stomach once his eyes rested on her. No matter how weak he felt at that exact moment, he knew he had to be strong enough for the both of them, as she had countless times before. It was her connected to a breathing tube, her head bandaged completely around at her forehead. It was her leg suspended in the air, and along with her arm wrapped in a plaster cast. But it was Nathan who felt the most fragile in that room.

Hesitantly, he took small steps forward until he was at her side and his fingers twitched before finally encasing her hand in his. He had expected it to be cool but still anticipated her warmth nonetheless. There was so much he wanted to say and to tell her. He wanted to beg her to wake up, just look at him one more time with that deep promise that things would always work out. In the end he settled for just a few.

"Haley, I am waiting. I am here."

He ebbed into the chair beside her bed, his grip tightening as the seconds turned into minutes. He wasn't sure how long he waited there, his head finally resting on the bed beside her. The only sounds echoing through the small room were the sounds of her the accordion machine breathing for her and the small sobs finally escaping from Nathan.

But most importantly, the steady rhythm of the beep of her heart.

He felt her smooth fingers sail through his rumpled hair and looked up, drowning in the deep pool of her eyes.

And he was home.


End file.
